Lindsay Lohan will not drink or party on New Year’s Eve because why not?

A few weeks ago, I almost bought a faux-mink throw blanket that looked similar to the coat Lindsay Lohan is wearing. The only difference, I guess, is that the blanket I almost bought was super-cute and it was FAUX. I’m assuming that Lindsay is wearing real fur because it’s just hideous. Why would she wear something so hideous unless she knew it was super-expensive? That’s how I know it’s real. And that’s how I know Lindsay is still crackie. How else do I know Lindsay is crackie? She wanders around restaurants in a daze, repeatedly being escorted back to her table by the wait staff. True story.

Lindsay Lohan may have been too into the holiday spirit when she hit West Village hot spot The Lion last week. Spies say she kept getting up and wandering the dining room.

“Lindsay kept walking around aimlessly,” a spy recalled of the night after Christmas. “Twice, staffers had to take her and escort her back to her table.”

The spy adds that Lohan and her pals stayed until 1a.m. and that her conversations were as bizarre as her strolls.

“Lindsay appeared to be speaking in riddles most of the night,” the spy said.

But Lohan did apparently fit in some wholesome family time. That day, she tweeted a pic of a meal made with mom Dina and brother Mike, writing, “Eggplant parmigiana. We did good.”

[From Page Six]

CRACK RIDDLES!!! I guess she thinks that she’s deep, maybe? If a crackhead falls in the forest, does it make a sound? What is the sound of one crackie hand clapping?

In other crack news, Lindsay wants all of us to know that she’s back to being a homebody!! She let it leak to TMZ (of course) that she’s not planning to go out for New Year’s. Why would she? Every day is New Year’s Eve for Lindsay.

NO, IT’S NOT OPPOSITE DAY … Lindsay Lohan will be one of the few people NOT getting sloshed this New Year’s Eve … telling friends she’s choosing to stay in instead.

According to our sources, LiLo is hell-bent on starting the year off right — and making a good impression on the judge hearing her case — which means no parties, no clubs and definitely no drinking on the last night of 2012.

It’s a far cry from her past NYE extravaganzas … where LiLo got her party on at shin-digs all over the world, including St. Barts and Italy.

But this year, we’re told LiLo’s plans include a small, quiet dinner in London — where’s she’s visiting — and then it’s straight back to the hotel before the ball drops to chill with family and friends.

And in other news … pigs can fly.

[From TMZ]

Whenever Lindsay pulls this kind of crackie mind trick (except it’s not a “trick” when she’s the only who thinks she’s clever), I always think… “Hm, I wonder if she’s charging a special holiday rate and one of her ‘clients’ wants her.” What do you think? Is Lindsay just acting like it’s her idea to stay in when she’s really just “scheduled” to “work” that evening?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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31 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan will not drink or party on New Year’s Eve because why not?”

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  1. Jules says:

    From who did she steal that ghetto coat?

  2. Amelia says:

    She’s in London?
    Ooer. I’ll have to take my Crackie radar and alarm with me, then.
    Happy New Year, Celebitches! Here’s to 2013 being as cracktacular as 2012, and may all your crack wishes come true!
    *starts filling traffic cones with cracktinis*

  3. carrie says:

    the fur is ugly and in more it’s real fur!

  4. Brown says:

    There is a faux mink throw blanket from Pottery Barn that I’ve been dying over all winter, but I just can’t bring myself to pay $100+ for a blanket that will inevitably end up covered in dog hair.

  5. brin says:

    Why go out and drink and party when you have a crack den at home? Crackie New Year!!!

  6. truthful says:

    and we’re supposed to beleive her huh??

    ass backwards, 364 days a yr, she is partying like a crackpimp but NOW, she’s staying sober and IN.

    she must have a hell of a crack stash whereever she will be…

    she looks horrible in those pics and that coat is rachet looking.

    her sister is not too far behind her either.

    she looks like the walking dead.

  7. dread pirate cuervo says:

    Please explain why she’s allowed to leave the country again.

  8. Stephanie says:

    She looks like ten kinds of hell and that coat is fug.

  9. Cathy says:

    She’s desperate. Plain and simple, she wants to stay outta jail and she believes that one night of staying in doing her partying at home will convince the judge she’s a good girl. I hope that the judge sees right through this charade and throws her ass in jail.

  10. lizbet says:

    “Went to the doctor, got lipo witcho moneyyy…” it’s like he knew it would be Kim all along!

  11. rtms says:

    So she’s in London is she? I guess she’s stalking again?

  12. Dragonlady Sakura says:

    I don’t wear fur and really wish people would stop wearing them, but I won’t hate on anyone who does enjoy fur coats. That being said, Lindsay needs to take off that ugly excuse for road kill! It looks like someone dragged it in the mud and sprayed graffiti over it. And if she can go around in a expensive coat (if it isn’t stolen) she can pay her bills.

  13. elceibeno08 says:

    She’s leading us into believing she is done partying at night clubs and stuff. Lindsey you are not fooling anyone. Even if she stays home for new year’s eve she will have a bowl full of blow and a gallon of booze to make her happy. Enjoy!

  14. erika says:

    How, HOW does she manage to smile and blow us STD kisses when she is dangling on a thread? So close to being thrown in jail.

    And tm night on Bravo she’s going to be publically humiliated again on Million Dollar Showcase!’=

    How does she keep smiling? I would be a WRECK! Doesn’t she fear her crack candy will be taken away from her if she’s thrown in jail?

    I have some real worries in life, I’m not blissfully unaware (nor do I want to be) but I’m cognizant of them….so HOW does she just trot along? scooping up pennies here n’ there while cleaning up the streets of London on her back?

    I wish I could smack her. I wish we CB gals could rally together and just verbally beat her down!

    • Green_Eyes says:

      I understand life isn’t fair..haven’t gotten to this age w/o hard work and knowing some can live extravagantly (and their right w/ money they earned), while others will never be afford such luxuries due to day to day bills, health care, and other life sustaining issues (not talking credit card debt or things like that). So I don’t get cynical when I sit here and am about to let my Dr’sknow I will be forgoing dialysis (even w/ insurance it will put us forever in debt as my husband is older than I am and retired.. Knowing it could only be a temp solution & I cannot withstand a kidney transplant operation, therefore I am not a candidate). But if I knew hubby would not be left behind at some point w/ a debt he can never catch up on..I would do the dialysis. I say this because no Lohan has no concept of heavy burdens or real worries.. She just struts thru life in a crusty Cracken haze where life and all in it revolve around her. She manipulates, whines, steals, cons, and everything underhanded yet people still “give her free things”, look the other way when stolen, or pay her debts. IF and a big IF she didn’t have to service good ole Charlie for that income tax fund payment..wish he would contribute to a few of my medical bills. But otherwise..even knowing the outcome w/ my health as it was even before renal failure..I couldn’t bring myself to “delivering service on a project” for him or anyone else..London, Italy, Cabos, or anywhere. But the things a Cracken will do for yet another designer bag she will ruin or injections for future master duck blowfish kisses to a camera (as I can’t believe she would ever pay for a fur herself no matter how ugly).

      Yes Crackie walks thru her life on a perpetual cloud nine oblivious (and enabled so by Mom, handlers, and Cali legal system) while the rest of us have real worries, that no matter how large or small are worrying into an unneeded ulcer… But that’s the difference between a self entitled irrelevant narcissistic Cracken raised by narcissistic fame whores & well the rest of the world.

      HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! Looking forward to more laughs with Celebitchy reads & feeds in 2013!

  15. Shelly says:

    Am I the only one that thinks her face looks better in a couple of these pics? More like her original face? I’m sure it’s just the angle…her hair repulses me. She needs to cut about a foot off of it. It looks tired. I am kind of digging her coat, though, real, faux or whatever.

  16. the original bellaluna says:

    So basically, her clientele has “dropped” and she can only swing London this year, is that right?

    And by “staying in” she roughly means “I’ll be doing lines off the piece that’s paying me to be there, and chasing them down with 2 litres of vodka.”

  17. VickyPollard says:

    Why do I have the feeling she’ll claim someone stole her passport, and thus she can’t get back to the US for her hearing ?!?

  18. dcypher1 says:

    Too bad this new year cant be crackie free. But I have a feeling we will witness more crackdom in the new year as well and more crack shennanigans than the past. Thats just my crack forecast perdiction of 2013. Hopefully she goes to jail next year but she probably wont with our luck.

  19. LAR says:

    What’s going on with her eyebrow?

  20. janie says:

    Bottom line… She thinks her “good behavior” will impress the judge, regardless of the fact it’s only been a few days. We all know this chic will not spend time in jail, not going to happen. The rest of us would “still” be in jail from years ago.

  21. Sugar says:

    yup I have that feeling too-she wontget jail. she is going to spend these next 14 days living the life of miss reformed & the night of the 15th she’s going to celebrate her freedom & well ya know second verse same as the first.
    I do believe if she skates this time it will be her complete undoing because she will be empowered by this & will really for real believe she can do no wrong. As if she doesn’t already.

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