In the story so Big they named a Brother after it … the international hubbub around this year’s Big Brother UK is moving onto its triumphalist tidying up phase. Taking the “Real World” template to new highs, or do I mean lows, the eventual race and class throwdown had an impact far in excess of the usual ratings bump. Prime Ministers, Columnists and Germaine Greers worldwide got in on the action … with a healthy dose of the sort of crazed over-coverage that the British tabloids have raised, or do I mean lowered, to an artform. A hysterical artform with highly amusing puns …

Quick recap for those of you who might have missed the teacup tempest :

The three celebrities accused of tormenting her on the show—Jade Goody, Jo O’Meara and Danielle Lloyd–have spent the past few days giving tearful interviews and explaining their side of the story.

Shetty was called a “dog” on the programme and a few of the housemates referred to her as “the Indian” saying “She should f*** off home.”

However, Shilpa is now looking at the brighter side of life. According to The Mirror she has been approached to write a book, appearing in UK films and a comedy show on BBC television.

The actress said: “I’d love to do a cookery show called: ‘If Shilpa Can. Anyone Can’” Turning to her love life, Shetty, who still lives with her parents, told the paper: “I’m single and I’m ready to mingle.”

Now Shetty … who sure can rhyme like a Cockney… and whose personal charm has a lot to do with the outpouring of public support is scheduled to go to the House of Commons, meet Tony Blair and the Queen. Ohhh and she won Big Brother as well …

She’s also in talks for books, TV, and movies etc. etc. etc. Satire and real life are dancing awfully close to each other these days – how are we gonna write funny about these things when they are proving that in some career boosting televisual way - that racism is the single girl’s new best friend?

Although for the full and final collapse you can’t really beat this quote from the producer Ronnie Screwala (not a made up name!)–

According to sources in London, the actor’s office has been getting offers for modelling assignments, films, and an endorsement of a Shilpa Shetty line of clothing and jewellery. “Shilpa has almost become an internationally recognised face against racism. Her celebrity status in the UK has certainly gone a lot higher and it will have an impact on her career here as well,” says producer Ronnie Screwala.

Backlash is of course mere minutes away … The Mirror is the first one off that news cycle block. It’s guarunteed to get up folks’ noses.

A TEAM of servants waits on Shilpa at home in Mumbai - including a hairdresser, a makeup artist, a secretary, a personal trainer, chauffeurs and a “spot boy” who tends to her every need.

She said: “My spot boy is my help wherever I am. He runs errands, makes tea for me and serves my guests. And he’d hold an umbrella for me if it got too sunny.

“A servant wakes me up in the morning and delivers my breakfast, and says something like: ‘Madam, it’s time to wake.’