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In a scathing NY Times profile of Jersey Shore’s (arguably) most orange and definitely shortest star, Snooki, journalist Cathy Horyn pointed out that Snooki told her she’s read a total of two books in her entire life: Twilight and Dear John. Despite her “artlessness,” as the article defines it, Snooki is in demand and her greasy face and fake hair can somehow move products, like meal replacement cookies with meat dust in them. She’s about to “write” a work of fiction that’s a thinly veiled memoir starring a chick who gets drunk, gets in fights and sleeps with guys. She probably has to make it fiction because she can’t remember much about the guys she’s slept with:
The Jersey Shore star (real name: Nicole Polizzi) will publish her very first novel early next year, publisher Simon and Schuster announced Wednesday. With the tentative title of A Shore Thing, the tome will “revolve around a girl looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore),” according to a statement.
Snooki, 22, gushed about the book: “I’m pumped to announce to my fans a project that I’ve been working on for some time. This book will have you falling in love at the shore. It’s ‘A Shore Thing!’”
Adds Jennifer Bergstrom of Simon and Schuster’s Gallery Books: “Who better than Snooki to write a fun, sexy novel about a single girl looking for love on the Jersey Shore?”
[From US Weekly]
There are so many talented, funny creative writers who don’t get a chance because they don’t have name recognition or an “in” yet. Yet here we have a girl who barely finished high school, (if she did, I can’t verify that) gets drunk on TV for a living and has no discernible life skills putting out a book. I’m sure someone else will write it for her, but it’s still mind boggling.
If you want to write a book or put out a perfume, clothing or jewelry line all you need to do is be willing to make a complete ass of yourself on television. You don’t even need to be attractive, as we’ve seen recently. Unfortunately it looks like there’s a lot of competition to join the heavily saturated “be famous for being your own foolish self” market currently cornered by the Kardashians and the Jersey Shore gang. They’ve even managed to push out Heidi and Spencer, and they staged several weddings and a breakup. You can’t blame Snooki and The Situation for cashing in while they can.
I don’t know who these ladies are, but they just manage to highlight how short and orange Snooki is.
Written by Celebitchy
Posted in Snooki
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41 Responses to “Snooki to “write” a “fiction” book”
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Come again??? As a writer I find this totally alarming! WTF??
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come on tell the truth…
is snooki the secret love child of george hamilton & lil’ kim?
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it’s probably going to be a pop-out book!
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Oh, if it is on Kindle I will read! It’s like a really small, really orange train wreck!
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She’s so much cuter when she really smiles and doesn’t do that stupid pout thing. Agh, wish she’d listened when they gave her that makeover-she looked adorable.
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I am baffled by the obsession with the frosty lilac and frosty pink lipstick that the orange girls wear.
Does it make them feel “tanner”? LOL!
There is a line in the movie Goodfella’s, about how all the mafia wife’s wore too much of everything.
From makeup, jewelery and polyester. And how they all had bad skin.
It is sad to see that this little squat Jersey girl, continues in that honor.
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good for you snooki! I love her, she is great. She is doing her thing, living her life the way she wants, and it pays off for her. So what if she is short and orange? People are just jealous. She has something going in, something interesting. Otherwise we would not all be talking about her. Go snooki! I just hope she does not have a substance abuse problem, because that would be sad.
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“Ladies”? I’m getting serious “It’s a MAN, baby” vibes from those two monsters.
The make up is horrible, and what’s with the lips? What is that? It’s not even duck-face – it’s like Church-Lady pursed lips.
And girls as short as she is should NOT wear big hats, nor anything that makes them look top-heavy! She looks like a mushroom.
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Snooki looks so much older than 22 years old. She is too orange and has an awful shape. However, if she has the right management she can make some money from her reality status. Some naive fans of hers would be interested.
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Oh dear heavens no!
I have said this before, maybe I have crossed on over to the ‘geeze you so old now! phase of my life.. but I have no idea why this little round orange thing is famous.
Color me confused gang.. color me confused.
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snooki & kim k could pass for sisters or @ least cousins…
http://twitpic.com/2spkvg
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Will there be Oompa Loompas in it? Or will the protagonist just rub powdered cheese from Kraft dinner boxes all over herself before she leaves the house?
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I don’t know who this is. But I HATE that facial expression. What does that mean? Why do young girls make that face? Is it a smirk or are they trying to be sexy? What?
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“It is sad to see that this little squat Jersey girl, continues in that honor.”
Hautie, PLEASE!!! As a TRUE “jersey girl”, I take offense to you lumping this “little orange potato” in with us TRUE Jersey Folk.
SHE IS NOT A JERSEY GIRL!!! she only lives there courtesy of MTV.
(NONE of those “Jersey Shore” people are from NJ, FYI.)
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@RHONYC:
You are awesome!!! I think that is the best description I have heard of Snooky.
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@lady jane: us people who have no clue what they are trying to convey call it “duck face” and there is a whole website dedicated to how ridic it is: http://antiduckface.com/
That site is hilarious!
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I didn’t think she could read or write!
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Hideous pictures of her.
However, it irks me that there are great writers who cannot be published because they are not famous. But, any dough-head who has a reality show can publish a book – most likely ghost-written an actual writer.
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i mean, i love snickers and all… but did anyone check to make sure she could actually read before giving her a book contract?
i’m not entirely sure she can even spell “fiction” correctly.
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Duckybill Schnookers needs to throw away the horrible lipstick and scrub off the merde already. She looks like she’s been mud wrestling in South Georgia. It looks like actual Number 2.
Somebody just put her on Dancing with the ‘Stars’ – she’ll get a makeover then and some proper exercise.
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Great posts all, Ah, Snooki the girl with the indefinable shape. That kindergarten teacher will have her hands full making sure snooki holds the crayons correctly in her hand in order to spell letters on the construction paper – I mean for writing the book.
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Does anyone know if she actually graduated from high school? I live in SC & our education is a joke at best, but most kids actually have to read more than 2 books…
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Only in fucking AMERICA could a tranny Oompa Loompa become famous. WOW!
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Decent outfit for a change, but that make-up is horrendous lol. Whats even more bizzare is that she’s on a show about “guidos” and she’s not even Italian!!! She’s from South America, not sure what country though. Gotta love her, she is fun to watch.
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Mummy, I want a real live Oompa Loompa and I want one NOW!
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wow
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Wow settle down ya bunch of grumps! She’s cashing in and thats the way it should be. I dont think she should be criticized for her looks because when I step out of the house I see tons of people walking around in sweats, unwashed hair and clothes from walmart. Dont throw stones unless you’re any better.
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Well I certainly can’t wait to read thos fine piece of lierature…
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Oh lordy, I have gotten past being angry about this kind of shiz. It used to drive me crazy that crater-brains like this got deals, but now I think that they and the mainstream publishing industry, and all the people who will pay for this tripe, absolutely belong together and are completely deserving of each other.
I mean, who is stooping here? None of them.
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How about these titles for her next bestseller:
The Orange Man and the Sea
To Kill a Cockingbird
Grapes of Trash
The Master OF Margarita or just plain old
Raisin in the Sun, the sequel?
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Snooki was actually one semester away from graduating college as a veterinarian technician
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She’s going to write about how much she wants to become a real life Garfield
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Thank you, book publishers, for continuing to dumb down the world.
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You guys are so funny. Love child of George Hamilton andn Lil Kim! A garfield wanna be. And the Lilac Lipstick. It looks horrible! She looks old. Does she own a mirror? It’s like a Anorexic who doesn’t see how painfully thin they are, Snooki doesn’t see how painfully ridiculous she looks and I’m sure she could be cute – take away the orange skin, lilac lipstick, overdone hair, way to pushed up bra, cheap hooker clothes, clown make-up and well her attitude.
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One more thing – please don’t publish her book. Many people are serious and talented and can’t get a book published but she can because she’s a drunken, obnoxious celebrity on a stupid reality show where all she does is embarrass herself? Really???
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@jover – lmao
@ bored – I get what you’re saying, but Snooki is cashing in on what – being the drunk village idiot? And what’s with the awful hat? It’s not getting her an invite to the Royal Ascot anytime soon. And yes, I look better when I wake up in the morning and go outside to feed the animals and water the garden. Snooki should lay off the sauce and read a few more books so she can have a life outside of Jersey Whores – I predict her 15 mins is almost up!
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I thought that was Paul Sorvino in drag.
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okay let’s get the basic joke out of the way … I didn’t know you could write a novel using only 1,000 words. (and you thought I was going to say Snooki IS the basic joke, well that goes without saying)
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The agents and editors who made this happen should all be executed: death by body shots off Snookies gut.
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i didn’t know you could tweet a novel.
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Extremely good content and certainly assists with comprehending the subject matter better.
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