Just a few weeks ago, Kaiser reported that Peaches Geldof is inexplicably knocked up by her anemic looking fiancé, Thomas Cohen, to whom she had become engaged one month prior. Now Peaches is debuting her massive bump in Hello! magazine, and — whoa — how did she get so pregnant so fast? At first, I thought that Thomas must have super vampiric sperm like Edward Cullen, which would make sense because those Cullens look anemic and pasty too. However, Peaches reveals that she’s already close to six months pregnant, and she even waited until five months of gestation before breaking the news to her own dad, Sir Bob, on Dec. 26. So if we do the math, Peaches actually became pregnant around the time she was photographed stumbling out of a bar and practically snapping her own ankle last summer. It also follows that Peaches was preggo while shoplifting makeup from a drugstore last October. Baby’s first lipstick! How adorable. Here are some excerpts from Peaches’ Hello! interview:

On Her Significant Due Date: Pregnant Peaches Geldof beams as she announces she is expecting a baby boy on her late mother’s birthday. [Peaches] was just 11 years old when writer and broadcaster [Paula] Yates died of a heroin overdose in September 2000, and said: “I feel like it’s a little wink from my mum; her way of sending a message to let me know that she’s watching over me and my baby.”

On Sir Bob’s Reaction: “Oh my God, he was so happy, especially as I’m having a boy. The poor man’s been surrounded by women up till now. He offered Tom a glass of champagne and told me he was glad it was Tom because, of all the boyfriends I’ve had, he’s the favourite. He told us we must never break up; that we must make our child happy, get married and be together forever.”

She Bought a House in Whitechapel, East London: “I guess, when you get a mortgage, somehow you become obsessed with things like oven mitts and garden furniture and couches. I never thought it would happen to me, but it’s like the high point of my life now, buying vintage sofas. I’ve been going insane on eBay. I’ve become very much domesticated. I’m a fan of doilies: I’ve been collecting them, different ones, embroidered doilies, much to the chagrin of my long suffering fiancé.”

She’s, like, So Boring: “One thing I don’t like about Whitechapel is all the graffiti. I’d much rather have a Turner than a Banksy. I can’t stand all that hipster stuff, sadly. You’d think I was the epitome of it, but I’m, actually, really boring. Recently, I’ve been staying in with my fiancé every night of the week, watching films like Babe. The most exciting it got recently was a night out to see Arthur Christmas.”

On Her Engagement: Although they had planned to wait a couple of years before marrying, they have now decided to bring the wedding forward to “probably to late this year or early next” because of the baby. “It will be quite a traditional wedding. We want our son to know that he has a mummy and daddy who will be together forever.”

[From Daily Mail]

Sigh. I truly want to believe that maybe Peaches has changed for the better. Perhaps she’s no longer into stealing dresses from shops, having Xenu and heroin-fueled one-night stands, tweeting about the hilarity of near fatal car crashes, and quickie Vegas marriages that last merely six months. Still, it’s so hard to think that Peaches has magically grown up just because she started dating the “right guy” about a year ago. And that bit about the baby being due on Paula Yates’ birthday? That’s . . . kind of uncanny. Regardless, I wish all the best for the couple and their unborn child. Surely, they have just as good a chance at happiness as any other family.

Here’s Peaches attempting to conceal her bump with a very “hipster” dress and shawl on 1/12 in London. She was leaving a cocktail party.

Photos courtesy of Hello! and WENN