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People are talking about Gwyneth’s latest GOOP newsletter like it’s something groundbreaking awful. For this week’s newsletter, Dame Goop decided to make some style suggestions for peasants, because she’s so tired of seeing our fat peasant asses clothed in pants that cost less than a mortgage payment. My point? This is nothing new. Goop fashions herself a one-woman Vogue Magazine. She is all about being aspirational to peasants, and if you’ve been reading GOOP since the beginning, you know that this junk has been WAY worse in previous newsletters. My favorite part of Goopy’s must-have shopping list (which comes out to over $18,000 – JUST FOR SUMMER) is that Her Goopiness actually models all of the crap she’s shilling. She really put a lot of time and thought into it too – she must have hired a photographer, a lighting guy, makeup artist, hair stylist, all of the perks, just to justify her “must have” Stella McCartney blazer (which is fug as hell). You can read the newsletter here, and I’ve included some of the goopy modeling photos below.
Meanwhile, the video has come out of Gwyneth’s recent appearance on Graham Norton. She cooks! She snots! She raps! I know everyone is talking about her NWA rap, but I was barely able to get to it because I was so overcome by her crazy horrible voice. She’s so… horrible. That voice. The NWA rapping part begins around 6:40. IT’S TERRIBLE. My favorite part is watching Geoffrey Rush’s face. He’s just got this look on his face like “Dear God, MAKE THIS BITCH STFU.”
“My dear friend EZE once told me, ‘Gwyneth, you are my best friend in the whole world, you must give the world the gift of your song, and your rap skills, which are second to none.’ So I told him, ‘E, I must give you my recipe for duck a la goop, because it will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.’ Alas, he is dead now, so I can only communicate with him through my dear friend Mikhail Baryshnikov, who acts as my personal medium.”
Here are those goopy glamour shots, as promised:
Photos courtesy of Fame, Goop.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Gwyneth Paltrow
- Mariah Carey lip synced on American Idol [CDAN]
- Colin Firth is looking good [Lainey Gossip]
- Internet celebrity charged with murder! [D-Listed]
- What is Paz Vega wearing? [Go Fug Yourself]
- New bachelors on The Bachelorette [Reality Tea]
- Goodbye to The Office [Pajiba]
- Bachelor Sean’s fiance cheats on him [Evil Beet]
- Britney Spears out with her man [Popsugar]
- Nina Dobrev works it [Popoholic]
- Cindy Crawford needs to lay off the ‘tox [Celebslam]
- Who said it: Carrie Bradshaw or The Dalai Lama? [Buzzfeed]
Is she just… continuously high or what?
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Okay, I have the hots for that Chloe silk blazer. Like I’d like to run away with it for some seriously passionate love making.
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She looks rediculous. Some of the clothes are cute though.
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OH my god, that mid-length demim skirt is HIDEOUS.
Also Goopy, don’t you upper-crusters know it’s tacky to use your influence only to promote your friends’ shit? Did you not learn that at charm school? Did your dearest friend, Emily Post, not explain it to you when the two of you shared an intimate lunch of lobster tail berre blanch on a garlic crustini loaf with Prince Albert of Monaco?
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In a world where so many celebs are pure vanilla I am beginning to love Goopy more and more.
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She’s so quaint.
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Wow…lots of ugly clothes. Maybe we could afford all that if she would give us some of her money a la noblesse oblige?
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The Goop facebook page has more than 10,000 fans?!???!!!!???
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Dude, that Stella McCartney denim skirt is the most fugtastic thing ever – I seriously had a skirt JUST LIKE THAT in junior high in like, 87-88 or something, that my mom got from some mall store and I hated it then b/c it made me look like I had a potbelly… much like that one is doing to Goopy now. ew.
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She is a strange person – seriously deluded about her not very important self.
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What does Gwyneth know about working in an office?
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omg. that was the whitest thing i’ve ever seen.
i’m still cringing.
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@Lady Miss – I remember those skirts. The pot belly was the first thing I noticed.
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The summer must-haves …it seems so weird she would do such a thing. It must be all about networking for her. She probably gets a lot of her clothes and accessories free and that’s the way to keep them coming. I find the outfits very “JCrew”. Zzzz. Everyones a fashionista nowadays. My little sisters would put her outfit-efforts to shame. And they only shop at Target and Goodwill. She seems nice in the rapping bit though.
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The second outfit gives her a mom bulge. Surely she is being paid by her most dear wonderful fantastic friends to model these ugly clothes. Give me a 250 dollars at a Target and I will put these same looks together and still have money left over a Chick-fil-a sandwich and a blizzard from Dairy Queen.
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Pretentious much?
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Paraphrasing, “Well, the fat drippings from my duck set the rotisserie on fire, so we had to chuck some of it in the pool”
Sweet mother of mercy!
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HAHAHAHA!!!!! She’s holding her sharpie backwards in the booksigning pic!!
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@lady miss e, hahaha i had one too! omg. i hope the fashion world isn’t trying to make them come back. nobody looks good in them.
i can’t believe i’m about to defend goop, BUT…in her defense, net-a-porter (who she did the suggestions for) often does this. and yes, everything adds up to be very expensive. LOL. it does seem beneath gwyneth to do this, though. net-a-porter doesn’t even use well known models.
lastly, i’d sell my right arm for proenza schouler bag. that satchel, like all of their bags, is fantastic.
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Love the Stella McCartney dress. But yeah, if that denim skirt gives goop a pot belly, no one will look good in it.
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Hahah! I love Gwyneth more and more!
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Goopy wants to own her own fashion magazine and be the only model in it. Look out, it’s GOOPSTYLE!
Seriously, $18K for THAT?! Completely uninspired mall-fashion for the most part. And that tank dress and blazer outfit looks like a bathrobe.
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Oh holy cow. People are freaking out about Pippa’s cute cotton clothes.
But here is Goop is a truly tragic demin skirt. hahaha! And none of those clunky ugly sandals are helping matters either.
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Oh this is too delicious to ignore.
“Alas, he is dead now, so I can only communicate with him through my dear friend Mikhail Baryshnikov, who acts as my personal medium.”
Thank you for giving me the best laugh I have had all morning!
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I thought the blazer/tank combination was a nightgown.
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Rhiley, you could buy a CAR for what you would have left over! You couldn’t touch that T-shirt or bathing suit for 250. It’s ridiculous! When I was living in London and got to see Harrod’s and what these clothes actually cost, you could die!
If you added up what she is wearing in those pics, you would get over 25k, easy. That skirt is something I wore in high school and hated it then, horrible!
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Rapping nwa is pandering in the worst sort of way. I would get kicked off this site if i stated what nwa and their crew should do to this poseur for playing little miss hood badass in her hideous overpriced threads.
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I’m thinking JCPennys has a new model!
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If you really wanna barf a little, you must read this: http://lifeandtimes.com/straight-outta-compton
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i wonder what her mom thinks about her.
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I think Gwyneth is The Real White Oprah.
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Sorry…I’ll take her over Gaga anyday!
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Oh dear lord…
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That purse in the potbelly pic is $1,595. One freaking purse = mortgage payment. Insane.
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There’s a lot of hate for Gwen, but I think this is sort of funny/cool.
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Bluhare: You are correct! her goopness must just overflow so much that she doesn’t need the ink end…and the EZE conversation: hilarious-EZE must be spinning in his grave.
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If I’d been sitting nearby when she said “peckish,” I might have been forced to stab her with a ball point pen. Good gravy is she getting worse with time.
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No, no, no, no, no. No. The rapping is making me cringe. I love Eazy E. I never want to hear Gwenyth touch his sh!t again. Ever.
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Oh Goopie, never change.
Is it wrong that I am starting to kind of love her? It’s so wrong… I think it started with that interview about her grandmother.
Please don’t kill me, y’all.
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ETA: That video was hilarious.
“I’m touching Gwyneth Paltrow’s pan!”
“You can touch my a$$ if you want to.”
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@mj, oprah would never be caught dead rapping anything of any sort. LOL
@jenny, yes but it’s PROENZA SCHOULER. they’re AMAZING. LOL
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She definitely works hard at it; acting, singing, writing, modeling,etc. I’m not saying that she is particularly stellar at any one thing, but Goopy know how to hustle.
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Would love to dine on lamb chops with Geoffrey Rush.
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Again, so much hate for someone so meaningless?
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You’re right, Kaiser, the shoots for this newsletter look professional. Goopy tries so hard! That said, she looks quite pretty in some of the shots – much prettier than the clothes she models.
I felt sorry for Geoffrey Rush. This guy’s worked with the BEST in the industry … and he ends up sitting next to Goopy on some couch forced to listen to her rap. *CRINGE*
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Is she $#%@ing serious? Look at how pleased with herself she is in all the shots. The denim skirt is fug-as-hell (just like Stella McCartney’s face).
I really think all of this is snobbery 2.0. No one really cares about affluent kids anymore and she’s just rubbing stuff in people’s faces–this is not remotely acceptable on any level, especially in this economy. If you can afford to blow 18k on summer clothes you’re not gonna turn to this woman for advice. Puh-leeze. She’s just trying to rub her self-perceived status in people’s faces because everyone wants to be perceived as having been to Spence????!!! No one cares about preppies anymore. This is like the cracked-out, insane version of a preppy handbook. And a diet and fitness regimen that causes early onset osteoporosis!? Two hours of exercise a day? This is like the cracked out exercise plan!
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Quercus, I know, the more I see her, the more I like her. It’s ridiculous.
And Rhiley, yes, you probably could put together reasonable versions for much less at Target, just like you could with most of the “must have” season looks people shill on magazines, tv, etc. They’ll almost never look as “good” given the differences in fabrics, tailoring, etc, but they’ll be close enough, if that’s what you’re (by which I mean the universal you, not you in particular) looking for.
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