We heard the sad news last week that Valerie Harper, TV’s beloved Rhoda from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and her own spin-off, has terminal brain cancer at the age of 73. People Magazine put Harper on their cover, and it was a nice tribute to an icon from the 70s. Harper did a two-part interview with The Today Show, the second segment of which aired today. The interview made me admire Harper and not feel sorry for her at all. She was upbeat, optimistic yet realistic I guess is the way to put it. She said that she’s open to miracles, but that she’s also willing to embrace whatever happens when she passes. In some parts of her interview, she was accompanied by her devoted husband of 34 years, Tony Cacciotti. She also has an adult daughter who was shown laughing with her in her kitchen. I was moved by what Harper had to say about her diagnosis and how she’s approaching life.
“It has been so warming and so comforting and … I feel the embrace,” Harper said in an interview airing Tuesday. “It feels awful damn good to be open about it, face it and see what you can do.”
Facing her diagnosis of leptomeningeal carcinomatosis — which affects the membranes surrounding her brain — Harper told Guthrie that she doesn’t think about what-ifs, and is ready for what comes next.
“Forgiving is giving up the wish that things could have been different. They weren’t. That’s the past. Let it go. I have cancer. It’s in my brain…. What are you gonna do about it?” Harper said. “I’ve had such a great run, Savannah. I’m going on 74. I want people to be less afraid. You know, that’s … that’s really I guess why I’m sharing it.”
Part of the “great run” Harper refers to includes her stint as Rhoda Morgenstern on “The Mary Tyler Moore show” and later its spinoff, “Rhoda.” Rhoda, says Harper, has “been the wind and the sails of my career,” a charmed time of life. “I didn’t know (then that) ‘I’m part of a classic,’ you just know you’re doing a wonderful show.”
Grateful for the past, Harper is now looking ahead, and doing so with a positive outlook despite her diagnosis. Harper recalled wisdom imparted by an internist, who Harper says told her, “‘Valerie, anyone that’s been in oncology for any number of years has seen spontaneous remission. They just have.’ So what I’m saying, is keep your consciousness — your thoughts — open to infinite possibility and keep yourself open to miracles.”
This story touched me very deeply, particularly because my parents have lost some of their oldest and dearest friends to cancer recently. I wanted to share something one of my mom’s friends wrote for the program at her funeral. It was so simple yet it captured for me everything that you would want to say at your funeral. She wrote “Tell my friends thank you for coming, and that I love them.” I can’t write much more about it.
Here are the two parts of Valerie’s interview:
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My heart aches for her is all I can say.
In a weird way, her going public with her diagnosis is nice. Instead of just anonymously passing away in a few months, her fans get to express their appreciation for her while she’s around to hear it.
No one could rock a head scarf like Rhoda!
It’s unbelievably fantastic. 😀
She is the first person that I can remember ever doing this. Having had many very recent brushes, between myself, my longtime friends and my mother,this positivity campaign she is on is nothing short of miraculous for people with a new diagnosis. Seeing this vibrant lady on tv in their homes is bringing them not only hope, but into the Truth. I so wish my mom had seen her on The Doctors and The View back in January.
Now, I’m not saying that people lying in bed right now with their mouths, etc. melting from several bouts of radiation are supposed to go, “Oh thanks be to allah, I’m happy now”, and roll their eyes. I’m just saying there are a lot of folk that have just gotten their diagnoses and are waiting for their treatment to begin. The weeks in between diagnosis and treatment are a look into the abyss for the first time, for most people, and doctors are not in the business of dealing out hope – they do their job, treatment, and that’s it. If they start being psychologists to their patients they get in trouble in so many ways. Surgeons are even more single-minded. These folk have barely been handed the info to cancer support groups so they know nothing of it yet.
She is one incredibly brave lady. If mine ever comes back, God forbid, I’m going to remember her love and spirit of hope and living, and not being so afraid of the alternative at the same time. I hope everybody is listening.
Such grace.
She is such a beautiful and brave lady.
What can you say other than this woman is pure class. God bless and may that miracle come your way. And thanks for all the laughs you have given me throughout the years.
this made me teary at work.. such a brave lady. really puts things into perspective.
Such a brave, upbeat lady. I only hope that if someday I face the same type of circumstances as her I can be half as brave.
Brave, classy and real, Valerie is a true inspiration.
My father died of lung cancer a few years ago, at the age of 55; cancer is truly a terrible thing. At some point, especially with the major organs, one just has to accept the inevitable. He was very much like Valerie Harper in his attitude, and in being able to see his life clearly and be thankful for what he did get to do made it so much easier for us to cope with. I think it’s indicative of a truly selfless attitude and will make her family stronger at the time they most need it. It’s easy to admire her courage, and as the daughter of someone who suffered greatly, I am in awe of someone who can face this with such candor and generosity.
T.Fanty – sorry for your loss. I know what you went through as I lost my father to cancer (he was 59). He also had the same attitude.
My sympathies to the both of you.
My stepdad died of brain cancer in 1999 at the age of 49, and I remember how hard it was to watch a vibrant, active person deteriorate but at the same time he was so positive and cheery right until the end.
I hope Valerie Harper knows how much she’s loved and can use that to help her through the days ahead.
Thanks, ladies – and the same to you. I’m always torn between being appreciative that other people understand and sad precisely because they do.
Right there with you. Bless you.
I lost my dad 21 years ago at the age of 61 to mesothelioma. He was given 3 months and lived 9 months. It was a blessing for us, knowing what was going to happen. he was aware and vibrant til the end and it gave us an opportunity to really make more lasting memories. I wish I still had him though. Especially when I see all those damn meso lawyer commercials around…
Her attitude is amazing. Wishing her — and her family — peace.
She’s a strong women, with grace and humility. She is the definition of inspiration.
Beautiful lady, inside and out ♥
I saw her on the Doctors yesterday. I cried. She is such a warm and outgoing person. She was funny, realistic, optomistic, sad, but just lovely and so open. Everyone is different and I think this means the world to her and she said it, to feel such love from her fans, and she wanted them to hear it from her. She is leaving this world her way and it is a beautiful way. Like she said, this is just the way it works for her while she is still okay, her brain not affected. My admiration for her has gone up 1,000 percent, and I am glad she gets to see the huge response to her, how she touched people’s lives as Rhoda. Cloris Leachman was just plain odd when they brought her out, cringeworthy, all about her and I was embarrassed. But Cloris is old, so give her a pass. Her husband rushing out to sit with her broke my heart. But she has been blessed to have a beautiful marriage.
What is sad for me is, like Valerie, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, and like Valerie was in the ten percent (women) who didn’t smoke. It was also just a tiny spot but had broken off and was already spread. Valerie’s was caught per chance because as a smoker they were never looking for lung cancer in her back in ’09. Hers was caught and she was cured. She just had the horrible luck of being in the two percent they said of a few cells probably left somewhere and coming back and even worse luck, almost unheard of, in the lining of her brain where chemo can’t reach now, exactly where it spread to my mom.
Godspeed to Valerie and her family. I think all the outpouring of love to them will be healing and mean a lot to not just Valerie leaving this earth, but also her husband and daughter in their memories.
Urgh, Jayna, I’m SO sorry to hear that. Sending supportive thoughts and best wishes to your mother and your family.
I’m so sorry about your mom. I find myself thinking of Valerie so often and at the oddest times, like when I pick up a video game. I just keep praying that she will get that miracle and if not, that her passing will be peaceful. She is such a graceful, classy woman.
Cloris, on the other hand, is truly awful. My husband and I used his airline miles to upgrade to first class once a couple of years ago. What should have been a great experience was ruined by none other than a drunken Cloris (at least I think she was drunk) and her son. We didn’t know who this screeching woman was until my husband figured it out, and sure enough, it was Cloris. She was the most obnoxious woman ever and I was very close to complaining to the flight attendant but they were already kissing her butt asking for autographs. Valerie has more class in her fingernail than Cloris has in her entire body.
I am so sorry for your loss Jayna. I know what you are feeling.
I kept hearing “tiny” spot, and “two percent”, etc. a lot at first and then it turned out that mom’s spine actually was riddled with the spread lung cancer. I have trouble with the veracity of the doctors. They also don’t like to give PT scans in advanced or geriatric cases (which led to misdiagnosis), to save money, which pisses me off, and it ate up valuable time. She had 5 weeks and hadn’t even started chemo yet because of their inadequate testing and terrible timeframe. I think lung cancer is far more prevalent and virulent than is claimed. Which is why we all need to be armed and ready. Early detection is the only way to be cured.
Lung cancer is the number one cancer killer. It kills more people than breast, colon, prostate, skin, liver and kidney cancers combined. In fact, in the US, lung cancer is the second leading killer, with only heart disease killing more Americans. 15% who get it are never-smokers, like Valerie Harper. Her brain cancer is actually a metastasis of her lung cancer, which was diagnosed in 2009.
Wasn’t that beautiful? I love her so much. My heart broke when she was talking about being around in April, and her chin wobbled and she actually set it before carrying on. I wanted to hug her!
I’m sorry about your mom. It stings more when their risk is low like that.
She is such a class act!!! We need to hear more of these types of inspirational stories!
We don’t talk about death much in our culture, but the valediction from your mom’s friend reminded me of something I heard during the aftermath of 9/11. Many of the people trapped in the World Trade Center knew they weren’t going to be rescued, and some of them called and left messages for their families on their cell phones. The messages were pretty much what your mom’s friend said … “I love you.”
Wherever we go when we leave this world, an awful lot of us want to leave with love.
Your moms friends quote was beautiful – heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
What can you say about someone so amazing? Her dignity and grace come shining through. Makes you feel ashamed to get worked up over the little things in life. I’m praying for that miracle for her.
Valerie Harper pure class. My dad died almost a year ago of brain cancer, it is a nasty terrible thing to go through and to watch someone go through. Today is his birthday and I miss him everday.
It seems like cancer affects us all in some way. It is, to me, a given.
However, I want to point out how beautiful
Valerie was as Rhoda. I always remember her as Mary Richatd’s frumpy friend, but she was quite lovely. I am sorry she never got some props for her beauty.
She and her hubby seemed to have a very strong relationship.
Not sure if the link will post but there is a relatively new treatment still in clinical trials that shows great promise~I met a guy at the dog park that was getting treated for brain cancer, and he said that the device had already extended his life for 6 months. The company is called Novocure. http://www.novocure.com/ttf_therapy.php?ID=16
Wow, this is unusual and fascinating.
There is also a new drug out there for people who qualify for it (DNA has to be a match for the drug), called Tarceva, which I am very excited about. New treatments have gotten better and better recently, which is VERY GOOD NEWS.
We’re gonna kick its ass one day soon.
Dear Valerie:
Thank you for letting us be a part of your last days, weeks and hopefully months of life.
We love you Rhoda.
I don’t buy magazines, but I bought the issue of People with her on it. The closing lines of the story made me cry. “Stay as long as you can.” I want her to, if it means she’ll be able to do it comfortably. If it means another five days, months, or years of suffering for her and her family, then dying will be a blessing. I hope she’s peaceful when it happens.
I haven’t read comments so I may be repeating.
It takes a special person, and a special family, to share this publicly.
And to remind us of the real meaning of life and love.
I can only hope I would have half that grace and strength when my time comes.
Rhoda’s wedding day is still one of my all time favourite episodes of any TV show. Thank you for all the wonderful TV moments you provided us.
Peace be with you and your loved ones dear Valerie.
I’ve always liked her. Now I love her. I hope the best for her.
This is a tough one for me.
My fiance has chronic lymphoblastic leukemia. The prognosis is not so bad, people can live normal life spans with CLL, but you just never really know if it will spread or…or even if it doesn’t, when it will get…bad.
I like what she says about not focusing on “what ifs”…important to remember.
awwww I love her. I can’t even fully express how much I admire her strength, bravery and spirit.
Such generosity to share with others at this critical time. With so many celebrities doing more harm than good Valerie is a true inspiration. Love thyself. Forget botox & procedures of vanity & give that money to find a cure for cancer. God Bless Valerie. A beautiful woman outside but even more beauty from within
Such generosity to share with others at this critical time. With so many celebrities doing more harm than good Valerie is a true inspiration. Love thyself. Forget botox & procedures of vanity & give that money to find a cure for cancer. God Bless Valerie.
beautiful woman outside but even more beauty from within
My uncle passed away from cancer last week. He was just 50 years old. It’s kind of comforting to see someone embracing the life they have left in this way. It gives me hope that my uncle felt a similar kind of peace in his final few days.
I’ve loved you Valerie Harper ever since I was a child.
You epitomize courage and grace.
Kind, beautiful,classy lady
….I just want to cry.