Martha Stewart’s prison buddy recounts tense lesbian sex incident

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The National Enquirer has an interview with a woman who claims she was friends with Martha Stewart in prison, but has since been ignored by the millionaire homemaker after multiple attempts to contact her. Martha Guarino was in Alderson Federal Prison Camp serving time for cocaine possession when she befriended Martha Stewart. Guarino says she protected a clueless Stewart from beat downs and serious threats from other inmates and that in turn Stewart promised to help her find the best doctor to treat her breast cancer. Guarino is upset that Stewart didn’t keep in touch with her after she got out of prison, though, and says she broke her promise to provide help and assistance.

The best part of the interview is this anecdote Guarino recounts about how Stewart learned the hard way to mind her business in the slammer:

Mother-of-three Lisa was already serving time after being sentenced to 40 months for cocaine possession.

“We both found each other taking the same walks each day,” Lisa told The Enquirer at her home in Boston.

The two became friendly, says Lisa, after she loaned Martha some blush. Soon the two began working out nightly together at the prison’s recreation center.

Lisa, who remains on probation and is battling cancer, told The Enquirer: “Martha and I would do crunches at night. I would count in English and Martha in French.”

One visit to the recreation center nearly ended in tragedy when strong-willed Martha shot her mouth off, revealed Lisa.

“We were going to the usual room we used and the lights were off, which was odd. Then I looked through the window and I could make out some lesbians having sex.

“I warned Martha not to go in there, but she said it was our time to exercise, swung open the door, turned on the light and said ‘Chop! Chop! Ladies.’

“There were about four lesbian couples in there, most of them semi-clothed and all of them had clearly been fooling around.

“Most of the women were more masculine-looking than boxers, and as they came out of the room, one of them said she was going to kill Martha!

“I pushed Martha into the room and she began panicking when she realized they were serious. She went white and began shaking. ‘Don’t let them hurt me,’ she said.

“I went back out and spoke to the women. The angriest said ‘That b- is dead! I am going to kill her. She may be somebody outside, but she’s just a number in here!”

As the tension mounted, Lisa did some quick thinking.

“I said Martha wasn’t right in the head and she wasn’t with the program yet. Then I got Martha to come out of the room and apologize t the women. It seemed to work.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, January 19, 2008]

Martha was grateful for the help, and for another incident in which Lisa convinced an inmate who had it out for Martha not to hurt her. In turn she told Lisa that she would help her with breast cancer treatment once she was released. Stewart’s promises ultimately were hollow, though:

After Lisa’s release, the mother of three says she sent letters to Martha at her Connecticut home. “Martha had given me a telephone number for her assistant, but the number came up dead. And no one replied to the letters I sent. I did get one thing from her – a signed photograph.

“I am sorry if Martha wants to wash her hands of me because I may bring up memories of a bad time. I have nothing but respect for her, but I am in a terrible way now because of my health.

“The cancer has not been reduced, and I may well have a double mastectomy in the coming weeks. I just wanted Martha to know.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, January 19, 2008]

This could all be fabricated by this woman, and who knows how much of it is true or if Martha really told her this. You don’t know what really happened and maybe Martha thinks it’s best that she keep her distance or worries that people are trying to take advantage of her. It’s sad for Lisa that she’s dealing with breast cancer though and maybe the cash from the National Enquirer will help pay for her expenses.

Martha Stewart is shown on 11/20/08 at a benefit. Credit: WENN

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21 Responses to “Martha Stewart’s prison buddy recounts tense lesbian sex incident”

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  1. Sickitten says:

    It probably has some truth. This woman is just desperate because of the cancer. She needs prayers.

    You and I would be the same way in prison as Martha was.

  2. boomchakaboom says:

    Oh, Martha. I get that you have no plans to return to the big house, but don’t you know what comes of burning bridges?

  3. geronimo says:

    “‘Chop! Chop! Ladies.’” Love it!

    Great story but kind of unsurprising that Martha would want to compartmentalise her prison experience and her real life and leave the former tucked away in a (tidy) drawer somewhere. Did this woman really expect a call?

  4. chamalla says:

    I imagine it’s all BS, but that post headline just made my whole week.

  5. Kate says:

    Wasn’t her “jail” pretty much like a camp? It seems that when celebrities actually do serve jail time, it’s greatly reduced from what an average person would serve, or they are put into a very low level security building. I really doubt she was ever in any danger. I almost doubt she even had to put up with a cellmate.

  6. Amy says:

    Oh please, Martha wasn’t staying in Oz. It was like a boarding school for grown women.

  7. Laura says:

    She should have stayed longer.

  8. Rio says:

    “She may be somebody outside, but she’s just a number in here!”

    Wow, that is seriously the most clichéd prison script ever.

  9. Mori says:

    According to Martha’s terms of release, she cannot EVER have contact with those who have committed a felony and/or her roomies in prison. Those are conditions she cannot break.

  10. Nouvel says:

    oh gosh this sounds like such a made up story.. hilarious.. what a whack job that lady in jail sounds to be…

  11. It sounds like someone has watched one too many “made for tv” movies on the Lifetime channel . . .

    Even her lies sound scripted! I expect more imagination from a detainee in the Criminal Justice Department – so much time squandered away . . .

  12. l.a.m.b. says:

    my brother’s ex-girlfriend has an aunt who is an actress, just small time stuff. martha stewart was at her wedding, and everyone i talked to who saw her there had nothing nice to say about her. they all said she was very snobby and stand-offish. she seems that way. the story probably isn’t 100% true, especially because if someone in prison really wants to hurt someone, no one has the ability to stop them from doing so. i wouldn’t doubt if she was a bitch to someone in the slammer though.

  13. ak says:

    The prison Martha was in is known as Camp Cupcake. A lot of the inmates are women who get swept up in drug raids. And I believe it’s an open campus–i.e., the women can walk anywhere on the grounds as long as they’re back in their rooms by curfew. As someone else said, it’s not Oz. I’m sure there’s some fighting, but Martha, as a celebrity, was watched very, very closely.

    According to her, she spent most of her time there doing yoga, picking wild greens on her nature walks, and learning how to cook in a microwave.

  14. Codzilla says:

    “… learning how to cook in a microwave.”

    Lol! Probably the first time she’d crossed paths with such a lowbrow contraption.

  15. Judy says:

    If Martha has anythin g to do with another convicted felon she can go back to jail. Convicted felons are not ot associate with one another period. I dont know if she could donate money to this woman or not but if I were Martha I would let that part of my life go.

  16. elisha says:

    You put Martha Guarino but the source article refers to a “Lisa”? I think it’s Lisa Guarino?

  17. LaLa says:

    Next we are going to read an article that Martha taught them how to make knit covers for their shanks…

  18. Matt says:

    She takes pictures of food and chafing dishes but took no pics of a women’s prison lesbian sex orgy in the weight room?? And she calls herself a businesswoman??

  19. From all the blogs I’ve pore over lately, this one seems to be the most evocative – it gave me something to about about.

  20. Michelle Falkovich says:

    Maybe she’s just trying to hide the fact that she really is lesbian and come off snobby.

  21. Attorney says:

    For those who are referring to the terms of her release, you all have it slightly askew. First when a prisoner is released, if they have served there entire sentence, most have little to no restrictions. If a prison is on parole, then a court has issued terms of said parole. Once a parolee has finished the length of that parole the terms are lifted, with a few exceptions , (a felon may not own or be in possession of a firmware i.e.) However having contact with other felons is not a “life term,” but a suggestion. Someone may want to avoid contact with felon or that part of their life, but as long as a person is not on parole, it is NOT a term and would not “send them back to prison.”