Robert Pattinson: Taylor Lautner’s nipples got hard when I grabbed him roughly

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I have to thank Agent Bedhead for this story, because she used the quotes in a great piece called “Feel The Glittery Sexual Tension.” Now, as you’ve read before (like with Daniel Craig and his imaginary male lover, Javi), I’m quite the fan of homoerotic fan fiction. It worked better with Daniel Craig and a dude who looked like Javier Bardem (in my head), but I’ll take Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson. Sparkles still turns me on, and I think Taylor seems like a very sweet boy with a very lovely body. Although… I buy Sparkles as a heterosexual (barely). I think Taylor is maybe confused about his sexuality? He reads as a little gayling (baby gay) to me. So… here are the quotes that are making my day… Sparkles is talking about shooting a scene in which he has to roughly man-handle a half-naked Lautner:

‘I liked the tent scene because I have to grab Taylor’s chest and his nipples get hard really easily,’ laughs Robert Pattinson, 24. ‘We had to re-shoot the scene basically for that reason!’

Boys will be boys and R-Pattz and Taylor, 18, do like to tease each other.

‘It seems like I’m always picking on Taylor, but the funniest moment was when he was in this little grey Spandex suit he sometimes had to wear for the CGI,’ Rob reveals. ‘Taylor quite frequently out-mans me, so seeing him in that little Spandex outfit made me feel much better about myself. He looked great in it, though. Very sexy!’

[From Now Magazine]

This is one of the most homoerotic interviews ever. My nipples are hard too, Sparkles! Here’s how it should have gone down:

Sparkles is aware that there are others around, but he can’t take his eyes off The Wolf. The Wolf glistens, moist, nearly naked except for a pair of damp jeans, riding low on The Wolf’s slender, muscular hips. The Wolf meets his eyes, hesitant, pleading, needy.

“I need to speak to Taylor. Alone,” Pattinson tells the crew. “Can everyone get out of here?”

They leave. Sparkles and The Wolf are alone. The air seems still, the distance between them epic. Sparkles knows he will have to make the first move. He walks slowly towards The Wolf, watching his breath catch. The distance between them is gone. The Wolf is nervous, but then flashes a quick smile. Sparkles knows what to do.

Sparkles grabs The Wolf. Rough. His hands find The Wolf’s muscular arms, his chest, his stomach, his…

Los Angeles Film Festival ECLIPSE Premiere held at The Nokia Theatre L.A.Live in Los Angeles, California on June 24th, 2010. Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner                                      Fame Pictures, Inc

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 16:  Actors Taylor Lautner (L) and Robert Pattinson arrive at the afterparty for the premiere of Summit Entertainment's 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon' at the Hammer Museum on November 16, 2009 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 16:  Actors Taylor Lautner (L) and Robert Pattinson arrive at the afterparty for the premiere of Summit Entertainment's 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon' at the Hammer Museum on November 16, 2009 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 16:  Actors Taylor Lautner (L) and Robert Pattinson arrive at the afterparty for the premiere of Summit Entertainment's 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon' at the Hammer Museum on November 16, 2009 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

ITAR-TASS: MOSCOW, RUSSIA. JUNE 16, 2010. Actors Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson (L-R) seen in a shot from The Twilight Saga: Eclipse movie directed by David Slade. (Photo ITAR-TASS) Photo via Newscom

Header: Sparkles and The Wolf, June 26, 2010. Credit: WENN.

 

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32 Responses to “Robert Pattinson: Taylor Lautner’s nipples got hard when I grabbed him roughly”

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  1. denise says:

    LOL@ the headline.

    Not for nothing, but my nips get hard when I see Jacob shirtless.
    ;)

  2. kazoo81 says:

    they would make a hot couple.

    i know nothing about twilight, but that taylor dude is SO pretty. like, calvin klein underwear model pretty.

  3. Renee says:

    When I look at TL all I see is a funky nose and fabulous DSL’s (D**K sucking lips). Everything about him screams Twinkety Twink Twink! I am pretty sure if TL dropped some coins that is the sound they would make. :-)

  4. Toe says:

    Well, as for me, i dont care if he’s gay or bi or straight. I would do him like a hungry hyena.

  5. Jules says:

    I think both of them are hideous looking. The dark haired one has a pig nose. Bleech.

  6. Sarah says:

    Kaiser, I think you were having a little too much fun with this! lol. That was hot though. ;)

  7. denise says:

    @ Toe

    L-O- effen L!!!!
    :)

    I only find Taylor hot when he’s playing Jacob in the movies. As for Rob, I think he is handsome, esp. with the shorter hair.

  8. snowball says:

    Kaiser, you tease!!

    The more Rob gets out and about in the media, the looser he gets and the funnier he is, I love it. Well, then the hotter I find him, especially in live interviews.

    Taylor, he still needs to mature a little. The wet mental lick is all good until I reach his face, then I feel all pedo. He still looks awfully young.

  9. electric says:

    you are so weird Kaiser

  10. Jess says:

    I love your homoerotic fan fic, Kaiser! Please keep it up!

  11. Bonfire Beach says:

    That was great, as are the comments. I feel like a dirty old cougar looking at Taylor Lautner. His friggin’ body is awesome. As for his DSL lips, that may be the case but I bet he’s a good kisser, too. R Patz just does nothing for me. I can’t get over the fact that he looks sweaty all the time.

  12. Bella Bella says:

    Kaiser, you are my favorite!

  13. Eileen Yover says:

    TOE-I am dying here! That was hilarious!

    I can see the gay porn version now: Que to in the tent, they start their wrestling and then you see little Bella launched out of the flap and into the forest.

    Kaiser-me thinks you’ve missed your call of writing woman’s fantasy novels. Instead of Fabio, you can put Gerry and Sparkles on the covers. You’ll make HUNDREDS!

  14. I Choose Me says:

    Eileen Yover said “I can see the gay porn version now:”Que to in the tent, they start their wrestling and then you see little Bella launched out of the flap and into the forest.”

    Bwahahahaha. That might have been more entertaining than the whole movie.

    *puts on grammar nazi hat* Should be cue not que.

  15. denise says:

    You’ll make HUNDREDS!
    @ Eileen Yover

    LOL!!!

  16. mooocowhead says:

    I don’t know why.. but Robert Pattinson looks to me like he probably has permanent morning breath.

    I’m sorry :/
    I don’t know why? He always looks like he just woke up but not even in a just-been-fucked hot way. Also, he looks like he’s lacking some essential vitamins, so yes, I must be one of the few who don’t want his sperm. I would probably hit on him in a bar though – if he wasn’t famous.

  17. serena says:

    OMFG.
    XDD that’s too lol.
    Well I think Taylor may be a virgin so at that age he’s easily “turned on”. And that why.
    But, if I have to say that I will surely love a Edward x Jacob end. (Bella piss off please).

  18. BlackMamba says:

    HAHAHAHA Kaiser you’re too much! The way you narrated the story is exactly how those erotic romance novels are lol. THE GAY VIBE FROM TAYLOR IS OVERWHELMING.

  19. Allie says:

    the instant i saw taylor lautner in twilight i was like- you’re kidding me, right? You expect us to buy that he is straight? I’ve gotten used to him playing a straight guy, but I don’t believe for a second that he really is. Of course thats not an insult- there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, and i LOVE taylor, he seems like an amazing guy. Also, I could easily see RPatz as being gay as well.

  20. Alexis says:

    Oh Rob, you never really have anything interesting to say.

  21. lola lola says:

    I do not get the Taylor-mania. Granted, great body but his teeth are so white they give me a headache and he still has all that baby fat on his face. Hmmmmm.

  22. GatsbyGal says:

    I knew this was a Kaiser article the second I read the headline. <3

    And the fanfic…unnff, you stopped too early!

  23. KLO says:

    R. Pattinson sounds like a dick.
    He’s making fun of a 18-year old child, for god’s sake.
    Trying to hide his insecurities by bullying someone he thinks is no threat to him.

  24. sarcasma says:

    @ kaiser – the ending if you please!

  25. Melanie says:

    is it just me or does Taylor Lautner really look like Selena Gomez?

  26. Patty says:

    KLO (#26) You have a point. I don’t know if he is just ‘joking’ (still mean) or yeah you can interpret it as all out mean. I don’t know.

  27. chris says:

    This does not seem hot to me at all. Taylor still looks like a child and I cannot associate him with sex. However, I do like to imagine Rob and Tom Sturridge. That’s kinda hot.

  28. Mrs Odie 2 says:

    The casting directors for this movie franchise had the opportunity of a lifetime. And WOW, did they eff it up. Taylor’s nose is so horrible. Is that a nose job? If so, what the hell did it look like before? RPatz has no profile. His forehead, nose and chin are all on the same plane. It’s weird. And Kristen Stewart is just ugly and talentless. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of actors who would have been superior in these parts. It’s sad.

  29. Dhavy says:

    Put a bag over TL’s head and then I’ll fantasize….the nose seems to overpower the body and I can’t focus