Will Smith tells his kids: ‘you can do anything you want… until it’s dangerous’


Will Smith has what reads like a new interview with UK’s The Sun. He’s promoting his upcoming movie, After Earth, with his 14 year-old son, Jaden. Some of the quotes we’ve heard before, so I can’t be sure that The Sun isn’t rehashing other interviews, although most of it is new to me. As he’s explained in the past, Will continues to talk about his hands-off parenting approach, which involves very little discipline and is firmly rooted in the beliefs of the Scientology cult. (Will and Jada deny that they are Scientologists, but they’re surely raising their kids like they are.) Will and Jada’s children are allowed “self determination,” and they’re given the same treatment as adults basically. These two don’t believe in punishment or in telling children what to do at all. Will admits that Jaden, 14, wants to be an emancipated minor and is asking for his own house. Will explains this like it’s not a big deal and is normal. Note that Jaden has performed with Justin Bieber and regularly hangs out with him. So he probably has quite a bit of control over his life already.

Will, 44, reveals: “He says, ‘Dad, I want to be emancipated.’ I know if we do this, he can be an emancipated minor, because he really wants to have his own place, like ooh.

“That’s the backlash. On the other side, if kids just want to have command of their lives, I understand.”

On his movie imitating their real life
Will can’t deny that art is imitating reality. He says: “It’s very similar for Jaden and me — your father’s the biggest movie star in the world, and you’re struggling for your little piece of dignity in this extreme shadow.”

His parenting approach
Will says: “We generally don’t believe in punishment. From the time Jaden was five or six we would sit him down, and all he has to do is be able to explain why what he did was the right thing for his life.

I think it’s a much more difficult question to ask someone — ‘Why was that right?’ — than to try to show them why it was wrong.

“Nobody wants to be wrong, all parts of yourself fight like crazy to not be wrong. So I’ll say to Jaden, ‘Why was that the right thing to do for your life?’ and if he can explain why kicking his sister in the chest was the right thing to do, we can see to it that he understands that it wasn’t so smart.”

On letting his kids do anything they want
Essentially, the only conflict is getting the rules down. Like for example, when Willow shaved her head bald.
“There was a big thing about her being allowed to do it. Well, the rule in our house is you can do anything that you want and we don’t pull the parent card until danger is involved. So we are not going to let you do something that injures yourself or will have long-term repercussions.

“But she didn’t cut my hair, she cut her own hair. It grows back.”

[From The Sun]

Little kids are very self-centered by nature. Depending on their age it’s a stage they’re in and they’re not able to understand adult issues like accountability, cooperation and morality until they get to be older. It’s just how their minds work. Having them explain why they behaved badly isn’t going to get them to grasp concepts like an adult would. That’s why they need guidance on how to behave and act when they’re little. Giving a child complete freedom is ridiculous. How does this work with things like mealtime and baths? Are the children allowed to eat candy constantly, refuse to clean up, and watch television the entire day? Are they given anything they want from the entire store? It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

But can’t you tell from this interview that Will is considering letting Jaden go off on his own? That he’s treated his kids like little adults since the time they were born and is seriously thinking about letting Jaden get his own house? I worry about those kids. At least Willow is asking to be a kid, and her parents are letting her. You can tell they would rather be her buddy while she becomes a big star, though.

Update: Will’s rep tells Gossip Cop that “this isn’t real.” So does that mean that this interview isn’t real or that Jaden isn’t really going to get emancipated? So many questions.

These photos are from May, July and September, 2012. Credit: WENN.com

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49 Responses to “Will Smith tells his kids: ‘you can do anything you want… until it’s dangerous’”

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  1. mel says:

    Its almost like they are over the parenting and just want the kids to move on. Its tough being an adult…why push so much on your kid at a young age…its really selfish if you think about it.

    • Sarah says:

      My mother was emotionally absent or neglectful like that when I was a teenager. It was like she was just exhausted emotionally from parenting, like the process had pushed her past what she had to give (rightly or wrongly) and so I was left to raise myself as a teenager. I think I made good decisions but it was still pretty lonely. I don’t think it’s a good thing for a kid. So yeah, it does sound like Will and Jada have “checked out” of parenting.

      • mel says:

        I’m sorry to hear this. Truly. My mother was not neglectful but she was (and is) very selfish. Now that I have my own kids I am like…wow.

  2. Tiff says:

    Many ppl have this parenting style its not unique and I think it’s insane. Kids need boundaries in order to learn what is appropriate in society not everyone is going to treat them like their parents when they get in the real world

    • idk says:

      Yeah, but these kids will never have to be a part of the “real world”. They were born rich, and won’t ever have to do a normal 9-5 job. That being said, Will Smith preaches way too much about Scientology parenting styles.

      • Riley says:

        Yeah but their still going to have to interact with ppl other than mom and dad. If not at work then in their social relationships. Kids that feel entitled end up surrounded by yes people that do whatever they want like Lohan

      • Joy says:

        Why won’t he just fully say he’s in the CO$?

      • idk says:

        Yes, true, but have you seen who Will’s kids hang out with? Jaden’s “crew” is called the MSFTS (misfits) and consists of celebs who get inducted into the group once they receive their Cartier necklace from Jaden (lol insane). It’s supposed to be some “exclusive group”…by the way Kylie and Kendal Jenner are in it. That says a lot lol.

      • TrustMeOnThis says:

        @Joy: because he is smart enough to realize that it would really be terrible PR, especially now. I’m surprised that they kept it under wraps but maybe they joined for the “connections” and they’ve always known it would be perceived as weird by normal folks.

        I’m sure you know why he/they can’t just walk away, either – because of the dirt they have on all of them by now.

        I’m really curious to see what will happen as Jaden and Willow grow up. They seem to be temperamentally very different, and I am curious how this will shake out. And whether the kids are scilons too, and if so, will they continue with it or turn away from the dying cult.

    • jaye says:

      This! I shudder to think what my son would get up to if he didn’t have the boundaries I set for him. You can allow a child to be themselves and facilitate them learning more about themselves while still parenting and providing those boundaries.

      • Tiff says:

        @ jaye Exactly. Boundaries are beneficial and different from controlling

      • V4Real says:

        So he says his kids can do whatever they want until it becomes dangerous. So if his kids decide they no longer desire to pursue an education is that ok? If Willow goes ok enough with the school and the tutors I think I’ll stop here; are they seriously ok with that. These people aren’t parenting, it’s like they checked out. Do what you want to do; I don’t care as long as it’s not dangerous.

        Setting boundaries are important. I also believe that descipline has to come into play as well. I don’t mean the type of discipline that involves harming a child but something to hold them accountable for their behavior.

        The CO$ definetely got their paws on Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

      • Gelda says:

        But Tiff, Will isnt saying there are no boundaries. Hes very clear about not hurting yourself or doing things that would have a long term impact.

        His boundaries are just loser than mine. Which in turn may be loser than yours. I wish people would stop acting that child rearing is codified somewhere. We are all winging it. All just flying on instinct.

    • Kate says:

      I can see both sides of this but don’t do anything dangerous is a good line in the sand for a 20 year old. But for young teens that’s a lot of wiggle room and grey area that I as a parent would not be comfortable with

    • Mis says:

      It’s called positive discipline and it’s the type of discpline most child psychologists recommend. It doesn’t mean there are no boundaries – quite the opposite. I’m not saying the Smiths are doing it correctly, but the principle of no punishment is not wrong. Punishment makes you fear punishment – it doesn’t make you a moral person. It makes you afraid of the person who’s supposed to love you the most. Positive discipline teaches a child to internalize right from wrong, so that when you’re not around to punish them – say you’ve turned your back, or maybe you’ve emancipated your 15 year old – the kid does the right thing. \

      • TG says:

        I completely agree @Mis. My parents or mom really raised me the authoritarian way and I am still suffering from the affects if it st 36 years old. It worked on me in that I was scared straight so I didn’t do bad things like drugs and alcohol, etc. but was punished for every little thing and the fear if punishment would cause me to lie about things rather than own up to them. There was never any chance to learn and grow from experiences it was all about punishment and no chance to show we could be trusted. I try to use the authoritative method if raising my kids which is what you were describing I think. I didn’t study psychology but the years of depression and anger I spent led me to research some of this. The other lasting repercussion of the authoritarian method is that the kids grow into insecure adults. Not all of them but many and I am one of them who has had to work to overcome the strict overbearing controlling ways of mother.

  3. Dedrie says:

    Still alive? Okay.. gotta fly.. I got a busy day kids..

  4. mkyarwood says:

    It would be a good thing for a teenager, I think. If my parents had asked me more questions that led to my self analysis of my decision, rather than FLIPPING OUT OMGWTF every single time, and grounding every single time, I might have ‘grown up’ (that is, become the best I can be) a little sooner. However, I do think all people are different, and so all children are different and some are just more predisposed to liking rules/breaking them.

    • jaye says:

      I agree with this. When they’re teens they have a better sense of right and wrong and articulate why they thought what they did was appropriate. When my son does something that I think is not appropriate behavior or, I’ll just say it, downright stupid I always start our conversation with “Tell me why you thought that was a good idea”. When he tells me his reasoning I follow up with “And how did that work out for you?”. That tends to get a better result than OMGWTF?! although that reaction, depending on the infraction, is warranted.

  5. aims says:

    Honestly, I really don’t understand their parenting advice. A fourteen cannot make informed adult decision. Biologically, their brains haven’t developed yet. I don’t understand how a parent can step back and
    be like,” son, you can do whatever you want.” It’s nuts.

  6. Ag says:

    I used to like Will so much more back in the day. He seems so incredibly full of himself. Not to mention incredibly misguided.

    • Miss Grey says:

      YES!Exactly. I was such a big fan of Will, but lately he has been running his mouth, or he is doing interviews without a publicist and it’s making him unappealing.

  7. DanaG says:

    Own house at 14, own kid by 15. His parents will buy the house and pay the staff he won’t be responsible for anything. Which of course will teach him nothing. He is already doing what he wants with whoever he wants yep great parenting there Will and Jada. Teenagers brains are very different in their chemical makeup and they are asking for trouble. Of course it won’t their fault because Jaden will have made the decision. He will blow through his own money in no time.

  8. pamspam says:

    “Your father’s the biggest movie star in the world…” Bahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

  9. Sam says:

    This feels so, I don’t know, narcissistic. Sure, kids should be taught that their lives are their own. But I think its also part of parenting to teach that your actions can impact other people – and when they do, you need to consider them before doing something. I’ve encountered some kids who are raised this way before, and they all uniformly tend to have pretty high opinions of themselves and tend to just do what they want and not give much weight to how others feel or react to them. They tend to say whatever they want as well and don’t get why other people don’t like them very much.

    I think it’s odd that Will says they started this when Jaden was 5 or 6. Makes me think they embrace the Scientologist view that kids are mini-adults. I can assure you that a 5 or 6 year old lacks the cognitive faculties to adequately express their motives and needs most of the time. That’s why they aren’t subject to adult institutions, like the criminal justice system. Nobody should expect little kids to act like adults – if you do, you’re asking for trouble. Sure, I ask my son (he’s 2 and can speak) questions and his preferences, but I also know I am the guardian of his boundaries and at times, I will have to do stuff “for his own good” that he doesn’t get (if he could pick his own meals, he’d choose dessert every time. Even if that’s “right for him,” I’m not allowing it). This parenting style seems kind of lazy to me. When somebody tells me that they don’t believe in punishment, I tend to hear “I’m too lazy to put the energy into correcting them.”

  10. cmc says:

    Oh wow, that last picture of Jaden is the first time I’ve seen his face in like a year where he’s not making that furrowed-brow “Blue Steel” face.

    • idk says:

      Yeah I know ! He looks so different in that pic !

    • Erinn says:

      It’s a shame, he’s a cute kid. He doesn’t need to do the brooding confused look.

    • Tania says:

      You call that “Blue Steel”? I think he constantly looks constipated and is trying to push one out. He’s a fool for constantly making that face. And WTF with their parenting? Yes, a 6 year old can do whatever they want as long as its not dangerous? Way to parent, Will and Jada. I hope these children had nannies looking out for them.

      • cmc says:

        I think that’s what he’s attempting…LOL! It’s like a “look how broody and complicated I am, ladies!” type of look. It’s comical. Anyway, it’s nice to see the kid’s real face at rest. He’s a cute kiddo and he’s WAY less annoying/bratty-looking when he’s not making that face.

  11. Shade says:

    So what happens when he can’t give you a good reason for kicking his sister in the chest? What a load of crap.

    • jwoolman says:

      The fact that he used that bizarre example of Jaden kicking Willow in the chest suggests to me that it was a real incident (maybe a lot of real incidents). Poor Willow. Long, long ago, while waiting for a spot. to open up in a Catholic parochial school, my brother went to first grade in a “permissive” school (the only thing available) that let the kid sitting behind him randomly hit my brother. Nothing was done because the school didn’t want to interfere with “self-expression”. My brother developed a nervous tic… And my mom managed to get him into the parochial school early, as an emergency case!

      You’re really not helping your kids develop into reasonable adults if you let them engage in behavior that causes problems for other people. You have to especially watch out for emotional and physical abuse between siblings. Not fun at all for the abused kid.

  12. Dap says:

    When my grandfather was 15 years old, his own father put him in a boat and off he went to earn his life in a different country (with a different language). So I found the idea that a 15-years-old millionaire can’t manage to live alone “because his brain isn’t finished” very entertaining.

    • Loira says:

      I bet he was not surrounded by yes-people.
      I am a teacher and I have lost of students whose parents do not care for them enough or at all. Very few are doing OK in school, most of them stop attending and more easily, start looking for easy money as drug dealing accsesories, and in my country, that means that they will eventually will end up as addicts and paid murderers. Truth.
      As for Jaden, he is hanging with Bieber, so there it goes. The difference is that at least Bieber makes his own, but that does not make his entitled actions better.

      • Dap says:

        I agree with you that the lack of education is J.Smith’s main problem, but it will remain the same, should he stay with his parents or not.

    • Erinn says:

      My grandfather would be working at around 8 years old, helping provide for his family.

      However, it was a different world back then. It was out of necessity, and because kids were raised with adult responsibilities from a young age.

      I highly doubt Jaden has any sort of level of responsibility in comparison to that of our grandparents. He hasn’t REALLY had to work for a thing in his life.

  13. Faye says:

    Yeah, um, the problem with that, Will, is that most kids don’t know when they’ve crossed the “too dangerous” line, since they haven’t yet developed the appropriate judgment and reasoning skills, and their hormones are out of control. Your job as a parent — even if it makes you uncool and unpopular at times — is to set those boundaries for them and help them figure out what is and isn’t safe.

  14. moon says:

    I think you’ve misinterpreted his interview, completely. He’s not saying it’s cool for jaden to get his own place, he’s actually against that. But respecting a child and genuinely listening to them, I don’t see anything wrong with that.

    I like that Will and Jada don’t start pointing out to their children their mistakes and faults and how to correct them. They take the time to understand why they made those mistakes, listen to their reasoning, then gently guide them to see the bigger picture. It’s a much better way of educating than assuming your kids always don’t know better and have to be told why they’re wrong without bothering to listen first.

    I’m not a sciencetologist in any way. I don’t buy their mystical whatevers.

  15. Soxfan says:

    I knew a couple years ago. Dad was a $ciento, mom was not. They had 2 girls when I knew them-the kids were 3 and 4 or so. The dad let them literally do anything they wanted: standing and running on the dining room table-with food on it; screaming at the top of their lungs-anytime, anywhere; he did not want them to have any medicine or see docs and when the couple ultimately divorced soon after, (ha-ha-ha) psychiatric support (if ever needed for the kids) was fought for tooth and nail by the mom and she won.

    • TrustMeOnThis says:

      There is a lot of harmful shit that scientology perpetuates, but what it does to children and families is the worst. I am so glad your friend got out with her kids!

  16. lovegossip says:

    He certainly thinks very highly of himself. “Biggest movie star in the world….”. Lol

  17. Viv says:

    I’ve always liked Will Smith but everytime I read something about Will and Jada I kind of picture them at home constantly high-fiving each other and talking in riddles like the Oracle from the Matrix. They probably think that they can fly and drink their own urine for self-healing. Co$ may just be perfect for them.

    Yeah, other kids want their own place at 14, no parental advice and a juicy monthly paycheck. Big fat chance. Please don’t be giving my kids silly ideas.

  18. KellyinSeattle says:

    I used to like Will a lot, but he’s gotten too deep into his ego. I don’t know much about Jada, but she seems kind of like an ice princess…also, doesn’t will have another kid? I wonder , does he parent that kid like he does Jaden and Willow? Good to see Jaden without the furrowed brow. How tall is Will? He towers over his family.

  19. LittleDeadGirl says:

    To be honest I don’t know much about this permissive way of parenting an I respect people’s right to choose what is right for their kids. However, my personal experience with a friend of mine who described her parenting as this way, and I don’t know if she was doing it right, but her children were really very very rude. She never disciplined them once in any way and I don’t mean I’m for like beating your children but why is time out wrong? I don’t know, I get letting kids express themselves but jesus there are other people in this world and not everyone wants to deal with your child expressing himself in the mall or on the street.

    Will’s kids don’t seem like they are having much of a childhood. Sad.

  20. aang says:

    I never gave my kids a bed time and they went to bed when they were tired because they still had to get up in the morning. If they didn’t want to eat what or when the rest of the family did they could make a pb&j or a bowl of cereal later on. If they committed to a violin recital and then didn’t practice they were the ones looking foolish when they sounded bad. It is ok to give them freedom to make their own choices but they must feel the consequences of those choices. And these little choices with smaller consequences help them to learn to think about the consequences of more important choices later. There are some things that are not negotiable, seat belts, bike helmets, treating others with respect etc.. I left home and went to college at 16 and was way more responsible than many of the binge drinking idiot 18 year olds who had been coddled by their helicopter parents. When my daughter was 10 she took a bus into the city to her job as a mother’s helper and earned enough to buy a laptop. At 14 she has just finished her first college course with an A. If you expect them to make good choices they usually will. But add 100’s of millions of dollars and sycophants to the mix and maybe not. We’ll see.

  21. They are still cute. Both of them.