Linnocent covers Vanity Fair Italia: “I never hurt anyone but myself”

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Linnocent is the cover girl for the August issue of Vanity Fair Italia. I’m praying that this is the only Vanity Fair cover that she’s got coming in the near and the distant future, but I’m starting to get an itchy feeling that the crackhead will also be covering the September issue of the American VF. Would you like a joke? Before I turned on the Google Chrome translator to find out what Linnocent was saying, my eye caught this headline: “Lindsay Lohan: Che male ho fatto?” I know it’s Italian and everything, but I would like to think they’re calling Linnocent a fat she-male ho.

As far as the photo shoot goes… I’m loathe to use this terminology, but it just seems utterly appropriate for Linnocent: she looks like trailer trash. The white-blonde hair, the skimpy, cheap looking costumes, the frosted pink lipstick, the wonk eye, the crack lips, the vacant expression, the budget “trying so hard to be sexy” vibe… it’s all so trashy.

Now, the interview… no one really great has any decent translations, but if you’d like to attempt the Google Chrome translator, you can try the original Italian article here. Linnocent did this whole thing, photo shoot and interview, while under house arrest. The highlights seem to be: “With her grueling month-long house arrest at an end, Lohan talks about her mistakes and her future, the gun she keeps in her pink fur jacket, the fact that jail is a terrible place and her plans to get back into acting.” Wait… what?!? A GUN?! Oh, Jesus. Samantha Ronson’s new girlfriend better watch her ass. Someone who speaks Italian, please send in the English translation of the gun quote. Here are some quotes that other sites are carrying:

She‘s a good actress: “I want to be an actress and I’m good. You learn from your mistakes, right?”

On jail: “Unless you’re a killer, I don’t see a reason to stay there. I never hurt anyone but myself.”

But she’s promising to get back on track and return to work in the fall. She told the magazine: “In October, I’ll begin work. I hope to spend next year on set.”

[From Various Sources]

WTF? “Unless you’re a killer, I don’t see a reason to stay there. I never hurt anyone but myself.” Like the time she hijacked a car, ran over a guy’s foot, kidnapped two of his friends, and endangered countless others by driving all drunk and coked out of her skull? Like the time she CLIPPED A BABY? Like all the crap she’s stolen over the years – millions of dollars worth of jewelry, clothing and God knows what? Like the time she beat the hell out of a rehab employee? All of it, VICTIMLESS CRIMES, according to Linnocent. And THAT is why I will never believe that she’s turned over a new leaf. She’s just a narcissistic a–hole who never accept responsibility, EVER. Unfortunately, she won’t really be punished until she actually does kill somebody.

UPDATE: Thanks to all of the Italian-speakers for the translation on the gun quote. Here’s what Linnocent says, in a nutshell:

She brings out a pink fur jacket and a gun: ‘I’ve got a permit to carry a firearm, but it’s not loaded, I keep it in the house in case someone tries to get in.’

You know the pink fur jacket, right? That’s the coat that she’s wearing in those cracked-out, busted photos I always use. Viva la Linnocent!

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Photos courtesy of Vanity Fair Italia.

 

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87 Responses to “Linnocent covers Vanity Fair Italia: “I never hurt anyone but myself””

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  1. Sisi says:

    lol, let’s ask SamRo her opinion on that hurting remark…

    And I guess her father never belonged in jail either… although I think she would say otherwise

  2. OriginalGracie says:

    “Unfortunately, she won’t really be punished until she actually does kill somebody.”

    With the Not Guilty verdict in the Casey Anthony trial, that is not a certainty.

  3. Jay says:

    Huh…I always thought that at her worst, that she still looked pretty in photoshoots – I guess not anymore…

  4. Quest says:

    Lindsay: On jail- “Unless you’re a killer, I don’t see a reason to stay there. I never hurt anyone but myself.”

    Lindsay, you HURT my eyes when I see you…all the fn time.

  5. brin says:

    Delusional crackhead. She and Casey Anthony should become party pals.

  6. MissilePanda says:

    Well now i’m going to have to go wash after seeing those nasty, sleazy pictures :(

  7. MarenGermany says:

    some of these pictures really look like taken from a high-class hooker facebook page.
    “If you are in the mood for a night of drama, I´ll be your perfect fit. Make sure to bring some eight-balls.”

  8. constance says:

    Ugh. Can we please find a new planet to throw this perpetual liar onto? I’ve had more than my fill of the “quality” in which she “performs.”

    HAS BEEN.

  9. brin says:

    @constance…good idea! If not a planet, maybe a far off deserted island where has-beens like Lilo, Paris, Kim and Leann can fight for mirror time.

  10. Francesca says:

    Hi, im italian and here’s the translation of that sentence:

    She takes out a pink fur jacket and a gun: “I have a gun in my house but i keep it without bullet, i have it in case someone try to come inside”

  11. hannah says:

    This roof top photo shoot is hilarious. They obviously didn’t even care to have a nice backdrop, I remember that red carpet from one of the other shoots she did while on house arrest. The teddy bear and golden skull? What the heck?

  12. Hautie says:

    How can anyone… including that Mother of hers… think this blown out blonde hair is remotely flattering?

    Lohan looks like she should be dancing topless at some sketchy bar. Yet, she couldn’t even get hired in the better paying topless bars, looking this hard.

    And I completely agree that Lohan’s delusion, that the only person she has harmed is her self. It is just a stunningly stupid statement to make.

    I bet that reporter just sat there stun, to hear Lohan say out loud. And mean it. hahaha!

    What cracks me up is that none of them have figured out that until she goes back to auburn, no one wants to hire her for a legit decent role.

    Well of course the lone exception is for that Gotti movie.

    And we all know Victoria Gotti is a little delusional about her own blown out blonde hair, looking good. But I thought Lohan already lost that part.

    So there is no reason to have this extension filled, head of cheap Barbie hair.

    Isn’t Lohan a convicted felon? How can she legally have a any gun in her possession?

  13. Cherry says:

    ‘Someone who speaks Italian, please send in the English translation of the gun quote.’ OK, here we go…

    ‘She brings out a pink fur jacket and a gun: ‘I’ve got a permit to carry a firearm, but it’s not loaded, I keep it in the house in case someone tries to get in.’

    BE AWARE, Californian breakers-and-enterers. I think this is actually rather funny and, in my opinion, says a lot more about US gun laws than it does about La Lohan. In Italy, for example, an ex(?)-drug-addict who’s been convicted and stayed in jail would never ever be allowed to keep a permit to carry a gun. And rightly so, I might add.

  14. anait says:

    @Kaiser
    The quote from Vanity Fair says that Lindsay showed a gun AND a pink jacket saying that she is allowed to carry it(the gun), but she also say that the gun is unloaded and that she gets it in case someone would try to enter in her house…

    bad translation but it gives the meaning.

  15. Praise St. Angie! says:

    egad she looks cheap.

    and I know I always hang out on my couch with a gold skull and giant bear.

    and Jay…sort of what I was thinking, too. even when she looked totally cracked out, she still photographed well. now, not so much.

  16. Kaiser says:

    Thank you for the translation, Cherry, Anait & Francesca! I love Italian-speaking bitches!

  17. Cherry says:

    Sorry for all this cross-posting, I see now that we already have a translation of the gun quote, LOL

  18. dilettante says:

    Actually, isn’t the pink fur coat in those photos the one she swiped from a cloakroom at some Manhattan club? She wore it for weeks until the girl who really owned it kicked up a fuss and got it back.

  19. constance says:

    Grazis for the translation!

    I thought the fact that she had a life-sized poster of HERSELF holding a gun (from the Nun movie thing?) was bad enough…

    I think she should be more worried about the dangerous people she’s been letting into her house. Just sayin’ Blo-too-hard-han.

  20. Roma says:

    @dilettante: No that was a mink coat, kind of a light golden sable.

    Clearly, bitches need lots of fur.

  21. OhMyMy says:

    “She’s just a narcissistic a–hole who never accept responsibility, EVER.” That sums up Linnocent in my book.

    She’s looking like Kelly Bundy on the downslide in those pics. So trashy. Someone please explain to her she is NOT Marilyn Monroe.

    Love the rooftop wires next door through the window. So arty.

  22. serena says:

    Those lips are horrible.. and she should close them.. oh wait, she can’t. LOL.

    And the hair.. ugh..I don’t even want to talk about it but SO TRASHY.

    Anyway the headline “che male ho fatto?” means something like “what have I ever did wrong?”

  23. Katie says:

    She really ruined her looks. It’s amazing how old and ragged she looks.

  24. Addie says:

    Does she really believe that ONLY people who kill should be in jail!?!?

    What about those who attempt to kill, those who rape,torture, steal,defraud…
    Ahh who am I kidding, the girl has zero morals or understanding of what a crime actually is.

  25. Blue says:

    Who/ why the hell would give this bitch a permit for a gun. Seeing as she’s always high and/ or drunk.

  26. tapioca says:

    “…but she also say that the gun is unloaded…”

    To all would-be Manson family copycats in the LA area – the gun is unloaded, repeat unloaded. Proceed as planned…

  27. lucy2 says:

    The idea of her with a gun is terrifying. I hope she doesn’t have an assistant or housekeeper or anyone who shows up unannounced, she’s so cracked out she’ll probably shoot them. And then somehow get out of jail time again.
    When you DUI, you risk hurting MANY people. She still doesn’t get that.

  28. Leah No-No says:

    I cannot stop staring at the photo where she’s all boot-legged Sharon Stone in Casino with the red couch, giant bear, gold skull & the feather-pooping. It’s like some kind of puzzle that da Vinci and Tom Hanks want me to solve. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
    and those shoes immediately made me think of the Hedwig quote “What poor animal had to die for you to wear that?”.Is that leopard-print cowhide?

  29. Blue says:

    Can some please explain to me how this bitch is still getting magazine covers. I mean what does she have to offer. I don’t get it.

  30. logan says:

    Sorry didn’t finish my thought……
    A fifty year old idiot! Don’t yell at me, I myself am 54.

  31. Sisi says:

    Doesn’t Linnocent wear the pink fur coat in those crack photo’s Kaiser always uses with articles about her?

  32. Angel says:

    I think she looks pretty in a ‘sleazy-sensual’ Italian way (as an Italian I can get away with saying this). It’s just how they styled her. I have seen her look MUCH worse.

    That said, she is such an idiot.

  33. gee says:

    The pistol permit must be easy to get in LA, she has a criminal record. You can’t get one in NYS without practically being God. And you can’t get one in NYC even if you are God. Not like God would need a gun.

  34. Dani says:

    It’s official. They can’t even photoshop the crackhead out of her anymore.

    She remains delusional about her past but then when you’ve got a justice system that doesn’t deliver justice this is what you get. California and now Florida need to form their own country. Their motto should be, give us your murderers, rapists, and pillagers. We welcome your kind with open arms.

  35. Isa says:

    This spread looks really cheap, she looks like a porn star in most of the pictures without even having to take her clothes off.

    They photoshopped the white in her eyes, but left the bags and circles under her eyes untouched, which makes her look worse.

    Even though I hope for her recovery, she’s too old to pull this Lolita thing off, she should try something new.

  36. Ruby Red Lips says:

    What is with the White hair!? On a fresh faced youthful looking sexy girl it may just work, but on Linnocent she looks likes like a cracked out hooker…

    Silly me, that’s what she is nowadays so the hair suits her to the tee! ;)

  37. Katija says:

    I DO think that we sometimes are too hard on victimless offenders; especially kids who are minorities or from lower-income families. However, I do NOT include Lindsay Lohan in the category of “people the justice system went too hard on.”

    Everyone keeps saying that Kristen Stewart should play Casey Anthony, but hell, I think Lindsay in a wig would be a better fit. She can even bring her own jumpsuit. And surely there is an out-of-work Baldwin somewhere who can step in as Baez…

  38. the original bellaluna says:

    Hey Linnocent, I’ve got a gun (permitted) that’s actually loaded! Go ahead, try to steal from me (other than my tax dollars at “work”) and make my day!

    @ tapioca – Thanks for the laugh! Too funny! :D

    Why, oh why is she always in underwear, a bikini, or a skeezy outfit? Is that the only “look” she can own in photo shoots? (Never mind, I just answered my own question.)

  39. 4Real says:

    Who keeps lying and telling her she’s HOT? Somebody PLEASE slap that person already! Nothing sexy about cracked out freckles…NOTHING!

  40. TG says:

    Let Lohan and Casey Anthoney live together they both deserve each other.

  41. Sloane Wyatt says:

    Girlfriend need her own lips, freckles, and naturally red hair back. THAT would be news!

    Otherwise meh meh meh meh meh – I’m closing my eyes and wishing Linds away, go away now.

  42. dorothy says:

    Apparely Dina didn’t teach her the difference between right and wrong. SUPRISE.

  43. ladybert62 says:

    those pictures dont even look like her!

  44. Miss Diagnosed says:

    Hmmmm. Maybe they should let out all the inmates that aren’t killers. When St. Linnocent finally kills someone due to her reckless and irresponsible behavior, the Sheriff can’t use the “overcrowding” excuse, and will finally keep her ass in jail.

    Just more excuses, blaming, and denial on her part. And I agree about the hair. She needs a blonde intervention. It’s ghastly.

  45. the original bellaluna says:

    @ Miss Diagnosed – CA’s already doing that. Sad, but true.

  46. original kate says:

    there isn’t enough photoshop in the world to get rid of the trailer park stank.

  47. Boo says:

    Ewwww. I imagine if you scratch her skin a little bit with your fingernail, a layer of ick comes off.

    Someone should really hose her down and scrub her with a big soapy brush on a handle…like they do with the zoo animals so the humans don’t have to get too close.

  48. Miss Diagnosed says:

    @Leah No-No- I missed your Hedwig quote. I love that movie! Lindsay’s actually looking a tad Hedwig-ish herself, what with the blonde hair and weaves. Although, John Cameron Mitchell makes a finer woman than she does, even on her best days. She needs a stylist, STAT!

  49. jover says:

    Is there a shortage of beautiful italian actresses/models/society women that they have to put this creature (echoing poster #30) on their cover. I have to believe payola or favors are involved because my house cats chasing a tinkling ball are more interesting than this brainless loser.

  50. Lady D says:

    As much as I despise this contemptible woman I can admit she took a really good picture, until now. It used to piss me off that she looked so good in her shoots especially considering her personality, it should have showed through. Looks like I got my wish

  51. girlwithapearl says:

    Why anyone would see a movie with her in it anymore? Why would anyone want to know her as a person?
    And a DUI isn’t putting anyone in danger? Because apparently the apocalypse was deemed imminent so when Lindsay was driving on Whatever there was nobody on the roads or the streets and all the people who take a midnight jog were inside playing Jenga one last time. Right.

  52. bluhare says:

    Oh, poor Lindsay. Her house arrest was so grueling — not being able to throw parties one week before it ends! The humanity!

  53. Stubbylove says:

    I have yet to see a recent photo shoot of this chick where she isn’t egging the viewer to bang the crap out of her. There’s more to interesting photography than sexuality. She’s a hooker & 100% responsible for her skank image.

  54. Madisyn says:

    I got a question, how many photoshoots/commercials did this twit film/do interviews for while on “house arrest”? This b!tch worked more during 6 weeks of house arrest than in the last few years.

  55. bitca says:

    wow. Over the past year she’s done some dreadful shoots. The scariest looked like the work of random paps whose sole notion of ‘lighting’ is a flashbulb; styled by Li’honnocent & ‘friends’ w/the aid of a pipe & case of vodka.

    But this VF Italia is *insane* (like that choke-inducing ‘never hurt anyone but myself’ line). It’s also perfect: Ms DUI deserves this exposure.

    The OL cover/Photo 6 is the stuff of nightmares: that Street-Hooker in-an-evening-dress gaze, the reclining pose on a red satin couch in the arms of a giant teddy-bear, & oh… that gold skull! Bet she dissed the photog & makeup artist by appearing 10 hours late. They might’ve taken this in stride, but when she klepto-ed the stylist’s drug stash, it was just too much, & they combined forces to take revenge.

    She’s such a wreck by now, tho—a cover for VF USA? —they CAN’T. Last time they made her look nice despite worm-lips & Worst Chin Implant Ever (which I think gives her a permanent double-chin that swells w/booze bloat. An ankle-monitor’s superfluous; just check the current size of that pouch under her ‘chin’). VF payed a top-$$ team for the pics; quoted her stale, overly recycled BS, & played along. Her next binge made the issue outdated before it reached the newsstands.

    She’s got nothing to sell but lies & recycled delusions. If she hustles—hard—might manage a spread in a cheap mens’ mag.

  56. skeptical says:

    Ok let me get this straight…
    Lilo has a gun
    Lilo is next door to Samantha Ronson.
    Ronson is seeing someone new.

    Is anyone else getting a chilly feeling of foreboding?

  57. Lil says:

    I like the one where she’s posing with Pedo-bear. Should’ve known they lived together.

  58. Novaraen says:

    Cheap wh@re and a half!

  59. June says:

    this site is writing Lindsay’s autobiography, and it’s funny as hell! and these are shitty photos for her ‘book’ lol

  60. Az says:

    She looks like she was ridden hard and put away wet. So, she looks like she always looks…

  61. YAWN! says:

    Why can’t this old drunk just f— off already.

  62. thin lizzie says:

    HEY- THATS MY PINK FUR JACKET!!!!
    AND THATS MY GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

  63. mary simon says:

    She can’t even be airbrushed to look attractive anymore.

  64. Patricia says:

    Don’t forget the hurt she causes the American taxpayers everytime she frolics her way through our justice system. Who does she think pays for that crap???

    Is she ever invoiced for that? No…

    And she doesn’t even pay taxes bc she never WORKS

    Wow – Such a child.

  65. Alex DeLarge says:

    Why God do these bezoomny gloopy merzky devotchka’s think they can model? A horrorshow skriking bolnoy chepooka. Rather see a nagoy baboochka.

  66. Cherry Rose says:

    Ooh! Alex DeLarge has finally graced Celebitchy’s pages.

    Wow, her implants are terribly saggy. Perhaps Lindsay should do something about that. And while she’s at it, she needs to deflate those lips.

  67. Marianne says:

    All her interviews are the same. I’m clean. I’m good. I want to start acting again.

    However, none of this actually happens.

    And killers only belong in jail? What about rapists, molesters, abusers or thieves? Think about what you say Lindsay?

  68. Emily says:

    I’ve never really wanted to go to LA. Now I now Linnocent’s packing heat (I do NOT believe that’s her only gun, just the only legal one) I’m definitely never going there.

    And I really hope Sam Ronson hears about this and moves the f away, otherwise something bad will happen.

  69. TL says:

    Why does this girl keep on being put out there? For what? Bad press sells these days and she makes money. It sick.

  70. Melancholy says:

    “The pistol permit must be easy to get in LA”

    She wrote it herself on a used cocktail napkin.

  71. Chloe says:

    I like the way she dresses, but I wish she’d go back to being a brunette or redhead…otherwise she looks like some Playboy skank.

  72. Tuatara says:

    Gosh, slutty/dirty pics. What a shock.

  73. Ruby Red Lips says:

    @ Marianne, not sure Linnocent is able to think anymore since she fried her few brain cells with coke and meth etc ;-) although that is giving her some credit 4 ever being able to think coherently b4 the crack!

  74. Paige says:

    i just had to jump to the comments to say, her hair is going to fall out!!

  75. Jeebus says:

    These photos… they scare me!

  76. Sara says:

    She looks terrible. Remember when she was pretty? Before she started injecting stuff into her lips?

    She hasn’t even had a lead in a movie in years. I don’t get why anyone would buy a magazine with her on the cover.

  77. NeNe says:

    I do not find her the least bit attractive. Am I the only one here?

  78. Lauralee says:

    Wow! The first pic looks like Heidi Montag. Why in the world is she allowed a gun?????? Her house arrest was a joke: if you can’t go to Rime, bring Rome to you and that’s exactly what she did. Partying, doing interviews, and all. She the luckiest bitch ever. So the 3 strikes and you’re in deep isn’t even applied to her.
    We have a f”"”"Ed up judicial system. She and Casey could write a memoir whining that people are just out there to get them. They have a lot in common (still La Logan hasn’t kill anyone yet)

  79. ebby says:

    I believe gun laws in LA are actually quite strict. You can have them in your house, maybe, but NO ONE can get a concealed carry permit (i.e. to carry the gun in your car or IN YOUR PINK COAT), UNLESS you have a special case, like you’re a celebrity or a politician, maybe.

    COME ON! How ridiculous is that? So the only people who are packing in LA are the criminals who obtain them illegally, the LAPD, and the drug addled celebs? Sucks to be a law abiding, normal person in that mess.

  80. Mark says:

    She IS Patsy Stone now!
    Those poses are so self conscious and cheesy.

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