Somehow Jenny McCarthy landed a job at The Chicago Sun Times as a blogger. Her first post is every bit as good as Kate Gosselin’s turn as a coupon blogger, and we know how that ended. Jenny’s foray into blogging is a brief and predictable column about how to spice up your sex life in a monogamous relationship. She reveals her tips for making things hot in the bedroom, and they include the brand and flavor of lube she uses, drinking alcohol to get in the mood, and using some mild fantasy play that doesn’t involve one’s partner at all. I mean it does, but the guy doesn’t have to know about it. That’s kind of tame, but I guess this is for a wider audience after all. She’s not going to talk about inviting another woman into the bedroom or doing roleplay or anything like that. This is classic Jenny, trying to be titillating. She has one setting. What is the Sun Times doing hiring Jenny McCarthy? They may have the best movie critic around, but that doesn’t somehow balance out Jenny’s column. Here’s what she wrote:

How in the heck can anyone stay interested in having sex with the same person for years? Being a serial monogamist, I will admit to having to force down a few drinks to even get in the mood after being in a long relationship. Is this normal? I have no idea, but based on what everyone tells me, it’s common. So what are we supposed to do about it?

When I asked my mom about it she said, “It’s our duty to do the deed.” Really, Mom? Our duty? Blah. I want to know how to keep it hot so it doesn’t feel like a deed.

After talking to my friends who have been married for almost fifteen years I gathered their notes and thought I would offer them to you. First of all, its not always going to be hot. Boredom is inevitable but being able to come up with ideas to spice it up helps keep it interesting. The number one response was to have a date night with alcohol. They all said it helps them unwind and get a little dirtier than usual. The second suggestion was porn. I certainly can’t see my mom using that one, so I’ll jump to the next one, which was to take a trip to Vegas. For some reason us Midwesterners really know how to live it up in Vegas; with sexiness everywhere you turn, it can easily put you in the mood. The next one on the list was to get some great lube. Sex tarts is the best. Who said that? Not me! I’m also not telling you that watermelon is the best flavor. Okay, moving on.

The last one they came up with was to learn how to love your man all over again. There’s no better aphrodisiac than loving your partner. Think about what made you hot for him/her in the first place and connect to those feelings. But if all else fails, just imagine Bradley Cooper on top of you — that should do the trick.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

[From The Chicago Sun Times]

Radar covered this story and they speculate that she’s referring to her last longterm boyfriend, Jim Carrey. (She also recently split with a short-term one, Brian Urlacher, who was the main reason she moved to Chicago.) Jenny seems to talk smack about Carrey, at every turn. In this case, though, I don’t think she’s trashing Jim as much as trying to be funny and failing. She’s also revealing her piss poor taste in sexual fantasy material. Bradley Cooper, really?! I can think about the guy doing all of my favorite things to me and it does nothing for me. (Not that I would turn him down. My standards aren’t high enough for that.) Can’t she come up with better material?

Jenny is shown with raccoon eyes on 10-11-12 at the 2xist underwear fashion show. Credit: PCNPhotos, FameFlynet and WENN.com