Gwyneth Paltrow’s beauty secret is allegedly “synthetic snake venom”

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Oy vey. Did you read Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop newsletter this week? Go here to see it. It’s all about Rosh Hashanah, which is the Jewish new year – it was on Wednesday. Gwyneth devotes her Goop-letter to Jewish food (Rugelach! Apple and Honey Cake!) and a spiritual lesson about the meaning of Rosh Hashanah… it feels like the whole thing is ripe for a South Park parody, but bless her Goop. She’s been all about her Jewish roots for years now, while completely ignoring her mother’s peasanty, shiksa side of the family. HEY GOOP – You’re half-shiksa. And you’re descended from working-class laborers on your mother’s side. I know that because I watched your “Who Do You Think You Are?” episode.

Meanwhile, The Enquirer’s Mike Walker had this scoop on Gwyneth’s beauty “secret”:

Here’s the hot secret behind Gwyneth Paltrow’s ageless, glowing skin – SNAKE VENOM! My spy witness spotted the star slithering into the Beverly Hills Sonya Dakar Skin Clinic – where sources reveal she underwent her fave anti-aging treatment of UltraLuxe-9 Age Control Complex, which includes synthetic snake venom that tightens and contours the skin.

Gwyneth – famously NOT a Botox user – swears by the shorter-lived, but injection-free quick fix whenever she needs to look camera ready fast! After her treatment, Gwyneth snapped up several bottles at $185 a pop. “It’s worth every dime,” she hissed to pals.

[From Mike Walker’s column, The Enquirer, print edition]

I don’t get it. It’s injection-free? So… the “treatment” is just… what? A face cream with snake venom? Because I’m not sure I buy that Gwyneth is JUST doing “injection-free” stuff. Last year, around her Country Strong promotional tour, Goop’s face was looking more and more jacked. Then, suddenly, it settled down… so whatever she DID, I don’t think she’s still doing it. And whatever she did, she’s denying that it was ever done. As for the snake venom story, the only reason I’m skeptical is because I don’t believe Goop would ONLY pay $185 for skin care treatments. You know she probably shells out tens of thousands for the most elite and spectacular stuff.

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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26 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow’s beauty secret is allegedly “synthetic snake venom””

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  1. Angelina J. says:

    Stop it!!!! How dare you???!!! She looks great because brown rice and a lot of sleep.

  2. mln76 says:

    I’m getting a bit bored with Goopy’s schtick. Happy Rosh Hashanah to any Jewish CBers!!!

  3. Ash says:

    So, is it just me, or does she constantly look like she’s dealing with serious inflammation issues? Her skin always looks so irritated, or at the very least like she’s dealing with moderate amounts of flushing.

    I find it so odd she’s constantly chattering about her amazing skincare when she constantly looks like she’s going to break out in hives any minute.

  4. Nanea says:

    If she took some time and a handful of dimes to invest in a good hair care line…

  5. NYC_girl says:

    I have short Mia Farrow/Rosemary’s Baby hair, but is there going to be a time when women stop ironing their hair like this? Is it still considered cool and fashionable? It looks like sh*t. Happy New Year to everyone too – and I’m a proud half-shiksa Italian peasant!

  6. Justaposter says:

    The snake vemon is such a non story.. these creams have been on the market for years and come in many price points.

    Heck, even I have a cream with this stuff in it.

    Does it work quickly as botox? No. You have to use it daily for the effects to work.

  7. The Original Ashley says:

    Uh no one wants Fishy’s beauty secrets. Her skin always looks awful. And I don’t think she looks young for her age. My 46 year old mother looks younger than her.

  8. Annaloo says:

    She is NOT all that. Please people, get a grip.

  9. neff says:

    Perhaps Goopy bites a snake and injests, rather than applies, a fast acting, super effective, non-peasanty supply of venom to freshen her look. Perhaps, though, she just bites herself. I hunger to know the truth.

  10. Callli Pygian says:

    In the 2010 photo, it appears that Goopy suddenly developed upper eyelids. Amazing, huh?

    Blepharoplasty or Botox? I am thinking the former, not the latter for the uppers. Too much lift/opening for Botox alone. Cannot say whether it appears the lower lids were defatted, as well.

    Def had botox b/t the brows though. The lower half of the forehead is lineless, then you look north…

    They all do it, they all claim not to.

  11. manda says:

    In judaisim, the religion is passed through the mother. So, she really isn’t jewish just because her dad is

  12. original kate says:

    her skin is not great, actually. if you look closely she has a lot of redness and irritation. rosacea, maybe? in photos where she is showing lots of cleavage she always has acne on her chest. also, her hair is completely fried and her posture is hideous. so, i don’t think i’m going to take beauty advice from dame goop anytime soon.

  13. Happy21 says:

    She does not have good skin and she has THE worst hair in Hollywood.

    I just finished watching the 2nd season of Glee with her in it and I tolerated the 3 eppys she was in and her hair looked fug the whole time there too! What is up with that? You’d almost think that the stylists on the bloody show would have done SOMETHING with her fug hair. Unless they weren’t allowed because you know she IS GOOP afterall.

    And really she is a crappy ass actress. I have no idea why she won an Emmy for her role on that show.

    Oh yes and save the disses about Glee, I know how most of you feel and I still like it! 🙂

  14. Jilliterate says:

    Huh…and here I thought she stayed youthful by bathing in the blood of virgins that she kept trapped in the basement!

  15. Lauren says:

    Plastic surgery (nose), bleached hair, personal trainer, special diet..still does not look very spectacular. Without makeup, Goop is frightening. And her personality is offensive..can’t fix that.

  16. Ally says:

    I saw a Coldplay concert on TV this week. Omg, what douches. The crowd was barely moving.

    They are like the pale, hipster-wannabe Nickelback.

  17. crazycatlady says:

    Ally:

    “You know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.”(40-Year-Old Virgin)

    LOL. No offense to the gays, of course. I’m pretty certain even THEY don’t listen to Coldplay.

  18. lunamarysol says:

    Sorry everyone, only had time to read the title and not the rest of the article… does she drink the snake venom or do they squeeze it out of her?

    Thx!

  19. Mooshi says:

    Calling people who aren’t Jewish constantly “peasants” in these articles is really horrible.

  20. Doo Doo Face says:

    LOL “She pissed to pals”

  21. Elj says:

    Gwyneth, please, please, PLEASE stop flat ironing your hair! IT IS NO LONGER 1995! OMG this woman is doing my head in. Does she KNOW another style?!

  22. taxi says:

    @ Calli P: Yes, either upper eye bleph or a brow lift in 2010. It’s settled a bit now, but no way can an injectable change the upper lid the way GP’s did.

    I think she looks good. Do wish she’d style the hair. Hers is not thick enough to do the stick-straight thing, which doesn’t really look good on anyone over 17.

  23. smh says:

    i understand the secret part but where’s the beauty?

  24. Miranda says:

    Rosacea, to much blush, or a hot flash?

  25. Jag says:

    I believe that she’s paying $185 a bottle for synthetic snake venom because I pay $35 a bottle for the serum – and it’s just like a celeb to pay out the butt for something they could buy cheaper elsewhere. It’s a synthetic version of the muscle paralytic in a certain viper’s venom that is supposed to be an alternative to Botox. It’s called Syn-ake if anyone cares. There’s supposed to be another serum out there now that builds collagen really well, but I can’t remember what it’s called.

  26. Kim says:

    Snake venom – is that what they are calling botox these days?