This is one of the most interesting and thought-provoking “celebrity” stories I’ve heard in a long time. Just know that I don’t think there are any villains or heroes in this story, it’s just sad and complicated and real. I never watch any of those pregnant-teenager shows, but I’ve read several articles which claim that the shows do NOT glamorize teenage pregnancy and that more often than not, the teenage viewers are shown how truly rough it is to be a teenage mother. When we discuss teenage pregnancy in general, the real, heartbreaking and complicated decisions that come with the issue are often lost in the barrage of political grandstanding and cloying, patronizing “advice”. So it’s somewhat incredible that 16 & Pregnant star Jamie McKay, a single mother and a young woman of only 18 years has admitted – on Twitter – that she had an abortion when she became pregnant with her second child.
On Twitter, Jamie first posted an image of her recent sonogram with the message “Rest in peace little angel. September 17, 2012.” It was first believed that she had miscarried, but Jamie later got on Twitter to declare that she had an abortion, writing, “Thank you all for the love and support but I want you to know I did not miscarry. I chose abortion. I chose it out of fear. I feel like I made a mistake and I can’t take it back. I have had this in my heart and it has been very hard on me. I was afraid to be judged by my family, my mother, even my dad. So I did it before they could find out. I should have looked into my options more but I didn’t.”
What was fascinating and moving was that she kept tweeting, explaining how she felt about her decision, interacting with the people who tweeted her back support and judgment, and it ended up being… I don’t even know. Heartbreaking. Empowering. Devastating. Interesting. Personal. And I mean all of that from my standpoint of a pro-choice feminist, a woman who believes that Jamie’s decision was and is hers to make, not her state’s decision, not the federal government’s decision, not her father’s, not her boyfriend’s, not her employer’s and not her church’s. This is what freedom of choice looks like, and it’s heartbreaking and sad and messy and these are the decisions that women agonize over and carry with them forever. This is what freedom of choice looks like in real life, not in a presidential debate or on a bumper sticker.
You should really go to Jamie’s Twitter and read some of her tweets. She’s retweeting some of the supportive tweets she’s getting and she’s answering the questions from some of her followers in a realistic way. In response to questions about whether or not she was or is on birth control, she said “I was going from depo to implanon. I forgot my shot appointment And Made an appointment for implanon instead.” So I guess she got pregnant in between birth control appointments. Just FYI, because that was one of the questions I had too. Also: she works at Subway!
Photos courtesy of Jamie’s Twitter.
she shouldn’t have said anything to begin with and she wouldn’t have any of this controversy. Its her own personal decision. The world doesn’t need to know.
I disagree. There are young adults out there who need to hear directly from people who have experienced what some (sadly) may face/consider at some point or have also endured themselves. There is so much shame that surrounds abortion. But, I believe in a woman’s right to decide what happens with her own body.Kaiser was right, this isn’t the bumper sticker version of life. I take a little bit of an issue with this being her second teen pregnancy, but there isn’t any changing that or her decision at this point. It is a wrenching decision. I, myself, had two in my very early twenties. I used to judge, way back then, but not anymore. To say it is a touch decision is putting it mildly. But after having my son, I know fully that I could never have adopted those children away. I never could have seen their faces and not been haunted every second of the day about where they are, who they became & what they are doing. But I also never could have raised those children at that point in my life. And, by nature of her “celebrity” status, she couldn’t have had another child without having SOME discussion about it. In my mind, she was scared and trying to pick the best of the worst choices. Whether people talk about it or not, it’s happening every day & I applaud her for starting an honest dialog.
Jacq, from experience, I couldn’t agree with you more. Having an abortion is the hardest decision you have to make. Giving your child away slowly eats at you for the rest of your life.
Not everyone feels that giving up a child for adoption is a decision that “eats away” at them for the rest of their lives. Many feel relieved, proud, selfless, mature…tinged with sadness and curiosity, but not crushed or eaten up by it. Having been through it already as a teen, Jamie is pretty gross for getting preggers again at 18. Yeah, yeah, yell all you want, but a lot of girls either actively or negligently get pregnant due to their own emotional problems or need for attention.
I agree w/@leelee. Many women use this for attention and she should have learned the first time around. She should now be fully informed and know that missing an apt results in pregnancy. I also partly agree with @Lemmonade. She also made this public for attention.
There is shame surrounding abortion but she sensationalized it by posting the sonagram first and then the announcement.
I just can’t understand the selfishness of having an abortion because you don’t want to let your child be adopted. Really? You don’t want to have to worry about how your child’s life is going on without you? So you choose to not let it live?
I think it’s time women give babies a choice.
I don’t buy the whole “life is hard…there are too many poor unwanted children” bull. Plenty of people grow up in poverty and/or have crappy childhoods. They are typically glad to be alive though.
You know, been there done that. Sometimes opening up about abortion can be liberating, cathartic, just be ready for all sorts of backlash once you announce it to the world. It would be better to talk about it to a counselor or someone close who you trust and will listen as opposed to judging. I know abortion is too big of an emotional burden to carry around, it’s one of those things of life that can make you very physically sick. In my case it was a huge ambivalence, abortion Is ambiguous. It doesn’t help matters to come from a pro-life catholic family..oy! Once you g through he grieving process, it gets better. I do believe in God and his forgiveness, i did feel that i had to be forgiven because i do believe in God. And He made it very clear to me, that He loves me no matter what. Now my family, they are judgemental, they are imperfect.like me.so i don’t expect much, nor do i hold ill will towards them. I feel empowered.to be able to share this with my daughter or other ladies who may at some point face a.similar situation, being able to help them take a very personam decision, regardless of what it is, based on facts and personal experience. It makes some of us more understanding, more open, more willing to give grace to those who need it, because i once was there too.
Lemonade, explain.
I think part of the reason abortion is so taboo and controversial is because no one talks about it. When I had my abortion, I was surprised at the diversity of the other girls there to terminate their unwanted pregnancies; minorities to upper middle class white couples. And I’d say 75% has their SOs their for support. Like Jamie above, I got pregnant with a BC mix up, am I’m a grateful everyday that I had a choice to terminate. I wouldn’t be as successful and happy as I am now if I hadn’t have been able to make that choice on my own. Good on her for talking about it. She’s earned my respect.
I agree. More women should speak out about it. A lot of women I know are pro choice, but anybody I know of who’s had an abortion is always nervous to come out with it. There’s no need for it to be a taboo. It’s legal and at the end of the day, if a woman doesn’t want to have the child, why the hell is society shaming her? I see some god awful mothers all over my Facebook, and I’m grateful that there are others who chose not to ruin their lives and a babies life! Not saying that would be you @hillsmill. But it’s good to know that you’re in a happy place and wouldn’t be as successful if you’d had a child. So many stories about abortion seem to be “I think now I’d be a Mother and I’m so sad blah”
I completely agree. Having an abortion was a great decision for me, too, and I don’t regret it one bit. While having an abortion can be a very negative experience for some, my guess is that the silent majority is grateful to have had it and was able to move on without too much pain or heartache. And that doesn’t make us immoral or monsters. We just made a decision about our bodies and lives and then were happy with that decision!
And I totally think that people (women, specifically) can sometimes be hypocritical when they will loudly announce how pro-choice they are but then will not admit to having an abortion or act mildly horrified if they hear about someone else having one.
Absolutely. We’ve been shamed into silence, afraid of judgment. I always felt like I had to keep it a secret…like I needed the extra guilt. (I had an abortion at 15, another at 39, and I’m now pregnant at 45 and keeping him.)
Anonny, congratulations on your pregnancy!
Annony, one day you can tell your little boy all about his poor little brothers or sisters. I am sure he will be relieved that he was not similarly dismembered, disembowled or poisoned to death.
American society encourages and EXPECTS women to be ashamed about having an abortion, which I think is awful. If you’re not traumatized by it, you’re supposedly not a good person. Women should resist that narrative.
An embryo is not a person. At some point, yes it does become a moral issue, but there is always a good chance a woman miscarries in the first trimester. There is a difference between a potential baby and a baby.
Sing it Gayle, ITA
I am 100% pro-choice. In fact, I think there are so many people out there that should have chosen abortion. Our world today is progressively becoming shittier and shittier people that didn’t get the love and care they needed from there parents and that sucks for society. I just don’t understand how this happens though. There are SO many options out there for birth control! How is it that these surprise pregnancies happen? Here is sex 101: if you don’t want a baby, use protection. Use multiple forms of protection. And if you do get pregnant and are physically or emotionally incapable of caring for your child, abortion is a perfectly legitimate option.
If you are between birth control, don’t have sex or use backup. I don’t get the between birth control thing.
I think that having open discussion about a complicated issue is always good. These issues need to be explored, and sharing honest experiences allows others to have a glimpse of the trials that teen pregnancy brings about regardless of the choice to keep the fetus or not.
It is incredibly brave of her to put her personal choices up for public consumption.
So, she blames missing the appointment for switching birth control. I guess she never heard of condoms. Or, maybe WAITING till she was on something. Rocket science.
Attention whorism.
Troll.
You mean, HE never heard of condoms.
HE!
HEEE!
MEN wear condoms, not women!!!
HE should have worn one!
(I know there are female condoms but really, who uses that? And why the hell should he not give a damn in the first place- what if she had a disease, etc?)
Unless she neglected to mention to her boyfriend that she’d missed her appointment?
A guy isn’t suddenly going to read her mind and wrap it up without being asked!
Tapioca: thats a shame. How selfish! But we have to be on a pill all the time? Its not fair. In my mind, it isnt fair at all. A ‘man’ who behaves like that doesnt realize the consequences of sex at all. No way would a woman be so careless and even if, she has a plan b.
The biggest irony of it all is, though, that when a pregnancy DOES occur, they hit the road. So if they DONT want a child, why the hell arent they mroe careful?
Edit: better yet, women are sometimes careless, but, ultimately she still carries the burden of protection even if she lets it slide. But men- they dont carry sh^t. You can call me delusional, but I am eagerly awaiting the pill for men and I demand my BF be on it because Im sick of crap like this happening and having to see the woman badmouthed.
Ultimately, it would be only for the better, for instances like this– if both persons were protected, the rates of accidental pregnancies could only go down.
I know right! Why is birth control always on the woman? That’s unfair. It the responsibility of both parties.
There are female condoms out there, and women wear them. I’ve worn them. Here’s a link to them.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/female-condom-4223.htm
Ultimately it is on the woman to make sure she doesn’t get knocked up. It is a joint decision when you are married but until then, it is on you to protect yourself
I think Tapiocoa means that if two people in a relationship have decided to rely on hormonal birth control instead of condoms, there is an onus on the woman – who at this point in science is the one who must take the hormonal birth control – to be honest with her partner about any mistakes that may compromise the birth control’s effectiveness. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation for the woman who takes the birth control to let her partner know, “hey, we have to used condoms this month” or even “I think I may have made a mistake this month, do you think we should use condoms just in case?”
mel2 – Unfortunately, it is “on the woman” because I am the one who will get pregnant. I am the one who will have to fight for either an abortion or medical benefits during and after pregnancy. It is I who will be saddled (pardon the implication) with co-pays for said medical expenses; supporting said child for a minimum of 18 years; health, education, childcare, etc…expenses, all while making a fraction of what a man makes. To say nothing of time missed from work due to illnesses, school functions, plays, court dates (gotta establish child support somehow!), et al.
It’s stupid, and it SUCKS. But that’s why I don’t “miss” BC appointments or fail to use a back up.
I learnt my lesson as a teen mom after ONE kid.
Do you know that certain antibiotics switch off the pill? You catch a flu, get antibiotics, get better, get pregnant… Happens.
Use backup
I just cant get over the fact that there isnt any criticism of the guys who are behind all these teens/children getting pregnant. They need to get their asses kicked of rbeing what I consider not only irresponsible but predatory and selfish. Then I can go on to feel sorrow for the loss of childhood today.
For the rest of the issue (the girls’ side, pregnancy abortion etc) I leave that up to all the other commentors because it will be touched on enough.
“Sexist” or not, do they not teach teenage girls the word “no” any more?
No glove, no love.
No rubber, no bounce.
No raincoat, no rain.
A boy can’t have unprotected sex without the girl’s permission!
‘A boy can’t have unprotected sex without the girl’s permission!’
Tapioca, as someone who works in a Rape Crisis centre, I’m absolutely appalled by your comment. While there’s no suggestion here that anything went on without consent, just have a think about what you’re actually saying here.
I’m constantly surprised by how many girls we see for counselling who seems to fit into the ‘stupid teen mom’ demographic but actually come from abusive backgrounds or relationships where no, they don’t get the chance to ‘give permission’.
We live in a world where 1 out of 4 women will be the victim of some kind of sexual violence, and 1 out of 3 women will have an abortion in their lifetime (at least where I live in the UK). Have some compassion and some sense before you start with your sweeping comments about ‘teenage girls today’.
TOTALLY agree. I don’t know why all the responsibility and then the subsequent judgement and shame falls on the female. Trite, but it takes two to tango. Just because the man doesn’t have to carry he’s absolved from the situation? I don’t think so.
Tapioca: again true, but why is he not using protection to begin with?
Who told him this was ok or what made him think that might be permissible?
What mentality exists in the society which permits and encourages this crap for thinking?
If he has viable sperm, he needs tobe held responbsible for dispensing it. Period– no more needs to be considered than that. Its like someone having a gun and saying “The person who let themselves be shot is to blame!”
BULLCRAP!!
if I have the potential to cause someone considerable consequences, *I* need to be responsible about it!
Same here. I’m taking an online class and teen pregnancy was a discussion topic. Everyone mentioned the shoe teen mom everyone talked about the teen girls. No one talked about the boys. These girls aren’t getting pregnant by themselves!!
Agreed. For every 10 “ladies, you have to protect yourselves” there’s probably only 1 “guys you have to protect yourselves/wrap it up”.
If men were faced with mandatory baby time things would change fast.
Not only that, teehee, but a lot of these guys are three or four years older than these “teen moms.” (So, 19 or 20 years old or older when these 15 or 16 year old girls are getting pregnant – where’s the repercussions for them?)
It that’s not predatory, it is CERTAINLY taking advantage of younger, more naive girls.
You’d think she’d be more careful seeing as she’d made this same Smistake’ before. & then tweeting about it.. I just can’t with people’s need to overshare anymore
+1
Girl!!! And I’m sitting here thinking “I cannot be the only one”! I understand we all go through our predicaments, but at least try not to do the same thing all over! Not only that, but she openly said her first-born was/is a mistake and now I should applaud her for whatever reason?!
Here’s the deal ladies. Don’t rely on a man to worry about birth control. Don’t go blaming a man when it is up to you what enters your body. Yes, men wear the condoms. But have some on hand. Make sure YOU’RE protected.
Women tend to enjoy blaming men for lack of birth control. And they can share that blame. But at the end of the day you’re the one that let them have sex with you without protection. You’re the one who has to carry and raise a child, or choose to abort a child, or get an STD. Make rules for yourself and don’t compromise on something as important as your body.
I have to agree with you 100% on that, and in no way was I suggesting to rely on men for preventing a pregnancy (something that occurs in your own body). But I do wish the societal view of things, would ease off of the women-bashing when a pregnancy does occur, and realize that without the man, there would be no pregnant girls to being with.
Men DO need to take on more responsibility! As I see it, they are basically 0% responsible in terms of birth control, which absolutely NEEDS to change. They are a part of a pregnancy, no mistake about it, so its time for them to ACT like it.
Agreed! I kind of figured that’s what you meant in your post… but wasn’t sure so I made my own 🙂
I’m lucky enough to have an incredibly birth control obsessed boyfriend haha. We don’t want kids for at least five years, and it won’t be in the cards until we get a house and have it the way we want it. At this point in our lives, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I got pregnant, but it would certainly mean a lot of plans changing. So until then, he’s extremely careful about birth control.
😀 Oh good Im so happy someone understands 😀 Thats my position too, Im not ready for it yet but I also have PCOS and cant tolerate BC at all. So I wonder why there isnt more for men out there, and why so many men are just entirely unaware of reality when it comes to sexual freedom– the most I get from men is a shrug when I say I cant take BC (!?!). I can only congratulate you that you have a very forward thinking man 😉 😀
@erinn, no need getting the house the way you want it, because the kids will destroy it ;P
@Mort haha. I’ll settle for reasonably livable because I figure that’s the best it’ll ever get. I don’t really want to go from pristine to tornado- then I’ll know what I’m missing 😉
Agreed with you. It is our own responsibility to protect ourselves. Education should be equal to both boys and girls but the decision to abort or not is on the girl, It’s her body, so naturally, she should think more about protection. I am not excusing the boy, it’s sad but you need to protect yourself first but mistakes happen, so it’s ok. If you guys live in a country where it’s illegal like I do, you would take precaution seriously.
Having said all that, i think she just loves the attention. Not that it’s bad to discuss this but in public forum, you’ll be more traumatise by the response than the abortion itself. It shouldn’t be a taboo to talk about it with your parents, friends and counsellor, outside of that circle TMI.
Her openness and willingness to make herself vulnerable by laying her private decision out this way will help other people who are in the midst of making this decision. I’m sure that’s not her primary intent, but it will be one of the results. It sounds like it didn’t sit right with her that people were offering “condolences for a loss” that she was feeling a burden of regret for at the time. My God, that tweet had to have taken such courage, especially when she was still in so much emotional pain.
Often what we see as our mistakes, failures, weaknesses, trials, whatever, become gifts we can give to help others. That tweet may have started as a way to get “the truth” off her chest, but I’m sure it will become a lot more. This IS what choice looks like. What choice FEELS like. Thanks for reminding me, Kaiser. It’s a big weight to carry, no matter what decision we are making about our bodies or our futures. Abortion, adoption, back to work, stay at home, divorce, single parent, come out, stay in the closet … I don’t think we as women are open enough with each other about how we second guess the tough decisions we’ve made that shape our lives.
Ugh, I need to get into a post I can laugh at now. I just dragged myself down.
It’s a tough decision to make, and while I think it is your own to make, it should definitely be talked about. This girl is having serious regrets about her decision.
I had an abortion with my first baby and walking out of the clinic and knowing its over is surreal, and something I promised never to do again. So when I got pregnant the second time I kept my daughter, and I couldnt imagine ever again getting rid of someone so uniquely special to me.
This girl stopped me when I was pregnant and working at Wal-Mart, a complete stranger who was very early in her pregnancy, and was from a culture where having a baby out of wedlock was extremely frowned upon and the father wasn’t going to be of any help, and I just felt so bad for her. I told her what I had done, but that she had to make the right decision for herself. I wonder a lot what happened to her, and if there was anybody else in her life she could lean on besides some random at Wal-Mart. It needs to be talked about.
Abortion is a heartbreak. I had an abortion when I became pregnant at 16, and it was the best decision at the time. What people fail to understand is that when you are in a situation like that, you are in distress. Its hard and you don’t have the support that you should have. And when I had mine, there were women from all walks of life. And we all had one thing in common, a pregnancy that couldn’t go on any further. Its never an easy decision, and every single women in the waiting room was either crying or in very deep thought. I feel like lucky I like in a state that is pro choice, and minor girls do not need parental consent. Abortion is sad, but an extremely needed thing. I regret that I got pregnant at sixteen, I regret not having an open relationship with my mom, who should had taken me to get birth control. I regret not being strong enough to take myself to get birth control, I regret having a boyfriend who was nit going to be supportive
But I do not regret my choice.
Well said (both comments), Very powerful and moving. I am forever grateful that I had access to affordable and effective birth control.
And I’m thankful you live(d) in a state where you both had a choice, and access to what you needed at the time.
I had an abortion at 17. I didn’t fully realize what I had done until I became pregnant again many years later. It really hit me hard that I had killed my child. I am totally pro choice but hate abortion and wish women were offered more support with unplanned pregnancy.
I made the right choice at the time but it still makes me sad.
Absolutely. It wasnt until I had what is technically my second child that I really hurt over my abortion. What if I had chosen to terminate my pregnancy with my daughter? I was in the same position, at the same job (til those bitches fired me), with the same guy, living in the same place, and if I had chosen to abort a second time, I would have missed out on meeting the greatest person in my life.
I dont regret making the decision, because I do believe a few years made a great difference in my being mature enough to handle having this kid, but I do think if I would have liked to have others to talk to regarding making such a decision. Still Pro-choice, but pro-choice with guidance.
I feel the same way, I am totally pro-choice but hate abortion at the same time.
thank you for your kind words on this. i wish more people who were against abortion felt like you…that is, they wouldn’t choose it but but respect the fact that they should not control what other people do. the fact that you would like to see more support for women/girls who find themselves pregnant says a lot about your compassion as well. more than i see from the typical so-called “pro lifer.”
i had an abortion at 22. i strongly felt that having an unwanted baby on my own at 22 would’ve severely impacted my chances of going on to have a successful marriage & wanted children. now i’m 30, married, and getting ready to start trying. i’m so glad i chose to wait because this is what i’ve been waiting for.
aang (and the other ladies) – I think there are more of us out there than we realise: Those of us who don’t LIKE abortion, but who APPRECIATE that the choice is available for ALL women, and don’t want to tell others what to do with their bodies, as we don’t want to be told what to do with ours.
There was a guest speaker in my Women’s Studies course (over 20 years ago) who had a bumper sticker that said “Pro-Woman, Pro-Choice, Pro-Life.”
That sums up my position. I may never EXERCISE that choice, that but I’m comforted knowing that it’s available, for me and all my fellow sisters out there.
ESPECIALLY now that *ahem* CERTAIN PEOPLE are trying to eliminate that choice, while simultaneously trying to eliminate birth control!!
I’m sorry for her that she feels she made a mistake. I’m not sure how great her life would have been supporting two young kids while working at Subway though.
I had one earlier this year — I am 25 and have a good job, but when I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant he showed me his true colors and I realized there was no way I was going to let this man-child have anything more to do with my life. It was a difficult decision I didn’t take lightly, but ultimately I am relieved I did it and have no regrets.
My heart goes out to this girl, I had a lot of support and it sounds like she didn’t really have that. I hope she finds people who can help her through this.
If I sound cold and it offends anybody, I apologize in advance, HOWEVER…
She’s eighteen and appears to work at Subway. Getting an abortion was the best choice in this case, and I hope she gets the right support needed to deal with any feelings of regret. It’s NOT an easy choice and I hope I’m never put in such a situation, but statistics reveal that there’s a good chance I’ll be in this situation someday. Abortion is a procedure that needs to remain readily available and SAFELY accessible to women regardless of age.
The extreme pro-life culture in the United States (although it’s seeping up into Canada too…) is dangerous to say the least. It creates an environment of fear and shame for any woman who chooses to make her own choice and it’s absolutely shameful. Anybody opposed to abortion can tell me about their feelings after they adopt children, work on a OB-GYN floor in a hospital and spend a few years working an an Eastern European orphanage.
He could wear a condom and I still would not trust anyone but myself to control whether or not there was a child. My body – my choice.
Normally this could be a case over oversharing on social media however it’s one of those taboo subjects that need to be shared through the telling of personal stories and experiences.
So on that level she’s a brave girl. I hope she isn’t now ripped to shreds by ignorant unthinking pompous asses who see the world only in black and white. Who think abortion is a easy decision for women faced with it. Who think that women use it as a form of birth control. Because unfortunately there are people who do think that.
This is quite a touchy subject matter. I have always believed in a person’s right to choose. Empathy is the way to go because I sure as hell do not want to be judged when I make a decision that has to alter my life.
I don’t have a lot of sympathy for this girl. She’s already had one kid as a teen, and then she went and got pregnant again. Then she uses that scenario to get attention on Twitter. Horrible.
It’s not even about birth control at that point, and who’s providing what. How about she stays celibate? Her young life has been nothing but a string of bad decisions. Where in the hell are HER parents in all of this? Instead of talking about abortions and who provides birth control and how “brave” she was to talk about her abortion, can we talk about how troubled she must be to have gotten into all this in the first place?
Priorities.
I don’t see teenagers that have sex as troubled. To a certain extent, I see teenagers that abstain from sex as kind of weird, but I admit, it’s a little bit of a prejudice. But I don’t think that parents of teenage boys and girls can fool themselves that their kids stay celibate. And I’m not talking about vaginal intercourse only.
I think she could’ve chosen a better way to talk about it than twitter though.
Also, some of the girls on that show have made a RIDICULOUS amount of money. Not all, but some. Very surprising.
I had an abortion many years ago. It was not a difficult decision for me. It is not something that I have ever been ashamed of. It did not “eat away at me forever” or cause me a lifetime of regret. When the procedure was over I felt nothing but relief and gratitude that abortion had become legal and that Planned Parenthood made affordable abortion available to me.
I got pregnant while using a diaphragm. It was not the most effective form of birth control, but I chose it for several reasons. Although I had requested a tubal ligation at my first GYN appt. at the age of 18, doctors consistently refused to do it because they all said that I would change my mind “when you meet the right man.” I knew that I would not, but that did not matter to them. I had been on oral contraception, but then developed a medical condition that contraindicated the use of synthetic hormones for me. Condom use was rare then because there were few STDs that could not be easily eradicated with a shot of penicillin and AIDS had not yet hit. Serious problems with IUDs, such as the infamous Dalkon Shield, were also common then so I ruled that out too.
After the abortion I was lucky enough to find a nurse practitioner who was doing protocol studies on the cervical cap. The cap had long been used in Europe but had not been approved by the FDA because of opposition from the U.S. pharmaceutical industry. Although I always had to order my caps from England, it was a great form of birth control and I continued to use it as long as I was fertile and sexually active.
The shame, fear, stigma and continuing opposition to abortion, even today, are directly caused by backward religious beliefs and the desire of people to deny women the right to control their own bodies. Absent the socialization of women and men to believe that a woman’s primary purpose is procreation and child rearing, the abortion taboo would disappear.
That is my story.
Thank you so much for this comment. As rare as it is for women to openly discuss their abortions, it’s even more rare to hear that they were — and still are — 100% happy with their choice.
It’s so, so dangerous to perpetuate the idea that it’s a choice you’ll regret forever, and that you’ll have to spend time grieving afterwards. It’s definitely that way for some women, but we need to hear every side of the story. Congratulations for making the right decision for you.
(I’m 25 and also haven’t found anyone willing to tie my tubes, which I completely resent. If I ever do adopt a daughter, it will only be because I’m absolutely certain that she’ll be allowed to make her own choices about her own body, no matter what. It’s horrific that this still — years after your experience, it seems — isn’t a guarantee.)
I hate that doctors are so unwilling to provide sterilization. I’m a big believer that people should be able to. And I think it’s unfair that its easier for men to get a vasectomy than for a woman to have a tubal litigation. Unfortunately I do know some women that regret getting theirs done. But I don’t think that should ruin it for everyone else. That’s a hazard, you may regret it but that’s not a valid enough reason to not preform them IMO.
I got my tubal right after my abortion. I do not regret this at all- I feel the same as I would if I killed a cancer in my body. A baby would have ruined my
life (I hate children.) So I did the responsible thing.
Tubals can be done as early as 21 in Ohio. I’m sorry if that offends some people but I am entitled to my choice and my opinion.
Britt & shae – I commend you for knowing yourselves (and all the other women in your same boat) and standing up for what you KNOW is right for you.
When a woman KNOWS she doesn’t want to have children, no one should try to convince her otherwise.
Do we see a line of big-hearted female (Republican) politicians trying to convince George Clooney or Leo DiCaprio (or any Ivy-Leaguer or frat-boy) that they will change their minds once they meet “the RIGHT woman?”
No. No we do not. Nor do we see a line of big-hearted MALE (Republican) politicians trying to convince them of that as well.
Food for thought, ladies. Food for thought.
Election day is tomorrow!
I’m glad yousaid that.I have never regretted having my abortion, and if I were to get pregnant now, I’d have another one. Birth control isn’t 100%- says so on the package.
I don’t for a second regret terminating my unwanted pregnancy. I would have ruined the kid’s life, and s/he would have ruined mine. Whenever I think back to it (which is very, very rare), all I feel is… relief.
Ours is a child-centric culture. It isn’t friendly to women who choose abortion. The following excerpt from jani (commenter #20) hits the nail on the head:
“The shame, fear, stigma and continuing opposition to abortion, even today, are directly caused by backward religious beliefs and the desire of people to deny women the right to control their own bodies. Absent the socialization of women and men to believe that a woman’s primary purpose is procreation and child rearing, the abortion taboo would disappear.”
I’m sad that Jamie didn’t abort the first one. What can she offer the kid? She’s still a kid herself. Growing up should be her number 1 priority, NOT taking care of someone else. Statistically, the outlook for her and her kid is not good.
I am adopted and was the product of a very young teen mom. I am pro choice but I worked very hard to make sure I never had to make that choice.
I am proud of her for discussing this. For those saying why Twitter, it’s because that’s how her generation communicates. It’s my personal belief that more education and more awareness leads to better birth control implementation. If girls realized how traumatic the experience is it might help girls to truly realize how important birth control is.
I wanna know why she didn’t use protection in the first place?!?!?! She’s 18 & already has a kid? That’s insane! Frikin irresponsible people.
I do love how such serious conversations get such good discussion here.
Personally, from the title my initial thought was ffs, Twitter!?! However it’s a different generation and this girl has a different social media world view than I do.
Open discussion is always good – no matter how we get there.
Any time we can discuss an emotionally charged issue openly, rationally, supporting each other on both sides, we move forward. We win.
I very much admire her for being honest in spite of knowing some people would judge her and raise harsh objections. She could have easily lied. Or she could have just said nothing – which would have been her absolute right as it’s no one’s business but her own.
When. President Romney appoints one possibly two new Supreme Court justices Roe v Wade will be overturned. thereby banning legal abortion
He’s isn’t a president, the fat lady hasn’t sung yet. And he sure isn’t my president. He can leave my uterus alone.
WORD!! He’s not president, obama is. and i hope obama will be for the next four years. Nobody should tell another human being, what they can or can’t do with their bodies. You may not agree, but you have no right to take away a woman’s right to choice.
IF Romney is elected, I have a feeling Americans will quickly learn that they have more pressing issues to deal with than abortion. No, wait … they might have to deal with it in a more serious way when it’s banned and suddenly the dark ages of illegal abortions and women dying in back alleys come back. But what do I know, I live in a “socialist” country and know nothing about American *cough*I mean conservative*cough* values.
I don’t usually believe in reporting comments, but there was absolutely no justification for someone on this thread to call another a baby killer.
There are all sorts of opinions about this issue and I doubt it’s simplistic to most anyone who holds an opinion concerning this issue.
I actually read a very interesting article today about abortion.
It’s important to keep an open mind when reading it and I think the writer presents good arguments, although I have to admit I haven’t done my research on the facts she uses.
If you are interested here is the link:
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/10/how-i-lost-faith-in-the-pro-life-movement.html
I’m very pro choice and have had an abortion, but there is absolutely no way I’d post a sonogram of my aborted embryo/zygote/blastocyst on my social media site. That’s just me, probably because i have absolutely zero regret whereas she’s healing and regrets it. I do believe abortion should be given an open forum for conversation though.
I admire and respect this young lady for coming forth with the truth to include her feeling in the aftermath. There are women AND MEN who bury what they really feel after the procedure so deeply that decades go by before they can recognize the source (which is not always the abortion, but sometimes it is). Unfortunately, the after effects of abortion on a psychological level are not documented or studied and since it is a service provided for women there really need to be studies conducted. I think the people who decide to have abortions, the one’s with regret or emotional pain after, are the victims because there is no recognized research in this area. Working with Project Rachel opened my eyes and it is sad to see so much pain from a woman or a man regarding this decision.
Abortion should always be your last option. But she seems to have no education, works at a Subway (I’d bet minimum wage) and is already raising a child on her own. What options did she think she had? How about making sure that if you’re going to have sex, use protection? In between birth control means you’re not protected.
I have SO-O-O-O many thoughts on this subject. In no particular order:
If this show is doing SO-O-O much to deter teen pregnancy (as it’s “stars” claim), why are they themselves STILL getting pregnant?
Where is the GUYS’ responsibility in all this? Most of them are 3 or 4 years older than these girls; they can easily walk into ANY college health center (Oh, right *snort* I forgot – COLLEGE!) or PP and grab FREE condoms from a jar!! And yet, no criminal charges and negligible (if any) child support!!
I understand that birth control may not be readily available in ALL states, but condoms are available over the counter in ANY state, to my knowledge. If you don’t care if you wind up pregnant, why don’t you care if you wind up with a permanent parting gift (in addition to a child) in the form of an STD?
I got pregnant by my abuser as a teen, and I made sure I was on the pill prior to being released from the hospital after delivery. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame me, and all that.
While abortion wasn’t the choice for me (as a teen, or 20 years later, as a married woman with gainful employment), it is comforting to know I HAD the choice. (I don’t agree with abortion as a form of birth control – there are too many other less-traumatising, more efficient ways to avoid pregnancy.)
I wouldn’t profess to tell another woman what to do with her body, and I sure as hell don’t want anyone else telling me what to do with mine (ESPECIALLY a man with whom I’m not involved)!!!
Okay, I think I’m done. For now. *steps off soap-box, tucks it under podium*
Stay on that soapbox! Very well said.
Really curious, how much is birth control pill and condom in America? Mine cost 5 dollars a month, condom of my choice 4 a pack. I can get it from any clinic or pharmacy or I can get it free from government clinic. Where are the parents who suppose to guide their kids, boys and girls about the birds and bees and birth control and disease? Are they illiterate?
The pill $40 a month, condoms. average about $1-2 per condom
The only decision I would regret is bringing an unwanted life into an already difficult world and being a terrible, bitter parent. I wish there was more focus on QUALITY of life for both potential parent and child when it comes to discussions of this topic in the media.
Loving you and your soapbox/podium! 😉
Absolutely true. I’m pro choice because it’s a woman’s choice to do what she feels is best for her and her body. Yes, men aren’t held responsible because society is misogynistic, but ultimately the quality of life versus quantity of life should be considered.
So many slut shaming in the comments
Being a slut and being an idiot are totally different.
The sluts* I know have never gotten knocked up. They know better.
*self-professed
One would think she would have learned to not have unprotected sex the first time. I’m not judging her decision to give birth nor her decision to have an abortion.
I’m judging her stupidity. Two times by age 18. Geesh!
I took a pregnancy test today and it came out positive. I am so freaked out. I mean I know what I’m going to do but still. I can’t really judge her.
samantha, regardless of what you choose to do, I’m sure it will be the right decision for you. Take care.
Wishing you strength & peace with your choice regardless of what that choice may be.
Best wishes to you, samantha, whatever you decide. 🙂
Congratulations!
I’m confused. People are saying there’s a lot of slut shaming, which I don’t see (and that’s a good thing – have they been deleted?), but I also don’t see any comments from people who are anti-abortion. Have those been deleted too? Or did people not speak up?
As someone who just miscarried this month, I can’t tell you what I would have given to have seen a healthy sonogram. It makes me ill to hear people talk so casually about abortion.
Am I judging your actions a bit? Yes.
(note that I said judging ACTIONS – not the women themselves) –
But because, to me (and many, many others), life begins at inception. That’s why there’s a culture of shame – because to many people, life begins in the womb, and when it ends because of abortion, it’s violent, and awful, and tragic.
I will NEVER go to an abortion clinic and harass the women there. I will NEVER shame someone for what they did. But I’m not going to be quiet on my opinion when it seems like everyone else is leaning the other way, either…
For the women who are in pain after their abortions (because some mentioned it in their comments), the Catholic Church has a program called Project Rachel. I’ve never been or volunteered, but it sounds like a support group where it’s a safe place to express yourself and receive solace.
no, I understand your dismay and surprise. I’m sort of shocked at how common-place this decision seems to be – at least here on this forum anyway.
For some reason, it’s the more than one abortion thing that really gets to me the most. I guess because I can see a teenage girl who, without real guidance could get carried away and swept up in the passion and just go wild once…
But you’d think, after having to make such a heavy decision like to abort a child… that they’d learn that sex – especially without protection isn’t worth it.
To me, because they go in for a second abortion – it says that the decision to abort initially wasn’t all that serious to begin with.
And that saddens me… because it means that society has increasingly bought the idea that children are easy to have and disposable and that if they interrupt some sort of presumed life-plan (like a currently amazing Subway Career) that it’s acceptable to just go in for another abortion.
I think it bothers us more because we cannot but would love to have children and these people take it for granted how easily they made and carried life.
ugh… it just frustrates me.
I am very sorry for your loss.
But, I think you’re projecting both your pain and your moral/religious beliefs.
I don’t feel that any of the women here spoke casually of abortion. To my point of view, they’re not saying abortion is a good choice. They’re saying it was the right choice for them, at that time in their life. It was something they needed to do.
While I feel for your pain, you should understand that you were expecting, all hopes and love, but they were “only” pregnant. (Since English is not my first language, I hope I’m getting my Subtleties right.)
I have a few friends whose been trying to get pregnant for a year, so I sympathise with you but still believe a woman should have a choice whether to keep the baby or not. Only, I’m. sad some use this as birth control method. Ultimately, it all comes to education. From 3rd world country to developed country, the same problem occurs. The same with rape and abuse. Always blame the victim.
My opinion has nothing to do with religion as I am not religious but I do not like abortion though I think is it must remain an option.
People whine that they could never give the child up for adoption once they have it and decide they must terminate, how selfish. Many people seem to not consider the great gift they are giving someone who could never have a child.
Its only 9 months of your life and you are making someones world. I understand women who cannot handle pregnancy or would go beserk, or hurt the unborn fetus. But I dont see why adoption is not an more popular option if you dont want your child.
I am a woman and I think abortion must remain an option but if you have had more then one abortion I think you are extremely selfish. I had a friend myself who thoroughly detests children, got pregnant found a couple who wanted a child, she carried it, gave birth and made this couple else extremely happy. She knew this child would be thoroughly loved as that was something she couldn’t do and did not wish to do.
Zygotes are not babies- they are potential babies. Adoption is an alternative to parenting not to pregnancy which can alter a woman’s body forever. NO WOMAN has to be an incubator for couples that cannot conceive. This nation is having a crisis with adoptions NOT happening- 2 million children will NEVER be adopted. Even if “life begins at conception” (science has proven it does not but lets play pretend.) nothing has the right to use a woman’s body without her permission. Woman > zygote because a woman IS a life. Zygote/fetus up until late term is not a life and feels no pain.