Lindsay Lohan bloats up the ‘Liz & Dick’ teaser trailer: utterly awful?

I don’t even have the words for the mess you are about to watch. I mean, we KNEW that Lindsay Lohan was going to be a trainwreck in Lifetime’s Liz & Dick. We KNEW she was going to be cracked out of her skull, like always. We knew that the drugs and liquor and whatever else she’s done has all messed with Lindsay’s mind to the point where her “talent” has left her completely. But even I’m kind of shocked by the stupidity of this trailer. Like, I guess Lifetime is hoping that if they just make really fast edits, we won’t be able to get enough of a glimpse of the cracktastrophe. But even I can tell that Lindsay pretty much just put on a brunette wig and smoked a few thousand cigs, and that was it for her “preparation”. It’s an abomination.

And just like that *poof* Grant Bowler never found work again. Poor Grant Bowler. I mean, he doesn’t look like Richard Burton, he doesn’t sound like Richard Burton, but I get the sense that he was actually trying, you know? Poor dude. Taken out by a narcissistic crackhead.

Meanwhile, I have some new evidence about how Lindsay has been paying her bills over the past few months. GO HERE to see some new photos of Lindsay last night in New York. She’s carrying a child. An actual child. The little boy is the son of artist Domingo Zapata, a man of enormous wealth who stays at the Marmont when he’s in LA. Fascinating! Zapata is also the dude who allowed Crackie to “borrow” the Porsche Cayenne that she was driving when she clipped a pedestrian. Maybe he thinks The Cracken is living, crack-smoking performance art.

Promotional images courtesy of Lifetime, WENN.

 

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140 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan bloats up the ‘Liz & Dick’ teaser trailer: utterly awful?”

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  1. Eleonor says:

    I cant’ see it in my country damn youtube!

  2. Charlotte says:

    Grant Bowler was so good in ‘Outrageous Fortune’. le sigh.

  3. AcesHigh says:

    Well I got my laugh for the day. That voice, her face, oh god. XD Elizabeth must be rolling in her grave.

  4. NeNe says:

    Worst decision ever to cast her as Liz Taylor. Lifetime should be ashamed of themselves for disgracing Liz’s memory in this manner. They certainly scraped the bottom of the barrel with picking Linsday… Poor, poor choice!!!!!

  5. cmc says:

    Oh my, I am SO excited to watch this. I’d suggest we play a drinking game where you take a shot every time her double chin ruins a scene, but I don’t want to die of alcohol poisoning.

  6. Green_Eyes says:

    Poor Liz. Who at Lifetime did she ever wrong to deserve this…

  7. angie says:

    God, it’s terrible. Jennifer Love Hewitt as audrey hepburn doesn’t look that bad now. Well done Lifetime…

  8. Boo says:

    This is so uproariously bad…worse than i even dreamed it could be. That voice! Her voice alone is enough to raise Elizabeth out of her grave to come beat on Lindsay’s ass, and I hope she does!

    And I have to ask, about all these very rich men who keep coughing up tons of money for Lindsay: really? I don’t know any men this rich, but of the moderately wealthy people I know, they do not want to part with their cash for the sake of wasted, f—-ed up people. Is her notoriety enough to make them feel part of some elite group of losers? I’m pretty sure that (other than allowing herself to be __________ upon) she doesn’t do anything in the bedroom that cannot be readily found elsewhere in a much cleaner, cuter package. I. JUST. DON’T. GET. IT. And if I were that little boy’s mother, I would be rushing to court to prevent his “father” from ever being alone with that kid again and putting him into the arms of that drug-addicted, dangerous turd of a person.

  9. Sisi says:

    I expected worse… but that doesn’t say anything

  10. Ellie66 says:

    Wow that’s bad!!! Lord! Elizabeth Taylor is gonna come back and haunt Lindsey’s ass!!! Why would they pick Crackie? WHY!!! LOL!

  11. Jayna says:

    It looks like a white trash budget girl playing dress up. Liz was a WOMAN in every sense of the word. Having a duck-lipped, raspy-voiced club chick playing her is hysterical.

  12. BW says:

    Lifetime HAD to cast Lohan as Liz. It’s the only way this show is going to get any publicity or watched.

    • the original bellaluna says:

      Actually, someone said something on another Blohan thread about how this movie was originally an epic about Richard & Elizabeth: A Love Story (or something like that) that the dude peddled around for like four years, but could never get it off the ground.

      Enter one of Blohan’s *ahem* benefactors (johns) with some pull (one of those sex-taped blackmailed guys?) got involved and made hiring Blohan a condition of funding for the production.

      The title got changed; the flick got made; and here we are.

      (I don’t know if this is true or not, but this IS a gossip site, and that’s good gossip!)

      • HillbillyintheCorner says:

        Yes I said that I read it about the time she was coming out of house arrest and Lohan Inc was spinning all the jobs she had lined up so the judge would go soft on her hours….Can’t think of the place I saw it but it was on several sites.at the time…the Original Title was on TMZ as Elizabeth and Richard..A Story of True Love…and the writer had been pleddling it around for about 4 yrs and could get fianncing and was looking for backers…There was suppose to be three actress’s playing Elizabeth .a young Elizabeth , a meddle age one and a older one…Lindsay was suppose to be trying for the younger part…then it died out and in a few week It wass announced that she had the part and people was wondering who the older Elizabeth was goin gto be then suddenly its a Lohan Inc production called Liz and Dick and the story was completely changed…Someone bought that role for her and Lohan Inc had the last say in everything ..even costumes and certainly wigs…they have Lindsay look all over them every dam on is to long and wrong……Larry Thompason sold out to the devil now he is going to pay…

      • the original bellaluna says:

        Thanks, Hillbilly! :) I knew I read it in someone’s comments (yours) on this site.

  13. Nola says:

    That was amazing. It’s a lifetime movie and the best lifetime movies have to be cheesy and over the top. Which is why the late 80′s and early 90′s produce the best movies.
    This looks on with those movies. I can’t wait to watch this.

  14. alexis says:

    If her career ever spirals down to the point of pornography, it will be called Lin & Dick.

  15. Talie says:

    Her accent was fine…until the end, when she slipped into full-on Cady from Mean Girls.

  16. marie says:

    she looks more like Leona Helmsley than Elizabeth Taylor and if I was sure it didn’t ruin my computer I’d be throwing tomatoes at it.. I feel bad for Grant Bowler, he’ll never be able to wash that stank off..

  17. fabgrrl says:

    So, is Lindsay Lohan holding that kid for ransom? Why would anyone, ever, let Lindsay Lohan hold their little boy? Gah!

  18. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    The guy played a bit part in True blood and starred in a made for horror TV movie called Steve Niles Remains. He wasn’t exactly going places. However, I believe his acting (however mediocre) will look Oscar worthy next to Blobhan, so this may result in more work for him. If this was his plan, the man is a genius!

  19. Sara says:

    Poor cooter, he should’ve stayed dead

  20. Belle Epoch says:

    How is it possible that she was a better actress in PARENT TRAP when she was like 12? She cannot act AT ALL now – just reads lines and acts huffy. It’s like a high school play but with better costumes. You never forget for one second that you’re watching Lilo trying to act.

    What happened to the woman who lent them the real Liz’s trailer?

  21. Samigirl says:

    I boycotted lifetime when Project Runway season 8 gave Gretchen the win instead of Mondo. Now, I think I’m ready to watch again.

  22. G says:

    Hello?

    In that scene where she says”You screwed that witch?” and tosses the drink over his head on the wall does that set look like Liz Taylor’s trailer that was trashed?

  23. Miss Kiki says:

    My birthday is in November so watching this is going to be my birthday present to myself!

  24. Jennika says:

    hahahahaha I can’t wait for this mess! I think Belle Epoch nailed it when she said all Lilo does is act huffy in movies. She can’t act for shit.

    I hope the Go Fug Yourself girls do recap of this, they have the best Lifetime recaps

  25. JB says:

    Honestly, that was delicious. Such a train wreck-
    I can’t wait!

  26. Sugar says:

    if there was & there will be a movie about Lindsays life I hope there is a scene where Amanda & Lindsay are having a heated discussion about fender-benders. Amanda could say ” 20 crashes linds” & LILO screeches back “look who’s counting” and WO is heard from the background slurring “19 are obsolete”.
    I would love to see Lindsay get prepared for the red carpet of this movie only to be reminded it’s lifetime & on cable. wish I had it. I will have to admit to friends with DVR I need a favor.

  27. Liz says:

    You will be relieved of any pain you felt watching LL and this trailer by going to Huffington Post and watching the trailer for Les Miserables. The cast – Hugh Jackman, Ann Hathaway, Russell Crowe, Amanda Seyfried — give stunning performances. I intend to be first in line to see this.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/20/les-miserables-extended-trailer-anne-hathaway-russell-crowe-hugh-jackman_n_1900640.html

  28. Bess says:

    I know everyone wants to watch this mess and it will get huge ratings even though it sends the wrong message.

    Blohan will think America loves her and producers will hire her because she brings in the ratings. We’re helping to feed the delusions that keep the Lohan clan going.

  29. andy says:

    Lindsay is playing a lot lizard version of Elizabeth Taylor.

  30. Nina says:

    Lindsay Lohan and Elizabeth Taylor don’t even belong in the same sentence.

  31. kibbles says:

    So, the key to finding a rich sugar daddy is to be a crackhead who crashes parties at luxury hotels, sleeps with the rich guys at the parties and become drug buddies, then get them to pay your hotel bill while doing this repeatedly every night? Just wondering how she can continue to do this. She looks awful.

  32. jensational says:

    You know, if she dyed her hair that color black and shortened it some, she would look really pretty. She might just get a few more gigs that are more appropriate for her age, too. Am I the only one that thinks the picture of her in the black dress and ruby jewelry is a great pic? Besides the fact she’s a Crackie McCracken?

  33. Cleveland Girl says:

    What makes me mad is that this will probably be “THE MOST WATCHED MINI SERIES OF ALL TIME!” People will tune in out of morbid curiosity.

  34. Chria says:

    The clip was what 30seconds and I only heard her talk twice. How can everyone conclude its bad from that geez. She’s got issues I’ve talked my share of smack about the “cracken” as she’s referred to up here, but really 30 second clip and suddenly everyone is a critic? Smdh

  35. lower-case deb says:

    so many cuts and fadeaways, i feel like a migraine coming.
    it’s like they don’t want to dwell on one thing too long and keep flashing to texts and other flashy graphics so we don’t have enough time to see ALL of the rot.

    but long enough, still, lifetime.
    i can even smell alcohol and stale cigs from my screen.

    dear lawd in heaven.

  36. Bread and Circuses says:

    It didn’t seem too bad to me, until she actually spoke.

    I’m a season pass holder to the Lindsay Lohan Shadenfreude Opera, but I doubt this will be any worse than other made-for-TV movies.

    The promotional poster is kind of awful, though.

  37. Tom says:

    I had forgotten how squeaky her voice is.

  38. Jayna says:

    This is going to destroy what’s left of her acting career, if she even had a chance.

  39. the original bellaluna says:

    Blohan sounds just like she always does, so they obviously didn’t “waste” money on a vocal coach.

    I saw this earlier this a.m. before I went to bed, because I just couldn’t resist.

    Needless to say, I had nightmares!

    *skips up to read the comments, cracktini in hand*

    • Madisyn says:

      Of course they didn’t pay for a vocal coach, she wouldn’t have shown up anyway. Complete waste of time & money. This TRICK doesn’t ‘rehearse’ nothin. SNL, rumored to have sloughed off rehearsal all week in favor of her favorite pasttime, partying. Glee, same. No prep for Liz and Dick, as she was on set one minute and filming the next. As for her PORNO, The CLAMyons, well, no need for rehearsal there. Blohan is an EXPERT with getting nude, getting on her knees, and opening her mouth. Lastly, Scary Movie 5 was widely reported, she ‘blew’ them off for rehearsals and wardrobe fittings and couldn’t even be bothered to make the plane. So in the end, a vocal coach would have been a waste.

  40. skuddles says:

    I doubt I’ll watch this mess of a movie. I just know it’s going to be one big eye rolling, groaning in disgust, painful cringefest, and once it’s been seen there is no unseeing.

  41. LittleDeadGirl says:

    Wow, I hate myself but I so want to see this. It looks so awful … I just … can’t look away. I feel bad for Grant Bowler (sp?) because he actually reminds me of Richard Burton. Like the way he looks and sounds I could see a resemblance … but Lohan didn’t modify her voice or anything. It’s just her … in a brown wig. Such a beautiful beautiful mess.

  42. dcypher1 says:

    I want to watch this mess of a lt movie like I wanna see how shes gonna suck. But im also conflited not to watch it. Cause I dont wany to support the lohan trainwreck express in any way shape or form.

  43. Elle says:

    I don’t know if I’m looking at another trailer, but she didn’t even say or do much for everyone to say her acting was terrible. It was just a bunch of still shots. Even the dude only said like one thing in the trailer.

  44. bigfan says:

    ummm…I don’t think it’s that bad? Liz was over.the.top. And an over-actor. There isn’t much “act” there.

  45. Mourning the Death of Music says:

    Did she bother to study Elizabeth at all before this? She didn’t remotely try to capture Liz’s voice. Pathetic.

  46. Tara lynn says:

    I Just DONT understand the face bloat! I hate to ruin The fun, but it’s a myth that cocaine causes bloat.

    Alcohol, anti-inflammatory steroids, excess sodium…. They cause bloat.

    BULIMIA causes face bloat.

    Like… Wtf. It looks absolutely hideous. If she has enough money$ for lip injections and cheekbone juvaderm, she has enough $$$ to go to an effin doctor. Or get lipo on tha face. Or buy some water-pills.

    She would look 20x younger, less like a crackhead, and more refined if her face was not bloated.

    DINA I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS. TELL HER TO STOP PUKING! “making [her]self sick all of the time”

  47. Becca says:

    A complete insult to the real Liz Taylor.

  48. Zvonk says:

    Truly atrocious. Can’t wait to see it. haha.

  49. Nemesis says:

    Meh….that voice! Liz had a voice like velvet. Crackie has a voice like gravel.

  50. Lori Grayson says:

    I called it. I said when I heard she was playing Liz Taylor that we would just see Lindsay, not Liz Taylor. They should have cast a real actress.

  51. Katija says:

    She’s a good actress. I’ll say it with utter seriousness. And the fact that she’s talented makes it all the more sad.

  52. HillbillyintheCorner says:

    The only thing this movie will show is that money will buy anything in Hollywood…
    She has the wrong body,
    She has the wrong face
    She has the wrong voice
    She like casting a scraggly street mutt to play a poodle in the movies they can dye its fur and clip it hair in a poodle cut but all you will see is a mutt trying to look like a poodle…
    The only thing they had the same was they are both amoral…but Liz at least had class for all her amorality..and elegance and softness and likablity… Lindsay Lohan is clash, and dirty and nasty and it shows though everything she does…she is a WHORE plain and simple..
    You will never see Elisabeth Taylor in that movie you will see Lindsay Lohan in a black wig in that movie…
    As for that beautiful poster ….Hate to break it to ya but that thing is as photo shopped as the Playboy shots..LOL…..and is you look at the stills in the montage they flash in that trailer everyone has been digitally “enhance and shopping…expecially the one in the green hat…her chin as been shopped to hell and back….
    As a a woman who keep Richard Burton picture in her scrapbook as a teen Sorry Grant Boyer is Nothing like Richard…Richard sizzles with a glance of those blue eyes…nasty sexy every girl wanted him to look at her…LOL ..Grant just kind of fizzles…..

  53. Phil says:

    Guys this is lifetime. All lifetime movies I’ve seen are this bad. It’s not going to be theatre quality or masterpiece theatre quality. It is still definitely a shaming piece of crud, but what’d you expect? It’s lifetime and lilo put together.

  54. Ravensdaughter says:

    Whoever edited the trailer deserves a hefty paycheck. All the little clips look okay-it’s the last clip when LiLo actually speaks on camera (vs the one where she is throwing something at “Burton” from off camera) that you realize just how bad Lindsay is going to be as Liz.