Now that Lindsay has been sentenced to 90 days in jail both of her parents are separately cashing in with interviews. Dina is showing what a sorry enabler (and plastic surgery victim) she is while Michael is of course spewing his self righteous “I told you so” bullsh*t. (There are a ton of updates in this case and I’ll do my best to cover most of it, but if I miss a few I’ll assume you’ve already seen it or are over it anyway.)

Michael Lohan: drops F bomb on Fox News, tells Larry King Lindsay needs rehab
Michael Lohan was on Larry King Live with his lawyer and Dr. Drew on Tuesday after the sentencing. Somehow we missed this amid all the other stories on Lohan. (You can watch the show here and here’s the transcript.) While Michael Lohan has certainly shown that he’s capable of selling out his family and friends (by secretly taping them without their knowledge and revealing their lowest moments to the press) he does seem to have Lindsay’s best interests in mind, especially compared to her mother.

On Larry King, Michael was subdued and sane-sounding. His lawyer pointed out that Lindsay will still be able to take prescription drugs in jail and presumably in rehab. They argued that the best course of action for Lindsay would be six months of rehab, and claimed they sent a letter to the court prior to sentencing outlining their plans for Lindsay.

On Fox News yesterday, Michael went off the rails when the interviewer questioned his dedication to his daughter’s health. He dropped the F bomb and got all agitated and upset. Here’s the video, with Michael starting to defend himself around 8:00 in. He gets all pissy around 9:20 and swears at 10:00.

The highlights are Michael self-righteously defending himself and blaming Dina, with the detail that she’s drunk “half the time.” Here are the relevant quotes:

“I think a lot of [people] are probably saying, ‘You know, if you’d done half this much to try and help your daughter back in the day,’” Smith said, before Lohan cut him off in an angry attempt to defend himself.

“Are you kidding me?” Lohan said. “Give me a break. All of my effort is spent on trying to help my daughter, flying all over, back and forth, following her, calling narcotics agencies, meeting with the DEA, meeting with people. And I go out for five minutes to get some food and I spend ‘half as much time helping my daughter’ as I do that? Give me a break!

“That’s my kid, don’t tell me how much time I spend helping my daughter, or going out to eat dinner. Or how much time I spend in the f**king gym.”

Lohan immediately apologized.

In the interview, Lohan tried to explain how he was trying to help his estranged daughter, and he said his many public appearances, including the interview with Larry King, were “out of respect.”

“It could end in death,” Lohan said of Lindsay’s behavior, which has included excessive drinking, drug use and reckless driving. “If it was your kid what would you do? If you don’t know, and you’re not in my shoes, you have no place saying what I should do.”

He put all of the blame for Lindsay’s troubles squarely on the back of his ex-wife, Dina Lohan.

“When I had no other choice, and I found out what was going on in my daughter’s life, and when I tried to approach (Dina) on it and talk to her about it, she cut me off,” he said.

“I went to Shawn Chapman Holley, her lawyer, months ago with my lawyer, Lisa Bloom, and we said, ‘Let’s do something, let’s get her into rehab, let’s sit down,’” he said. “We set up appointments. Lindsay’s former lawyers, her drug counselors … said you need family therapy. You have to get the whole family together and do an intervention or do something to help Lindsay, and Dina wouldn’t come to the table.”

“Everything Dina has ever said has been proven to be a lie,” he said. “Half the time I call her, she’s drunk.”

[From Fox News]

The guy is a capital a “A**hole” but he has been trying to get Lindsay into rehab. He held that whole press conference about it and everything. (eyeroll).

I can’t stand Michael Lohan but I find him slightly more palatable than Dina, who gave an interview to ET (segment below) making Lindsay out to be a poor milkaholic victim as usual. In his interview with Fox, Michael said that the Dina Lohan family reality show is underway and they’re even filming now. Keep that in mind when you watch Dina’s alien face keep the same surprised expression while just her bottom lips move and her eyes blink. When Dina cries tears come out of her eyes but the only thing that moves are her hands to wipe them away.

Micheal K at D-Listed transcribed Dina’s “it’s all so unfair” interview:

White Oprah on if her child will survive jail: “You know, she’s strong, but until someone faces something as devastating as that…we’re going to have to see. God willing, it won’t happen.”

White Oprah being funny again: “She’s a fighter, and until the final result — we’re not giving up. I think it’s time we get another attorney just to see it from another light and do damage control.”

White Oprah still being funny: “If she wants a trial, then make it a fair trial. I feel like Shawn [Chapman Holley], Lindsay’s [former] attorney should have stood up and said, ‘Listen, I didn’t know you were going to have witnesses.’ We would have had ten witnesses. We didn’t get a shot. We didn’t get a shot at fairness.”

White Oprah on how the Dilaudid tea they drink every night is not working: “It’s very difficult, we’re not sleeping well, we’re not functioning. We cry a lot and we hug a lot. She’s petrified, we all are. We’re angry. We’re disappointed in the system.”

White Oprah on her child’s past f*@& ups: “She did a really stupid thing. Thank God she didn’t hurt anyone….I know my daughter is clean and sober today. I know that for a fact. I’m not a doctor…and I’m not an attorney. I’m a mother. And I’m sitting here, as a mother, just worried about my child.”

White Oprah on I don’t even know: “This is not an OJ Simpson trial, which they made it out to be.”

[From DListed]

With a rageaholic controlling dad and an enabling mom filming her daughter’s journey to jail, no wonder Lindsay is so messed up. She’s old enough to know better now and maybe some time in the pokey will help her figure things out.

Before she abruptly quit, Lindsay’s lawyer issued a statement complaining about her client’s “harsh” sentence and saying that the “f*ck u” nail message was blown out of proportion by the media as it “could barely be seen by the naked eye.” Lindsay likes people who make excuses and denials for her and will keep them around as long as they can stand her.

There’s also a photo going around of the perfectly angled meticulous notes that Lindsay took in the courtroom. (People has an explanation of what she wrote, which amounts to excuses for skipping alcohol education classes.) As MK at DListed writes, “Adderall should really use this as a selling point.”