I somehow missed last week’s Star Magazine cover story, and I apologize for that, because it is HILARIOUS. It’s all about “Celebrity Stylists Tell All” and those stylists – all totally anonymous, of course – are massive bitches. They want to take everybody down, but I just wanted to excerpt my favorite pieces:
Kristen Stewart: “She has grubby nails, ratty sneakers and a bad attitude. Very few people want to work with her because she doesn’t want to look good.” (via The Mail)
Angelina Jolie: Despite a buxom bustline, Angelina is flat in the back. “She wears butt pads to give her skinny figure some curves, but they show if she wears silk,” says an insider. “Some companies don’t even lend her clothes for events anymore.”
Brad Pitt: “His nickname on the set of Troy was ‘Arm Pitt,’ he stank so bad,” says a source, who also reveals that Brad’s “messy” new look is the result of hours of styling.
Whitney Houston: The 48-year-old diva “must wear a bra at all times,” according to a source. “It’s because her breast implants are like two pencil erasers that point in two different directions.”
Robert Pattinson: He “has fungus feet!” says an insider. “His toenails are all curled up and yellow.”
Jeremy Piven: The five-foot-nine star wears three-inch lifts! “He can normally hide them, but everyone noticed them when he had to take his shoes off at the Soho Beach House spa in Miami Beach,” says a source.
Lindsay Lohan: A stylist tells Star, “It’s a running joke between us that if it isn’t nailed down, she will take it. I’ve seen her take everything from hair products to fur coats.”
Jennifer Aniston: Aniston is all about the hair! “She throws a fit when she thinks certain people mess up her hair,” a stylist tells Star. To make matters worse, Aniston refuses to blow-dry her own hair, says the source. “It’s bizarre and obsessive. She’ll call her hairstylist at all hours just to blow it.” And she recently demanded a cut at 4 a.m.! Adds the source, “It was like a midlife crisis at four in the morning.”
The rest are either budget celebrities that no one cares about, or celebrities that just have deodorant and/or shapewear issues, which… seems pretty normal, I think. Now I can’t stop thinking about Angelina Jolie’s ass of lies (NOOO!) and Robert Pattinson’s sparkly fungus feet and The Piv’s three-inch high heels. Thank you, bitchy, anonymous stylists. This was a good one.
Photos courtesy of WENN.