Here are Leonardo DiCaprio and Jean Dujardin at the world premiere of The Wolf of Wall Street (i.e., “the height of debauchery“) in Paris. These two were the only stars to walk the red carpet with director Martin Scorsese. No Margot Robbie, no Matthew McConaughey, and no Jonah Hill. This seems like a strange tactic for a world premiere, and I am genuinely surprised they didn’t bring Margot along to be the fashion girl of the red carpet.

So we are left to ogle only Leo and Jean and to decide which one we’d rather hit. From a physical standpoint, I’d definitely go with Jean. Leo is and will always be the grumpy chihuahua to me. Jean looks so smooth and suave, and his accent is to swoon for. Yet if I have to consider personality and what each guy has to offer, things get tough. Jean is recently single but probably cheated on his wife, so all of the adorable enthusiasm during his Oscar acceptance speech goes out the door. Leo is also known for his womanizing ways, but maybe I’d get a Prius out of the deal. That might be worth the trouble of bleaching my hair blonde and wearing VS lingerie to get Leo’s attention. Jean doesn’t seem like he has a type other than women, so maybe he’d be worth it for one good roll in the hay. Of course, Marty Scorsese looks awfully cute in these photos too. Hmm.

On a slightly more serious note, Leo just jumped into the electric race-car business. He’s teaming up with Venturi Automobiles to enter a team in the FIA Formula E Championship for electric cars. Leo says, “The future of our planet depends on our ability to embrace fuel-efficient, clean-energy vehicles.” The cars can only run on a charge for 25 minutes, so I guess drivers have to switch cars during the race. God, that sounds complicated, and Leo is so selective with his environmental principles that it’s hard to take him seriously.

In short, I’m going with Jean. You ladies can have Leo all to yourselves.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN