The Duggar family recently announced that their third oldest daughter Jessa, 20, is in a “courtship” with an 18 year-old boy named Ben. Jessa and Ben’s “courtship” involves attending events together with their families and sending each other text messages about their religion. Their text messages are monitored by their parents. The two are not permitted to kiss until they marry (and that sounds like a foregone conclusion), they can’t hold hands and they don’t even hug properly. They’re only allowed to “side hug,” which I guess is a thing among the very devout. This is the first time I’ve heard of a side hug.
The Duggars made this announcement to help promote the new season of their reality show, which premiered last night. The family doesn’t watch broadcast television and explain that they have a reality show because they “see their show as a family ministry.” So they’re trying to proselytize through television and the media, and they admit as much. In a new interview with Radar Online, patriarch Jim-Bob Duggar talks about his daughter Jessa’s “courtship” and how he hopes his daughter doesn’t make the same mistakes he did. I guess that means making out with his wife before they walked down the aisle.
“Jessa and Ben [Seewald] have been together for a couple of months and they’re getting to know each other,” Jim Bob said about his 20-year-old daughter and her new beau.
The conservative family’s daughter is “courting” Ben and her parents have encourage her to get to know him on a deeper, spiritual level.
“Both of them love studying the Bible and he is thinking about becoming a pastor. They have similar interests and are really a match made in Heaven,” Jim Bob said.
He explained that Jessa and Ben have been “asking a lot of other young couples about their standards and the directions they went. They are learning about having a spiritual relationship.”
The “courting” process that the Duggars practice doesn’t encourage a physical relationship before marriage and Jim Bob explained he and Michelle shared the mistakes they believe they made in their marriage and hope that their children don’t make the same ones.
“We hope they save they physical for when they are married. When Michelle and I were dating we took things father than we should have and we regret that. We hope they hold off on any physical aspect until they’re married and that they focus on their spiritual relationship.”
Michelle told RadarOnline.com that it is exciting to see her daughter “being mature in her conversation.”
She said that Jessa and Ben decided not to even hold hands in their relationship and that she has developed these strong ethics in her children over time.
“We have long conversations and talk about how we do two things. One, we serve the Lord, and two, we serve other people.”
Michelle said that she would love to attend her daughter’s wedding but that she certainly isn’t going to make any decisions about that in the near future.
“We don’t have a timeframe at all,” Jim Bob said about their relationship plans but said Ben “fits with our family and he will make a great husband for Jessa.”
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have been together for 29 years and they have 19 kids together. It makes no sense that they’re feeling guilt over whatever they did before marriage, even if they had sex. They’re still together, it’s not like it affected their relationship. Is this a case of “do as I say not as I do?” Like the kids are asking their parents how they handled staying chaste before marriage and Jim-Bob and Michelle had to admit that they didn’t wait at all.
This is a 20 year-old young woman who has known a guy for just two months under some very strict circumstances. Her parents are already talking about what a great husband this guy would be for her. She barely knows him. This is whats expected of her, she’s supposed to get married, defer to the husband her parents picked for her and have as many babies as possible. That’s success to the Duggars.
Poor poor girl..I wish she HAD a CHOICE!!!She does,but she doesnt know.
If she had a family that wanted their children to follow their path and be what the parent’s wanted, but had the freedom to choose knowing they would not lose their parent’s love I would be ok with this.
The Duggars strike me as a family that will cut someone off if they disagree. That’s the sad part in this. No love and freedom. Only a man named Jim-Bob dictating. It’s for people like this I hope there is a loving, compassionate God to tell them what’s up. 🙁
I sure hope that a God of love can reach them too, because there’s not a lot of *real* love in that household.
Basically they’re the family version of pensacola state (google it, it’s super creepy)
That said, I’d take Jessa’s life over the super liberal lives of Lindsay, Amanda Bynes, and Miley.
Note: Mley used to be the “good old Christian girl” seen going to church every weekend but since 2011 no more pap pics going to church and no more talking about purity rings with Jonas brothers and crap.
Edit:oops I mean Pensacola Christian College, not state. They have rules like no eye contact for more than 5 seconds between opposite genders and if you touch another member of the opposite gender you have to live with a student officer for a week and be under constant surveillance.
Completely disagree, which is okay. Lindsey, Miley, etal can make different choices. Free will is a beautiful thing.
Free will IS a beautiful thing, and while I wouldn’t want any part of the Duggar’s oddball life – they give the world a distorted view of Christianity – IMO, Miley, Lindsay, et al, are trapped in their own kind of prison, one that compels them to resort to more and more degrading things to garner the attention they crave, then drink and drug away the shame they feel. Their lives have no more freedom than the Duggar’s.
Bravo epiphany, I think you might be right on the mark with that one!
Epiphany – I don’t necessarily think they give the world a distorted view of Christianity. Christianity is ALL about subserviency. The men are subservient to God and the women are subservient to men. The goal is to create an army of servants. People just don’t want to admit that’s what it’s all about, so they argue for a more lax interpretation of Christianity.
epiphany, The lives of Miley, etal are not based on any particular philosophy outside of perhaps sowing young wild oats, and maybe veering dangerously into bad taste. Perhaps.
On the other hand, it’s better to make decisions for one’s self and have autonomy to be a better person than to be a programmed robot with no freedom to change or make critical analysis.
As a side note, some of the wildest people that I have known have come from very strict, very rigid upbringings, where with a touch of freedom (at, say College) they went completely berserk.
@ Kiddo “…As a side note, some of the wildest people that I have known have come from very strict, very rigid upbringings.”
I agree. When I was in high school, a neighborhood boy who attended the local public school would only date the girls from the Catholic school. He said they were much more likely to let loose…
Ryan, I don’t know what form of Christianity you have been exposed to, but your definition of it is nothing like what I was brought to believe, especially the subservient to man part.
I think Ryan was talking about in reference to the text of the Bible. Many Christians don’t follow it word for word, there are varying interpretations, but at the end of the day there are many passages about women being subservient to men in the Bible.
True freedom is one of the most invaluable rights we have, but doing all sorts of drugs, alcohol, getting into car accidents as your lifestyle/choice isn’t my idea of beautiful. And the thing about the Dggars is that they’re happy in their own little world whereas Lindsay is self admittedly miserable.
Are any of their kids getting some kind of an education?
They are home-schooled.
I believe they are home schooled. And I don’t think the older children have gone to college.
Ladies, what is your opinion on home-schooling?
In my country you cannot homeschool your kids unless they’re seriously ill. Elementary education is obligatory, and secondary education will be obligatory soon. And I think that’s a good thing. However, I don’t know any people who were homescholed, so I can’t know the full picture.
I’m a big fan of home-schooling, but like anything (from education to nutrition) there are those who do it well and those who don’t. I went to a small Catholic liberal arts school and had quite a few classmates who were home-schooled. They were — and I’m being totally honest here — among the brightest and more advanced of all the students in the institution. They came to the table with discipline, excellent social skills, a strong sense of individuality, and a well-formed appreciation for the arts and sciences. They were already incredibly well-read in a variety of genres even as 18 year olds entering freshmen year of college. The only drawback is that they were often a bit arrogant and elitist. But part of that is the growing process of youth. So yeah, I have seen very positive results of Christian home-schooling. I loved my college, BTW. I read amazing books as this was a Great Books school, and we also did philosophy and political science. We watched great movies including classic foreign films. And yep, we had theology courses as well. And art and architecture.
EDIT: Oh, I wanted to add some balance to this perspective. One of our “rival” (friendly rivalry!) schools was another small LA Catholic college but this one was way more strict on religious values than our school. I remember we had some transfers from that school to ours and those students were amazed that we smoked and could decorate our dorm rooms as we saw fit. In their school they were only allowed to have one religious picture (usually the Virgin Mary), a picture of the Pope, and a picture of their family. Room checks were done weekly to make sure clothes were folded and organized. God!! I can’t even imagine living like that. I loved my school!
@Maureen
I agree with the arrogance bit. I think home schooling can be genuinely wonderful – depending on the parent and the child. Not good in every case, but when it’s done right it’s fantastic.
However, every home schooled kid I’ve met, save for one, has been incredibly arrogant and believed themselves to be so much better than everyone else. Which is extremely off-putting.
“home schooled” is a very loose definition for what these kids have.
From the show they get about 2-3 hours on a computer or with the older kids (michelle can’t be bothered naturally-she has to get her admitted 1 hour nap in every day) They don’t teach any math past algebra because they don’t ‘believe’ in it. It’s basically the older kids teaching the younger ones. They are only in half the day.
I’ve got friends that home schooled through elementary school and were fantastic at it. 8-4 year round. The state had a home school curriculum that they followed along with added things from mom/dad that were advanced. They hung out with lots of other kids. By middle school they went off to public school and were super prepared and successful.
It’s not my ideal form of education (kids need teachers other than parents, its important for development) but the duggars home “schooling” is absolute BS
@ L most home school families we know are not the sole teachers of their children. My children have attended art classes, played in a home school orchestra, gone to the local zoo and science center for classes, as well as having tutors at various times. It is a lot of work to do it well, and it truly takes a village of people willing to share their talents with young people.
I homeschooled my daughter until 6th grade when she said she wanted to go to real school. I had her take the state evaluation test that spring so I would know how she measured up before she started “real school.”
Her results (at the end of 5th grade homeschool) were amazing. She rated at high school level on all but 2 and those she was rated at post-high school level knowledge.
When I sent her to public school (which was/is a highly rated school district), she went in as a smart, confident, sociable and happy young girl. After 3 years in public middle school, she had low self-esteem, anxiety problems and depression.
She’s still in public school and has no desire to be homeschooled, but when I compare how she was before public school to how she is after public school, I have to question if it was the right decision.
@Sherry
Some of that behavior could be contributed to her age in general. Middleschool is a really tough age – my mom always said I became a whole different kid when I hit 7th-9th grade. My aunt teaches middle school, and most of the kids are just completely miserable either sad, or confused, or over confident and jerky. I think it’s a lot to do with the influx of hormones; not just where they’re being schooled.
As others have pointed out, homeschooling ranges far and wide. I had college classmates who were homeschooled, and I agree with Maureen’s description completely. These were the kids whose parents approached homeschooling as a full-time job, which it is. You have to deal with lesson plans for an assortment of ages if you have a bunch of kids, you have to make sure everyone is up to par with state tests, etc. Those families didn’t do it on a lark, and it showed.
That being said, I know a few teachers who have/had students who were “homeschooled,” and it was disastrous. These kids were well behind their peers, is what I’m saying.
@spooks Well, as I said yesterday I was home schooled, although the lack of structure and proper setting probably prevents me from giving an accurate overall analysis. But for the first 2 years, we were a part of a home schoolers group, that collectively would take field trips to places such as the local hospital, the zoo, etc. There’d also be gatherings for activities like sledding in the winter.
Were they (or we, I suppose) smart? Yes. But the caveat there is that the kids involved were also very odd. Just…odd. Not even really eccentric, but odd in a way that you could sense would prevent the majority of them from ever really assimilating into the real world. So, there was no lack of intellectual refinement, but the social skills…the social skills were non-existent. So ultimately the intelligence would never really benefit anyone as a result, and would instead create kids older than their years, who were more likely to think themselves INTO a problem, than out of one. So, homeschooling creates a bunch of weirdos(of whom I am a member), is what I’m saying. 🙂
Honestly, I kind of wish that more home schooled kids fit Tina Fey’s description in Mean Girls, as we would have been much funnier. But also stupid.
“And on the seventh day, God created the Remington bolt action rifle, so man could hunt the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.”
@Karen – I know people who have gone to school at Pensacola Christian. I’ve heard about supervised group trips to the mall, and not being able to leave campus at night, etc. This might sound weird, but the most horrifying part of it to me was hearing that the girls had to wear pantyhose with their skirts, no matter how hot it was (and despite the fact that they all have to wear long skirts and aren’t even “showing leg”. Ick, LOL
Ha, that is funny. I went to all catholic schools and in case we wore pants we had to wear a skirt over the pants.
What @Karen described re: Pensacola State is not Christianity. It’s a cult. Ask any theologian, they will tell you that the behaviors espoused by these cultists does not reflect anything concrete in Christianity. These cultists are poor souls who have become cynical and frightened by what they see as “evils” of a secular society. The behavior modifications they teach are their tools to try and keep their youth from falling prey to society. But, as another poster said, FREE WILL is a beautiful thing. That’s the problem with cults: no free will. Only the will of the cult.
Both Jessa and Lindsay are filling a role that the parent is supposed to fill – Jessa with raising the kids, and Lindsay with supporting the family, both gals having to play a parent role in their respective families instead of the so called parents. Jimbob & Michelle are no better as parents than Dina and Michael because both let the kids be the parents.
Interesting. I tend to view “liberal lifestyle” as one that is punctuated with higher education, common sense and sure, ok, snooty coffee habits. Never in a million years would I associate “liberal” with Lindsay Lohan!
“the super liberal lives of Lindsay, Amanda Bynes, and Miley.”
1st – I would say that Amanda Bynes has a mental health problem. I don’t think that she should be lumped in with Lindsey and Miley.
2nd – I wouldn’t describe their lives as “liberal”, as in a political view point. They are just spoled brats, which can be found in households of all political affiliations.
Karen- A very good friend of mine was essentially “forced” to attend Pensacola (parents said they would cut off all contact/support if he didn’t attend). The college seems much like a cult to me, and I honestly wish institutions like that were banned. That anyone would willingly attend a place like that is beyond me…
Wow, I didn’t know Pensacola Christian college was so creepy…I do know someone who goes there–she’s in her last year, but I’d assume that she agrees with everything, as I haven’t heard a complaint yet, and she’s studying Criminal Justice.
The most ridiculous thing I ever heard about a Christian college was when I went to this bible camp when I was about 12 or 13. One of the counselors was wearing this long jean skirt, but where the split was in the back (which didn’t even go up to her knees) she had sewn material in–I thought it looked good, until she told me that the college she was going to didn’t allow split skirts.
That’s why I will never go to a Christian college.
Karen, the Pensecola people are quite strange. My church had a group of trumpet players from there(ALL men) come and perform, and my mom volunteered to let 2 of them stay with us, because OF COURSE SHE DID. :eyeroll:
Anyhoo, they stayed for about a week, and then passed out a bunch of brochures for the campus, one of their chief selling points being that the tuition was dirt cheap. I think this was in 1990, and yearly tuition including board was 5,000 a year. Which *is* cheap, until you factor in that you’re only learning what they believe and want you to know. So, I chose to keep my 5,000 minus their indoctrination, thank you very much. And go to “secular” college instead.
I know I’m going to get a smackdown for this, but the LDS church is often the same way in terms of control of a woman’s destiny and total isolation if you don’t get with the program. Plus, you are subject to public review by Church elders if you step out of line.
This shit is why I am an atheist.
No smackdown, here. I agree completely. LDS is just as strange.
No fear of a smackdown. I’m religious, and I think the LDS are flipping nuts.
I’m avoiding this mess today for the most part. I found the level of denial in some of the posts yesterday incredibly sad. Instead of commenting on the lack of choice these two young kids have, and the obvious sexism in their branch of religion, I’m going to say this:
1) Thank God Michelle got rid of the bangs
and 2) I would love to have Jessa’s hair.
I have always thought Jessa got the better hair of the girls too.
To be clear, this courtship does sound miserable.
However, how do you know they have chosen this path from themselves. Plenty of young adults walk away from their families because they feel suffocated. She has chosen not to. We all need to be more tolerant of other peoples choices, imho.
I don’t think I’m being intolerant. I’m stating facts. I know what it’s like to have pressure from family to be a certain way, and do specific things with your life. I was pressured into going to a specific university, and to become a specific thing – and my family is NOWHERE near as controlling as the Duggars.
It’s the fact that most children, especially those who have been raised in a very tight knit family have a fear of disappointing their families. Even if they wanted to break free of suffocating families, they don’t know anything else, and they fear letting down their parents.
You can believe that these kids are choosing to live like this just as much as I’m choosing to believe that they simply don’t know any other form of life, and have nowhere else to go.
They have no way to support themselves – where could they go? They’d have a hard time living in a non-sheltered world.
I personally believe that whether or not they seem to be happy, they’re living this way to serve their parents.
Mindy-The problem with asking “how do we know this isn’t her own choice?” is that religious indoctrination is often so insidious that it eliminates the freedom of personal choice in a way that is not always immediately recognizable to the person who is being indoctrinated. It is a very underhanded and sinister type of manipulation.
So while it may seem that she “chose this path”, it may just be a case of her being brainwashed to the point where she is unaware that there are other options out there for her.
I get the whole idea of waiting until you are married to be intimate — plenty of people do that — but why can’t they hold hands?! That seems so strange to me, too over the top.
Mindy, I have to think how much of a choice does a child REALLY have if their options are following their families expectations or walking away entirely from their families and being ostracized from the ones they love? I feel like the consequences of not following the family plan are so extreme, there really is little room for choice.
For some reason, the fact that Michelle’s hairstyle is similiar to Jessa’s creeps me out. Makes me think Jim Bob was really into his daughter’s hair and made Michelle change hers as a result. I’m not going to go into what the deeper meaning might be b/c it makes me sick.
That was actually my first thought. Jim Bob calls the shots with her hair – they’ve said it before. I feel like he was all “Oh look how pretty Jessa’s hair is – you should do it”. And I don’t want to delve into it any further than that because it’s kind of creepy. I wouldn’t want to have a son and then tell my husband to cut his hair like our sons – it’d be beyond sketchy.
I think she lost the bangs because she finally did a makeover and they took the bangs away and straightened the crunch. Jim Bob didn’t seem to like the straight hair, she went right back to the crunchy. Implying sexual attraction from her dad is kind of a shitty thing to do.
@Feisty
I’d agree with you, EXCEPT she didn’t lose the bangs.
http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2012102/560.duggar.ls.11212.jpg
In Gothard’s religion, women are to style their hair as their husband wishes. The girls have openly stated they style their hair the way “Daddy” likes.
Wow. What a control freak Jim Bob is. His wife and daughters can’t even choose their own hairstyles?
Does Michelle have no neck or bad posture?
Dolores –
Most likely severe osteoporosis from 21 pregnancies.
Agreed. Barring some new information, I think the majority here has already expressed their feelings on this. I suppose the only upsetting thing is how many people think that what the Duggars are doing is okay, because it “makes them happy.” Well, guess what? Rape makes rapists happy, too, so should we just turn a blind eye to that, as well? The metaphor may be extreme, but it’s exactly as extreme I feel the Duggars are in everything they do. So it’s apropos.
I read somewhere that he posted this on twitter:
“When someone who means everything to you has a heavy burden to bear and you wish with all your heart you could step in and bear it for her.”
Maybe this becomes like a rom-com plot in which he saves her from her crazy family.
I was thinking yesterday how much I hope that this guy isn’t as deep into the religion as he seems to be, and is kind of putting on a show for the family because he genuinely likes Jessa. It’d be nice for them to go off and have their own lives, still be religious if that’s what makes them happy, but not live so staunchly. Have some fun. See the world. Not just pro-create.
I find it interesting that he’s CONSIDERING becoming a pastor – at 18 I’d think he’d be gearing up to go to school to do that. Especially in a lifestyle that is so focused on things like that.
That would be really great.
I wouldn’t say he had to be less religious. It seems to me that they are focusing on the wrong aspects of religion.
Agree Spooks. I would just love to see them letup on the baby machine and submissive woman aspects. I think it’s really nice that they love their religion so much, and that they’re so devoted to being good people. I’d just like to see that they can have a life based on their choices, not their parents.
So Jim Bob and Michelle accidentally front hugged and it ruined their lives, I guess. Scandalous.
I wonder what happens if women in this religion can’t have children?
After reading yesterday’s post on Jessa and her…. friend who is a boy, i decided to read up on the Quiverfull movement. Here is a summarized version of what i read on Wikipedia:
1) Children are a blessing from God. No matter how many children you have, be it 2 or 20, it has all been predetermined by God, so you take it and be grateful for it.
2) No contraception is allowed, including natural forms of birth control. Also, sex always has to be with the purpose of procreating. All forms of sex that do not result in procreation are perverted. That includes homosexual sex, BDSM or even just wanting to ride your husband because you were in the mood for it.
3) Infertility is also a blessing from God and was predetermined. You have to accept this. IVF and whatnot is a form of perverting your destiny, so it is not allowed as well.
There’s more but that’s basically the gist of it. Side note: are there any Quiverfulls with less than six children? Coz aside from the Duggars, the notable Quiverfulls listed on Wikipedia have 8-10 children a couple. Does anyone know?
Ahhhhhhh. It’s predestination that sets them apart. I begin to get it now.
I’ve never understood how some sects can reconcile predestination with Christianity, which is entirely based upon repentance and forgiveness of transgressions (and to me, therefore, on free will).
ALOT of their personal ‘religion’ is based on things that they had to deal with when they were younger. Both adults have internalized grief and challenges of daily life and turned it into a excuse to keep their children from the world
Michelle kissed other guys and turned the sadness about those breakups into No one can kiss anyone but their spouse ever! Jim Bob has talked about how heartbreaking all that was for both of them. They have both said in interviews that Michelle’s miscarriage early in their marriage played a big role in why they have so many children. (instead of dealing with grief in a truly healthy way) Never mind that they blame the whole thing on birth control since she was on the pill prior to getting pregnant.
I just can’t with these people. Their baggage and their issues have made their kids into little well behaved robots. Give me a honest sinner instead of a lying saint any day of the week.
YES!!!!
“Give me a honest sinner instead of a lying saint any day of the week.”
Well said!
Jessa is gorgeous. I watched the show and I think the kids are all very respectful and well taken care of. Of course, their belief and lifestyle is very different from others (it is not my lifestyle, that’s for sure), but when I look at other people and their bratty/out-of-control kids, I doubt that there is one “right” way to live.
I’ve never watched the show but it seems like the kids/offspring are little robots, obeying their parents every wish. I’d rather give my kid some freedom and choices and let him be a kid and learn things on his own. How can you become your own person when you’re told exactly what to do and how to do it??
I agree. I’m kind of glad they steer clear of media. The comments here reinforce the need.
They do not steer clear of the media – they are complete famewhores. They have whored out their kids and used the death of Jubilee in a despicable way.
Anyone who has watched the show knows the children are comletely out of control. There’s a reason why the middle 10 or so boys are nicknamed “The Howlers” by the fans of the show.
Every foreign country they’ve visited they’ve been the very definition of the Ugly American, where Jim Bob either slowly screams out English words, or recently, uses broken Spanish in Asian countries.
If anyone is interested in what this religion is truly about, I posted a lengthy comment on it yesterday.
I tried to watch this show but was so annoyed I had to turn it off. They seem nice and all, but I just can’t with this family.
Why doesn’t Mes Dugger bring up the young children herself, instead of handing them over to The eldest? Sounds like she likes making them but not bringing them up?
Can we all stop acting like Mr. Duggar has no role in the making of these children? If you think it’s terrible that the older children are raising the younger one, that’s something that you should blame BOTH parents for — especially here, where he’s the one who makes all decisions for the family (including, presumably, when they have sex).
Michelle had a mental breakdown at around child number 7. Her oldest daughter was completely raising her younger siblings by the age of 9 or so. Many people claim Michelle is actually a “baby addict” if such a thing exists. She has very little interest in her children after she weans them at 6 months – something she does to increase her fertility.
The children are raised by their “buddy”, who is an older female sibling. Michelle likes to say Jim Bob is her buddy. Watch them on any family trip. All the children are caring for each other, they throw baby carriers on boys as young as 9, and Jim Bob and Michelle stroll along holding hands. It’s quite a scene.
He had really wrinkled eyes for a boy of 18. He looks 35. Everything else was already said yesterday.
Esti- You’re right it’s both parents responsibility. But I’m assuming Mr Dugger works? And she doesnt like most people.
From the little I’ve seen of the show, it’s not like she’s sitting around watching TV all day. She is takin care of the kids full-time, but she can’t watch ten kids by herself.
No bf’s or husbands for the older girls yet?
I have always held out hope one of those Duggar girls, would have the opportunity to get out of that house. Stop being a babysitter 24/7. And get a legit solid education.
I have nothing against Church and keeping strange boys out of your pants. And being a responsible adult about sex.
But it annoys me to see these girls being used by their parents, to enforce a life style, that is not exactly positive for a girl. Sending her into a marriage of servitude is just awful.
What is wrong with these girls going to a nice bible college? And having a way to make a living if things go wrong with the hand picked husband?
Agree with all of it! 🙂
I agree, too. 100%. There is a happy medium to being a religious person while co-existing peacefully in a secular society with your values and principles intact. The Duggars are not examples at all. In fact, the Duggars are not the norm for Christian families in America at all. They are an extremist minority.
Totally agree. They don’t trust their 20 year old daughter enough to allow her tobe alone with a boy. Taliban.
This.
She’s a beautiful girl. I hope she gets to make the decisions in her own life and what she wants.
I bet her hand is on his ass in both those photos of them, and that’s why they’re smiling so much 😉
These types of families are so creepy. Of course Jim Bob thinks he will make a good husband, during this courting process the guy in question is basically dating the father of the girl.
People should read “Quiverfull” by Kathryn Joyce. Great read but super scary what the women in these families endure.
+1
This is a superficial comment but she’s a really cute girl.
Yeah. It’s strange that someone as weird looking as Jim Bob made such pretty kids.
I clearly don’t follow this family closely enough. When I looked up Jessa to see where she is in the lineup of Duggar kids, I learned that the oldest-Josh–just got a job as the Executive Director for the Family Research Council’s political action committee!! (With what experience, I don’t know…other than believing in the same hateful things…but I didn’t know that qualified you for a job!?!). Looks like he and his family are in DC now…my town! Ugh.
All you need is hate and the ability to parrot idiotic talking points for a job like that. The Family Research Council is a hate group after all.
http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-files/groups/family-research-council
Merrit, thank you for the link to this disturbing and horrible hate group.
For all those who admire the Duggars, are you aware of their dangerous and wicked promotion of hate and violence against gays and their subjugation of women? Ameritaliban religious groups and specifically The Family Research Council that Josh, the elder Duggar boy, is working for are spearheading Kill The Gays laws in Uganda.
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/11/30/1262421/family-research-council-blatantly-lies-about-supporting-ugandas-kill-the-gays-bill/
Have these people not heard the term “over population”?
According to them it’s just a myth. Michelle Duggar once said the population of the world could fit in Jacksonville, Florida.
I would love to see them try to make that happen. My company’s headquarters are in Jax – this could make for some entertaining work days.
Nobody ever explained to them that it’s about resources, not the actual size of the planet?
and THAT type of thing is one of the biggest problems I have with people who take their faith to this extreme.
it’s fine to have faith in your higher power, and to refrain from pre-marital relations, and to try to live a “Christian” existence…but when you teach your kids ABSOLUTE FALSEHOODS about science and history and world populations, you do them a disservice and you’re leaving them unprepared to live in the real world.
unless, of course, you go to work at a place like the Family Research Council.
ETA: they don’t HOLD HANDS? even little kids hold hands with each other! There is NOTHING sexual about that, it simply shows affection for the person whose hand you’re holding!
The oldest son Josh and his wife Anna did not kiss until their wedding. But my God – they held hands. And let me tell you, if hand holding could be pornographic, they did it. It’s been called “hand sex” on some sites.
I’ve just seen a clip on youtube. And her parents said dating was training for a divorce.
So, let me get this straight. Hand sex was fine for their son, but way too pornographic for their daughter?
Sloane –
The hand sex may have come after they were engaged. I guess that’s something that Jessa can look forward to.
These people seriously disturb me. I feel an internal disturbance when I read about their extremist lifestyle and bizarre preaching.
Why are they waving this around for the whole world to see and comment on? Not only does this girl have limited choices she’s being set out for public consumption and ridicule. This is sad for so many reasons.
Okay, I know these are nice people, but this family just creeps me out.
Michelle’s little-girl, squeaky voice, and Jim-Bob looks like a monkey (not sure he ever evolved). Mean, yeah…can’t help it.
Oh your monkey comment was too funny. Some others on here are seriously good as well.
I don’t understand why they are making press announcements about their daughter’s “dating”. I am getting super creepy feelings about all of this. I think Jim Bob and the mom are getting off on this in an inappropriate sexual way. It is always creepy when a parent is involved in their children’s lives, especially when the child is an adult. Maybe if they would just concentrate on their own life and have a normal sex life they wouldn’t be perving on their kids so much.
Ratings?
@spooks ding ding ding! For all their talk of proselytizing-it really is all about ratings. It’s the same reason they had the cameras at their kids funeral service when she had a stillbirth. (which didn’t bother me at first, people should grieve how they choose-but it was clear from the show they were doing it for ratings which was gross)
I know, that’s the creepiest part of the whole thing, putting their daughter’s relationship on TV like a story line, and making press releases about it.
I’ve always thought they were creepy,Michelle in particular. She always has this weird creepy grin and there is nothing going on behind those eyes. I know deeply religious and spiritual people and they are truly happy you feel you see it. That’s not what I see in Michelle. I find this woman truly scary. Jim Bob is weird too,but there is something her that is not quite right.
I’ve never seen the show, but in photos her eyes always look sad and trapped to me.
Meh. My parents are quite like them. Religious, still thinks that certain things are exclusively for husbands and wives and so on.. The only difference is that my parents know how to use condoms. They don’t like seeing me and my boyfriend getting too “comfy”. They don’t mind us holding hands or just a light hug, but they don’t want us to do anything more than that.
Their warnings and “friendly reminders” doesn’t really affect me much. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but hey, at least they still gave us privacy and stuff.
I guess, considering that they sound like they’re quite religious, it’s a small step that they’re okay with you holding hands and stuff. I hope that eventually they’ll get used to seeing you act more ‘coupley’ – it must be frustrating.
Don’t let them get you down <3
Thanks, Erin 😀
I have a mormon friend who got married 8 weeks after her parents set her up with a guy from church. She was always conservative but not intense like the duggars. 4 kids later they are still happy and social within their religious guidelines. I’d rather see that than Miley types being held as a standard for young women.
I think there are some women who are genuinely happy with this lifestyle. The sad part is a lot of women are NOT happy but are raised to always smile, always default to their husband, never question what they are told or given. They are vacant, smiling robots.
Michelle Duggar is a perfect example. She’s always smiling and speaking in her sweet little voice. But has anyone ever seen her express any real joy? A belly laugh? A rush of adrenaline followed by the excitement and thrill and elation of challenging herself? Sure, people experience happiness in many different ways but you cannot convince me that these women aren’t completely numb, miserable, and putting on a front.
Why do extremes always have to be the example though? The choices shouldn’t just be super controlled religious girl or raunchy talentless privilege girl. This is the problem with basing a woman’s worth on their physical appearance, sexual history or claims of religious devotion.
If more people were like the Duggars, we’d be back in the stone age in a few generations. They are anti-science, and do not value education.
She seems like a lovely young lady. I hope she gets a chance to live her life as she sees chooses in sake of her own happiness.
I hope that she marries this boy, because as it stands right now he is her only escape route. If he eventually leaves their “lifestyle” than she is required to obey and go with along with him, so I wish her the best.
How does anyone know if someone will make a good spouse after 2 months?!
This is where I am on the matter, too. All this supervised courtship and only exchanging Bible verses – how can you really get a measure for someone’s personality? They need to be able to hang out and just talk. Do something fun, go see a movie. What if she finds out he really just likes to quote ‘The Simpsons’ all day, or that he hates pizza? That could be a dealbreaker for some people.
I’m sorry, but I would have to tell my parents to kiss my a$$. If this is what Jessa truly wants, then that’s fine. God Bless. But, I seriously doubt it. These kids have been raised in a way where they cannot think for themselves. They just do what is expected of them. These people creep me out big time. And I have to call bullsh!t on the reason they give for being on TV. It’s for the money. Plain and simple. Ya’ll are fooling me!
*aren’t fooling me, I mean! 🙂
This is too Handmaid’s Tale for me.
That’s spot on, buzz.
http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/revisiting-the-handmaids-tale-dogmatic-feminism/
This boy is 18 years old. Why would anyone even think about whether he is husband material or not?
Glad someone finally brought this up! He’s only 18 AND he’s younger than she is! Though I would assume she is mentally underage since the children are not allowed to read books, watch TV, go to movies, etc. All she has ever done is take care of her mother’s babies and worshipped at home.
These people are completely preoccupied with sex.
It’s a terrible stereotype but with some truth to it that the girls from the strictest home are the ones who party the hardest the moment they’re set free on a college campus. Sadly though they often have the least knowledge of birth control and personal limits.
You can raise your children to be religious and respect the values you teach them, without being overly strict. That is just doing them a horrible disservice and makes them unprepared to deal with the real world, and that is not fair for the kids. And it’s too stressful on the parents to try to keep that much control over your kids. No wonder so many of them (ultra-strict religious types) seem cold and miserable.
@LuckyCharm – I totally agree with you, but one of my first experiences with this phenomenon was a girl in my freshman dorm. Her father would call at regular intervals every evening to ensure she was there studying, with the threat of pulling her out of school if she didn’t answer (this was the early 90s before students had mobile phones). Guess how long it took her and her new boyfriend to figure out they could have sex in the dorm showers in between phone calls?
Meanwhile, I came from a super liberal home, but I was something of a bookish 18 year old and not having sex in the dorm showers.
Jessa will never be allowed to use birth control. Her family and her husband won’t permit it.
Her uterus does not belong to her. It belongs to them. What year is it again?
I wanted to make a snarky ass comment about how Jim-bob and all them are hurting woman and our rights. I wanted to be snarky about how they’re setting women as a whole back decades as far as rights and equality goes but I just can’t bring myself to do it…I believe we should be allowed to pick our partners in life and make our own mistakes as thats how we learn… Never gonna find out fire is hot if you don’t touch it, right?
This whole family gets under my skin in a bad way *sigh*
Having religion can be a wonderful thing. I really have nothing against it. But this is not religion this is a brain washed cult. I truly hope their children can break away and they don’t all end up being baby making robots like the parents.
Different religious cult than Quiverfall, but did anyone see the recent Dateline about the woman who escaped from the Church of LDS?
It was so scary to watch what these women–I’m sorry GIRLS–are subjected to, 12-year-olds getting married off into “plural marriages” to 80-year-old men.
People get all outraged about Scientology, but this crap is no better.
I’m not going to praise the LDS – which are mainstream Mormons, but you’re actually talking about the FLDS. Fundamentalist Mormons – the Warren Jeffs, polygamy, little house on the prairie dress wearing, child raping cult.
FLDS it is different than LDS. Its the FLDS that does polygamy and marrying young girls. Not LDS
I’m sorry guys–thanks for the clarification.
I should have done more research before posting. As I was watching the episode I was wondering why the people who created “Tell One Lie It leads to Another..”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thyffmWejtM
…and all those PSAs we watched in the 80s were such creepers, but I guess it’s two very separate and distinct religious groups.
Thanks again for drawing that distinction, not trying to mischaracterize any religion.
If they really want to give her good advice about not making the same mistakes they did, they should tell her that she should be able to have control over her own body instead of treating her vagina like it’s a clown car. Wanting kids, even a lot of kids is fine. Operating under the belief that your only role as a woman is to use your body as a human baby mill is not.
Haven’t read the other comments yet. Just want to say two things: 1. Religious freedom, and all that, but I still feel sorry for the kids because they’ve never been exposed to anything but the rigid beliefs of their parents and others of like mind. In other words, they’ve been indoctrinated. And, 2. Why, why, why in every religion I think of as “restrictive”, why do the girls have to wear cover-up clothes but the boys wear regular clothes?
I grew up in this sort of mindset….when I was little my parents told me I would be doing courtship when the time came. I think it had more to do with the fact that my dad didn’t want to see his little girl out with a bunch of schmucks 🙂 of course I rebelled and started dating around 13/14 so the whole ‘save your first kiss for your husband’ thing kinda went out the window. Now my parents are pretty cool with whatever, except for sex outside of marriage, but they’ve realized that courtship doesn’t work & doesn’t make sense. But OMG I still get chills when I think about some of the bs I read about this topic & how denigrating to women and rape culturey it is.
On the homeschool note, I was homeschooled, taught from a Christian curriculum & I still turned out to be an individual thinker. My opinions on all sorts of things are different than those if my parents and they are fine with that. The Duggars are crazy and give a horrible rep to homeschoolers and Christians in general.
On a shallow note….I would kill for Jessa’s hair!!!!!
It’s so sad that the first guy their daughter likes, has to be a possible marriage mate or nothing at all. So much pressure and how can they say an 18 year old would make a good husband? Who’s truly capable of being a good husband or wife at that age when you don’t even know yourself and haven’t really experienced life. What a sad life of marriage, submission, babies and cleaning all the while continuing to be brainwashed and told that that’s all there is. The Duggars have so much to answer for and if they think that’s what God wants, then they are seriously messed up in their interpretations. What happened to free will?
Look, every decent father wants his daughter to date someone who will make a good husband. The problem isn’t what Jim Bob says. The problem isn’t even what Jim Bob does, he’s a nice guy, thick as all heck, but congenial and kindly.
The problem is Jim Bob’s family is the Exception, and not the Rule. See, Jim Bob’s family is wealthy and independent because of their television show, because of the generosity of other believers, yet JimBob would say its because of God’s will.
Most of the other American families who try to be self reliant, who shun conventional education and conventional career paths, who isolate like the Duggars, are not doing well.
The Duggar girls are the lucky ones. They are loved, they are sheltered, and protected. Most of the children, and especially the girls, living under the same “belief system” as the Duggars are not so lucky.
spot on, Thinker
Bingo. They lived in a tiny house before the show. The big house was never going to be completed the way it was going. They didn’t even have enough washers and dryers for the family. I think it was just one each. Imagine all day washing, drying, wasing, drying, and they were all bunked up together. He didn’t make that much money. Once more babies kept coming, if there had been no show, they were have been crammed in there like sardines for quite a while.
With the show and for a storyline, that house got built in no time and all those great, new furnishings top to bottom in the house, top of the line multiple washers and dryers, on and on were furnished by the show it looked to me. So the life they live now with lots of space and being exposed to traveling, etc., would have been so different otherwise.
So that’s the plan for all the girls in this family? To marry off young and start pumping out baby after baby as long as their bodies will allow? Sad. It’s one thing to have conservative values, especially when the world is going to hell in a hand basket, but Jessa and all the other girls should be able to live first before settling down and having a family.
Someone needs to do this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa0EtdtPi8w
they totally front hugged before marriage.
The devil made them do it?
(LOL)
I wish people would stop giving these whackadoos a platform. It only legitimizes their self-serving message. They’re nothing short of a circus sideshow operating under the impression that their bizarre religious beliefs make them special. They aren’t. They’re just weird.
Poor girl..
she’s quite a pretty girl. eh? her husband to be isn’t bad looking either. but damn. too young to be getting married. they should be shacking up. seeing what it’s all about. crazy religious people freak me out.
As a woman, reading this makes me realise how lucky I am to be living in a ‘modern’ world. I feel really sorry for the two of them.
I know nothing about these people, but it seems to me that a father can’t pay a higher compliment to a man than that he’d make a good husband for his daughter.
Although they are too young to be talking marriage already, and her father doing it for her yet, but what is wrong with getting to know who a person is before sleeping with them? Remove their religious philosophy and birth control practices and it isn’t such a bad idea.
I think few or none on here are talking about saving yourself for marriage and getting to know them before you do sleep with them. I see nothing wrong with that. That’s not what is mostly being discussed on here.
It’s the never ever allowed to be alone before marriage, not allowed to hold hands, kiss, have deep, meaningful conversations alone without prying eyes. Spare me. If you are old enough to decide to marry, you should be old enough and mature enough to be able to sit alone with your prospective mate and really get to know each other without chaperones in on every conversation, every date. Archaic.
I’m not going to add anything of note to this debate except to say something totally frivolous: I’ve always though Jessa to be quite beautiful.
Just wish she – and in particular all the older girls – could get out of that house & experience life away from all they have ever known. Then make up their minds what they want to do with their lives.
They are a cult, imo. I hope the kids wake up before it’s too late.
Teaching your daughter to get to know someone on a deeper mental and spiritual level before rushing anything? Great parents.
Teaching your daughter that her body belongs to you and you dictate how, where, and when she gets physical in any way with her boyfriend? Bad, bad, bad, parents.
And I feel awful for her that she’s apparently just now learning to navigate the world of romance at 20.