The Daily Mail has an EPIC story about what’s going to happen when Duchess Kate goes into labor, and what happens when she gives birth and how the birth will be announced and what Prince William will be doing the whole time, etc. It’s exhaustive – you can read the full thing here. I’m just going to cover the highlights, most of which are about the Duchess Beav and whether or not she’s “too posh to push”.

The Duchess of Cambridge is planning to give birth naturally and has chosen the same private hospital where her husband was born to deliver the future baby king or queen, royal sources revealed today. The royal mother-to-be is definitely not ‘too posh to push’ and wants – unless nature intervenes – to opt for a natural birth rather than an elective caesarean section like many celebrity figures, MailOnline understands.

Kate, 31, who is expecting her first baby in mid-July, will give birth to the new third-in-line-to-the-throne at the private Lindo Wing of St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington, west London, where Prince William was delivered in 1982. Significantly, our sources also strongly hinted that Kate’s family – particularly her mother, Carole Middleton, and sister, Pippa – are likely to be present at the hospital during her labour. Remarkably, this means that the Middleton family may learn the sex of the new-born future king or queen before even the present Queen herself.

Sources have told MailOnline that Kate is particularly keen to have her family around her as anxious father-to-be William, 30, may be on duty in North Wales, where he is still working as a Search and Rescue pilot at RAF Valley on Anglesey, when the baby arrives. William is said to be determined to make it to the delivery suite, following in the footsteps of his own father who broke royal tradition to be with his wife, Diana, Princess of Wales, for the birth of both their children. As a result, plans are currently being formulated by palace aides to whisk him down to London by helicopter so he can be present at his son or daughter’s birth.

‘He very much plans to be at the birth but between now and then will also be on and off duty in North Wales, meaning he might have to get there rather swiftly,’ said a source. ‘It could be by train or car if he is up in Anglesey, but should a helicopter be available then that is also a strong possibility.’

Helicopters aside, the future king is not expecting any special treatment and is due to take just two weeks’ statutory paternity leave – for which he will be paid £136.78 a week – before returning to his normal shift pattern.

His wife, however, will definitely not return with him to their home on Anglesey with the new baby. A palace spokesman said today that there was ‘still some discussion’ about where Kate and their new-born will be based as a result. But the Daily Mail has already revealed that she plans to move in with her parents at their £4.8million Berkshire mansion for around six weeks after William returns to work as builders are still finishing their new apartment at Kensington Palace.

It is understood that contingency plans have been put in place with other hospitals, such as the Royal Berkshire in Reading, in case the Duchess goes into labour when visiting her parents.

But a source told the Mail: ‘As was demonstrated when the Duchess fell ill with a pregnancy-related sickness last year while staying with her parents in Berkshire, she can she be whisked in a private car to central London within an hour. So it is very unlikely she will give birth anywhere else than St Mary’s, quite frankly.’

Unusually, palace officials will make public the fact that the Duchess has gone into labour within minutes of her being admitted to hospital and being seen by a doctor. While palace aides are keen to retain Kate’s ‘dignity’ as a woman in labour, they acknowledge the fact that social media such as Twitter will make it almost impossible… although both Buckingham Palace and Clarence House have their own Twitter accounts on which details of royal events are frequently now broken, it will – blessedly, some might say – most definitely not be the preferred medium to announce the new royal baby. Instead a formal notice on a piece of creamy A4 size Buckingham Palace-headed paper, signed by the medical staff who have assisted the Duchess, will be brought out of the Lindo’s front entrance by a press officer.

It will then be handed to a waiting driver and driven through the streets of London – escorted by police outriders – to the Privy Purse Door at the front of Buckingham Palace. There it will then be placed on an easel, last used to announce Prince William’s birth, by the main gates in the palace forecourt. This will signify to an eager public that a new royal baby has been born. However if the baby is born between 10.30pm and 8am, the news will be sent out via press release with the easel being erected later that morning, at around 9am.

MailOnline understands that William himself is likely to phone the Queen before anyone else, even his own father, depending on what time of day the baby is born.

‘Clearly if they are together the Middleton family will be informed pretty quickly….efforts will be made to contact the Queen soon after and members of the royal family will be told as soon as is practically possible. Whether they are woken depends on what time of day it was,’ the source added.

It is also hoped that William will make a short statement on the steps of the hospital after the good news has been dispersed – as will the Middletons, although the mechanics of this have yet to be discussed.

‘While it is a deeply personal and private event, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge realise this is a time of national celebration and that there will be vast interest in the baby. They realise many people will want to share in their happiness,’ a spokesman said.

[From The Mail]

All of the stuff about putting a notice outside of Buckingham Palace seems rather creepy to me, but then again, I’m not English. The Mail also says that for sure, William and Kate don’t know the baby’s gender and various sources have told the other tabloids that Kate has done up the nurseries (there are multiple nurseries because they have several homes) in all-neutral colors, all creams and beiges. While I think it’s nice/sweet that Carole Middleton is determined to be at the hospital when her first child is born, I do think the idea of dueling photocalls, one for William and one for the Middletons, seems sort of wrong. The day should be about Kate and the baby, not the Middleton family.

As for all of the stuff about what William will do if he’s “working”… ha. Yeah. We’ll see. I bet Kate manages to give birth on William’s “day off”. And if he really was so concerned, why didn’t he save up his vacation days so he could be around more in the final weeks of her pregnancy? Oh, right. Ha.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.