Jada Pinkett Smith on if you should dump a cheater ‘there is no right or wrong answer’


Jada Pinkett Smith has been posting a lot of stuff to her Facebook page, some of it cryptic and some quite revealing. The last time we covered her Facebook musings she was trying to clarify her non-denial that she and Will had an “open marriage.” She only made it worse in my opinion, and went on about the nature of love and freedom. She’s since made several posts to Facebook, in most of which she waxes philosophical about relationships. The folks at the Wendy Williams show brought Jada’s post from last week to our attention, in which she answers the hypothetical question “Should I stay with a mate after she or he has cheated on me?”:

Should I stay with a mate after she or he has cheated on me?

(This is not referring to habitual cheaters. That is a different matter.)

This is a very personal choice, and there is no right or wrong answer. If your partner is remorseful and is willing to work it out, I would suggest trying to look at it from this vantage point. My observation has been that when most people cheat, they are trying to solve a problem. They are usually in some kind of emotional trouble or confusion that they believed the cheating would relieve. What’s interesting is that most of the time the cheating has nothing to do with YOU. Now the question becomes, are you willing to put all ego aside and reach for some deep compassion to try to figure out what the trouble is, and, as partners, try to solve it? Know this, if someone has cheated on you who truly loves you, they have hurt themselves as much as they have hurt you. This makes for a great opportunity to deepen the relationship with thorough honesty, which creates deeper respect with some serious setting of boundaries. This is also when love gets real and true and illuminates what you are made of as a couple and as individuals. Situations like these could be the windows to a deeper commitment OR… to two separate paths on the way to look for new partners. Only the unique nature of your specific relationship can be the telling factor. Is he or she worth it?

J

[From Facebook]

Jada answers other questions on Facebook, most notably “What do I do with heartbreak” and “Is true love real?” She’s letting us know that something serious is going on in her relationship with Will, and that they’re working it out. Jada has said many times that she’s going to stick by Will, that he’s her partner and that she won’t leave him, and that divorce is not an option. It sounds like she’s really struggling with that decision. Plus, Will and son Jaden’s big summer blockbuster, After Earth, totally tanked at the box office. Things are probably not that harmonious in her household and I would bet that Will is really struggling with that. Scientology is likely to be making things much harder and more complicated for Jada and Will than if they tried to conquer this with traditional therapy or on their own. They’re probably very deep in that cult, judging from all the nonsense Will has been spouting lately.

In lighter news Jada got a new haircut. She posted this photo on Facebook along with the message “Loving my new hair cut.” I think she got the extensions taken out and kept most of the length for this angled bob. I really like it!

These photos are from the After Earth premiere on 5-29 and also of Jada and Willow at the airport on 6-7-13. Credit: WENN.com

 

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27 Responses to “Jada Pinkett Smith on if you should dump a cheater ‘there is no right or wrong answer’”

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  1. Daahling says:

    How embarrassing of her. The more you peak about something so polarizing, the more attention you draw for yourself, Jada. Ooh, wait, I see what you did there!

  2. mkyarwood says:

    I think she has a unique relationship, and I do like it when people give real answers. Living in a full on black and white world is extremely limiting.

  3. Dedrie says:

    Nothing really matters after the honeymoon work of establishing them a family brand is over.. she had the kids.. she had several careers.. she has her freedom and got her best shot for personal fame and A list name recognition, move on nothing more to see here, neither are interested in divorce, remarrying or anything else all average typed domestic comfortable, bringing them down to level of mere ordinary people..

  4. Abra says:

    They annoy me, their kids annoy me, their interviews annoy me.

  5. GeeMoney says:

    She just needs to stop talking. All she is doing is confirming the fact that her and Will’s marriage is about as dysfunctional as it can get.

    Move on already, honey. Find yourself someone who truly wants to be with you.

  6. Jayna says:

    They annoy me with their psycho babble talk. Will’s remarks about their family business and bringing good into the world, blah, blah, wow. I would doze off having dinner with these two talking in circles.

    If he cheated, then talk about it in a straightforward manner, but stop drip-drop spoon feeding little bits like this alluding to it. Just keep it private and shut up.

    I don’t disagree with her, though, in one respect. There have been studies of women that divorced a cheating husband (not habitual), a good portion regretted it, now in their fifties or older, financially never recovered, life wasn’t necessarily better and wished they had tried counseling, etc. The study was for an affair or one-time cheating, not someone who made your life miserable by cheating throughout the marriage. I pray I am never cheated on. It would destroy me and I believe he won’t. But I can’t say I would divorce a hundred percent either. I would kick him out at first, though. Life isn’t black and white, for sure. So that I will give her. You can never say what you would do until it happens to you and what happens afterwards. My friend’s husband went into therapy for months fighting to get back into her good graces and reuniite the family, dumped the girlfriend, and took full responsibility. She said she would never but after six months with lots of couples counseling, where she finally started attending to months after he started, they came back together and have been back together for five years. I told her I couldn’t do it and would hate him forever, but who knows until you’ve walked in their shoes

    All her psychobabble about them hurting, too, well, yeah, because they got caught. They are working through a problem is the reason they cheated? Usually that problem is called horny and the thrill of seducing someone new, the excitement of that first rush of new sex. Easier for her to say they are working through a problem you need to help figure out than he wanted some exciting new strange after upteem years of marriage and he was a selfish pig and hard to admit your declarations of nonstop sex everywhere didn’t keep him from straying. It’s not about you but it is about him being turned on by another woman and acting on it. Worse yet, he may have thought he fell in love with someone else.

  7. Poppy says:

    I have to give her/them credit for their ‘divorce is not an option’ attitude. It feels like celebrities get married and divorced at the drop of a hat (*cough* Russell and Katy *cough*), so it’s refreshing to see a couple seemingly committed to working it out.

    • SouthernGal says:

      Divorce for me is not an option as well. If my husband cheated, I would forgive him and vice versa. People don’t take marriage seriously anymore which is why most marriages don’t make it past 5yrs. When I married at 18, we both made a vow to one another to make it through anything even infidelity.

      There was an option at one time to have an open marriage. Meaning you have permission to sleep with whomever but know that you have to live with your decision (which is the exact same verbiage Jada used in a previous article). After 22 yrs of being married, I can’t see myself being with anyone else but him. Call it me being complacent but I am HAPPY.

      • Trek Girl says:

        Regarding your “A lot of people don’t take marriage seriously anymore” comment: not getting a divorce when someone cheats or breaks their vows in some way does not mean you take marriage seriously. Staying no matter what the other person does can be just as foolish as getting divorced at the drop of a hat or for some stupid reason.

        And people in previous decades and generations didn’t take marriage all that seriously either. There was cheating and abuse and all the things there are today — it was just harder to get out of marriage. A lot of people still managed to get married and divorced, sometimes many times, but it was harder and looked down upon in most cases.

  8. Lulu86 says:

    She is clearly bursting out to say something, i follow her on Facebook and she always has these ‘deep’ posts that scream ‘it’s really me but i just can’t bring myself to say it.’

  9. dianna says:

    I actually like her response and thought it was well written.

  10. Roxy says:

    Once a cheater, always a cheater. Sorry, jada. You let him get away with it, he will do it again :( .

  11. Amelia says:

    That’s one of the best pieces of advice RE: cheating i’ve seen. I cannot stand this ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ mantra people (especially women) seem to have. It’s so dismissive and generalised.

    She’s a smart woman!

  12. megsie says:

    She is a smart woman, absolutely. Will I have no use for, but Jada I adored when she first came on the scene. HW life and her involvement in scientology have really done a number on her though.

  13. Mrs.Krabapple says:

    I realize that sometimes divorce might not be the best thing to do. However, I have a bigger problem with her laissez faire attitude toward the cheating when she has kids in the house. You KNOW the kids know about it, and what you’re telling them is it’s ok if your spouse cheats on you, because you don’t deserve any better.

    • jwoolman says:

      Actually, having kids in the house can be a reason people stay together, whether or not trust is repaired. The good may outweigh the bad in that situation, if the spouse is otherwise a decent parent. Divorce or separation really does complicate life for the kids. Sometimes people live in the same house without living together in such situations. It really is an individual decision.

      And kids may or may not know, or if they do, they may not care as long as the parents are civil and friendly with the arrangement.

  14. vvvoid says:

    I find her answer perfectly reasonable. While I am so jealous that I stormed out of the house in my nightgown at 3am after finding a porn pic of a butt on my fiance’s phone admist photos of my own butt the other night, and can’t imagine having it in me to put my ego aside to try to understand and work it out if my SO cheated on me in any way but truly did love me [I have cheated before when I was younger even though I truly did love my then-boyfriend and was actually trying to solve my own emotional issues in an extreme and toxic way], I think depending on the circumstance, it isn’t always weak and self-defeating to stick by someone who has cheated on you. In fact, in some ways, being strong enough and secure enough to do what Jada is suggesting seems like a sign of good character to me. Infidelity isn’t black and white, so she’s right, there is no wrong v. right way to deal with it except honestly and searchingly.

  15. Thora says:

    I’m glad After Earth tanked. Shameless nepotism shouldn’t be rewarded.