I’m including some photos of Ashton Kutcher out for a jog this week and Mila Kunis doing some shopping last week. Again, if you wanted to start a rumor about Mila being pregnant, I would believe you. I’m not saying she looks anything other than beautiful, but it’s like she’s wearing clothes that encourage bump rumors. Anyway, Mila and Ashton still want people to discuss their engagement. Don’t ask me. I don’t understand this push-pull PR strategy either, with them bitching about the attention and then posing together & flashing the ring at a public event. Anyway, Ashton Kutcher wants us to know that he’s super-traditional and that he asked for Mila’s father’s “permission” to propose.
He may lead a nontraditional life, but Ashton Kutcher is by the books when it comes to marriage – when the actor proposed to Mila Kunis, he was doing it with the blessing of her beloved father, Mark.
“He talked with Mila’s dad around Christmastime,” a Kutcher insider tells PEOPLE. “He asked for Mark’s blessing to marry her. It was important to Ashton to be respectful and traditional. This is the real thing for him and he wants to do it all right.”
Kunis was first spotted wearing her simple diamond engagement ring in late February. As for wedding plans, a source says the happy couple are sorting out logistics and will most likely marry this year.
“They don’t want to wait,” says the source. “This relationship started on solid ground and everything is working out. They are in it for the long haul, truly.”
“They are clearly very much in love, in tune with each other and so comfortable,” another source said in September, prior to their engagement. “In some ways, it’s like they’re married already.”
Kutcher, 36, and Kunis, 30, were first rumored to be dating in April 2012, and from that point the former That ’70s Show costars stepped out together often, going on vacation together and exhibiting plenty of PDA.
Granted, I’m a grumpy a–hole who has never been married, nor do I really want to be married (unless Benedict Cumberbatch is asking, and even then… I’m not completely sure I would want to actually have a wedding and everything). But this is a tradition that sucks, in my opinion. I know a lot of people think it’s sweet and tender and traditional, and maybe for you it was, and if so, God bless. But all it is to me is a reminder that marriage was (and in some places still is) about property and money and the subjugation of women. Mila Kunis is 30 years old and she’s been making her own money for nearly two decades. She is by all accounts smart, accomplished, funny and independent. Why treat her like property to be objectified and bartered over between the man who wants to marry her and her father? I know, I know… this is just my opinion and I’m going way overboard on what is a run-of-the-mill engagement ritual. Many do not feel the same way.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
I’m torn…the femnist side of me calls BS on asking a woman’s father for her hand in marriage, but another part of me says, its just a silly tradition like coloring Easter eggs…anyway, I vote that Mila is pregnant, her face and breasts look fuller…but only time will tell…
Ugh this is why only 20-30% of women identify as feminists and something like only 10% of men. And we all know 100% of both women AND men should be feminists, if they’re decent people.
Apart from feminists who snap angrily at men who hold open doors for them, I think even most feminists would appreciate the gesture the man is making. It’s a mark of respect nowadays and means he really appreciates, values, and treasures who he is dating…….
Maybe it was something Mila has mentioned she’d like in the past and Ashton took it on board?
I know people that have said they’d like somebody to ask their Dad for their hand in marriage because their fathers approval means a lot to them.
Oh please feminists haven’t rebeled against courteous behavior in decades if ever. But if my SO wanted to ask permission to marry me, he’d be wiser to choose the parent who helped pay for my education. Hint: it wasn’t my dad.
Ha! I love your comment, bettyrose 🙂
I think it’s kind of silly to guess what “most” feminists would feel about this, because you simply can’t know. Like lots of other social movements, feminists are not a homogenous group. And, anecdotally, I polled a bunch of feminst women that I work with, and the reaction was 99% “yuck, patronising,” with one, “sweet.” So there you go; different feminists feel differently about the same issues.
To me personally, I think asking permission or asking for a blessing re a proposal are two different things. Permission does suggest that if you didn’t get it, the partner wouldn’t make the proposal. Blessing suggests more that while you’d like the approval of the parent/caregiver, the proposal will happen regardless, you just want to be respectful and give them a heads up that you plan to make this next step with their child.
And if Kaiser doesn’t want B.C waiting at the end of an aisle for her in a nice suit (I’m thinking a nice light gray morning suit), I am TOTALLY willing to take on that onerous burden. For science. And my loins. And my slight fetish for men with good voices/accents…
I agree with the first part.. I will not fight you for the 2nd.
Thank you, I appreciate it 😄
ITA. In the People article it uses the word “blessing.” Nowhere does it say he asked for permission. You are absolutely correct in saying those are two totally different things. It is just a matter of respect to ask a girls parents their blessing.
I agree. I feel like it’s just a formality/courtesy/chivalry thing.
I can pay for my own dinner and I’m strong enough to carry 6 heavy grocery bags up the stairs in one trip, but I still enjoy the fact that SO will offer to pay or to carry my bags. I really don’t think that makes me any less of a feminist. Actually, men that don’t hold the door open for me or act in a generally chivalrous way are men that I have no interest in dating.
That being said, I doubt any guy I dated/got engaged to would ask for my dad’s permission. I actually under the impression that was a religious tradition? I guess I was wrong..
I agree with you completely on the subject: if that makes me a grumpy asshole, so be it. I would probably break up an engagement if my boyfriend asked my father permission to marry me! If you are dumb enough to think that I would find it cute, then it means you have never listened to a single word I said, and you don’ t deserve any more of my time. If you listened, know what a big deal is for me, and don’ t care, same. I am the one you are spending your life with, you need my “Yes” and nothing else!
+1. I would totally break up with a guy who asked for my father’s (or mother’s) “blessing.”
Seriously. It’s infantalizing. But since neither of us think our parents know crap about successful relationships, we’re not too concerned about their imput in that regard.
My parents loved it when my (now) husband “asked” them before asking me. It’s not asking for permission, but just being respectful and including them in a way in the excitement and joy. It’s a nice tradition, kind of like wearing a white wedding dress – that has pretty much lost its meaning along the way but it’s still the norm.
THIS^^^^^
It seems much more respectful and sweet to me if both parents are asked for their blessing, instead of just the father.
And also the groom’s parents. If this is such a considerate act why are his parents getting shafted?
I agree. It doesn’t bother me on behalf of others, if that’s what makes them happy. But if my fiancé had asked my dad before proposing, I would have been really annoyed by that. I love my dad with all my heart, but I’m 37 years old. I’m not his property, and I wouldn’t appreciate being treated like his property. Credit to my dad: If asked, he would just laugh and say, “I think you should be asking Shannon, not me!”
I don’t know how much it means. My first husband asked my father’s permission to marry me, then proceeded to cheat on and abuse me. My second (real) husband didn’t ask anybody but me, and he’s the best husband anyone could ask for. I’m not saying the two things are related, but that was my experience, so I don’t put a lot of stock in the tradition. Not judging those who do, just sayin’.
The boyfriend before my husband was all traditional and he would have asked my mother for permission. He abused me and raped me and the relationship ended up with a police report.
My husband didn’t care at all for silly ancient traditions, we got engaged in a jewellery (lol) and asked me two months later to marry him. My wedding dress was not white either, because I hate the colour. My mum and my bro were called later to book their flights to UK for the wedding 😀
As regards Ashton, I don’t think that being traditional makes him a better person, nor that he won’t cheat on this one. It seemed like he wanted to polish his reputation releasing gossip bites to the press. Just my two cents.
I’m so glad your story had a happy ending, Hiddles.
Oh my god…that is awful.
🙁
Glad you two ladies got out of those toxic relationships.
I’m with Kaiser.. I would hope my boyfriend wouldn’t ask my dad for “permission” because then I would feel like he wouldn’t know me well enough to marry me in the first place.. If we want to get married we’ll get married screw this whole permission crap. And I don’t really get this whole “blessing ” thing either. Because I have a pretty good relationship with my parents and I trust their judgement and if I was dating a guy and they thought he was no good for me and bad news or whatever it probably would never be a possibility for me to marry him anyway.. But if they got along from the start and they liked him that’s “blessing” enough for this to get serious and then they would be okay with the possibility of it turning into an engagement anyway..
So yeah no need to ask my dad right before for anything.. But if you want to or agree with it then go ahead lol
Ughhh I hate this tradition. It undermines the women in the family (why not ask the mom too? What about her?) and the only person this guy needs to ask for anything is ME. When my ex-bro in law asked my dad they didn’t even wait for my mom, who was so excited to witness the moment and was bringing trays of snacks. She was so sad she missed it. But they went on like she didn’t matter.
I feel gestures like these are empty and meant to ass kiss the dad, make any douche seem like a gentleman for a day. I already told my dad that nobody will ask him for permission for anything because I’m an adult, I have my own free will and I’m not owned by the family. I also hate the concept of being “given away” from one man to another. Like property that was owned by one, now passed down to another. Which is how these dumb traditions started in the first place. Treating girls like they need permission to do anything or like her consent is not enough. Some people might think this is cute, and that’s ok, but they should be more educated on the origins of these traditions. They’re sexist as fck. No thanks!
I completely agree with you! I detest how much mothers are left out of the actual wedding ceremony itself, it’s quite upsetting. I have already informed my parents that should I decide marriage is for me after all, then I want both parents with me down the aisle. B
I agree! We had no attendants at ours and I got both mothers to sign the marriage certificate as witnesses. It was very important to me that they be included. Let’s face it, if you’re from the country and a little bit older as I am mums usually did all the heavy lifting of raising you anyway.
I wouldn’t want a man asking my dad permission to marry me, but I’d make that clear early on. It just seems so silly. A grown woman doesn’t need anyone’s permission for anything.
I agree, it’s one of those traditions that personally I loathe, I just can’t see the romanticism in the act considering it’s disgraceful roots. And even not considering the historical aspects I still don’t see the appeal, being kept in the dark about what is essentially a very important personal event, and being unable to surprise and inform my parents myself,
It’s lucky I have no interest in marriage. All that being said though, up to the individual couple to decide and none of my business to endorse or condone it really.
Call me a crazy feminist but I think marriage should be a true partnership. I’m not a fan of the idea of keeping creepy sexist traditions around just because things have always been that way and they are “harmless.” Insidious traditions are never harmless.
my second cousin was just engaged this past week. not only that her boyfriend asked for permission (not blessings) from her parents, they organized the engagement without her knowing. she was told two weeks before the engagement that both Families had agreed to a date and if she refused to show up, she’d be shaming the family. she kicked up a fuss and gotten help from a women’s advocacy group. the engagement still went ahead “in absentia”.
edit: the crazy thing was that the guy had seemed “modern”, they were thinking of getting a shared house together, planning weddings and honeymoons, but then he folded like a flan in a cupboard to family pressure and insisted that she live with the inlaws, take up his name and give up her job. i was shocked when i heard her tell me that.
Wow, that’s a crazy story. I cannot even imagine being treated like that. Hope your cousin finds the strength to put all this shit past her.
Is she still going through with the wedding? Why should she have to give up her job? That is crazy.
@Nympha and @idk, thank you for the support. it’s a very confusing time for my cousin right now, because she has never expected her parents to be so traditional in terms of women’s roles after marriage. she thought she had no reason to suspect. until recently, her parents have been supportive with her living the “modern” lifestyle: not immediately marrying after school, getting her PhD, starting up her own consulting job, etc.
but i’m not that close with this part of the family (my closeness with this cousin actually began professionally, when my boss unwittingly hired her company to do some work for us) so i was surprised too. i though they’re pretty progressive.
it’s like the twilight zone, even for me. she’s the first girl in my whole extended family (that i know of) to get a PhD, always a free spirit, and has done a lot of charity work since she’s a teenager (unpaid work, which is often looked down upon by the traditional merchant-descended folks because it doesn’t make money). now her parents have asked her to give all work up because they thought that work would hinder her from getting pregnant and taking care of the in-laws.
they have threatened to disown her if she refused to get married because it will make the family lose face, but we are still trying to talk to them about it. the extended family has gotten involved, even members i’ve never known existed before (apparently i have a large extended family! who knew). the advocacy group is acting as a third party, several psychologists are being consulted. it’s a frenzy around here nowadays.
for me personally, it’s an eyeopener. that yes we do live in a metropolis, one of the most modern cities in Asia, and sometimes all this modernity blinds us from how deeply-rooted some old-fashioned traditions really are.
To each their own but it seems silly to me. I’m an adult I don’t need anyone else’s blessing in what I do with my life. *shrug*
I didn’t see it so much as being about ME when my husband asked my Dad’s approval. I think at this point, it’s a way for men to establish mutual respect and, through an old ritual, have a male bonding moment. It’s good for men (well, anyone) to have their traditions and establish relationships. Everyone knew it was ultimately my choice to accept, and that if I accepted we would enter into a full partnership…. so it wasn’t about property rights.
My boyfriend and I recently decided to get married, but for the sake of pomp and circumstance we are having a formal “proposal” over this weekend – no ring (at my request, I’m not down with engagement rings), a fancy dinner and a formal question – that’s easier to explain to some of our older family members instead of “Well, we talked about it and decided it was a great idea.” I am thrilled that my boyfriend did not feel the need to consult any of my family members on whether or not we should get married. Instead, he consulted me, his partner, in making this decision. It works for us and I think it’s romantic as hell.
Also, when my sister got married we joked with my dad on whether my brother-in-law should have asked for a “blessing” (code for permission) first, my dad’s response was awesome: “I would not want you to marry someone who needs to ask me about decisions you can and should make. But it would be your decision and that’s what’s important”
Good for him, but that is not what I really want to comment on. Nice legs Ashton (yikes).
I don’t like this “tradition” either. Or wearing a wedding veil. Or the part in the wedding ceremony where they say: “who gives this woman?”
Yeah, I mean why not ask her mother as well? She’s the one who carried her for 9 months and gave birth to her. Also I hate it when they say “man and wife” instead of “husband and wife”…or “you may now kiss the bride”…why not say “you may now kiss each other”?
This is all Ashton. He seems very traditional, Milas exact quote in an interview last year was “Traditional values are a struggle for me”. I’ve felt from the beginning that he’s way more in love with her than she is with him. Not that she isn’t in love with him, but I just think she’s more pragmatic about it where as he thinks shes the one, and they’re meant to be and all that other bs.
I am a feminist. I also don’t mind this tradition if people want to do it (my husband asked me first before asking my dad). It’s still ultimately Mila’s decision. I understand the problematic roots of these traditions, but they don’t bother me. (Unless it goes too far, into Duggar territory)
Asking for her father’s BLESSING isn’t asking FOR HER HAND, like she’s property.
It’s a courtesy. Especially when you’re a rich movie star. Like him saying no would stop anything. And like he would say no to a rich movie star.
You are right Kaiser, they tried in their round about way to roll out this engagement and…..nothing. This is going to be horrible to ignore when she has to promote Jupiter Ascending because she is going to have to bring something to the table.
My husband talked to my parents the night before he asked me to marry him – not so much that he wanted permission or a blessing, but more because he wanted my parents (who are out-of-state) to know what was going to happen the following day and that he promised to care for me for the rest of his days.
It wasn’t a “must do” on my part as far as the engagement – we’d been living together for six years in a house we bought together, so, you know, it was inevitable – but I thought it was incredibly thoughtful for him to do it, and I know my Dad respected him immensely for it.
I would have been ticked off if my hubby did that! This was between the two of us and was nobody else’s business!
Kaiser, I’m with you. My husband asked me if he should ask my dad first, and I was like, why? You’re marrying me.
I don’t like even the pretense of acting like this isn’t the woman’s decision.