Dear Harper’s Bazaar: There is absolutely NO REASON to do a five-page-plus interview with Lady Gaga. I mean, I can sort of understand doing an interview with her and putting her on the cover, but FIVE PAGES? No. And what’s worse is that Bazaar did not call her out on any of her bulls—t whatsoever. If you want to read five pages of narcissistic delusion, go here. Some highlights:

HARPER’S BAZAAR: How have you changed in the past few years?
LADY GAGA: I’m actually not very different at all. I work all day, do research, sketch my ideas, prepare for performances. My experience with fame has been the opposite: “How can I stop this from changing me?” I mean I’m not broke anymore—that’s good! But today I’m more comfortable with being who I am. When I was younger, I felt pressure to become someone else once I became successful. But it’s the intention of the work that’s changed. I have fans now. I have a new purpose: to remind them that I am one of them, that we are one another. My consciousness has changed.

HB: What is your home like?
LG: My “home” is a controversial topic. I don’t exactly have one. I live all over the world. I keep a small rental in New York, where I hang many of my hats when I come to see my parents and New York pals. It’s like a tiny jewel box, covered in rose-gold mirrors, with an oversize pink couch, an expensive vase, a white Marilyn piano, and a boudoir. I do not keep a lot of clothes here—mostly punk wear. And the three most expensive items I’ve ever purchased, including an actual house: my sable, a strand of diamonds, and my Mikimoto pearls.

HB: How do you think people in the future will feel about fashion right now?
LG: I’m not sure. I imagine that there will be a revival of some of these aesthetics—the more bold ones. Those who have watered down themselves for “sale” might make money now, but they are shortchanging their legend. I always think to myself, How do I want to be remembered? I don’t want to be remembered as anything but brave. The only good intention to make money is to help others. I want to be Oprah. I want to be Melinda Gates. If I ever sell products other than my talents, then it will be to give more to others.

HB: What’s something that you’re better at now than when you were younger?
LG: I am better with food. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore. I’m also better at not letting people take advantage of me. Five years ago, when I spotted someone with a hidden agenda, I allowed them to stay around me. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored it, then they would eventually see me again—that I’m a human being and not a doll. But it doesn’t work that way. I speak up now. I realized that it’s my own fault that people take advantage. I should be around people who cherish my talents, my health, my time. I’m not a pawn for anyone’s future business. I’m an artist. I deserve better than to be loyal to people who only believe in me because I make money.

HB: John Lennon or Paul McCartney?
LG: I love Paul so much, but I was and will always be a Lennon girl.

HB: Do you believe in ghosts?
LG: Yes. I have many old souls around me all the time.

HB: What are your guilty pleasures?
LG: Russian hookers and cheap gin. At least I’m honest.

HB: If you were an animal, what would it be?
LG: A unicorn.

HB: What’s something true about you that people should know?
LG: That it’s not an act.

HB: What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself so far?
LG: I became very depressed at the end of 2013. I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn’t even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn’t feel like fighting anymore. I didn’t feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me. But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, “I know you don’t want to fight. I know you think you can’t, but you’ve done this before. I know it hurts, but you won’t survive this depression.” I really felt like I was dying—my light completely out. I said to myself, “Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family.” Depression doesn’t take away your talents—it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.

[From Harper’s Bazaar]

Oh, she’s SO hardcore, isn’t she? She wants to be Oprah and Melinda Gates, clad in a sable fur and Mikimoto pearls, spending her money on gin and Russian hookers. So hard, Gaga. She’s so hard.

There’s also a lengthy (and mostly boring) conversation about her fashion and her Gaga archives, where I learned one interesting thing: she keeps all of her fashion archived in Hollywood, where every piece is on a mannequin and she can browse her collection online. The way Gaga feels about her fashion archive = the way Beyonce feels about her 24/7 Beyonce Archive.

Photos courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.