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These are some photos of Jessica Biel yesterday in London, as part of the neverending, whirlwind promotional tour for Total Recall, I’m sure. Before we get to the fashion (I can’t wait!), let me first clarify something for several commenters: when we’re talking about how “awful” Jessica Biel looks, we’re ALWAYS talking about her styling, not her inherent beauty. She’s a pretty girl – I feel like I type that caveat into every single Biel post, but there it is again. She’s a pretty woman… a pretty woman who has some of the worst stylists and hair people in the world. I’m becoming convinced that Jessica must be a pain a real life, because that’s the only way to explain why her style people are kneecapping her so consistently: they’re getting back at her.
First look (chronologically, she wore this first): a Valentino jumpsuit in a subtle off-white, with beading and lots of lace, accessorized with orange pumps. My first reaction was “DOILY FUG.” My second reaction was “What’s going on in her midsection?” Right? Whatever it is, it’s just unflattering, and I believe it’s a design flaw, not a Biel flaw. And I’m sorry to those of you who enjoy the “pop of color” but I think orange shoes look really clownish with this white jumpsuit.
As for the second look… my God. WHY? This is Giambattista Valli Spring 2012 Couture -go to Red Carpet Fashion Awards to see the runway look, which actually manages to be as bad as Jessica’s version. Shall we break this down? Because this is awful from start to finish. It’s not a situation where you can say, “Oh, just take off the FEATHER TUTU and it will be fine.” The situation with the collar is particularly disturbing, as is the sleeve situation and the cummerbund ON THE FEATHER TUTU. My God. Jessica’s stylist loathes her.
Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Fashion, Jessica Biel
- Zach Galifianakis is awesome [Buzzfeed]
- Prince at the Billboard Music Awards [D-Listed]
- Bieber’s Billboard look [Go Fug Yourself]
- Married to Medicine recap [Reality Tea]
- Celebrity first marriages [Pajiba]
- The last Mad Men baffled a lot of people [Lainey]
- Karolina Kurkova’s crazy hot dress [Moe Jackson]
- Jennifer Garner on set [Popsugar]
- Kitten vs. Lizard [CDAN]
- Doetzen Kroes’ great butt [Celebslam]
- Shameless star Jeremy Allen White [OMG Blog]
- RIP Ray Manzarek [Bossip]
Oh dear Lord, I don’t know where to start.
Fishlips+awfulnosejob+bangtrauma+awfulmakeup+strange dress+wrongshoes = MESS
Now something nice: I like the Valentino Jumpsuit.
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Honest to God, I seriously don’t see what you all call her “inherent beauty”. I just don’t get it… I find her plain and mediocre, definitely not beautiful or reaching any heights of aesthetic prettiness that everyone talks about. Her eyes are hooded, her nose pinched, her lips ridiculous. This is not coming from a place of jealousy, but I think “ick” when seeing pics of her.
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for once, her hair looks good. very stylish.
her outfits are beyond hideous. she really knows how to wreck a gorgeous face.
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Bored with the daily How Does She Look articles. Do it as a weekly round up or wait until she wears something that actually flatters her. Stop feeding the Jessica Biel Beast! She’s boring! And there are prettier girls out there that do indeed wear great outfits.
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+1
Who cares about her? I see more articles about Jessica on CB than on 10 other gossip sites I read…combined!
Also, you have the best username ever.
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These posts are not about her (non-existant) personality, but about her fashion choices. We’re all in awe that her team allows her to walk out of the house looking so fuggers. It’s fun to click and laugh. Simple solution: if you no likey, then no clicky
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@ama,
Also keep in mind that she is still promoting Total Recall so that’s why CB is covering all her looks
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Perfectly put. She IS an absolutely gorgeous girl…but no matter how hard she tries…she will NEVER be fashion. She always screws up one or two key details in a decent outfit, thus destroying her look altogether. Like, “Oh, I think I’ll match my earrings to my shoes…and *tuck in* a peplum blouse…? Yeah, that’ll look HAUTE!”. .
BUT…what I wouldn’t give for that sick body.
*looks around and pulls derriere off back of knees*
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Ok, don’t yell at me, but I love the first look. I love “the pop of color” with the shoes and how the earrings match. Like, for the first time her styling is decent.
Of course the second look is FUG but what do you want, it’s Biel
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I think I like the second top (the one she wore with the tutu), it’s girly and unique.
Unless the whole thing is a dress *shudder*
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I like the second top also. I think she looks best in architectural-type styles, not frou frou.
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Justin’s taste is horrible, wth is she wearing? First picture looks like she rolled up in grandma’s curtains, and the second one looks like an ostrich hairball..
something nice..crap I got nothin, oh wait her hair is shiny..
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right?! and what is it with all the white???!!! Pfff….Doesn’t her face look strange also? I think she is a pretty girl (although that’s all..talent? not really) but her style, from hair to makeup to clothes is just getting worse and worse…She could really make a lot better, starting with a nice haircut (or just take out the extensions or whatever).
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@ Marie: LOL!
Yeah her face looks slightly Asian to me-I think because of the eye make-up that elongates her eyes and gives them an almond-shape.
The outifts are predictably atrocious.
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Agreed those bangs make her nose job(and if natural nose) look just awful.
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I know, she is such a pretty girl with a killer bod-why does she allow this to be done to her? And I didn’t know she had extensions-I can never spot them, so clueless..
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All the white outfits are to shove down our throats that she’s a blushing bride about to marry a venereal-wart toad.
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Why oh why. It gets worse and worse. Everyday I am scared of a new post of Biel’s fashion choices. ENOUGH!
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I really like the first outfit, I really hate the second one. She probably picks outrageous things like this because she knows she’s going to be talked about. I like her, so I feel bad, but it’s not like shes going to be talked about for her acting or anything.. at least not at the moment.
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or ever
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She’s such a pretty girl, but that top lip… Yikes. Too much of something injected in there. It doesn’t look the least bit natural.
I do love her hair though.
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Lainey says it’s a weave.
http://laineygossip.com/Articles/Details/24373/Jessica-Biel%E2%80%99s-great-white-dress-and-great-fake-hair
I can’t believe they are all wearing weaves now!!
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For the love of all that is holy….would someone PLEASE tell her that the bangs are just NO!
I loved the Jessica Biel that played Mary Camden on 7th Heaven. She was gorgeous then, and back then she usually had on jeans & sneakers, a basketball in her hand, and was made up like a tomboy!
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I agree, she looked great on 7th Heaven, no doubt she had nothing to do with how they dressed her character. She needs to stop trying so hard or hire a stylist or something. Her fashion choices are atrocious.
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Both pairs of shoes would look great with different outfits
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I must have shitty style because I would totally rock that tutu outfit If I had the body for it! I think she looks haute in it. Bangs…is meeh…don’t find it THAT bad either
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i think that no amount of ostrich plumes & lace will soften her man shoulders. but this look would be stunning on a petite dancer type, i.e. Natalie Portman.
nice try, tho.
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LOVE the dress, HATE the pants.
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In that 6th picture, her girls are begging for some support! They’re at her elbows! Her eyes look puffy, like she’s been crying.
I do love the pink shoes, though.
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Kind of looks like Big Bird, but with white feathers instead of yellow.
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I love the colored shoes paired with the white! I’m kinda bored with the white on her though. She always wears that color, it seems.
I’m horribly distracted by her face. I mean, she’s pretty, but her top lip is awful. It’s not natural and I can’t help but stare at it. Her makeup is terrible and it looks like she aged 10 years.
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The ‘ostrich hairball’ (thanks marie
makes her look like Nicky Minaj in the 4th photo. Or maybe it’s the fringe/ bangs.
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She looks like an idiot. Is there anything else to say? Really??
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She needs to let her bangs grow out, she looks better without them. I love her first look but with probably light grey shoes to match her purse. The second look is awful.
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Yikes!
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I have to look at it this way.
I love both pairs of shoes. Great heels.
(I am actually just thrilled not to see any ridiculous platform hooker heels.)
I like the crazy plume dress.
Biel is on a red carpet, for her own movie, so I can accept this as a “event” dress. Not a bad choice. But it looks like she is having trouble breathing in it.
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I think she is wearing thw white to remind people she’s suppose to get married lol. Both outfits are no. Yes, someone somewhere doesn’t like her cause these outfits are bad.
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I think she is wearing the white to remind people she’s suppose to get married lol. Both outfits are no. Yes, someone somewhere doesn’t like her cause these outfits are bad.
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The 1st outfit really isn’t that bad. The top is very pretty. As for the ostrich tutu dress, the more I look at it, the more it’s growing on me. Love both sets of shoes.
What is beyond fug is her hair, her makeup, and that upper lip.
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Her hair looks rather nice, though especially in the second outfit her face looks so off. Like, not so much plastic surgery as way too much makeup. Looks like how Kim Kardashian applies makeup – I which I will give her gives a “flawless skin” look, but also looks really wrong in that it looks like it is no longer skin.
I like the first look. Not so sure about the orange, but it looks put together and alright. Her bag could have had a bit more blue to help balance the orange.
That second look though. Wow. I like the top, and the bottom, and I think I may like them together even, but the feathers…why? And I’m not crazy about her shoes. Also, the nude lip looks bad here. Part of it I think is lighting as in some it is alright, but the last couple photos it just looks bad.
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First outfit is super cute. Not the best fabric but super super cute.
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I actually love that first outfit, for some reason. Objectively, I know I probably shouldn’t, but…
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For once I would love to see her with a different length of skirt/dress. She has an amazing body and lovely legs. I am bored to death of her wearing dresses & skirts that fall between the knee and ankle – try something different. Please! Also – though it doesn’t apply to these outfits – I am sick of seeing her in pastels. I would love to see her dress a little more edgy and a little less frou frou.
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I think it’s clear at this point that she is, in fact, insane.
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Right? It’s becoming abundantly clear! I mean why else would she leave her house in all these terrible outfits?
I also commented on a post asking for less stories about her since they were always mean, making fun of her relationship and clothes. And she is not interesting, I literally see more stories here about her than anywhere else! I guess no one listened though cause her is another post. I guess I could not comment and ignore stories about her but I’m on the train bored and I forgot my book. So oh we’ll.
Her face is so mannish to me. I don’t see this attractive person everyone is making her out to me. I don’t find her appealing in the least. The shoes with the second outfit are cute though.
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I like the jump suit – hate the orange shoes and I hate the dress.
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that pant debacle is right up there with ‘Holmes & Yang’.
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That feathered thing literally made my jaw drop.
WTF?
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I think Jessica Biel thinks herself as a “fashion girl” and goes for complicated/unusual couture looks. However,she doesn’t have the style or panache to pull off these things and always looks slightly “off”. She’s not a fashion girl and needs to stick to more simple and conventional styles.
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Ugh. Do not like.
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Both outfits are cute but the problem is her face: It’s just blah and has no feminine beauty so, even with her killer body, her face makes really feminine clothes look wrong.
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For the love of God, put on some colored lipstick, some blush, and some eye makeup. Making your whole face, including your lips, the color of your foundation is just GAH! Every.Single.Picture has this horrible makeup!!!! Going without makeup at all would be a total step up compared to this!
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*What* in all of lace curtain hell is she wearing? The styling gets worse and worse. And that Ice Capades/ Swan Princess outfit?? WTF is this woman thinking when she leaves the house? Yes, she’s pretty but she’s not a raging beauty like Angelina. The bangs! What is she doing? Bring the hair up to the shoulders, grow the bangs out, and adopt a sleek style that suits her figure. I don’t know what she’s like in real life, though I can guess, but the stylists have GOT to go.
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It’s very interesting how she’s dressing very delicately and feminine lately. Remember how she used to dress? Sexy, showing off her toned body, like she’s a woman who stars in action movies. It’s like she’s trying to put that behind her and become a whole new person. Her outfits of late look better on someone who is more of an ingenue.
She should go back to how she used to dress and we’ll all stop making fun of her.
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She’s also wearing a lot more white than I’ve ever seen on her. I wonder if that’s Justin’s command b/c they are not getting as much wedding publicity as they thought they would. His ego would probably explode if no one cared.
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Don’t think Justin cares as much as people like to think he doesn’t need this wedding for publicity she however does and she definitely wears that color to remind people she’s getting married or hoping someone will mention it.
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As wild as that outfit is, all I see is upper lip.
Her upper lip is way too big and her nose has been shaved way too narrow. She looks ridiculous.
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Since the dress is white, of course the shoes go with it perfectly. DUH. She has the body to wear both these outfits, even the frou frou one and they look good. The problem is that wearing white on the upper part of your body can make you look pale and sucks the color out of your face.
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She has never had that much hair! I think most of hollywood has weaves or extensions and Jessica has definitely joined the pack
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I don’t think she is pretty, beautiful or stunning she isn’t ugly but her looks are extremely overrated. She quite plain besides her high cheek bones and her nice skin her face isn’t really that pretty, her nose and top lip ruin her face I don’t know if she had any work done on her nose but her lip is obviously tweaked. She looks a lot older than her age and its not just the bangs. She really has no appeal to me at all she does have a nice body.
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Such a sad desperate woman. Everything she says and does is to cultivate an image of something she’s clearly not. Girl is headed for a major identity crisis once Justin and her are over.
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exactly what you said!
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It’s funny when I saw the top of the jumpsuit I thought, oh pretty, but the whole thing yikes. If it had been two pieces the top paired with great skinny jeans(she has the body) and the bottom with a cropped leather jacket great look this is another miss IMO.
Something nice. She does tailor her clothes well so even though they are awful they fit.
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she’s a mess; I agree – put on some more colorful makeup; she looks dead
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I love both of these outfits. They fit her body perfectly, they don’t conform to current fads and trendy junk like all the other celebs wear, and she is sticking to what she likes and feels comfortable in.
ROCK ON, GIRL.
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Except both these outfit are on trend with what is current now she trying hard to fit in with those other trendy celebrities but really fails at it.
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Are you kidding? You can’t get more “on trend” with this junk, the dress is straight off the runway….
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The top half of the feather dress in no way matches the bottom half… weird.
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The first outfit would have been better as a dress rather than a pantsuit then I would have been free to love it. I can’t with the second outfit. I just can’t. If that’s haute couture then I guess it’ll never be my thing. But I’ll say this, though most of what she wears is not my cup of tea, she wears them really well. That woman’s body is insane.
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She reminds me of a white Naomi Campbell in these pics.
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Her lips and all were perfect, what a shame. She was good enough (and even more) for J. Timberlake as she was, really. He’s not that sexy out of his video clips.
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I think her only problems are that she looks very model-y and that high fashion doesn’t translate very well onto the street. If you take how she looks here and put her on the pages of a fashion magazine instead, she’d look totally great.
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The more I look at the tutu outfit, the more I hate it.
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This is the worst I’ve ever seen her look. I thought the first outfit was appalling, and then I kept scrolling down. Oh dear lord.
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Enough with the white already ya moron! Let’s see if these bozos even make it down the aisle. She’s a queen of plastic surgery btw.
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Helmet bangs, color, makeup & outfits …. Just not flattering at all. Odd really.
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She is looking asian to me
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She has always had terrible taste in clothes.
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She almost reminds me of Bjork in her swan suit- the tutu makes her hips look enormous. Agree with the comment about her trying (or Justin trying) to look like a high fashion model – she’s just not cut out for it, even if she does have the body. Jessica has a sweet, girl next door look (enhancements or not), and the less dressed-up she is the better she looks. As was the case with Gwyn Paltrow at one time, I’m just amazed at how bad some stars manage to look, do they not see how they look in the mirror?
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