Miley Cyrus goes underage clubbing with Lindsay Lohan: what could go wrong?

Miley Cyrus

This post should have happened yesterday, but I had some not-so-fun computer issues that took me away from the pressing issue of the Tongue. Miley Cyrus has been up to no good lately (as usual), but I’m actually starting to worry about her. I truly believed that she was just chilling with her pot and molly, but now she is partying with Lindsay Lohan.

Yes Miley has taken up with the totally belligerent and “sober” Citibike enthusiast, Lindsay Lohan. Of course Lohan’s people have put out the word that she’s not drinking the wine, which is not believable by any stretch. As for Miley, she has been dancing on tables while chain smoking. Miley and Lindsay left a NYC club together on Sunday evening. Either Miley is drugging it up with Lindsay, or she just wants us to think that’s what’s happening. Either outcome is suspect.

Now on to actual Miley business. The head Smiler has been “Certified” by VEVO because five of her videos have reached the magical milestone of 100 million views apiece. Mostly “Wrecking Ball” and followed (not so closely) by “We Can’t Stop,” “Party in the U.S.A.,” “Can’t Be Tamed,” and “The Climb.” Miley sat down for an excitable interview about licking sledgehammers. Guess who talked her into it? No really … guess:

Miley Cyrus

On her “Smilers” fans: “When I had this show that I did called ‘The Miley and Mandy Show,’ she would always call me Milers or Smilers, and it just kind of picked up. I said the other day ‘my fans are the best fans’ on Twitter, and everyone’s fans got really mad. But I don’t care because they actually are.”

: “For me, nudity has never been something that I’ve ever tripped about. I don’t really see it the way everyone else sees it. I’d rather be naked in front of people than cry in front of people because I don’t like showing weakness and that shows a lot of vulnerabilities.”

Uncle Terry’s direction: “[He said] ‘Look like you’re in love with [the sledgehammer], you’re really sad! I just started kissing it. I didn’t even know why. He was like, ‘Keep doing it! Keep doing it! Looks like you really are in love with this thing!’”

Someone tried to speak the truth: The production staff said: “You can’t lick that thing! There’s paint!” “[I said] ‘I don’ t care, I think this is actually going to be dope.’ So everything around just looks like I’m in love and holding on to whatever last little bit that there is, even if that’s what’s destroying the place. You’re holding onto that sledgehammer even if it’s what’s destroying everything around you.”

[From VEVO]

Now I have a very good idea of how Terry talks all of his models into getting gross and naked for him. He totally eggs them on, and they fall for it. Even Miley, who has enough pull in the industry to say “no,” did Terry’s bidding. Seriously. Terry told Miley to “look like she was in love” with a sledgehammer, and she thought it sounded perfectly reasonable. Now we know why she did such weird things in this photoshoot for Uncle Terry. Somehow Miley believes Uncle Terry makes women look strong, but she’s completely brainwashed. Or she’s willfully blind. Again … either option is suspect.

Look! It’s the Miley Statue of Liberty. Huddled masses twerking to break free.

Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus

Screencaps courtesy of VEVO/YouTube; photos courtesy of Miley Cyrus on Twitter

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27 Responses to “Miley Cyrus goes underage clubbing with Lindsay Lohan: what could go wrong?”

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  1. blue marie says:

    Ha ha, do we even need to list the ways that this could go wrong? Miley should know that it takes awhile to wash the Lilo stench from herself. Girl, find better friends..

  2. QQ says:

    Oh Pleeease pleaseeee let this happen, at this point Lohan is as bad as Ebola… This is the solution

  3. DanaG says:

    Now what possibly could go wrong with this new friendship? LOL At least Lilo can tell her how to beat any arrests. Imagine if they have a boob off! LOL

  4. Virgilia Coriolanus says:

    Color me surprised–it was that pervert’s idea for her to lick the sledgehammer? That was the most wtf moment I’ve ever had in my life.

    And does she really expect us to believe that she partied with Lohan, and “didn’t drink the wine”? Or maybe she didn’t and was doing some other stuff coughmollycough.

  5. Belle Epoch says:

    Agree! It’s not nice to wish bad things on other people, but I so wish this girl would disappear. Why is everyone feeding her ego?

  6. Frida_K says:

    I had a vicious thought, the kind that only could have come from the mind of moi, Frida_K, but decided that I am going to simply let it go, unspoken.

    Tonguey just isn’t worth expending perfectly good vitriol over.


  7. eliza says:

    I didn’t know people actually still hung out with Lohan.

  8. Aussie girl says:

    The tongue!!!! Love it. It is totally her new name.

  9. JudyK says:

    Quoting CB: “Somehow Miley believes Uncle Terry makes women look strong, but she’s completely brainwashed. Or she’s willfully blind.”

    OR…she’s just flat STUPID.

  10. GeeMoney says:

    Lindsay Lohan + Miley Cryus = the Apocalyspe. Any day now.

  11. Garrett says:

    Two trainwrecks hanging out together. What a surprise. And what more proof does the world need to know that Lindsay isn’t sober and has not changed?

  12. Nicolette says:

    Dlisted had a very funny post about this yesterday that gave me a good laugh. These two are like Dumb and Dumber meeting up for the first time.

  13. Macey says:

    I think LL is missing the attention since nobody is really paying attention to her any more so she’s leaching onto the person who is getting the attention. I suspect Miley will soon be out of some jewelry and other misc items.

  14. Bodhi says:

    $20 says that LL offered to “mentor” Miley

  15. Patricia says:

    She has this mentality ” I’m different from EVERYBODY” saying she views nudity differently from everybody. She always says stuff like that. Actually there are many people who feel the same way about nudity and there are even… Wait for it… Nudists! Miley you did not invent nude acceptance!

  16. Madriani's Girl says:

    OMG look at this. She pisses me off to no end. THings like this are NOT hot and they are NOT cool. I really wish someone would slap her.

  17. Dommy Dearest says:

    I’m actually looking forward to this friendship. Hopefully the Cracken knocks Miley on her ass. Could be the start of how we will be rid of Cyrus.

  18. Leila in Wunderland says:

    I’m not worried about the underage clubbing or drinking, because she’s less than a month away from turning 21, most people don’t wait until they’re 21st birthday anyway, and I didn’t wait until I turned 21 (this year) either. But I am a little concerned about the hanging out with Lindsay. As soon as I read this story the other day, my first thought was: Publicity Stunt! Miley really wants an image as a hard core, edgy ‘bad girl’, and being seen hanging with Lilo is one way to accomplish that. It was also probably a publicity stunt for Lindsay too, since Lindsay approached Miley first. By hanging out with Miley, who’s popular right now, Lindsay gets some extra attention herself. I just hope that this was only a one-time thing for Miley, even if it was just for attention.

    I do like what she said here: “For me, nudity has never been something that I’ve ever tripped about. I don’t really see it the way everyone else sees it.”

    Nudity and partial nudity are subjects that different people have different opinions about. A lot of people who feel that those things are ‘bad’ apply that theory to everyone- so every time they see or hear about someone posing nude or half-naked, they immediately decide that it’s corruption/whoredom/injustice/danger, and omg-please-save-our-innocent-maiden-teens from-these-Jezebels (I know that’s not really how most people react to a topless or semi-nude male, but that is how people react to a female). But not everyone feels that way about nudity. Some of us are perfectly fine with it, and don’t feel that it’s dangerous or lowers a person in value.

  19. Kath says:

    It’s 2013 and smoking is apparently still the thing to look ‘cool’ among today’s youth? I don’t know a single person who still smokes, but I’m shocked at how many young celebrities still do it. Weird.