Haylie Duff is 31 now, she’s engaged to her baby’s father, a guy named Matt Rosenberg whom US describes as an entrepreneur, and she has a 15 month-old baby daughter named Ryan. (I know Ryan as primarily a boy’s name but I’ve learned that it’s one of those names that can be interchangeable.) In case you’re wondering who she is, she’s the older sister of Hilary Duff, she was around much more when she was single, and she seems like a sweet person with only a mild amount of hustle. Haylie runs a cooking blog called The Real Girl’s Kitchen, she put a cookbook out in 2013, and she has shows on The Cooking Channel including a new one coming up called Haylie Duff’s America. As part of promotion, she spoke to US Magazine about the mommy wars, including the judgment and questions about whether women chose to nurse their babies.
Haylie Duff has a parent peeve. “All my friends have tiny little babies right now and when you go to a birthday party, the dads will be like, ‘What a beautiful baby! Are you breast-feeding?’” the mom of 15-month-old daughter Ryan tells Us Weekly. “I’m like, ‘That’s not a normal question. That’s not an OK question.”’
The Real Girls Kitchen star, who is engaged to entrepreneur Matt Rosenberg, nursed Ryan exclusively for nearly seven months, until a bout with food poisoning wiped out her milk supply. “That was awful. It was really hard for me,” Duff reveals. “I finally gave her a bottle of [Similac] … and there was no turning back. You shouldn’t be ashamed to formula feed.”
She continued: “Moms do so much comparing. This one has a gluten-free kid and that one doesn’t. This one has a nanny and that one doesn’t. Everybody needs to lighten up. We’re all doing our best.”
The actress, whose sister is Younger star Hilary Duff, also opened up to Us about the guilt she felt while traveling the country for her new Cooking Channel series Haylie’s America (premieres Thursday, September 8, at 10 p.m.). “I couldn’t bring Ryan with me, and that was the hardest part,” she says. “But when I was sad … Matt would say to me, ‘Babe, you’re setting a good example as a woman that works. So that is what I tell myself when I’m leaving for the airport.”
She said that it’s the dads who ask but do the moms ask too or do they just know based on how they see a mom feeding her baby? I didn’t feel this much pressure from other moms (or dads) when I had my baby, but that was over ten years ago and I lived on the east coast. I suspect the mommy mafia has their base among the monied women in California, who have the resources and time to do everything “perfect” and make proclamations about how other women should raise their kids. It does seem too personal to ask someone whether they’re nursing or using formula, (unless it’s a close friend) and there’s an inherent judgment in that, like you are expected to make excuses if you’re using formula. That’s a personal choice as to what works for your family and it’s hard enough to raise a baby without dealing with other people’s b.s. judgement. Also, I really liked what her partner told her about how she’s setting a good example by being a working mom. He sounds very supportive.
Here’s a cute video Haylie posted to Instagram:
According to the story she said it’s the dads who ask about breastfeeding. That would make me uncomfortable I think, but I’ve never been asked anything about how any of my kids eat by a dude. Not so much if it’s another mom asking, no biggie.
What if the dude was a father who was married and gay, and had kids too? They could be asking about what your kids eat as their own kids could be picky eaters. I mean, men also are parents.
There’s no reason to walk up to a stranger and ask them personal questions, none, in my opinion.
This fictitious father can wait until he knows someone quite well before asking for advice.
exactly!!! ^^^^ we could “what if…….” it into something acceptable…..but it’s just plain wrong. JMO
Yup. Sexuality doesn’t protect us from creeps.
What does it matter, do you can an a award or money if your breastfeeding? Lol . When my husband and I first got married the question was “are you pregnant yet?”… good lord we got this question from everyone so I started saying ” should be any day now lord knows we bang like rabbits? ” shock the hell out of them them and they were afraid to ask me personal questions. My sister got a kick out of it too, and my mom for warned people about my Scorpio middle child ways lol. Mind ya business that’s all just mind ya business!
Best response ever! Love it.
That reply is awesome. Can you come with me to my next family gathering? My relatives are nosy af.
I like the Duff sisters, they seem nice. And maybe because I am not a mom, but I would never ask a woman if they are pregnant, planning to have more kids, breastfeeding etc. not because it isn’t interesting I suppose, but mostly because to me, women are much more than just moms. Their personality and persona does not end when their uterus has a no vacancy sign.
Same here. I’m not a mom either and this stuff bores me to death.
Same here. I’m the only one of my friends that is not a mom or grandma. There are times I feel like I’m going to scream if I have to look at one more baby pic or hear one more story about my child/grandchild said a word today. I don’t mean that to sound awful, I have nothing but respect for anyone raising children because I couldn’t do it. Maybe because I never wanted to do. But when it becomes literally the only thing someone can talk about, it quickly loses any charm it may have had.
Finally someone said it. If you’re not a mom, all that sh*t is boring as hell. There are ten million other interesting things happening in the world, who gives a sh*t if you feed your baby formula or the boob?
So yeah, I don’t ask about it because I don’t care.
Most moms don’t mind talking about their kids. It’s not some awful thing and I don’t know anyone that thinks moms are “just” moms. It’s just an easy topic of discussion and used to be non controversial, at least until people stopped being able to handle irl face to face conversations that may not go 100% to their liking.
I couldn’t care less how another mother raises their kids, and plenty of people give me the side eye over a lot of my parenting (specifically us not having or wanting a tv) but so? They aren’t me and their kids aren’t mine so it isn’t too much to just smile and say something polite then get on with my life and forget all about it. Why spend so much time and energy caring if others “judge” you or whatever?
Exactly. If you both have kids it’s an easy conversation starter.
In my own experience, I’ve never gotten judgy mom’s in my face. People I meet are really helpful and open. I’ve gotten some really good advice from strangers.
She is not a regular person so gets more attention, and the internet is not real people. People are meaner over the internet.
It’s not an easy topic for women who can’t nurse for various reasons. And it’s an impolite one given how judgmental society is about it now. Given the stats on who doesn’t or doesn’t nurse, it’s classist as well as insensitive.
Agreed @Tanya. Just seems like opening a can of worms, potentially. I think first solid foods might be a bit more acceptable if people really want to know someone’s dietary plans for their kid. Then there can be an exchange of tips/tricks and it’s a bit less personal (could still be some issues, but if people are gonna ask, I’d say ask about this instead of breastfeeding).
Tanya, maybe you are just over sensitive? But I was wondering how and when someone would bring the same old talking points (classist, racist, sexist, etc) so a tip of the hat to you for that lol.
@Tanya you make it great point. I am glad you’ve pointed out that as biologically natural as breastfeeding is, as humans we now have a layer of cultural norms added to that and those do vary based on socioeconomic class. More people should be aware of how privileged these mommy wars seem to those who absolutely have to go back to work or for infertile couples. It’s never a bad policy to be aware and polite.
Oh, I love your comment. I like to talk on parenting topics and I love to be among likeminded people. For me it was better to make friends with moms who do things the way I do. All those topics get hot when you are going through it. I can’t care less about bf now, but few years ago I felt disconnected with an old friend who was “on the opposite side”
I am a mother and I would never ask.
I remember being with my mum and her asking a woman if she had children, the woman said ‘no/yes – well she died’ from that point onward I knew you just never ask
If someone wants to talk about it, they will, otherwise keep it zipped
If there really is no judgment attached, there is no need to ask the question. Sure, the new mom who is feeding an infant may want to discuss the experience with a friend, but if she doesn’t offer up first that she’s struggling with the experience or wants advice or just wants to talk through how she’s feeling, I see absolutely no reason to ask what feeding choice they have made as a family. Ask how she’s feeling, if there is anything you can help with, tell her she looks great, tell her she’s doing great, but the details about the choices each family has made with regard to raising that kid are no one’s business.
And here’s why nobody wants to talk to other people any longer. Why doesn’t someone just write a script for all interactions with others, so we can ensure nobody’s precious feelings ever get ruffled. Is it really that serious? Why are people so fragile nowadays? I’m not old but I remember a time before all of this hyper sensitivity and I really miss it. When even well meaning small talk is considered what….a micro aggression…don’t you think things are a little bit over the top?
Sorry but there was also a time when several topics of conversation were considered too intrusive, especially brought up in a group setting like a birthday party. It is a problem that nothing is off limits now. And people aren’t talking to each other because so many of them are loudly proclaiming on social media that their way of living is the best or only way. There are SO many mommy blogs that are wildly unsupportive and very judgmental of mother’s who are not just like them. Parenting is enough of a struggle and you hope people understand that and try to be accepting and supportive but the reality is people say absolutely horrid, overly personal and judgmental things to mothers all the time.
Ah, yes, the magical days of…sometime in the past, when people could ask you about your bodily functions without offending someone’s delicate sensibilities.
I miss those non-existent halcyon days… *wipes tear*
I guess it’s too intrusive to talk about breast feeding but it’s a OK to talk about everything else like sex and all sorts of other gross personal business. But really, you missed the point. I couldn’t care less about people breastfeeding and have never asked anyone other than my best friend (so I could give her my spectra pump), but I have been asked many times because I have 3 kids and I was never offended even though I breastfed exclusively for one of the three but not the others. It’s just not that big of a deal and seems like something stupid to get all het up over. But that’s just imo of course.
I don’t bring up those topics at a birthday party either. That would be inappropriate. It’s not being overly sensitive to have manners.
Amen. Everyone’s offended about everything now. Just stick to the weather chit chat :-/
I hated all the questions and advice leveled at me when my boys were wee…even while pregnant. I’m short so my pregnancies were NOT simply in my belly. I looked like the blown up blueberry on Willy Wonka. I was constantly asked if I was having twins and/or triplets! Then the whole breastfeeding thing. In my mind I’d answer, “What business is it of yours? Why do you care? Who are you?” And it never stops until your baby grows into elementary years. “You need to get rid of that pacifier.” “You shouldn’t let your child suck his thumb.” “You shouldn’t buy those snacks.” And on and on and on. I’m a huge proponent of live and let live (I have a frakkin’ coexist sticker on my car), so I have no doubt my facial expressions illustrated educated elitist you’re-an-idiot-from-hell…all while smiling.
As a mom myself I have never been harassed by anyone about whether I breastfeed or not (much less a man). I could be over simplifying it but she sounds like she’s projecting her own issues into the subject. Maybe she wasn’t able to breastfeed and feels awkward when someone asks? I do feel though that It’s a very normal thing for close family members and friends to ask that question as some women have had problems breastfeeding and need support and advice. I know I certainly did and as a new mom I felt it important to connect to other people who also experienced what I was going through. I don’t know, I just don’t find the question offensive but maybe that’s just me.
That’s my impression too. She is projecting her feelings into it. Despite the fact that I breastfed I have no problem with women who decide or can’t breasfeed. And for me this questionnis just part of experience sharing between new moms. Sometimes it does come up in social conversations because breaskfeding mom is not drinking alcohol for example and has nothing to do with someone’s judgement.
But isn’t that part of the point? I feel like, of course she’s projecting her feelings into it; she says it was hard for her when she had to switch to formula at 7 months. But that’s exactly why it’s inappropriate to ask that type of question. It’s not too personal or rude if you haven’t had any issues with breastfeeding or you are confident in your decision to formula feed, but you don’t know all of the baggage that mom is already carrying around related to that subject. It’s like asking a longtime married couple when they’re going to have kids already. Maybe they have fertility issues and asking that question is extremely painful.
Personally, I enjoy talking about breastfeeding and fertility with my friends and family because I struggled with milk supply but am lucky enough to have had access to fantastic resources and a year-long maternity leave which enabled me to still be breastfeeding my 9.5month old daughter. I also went through a bunch of fertility treatments to have her because we are a same-sex couple who used donor sperm and I went through 5 IUIs with one early miscarriage.
I know that I am fortunate to have my baby and to have been able to breastfeed as those are things I wanted, and I know that my experiences are different and possibly interesting to some people so I don’t mind talking about them. But I also completely understand why some women don’t want to talk about those issues at all and may in fact find it painful to discuss or to have to deflect questions they find invasive. That’s why I think it’s something that should be up to the person themselves to bring up and not be questioned about by others without prompting, especially if the questioner is a vague acquaintance or complete stranger.
LF I feel the same. If you know the person and know something about breastfeeding, it’s a caring question. If you’re a random person, it’s not your business. Never say never!
It did read a little bit like she was projecting her own issues into it – it feels terrible when you want to breastfeed and can’t. It does seem a little strange that dads were asking her about it, but as someone else pointed out they are parents too, and there is no obsession like obsession over what and how much your new baby is eating, so I can understand hands-on dads wanting to know what other families are doing.
Breastfeeding, for whatever silly reason, can be such a hot-button issue now that people might be more interested in it? But it’s hard not to feel judged when people ask how you’re feeding your baby, because you know everyone has an opinion on it.
This is so true. I see signs in cars now that say “Breastfed baby on board” and my instinct is to get my back up and feel like it’s kind of judgey and superior. Like, why is it relevant how the baby in your car is being fed? But I think that’s my own issue derived from knowing how other people have so many opinions on it. I end up assuming other people are making judgments just by stating a fact, which is not really fair. And it’s a bit weird since I am breastfeeding still so I don’t know why it would even bother me. Ha. Oh well. I once had a lady compliment me for breastfeeding at the botanical gardens and I was like, am I flattered? Appreciative? Uncomfortable? Annoyed? I don’t even know.
Breastfed baby on board? How is that anything other than feeling superior? There is no reason for that information, other than to dig at people who don’t breastfeed. You can’t say it’s for information spreading, because unless you’re living under a rock you know that breast is best. However, not everyone is able or has major emotional or logistical issues with breastfeeding.
My baby could never latch. We tried mightily but it just didn’t work, and we learned later that he had apraxia, which meant he literally didn’t possess the muscle strength in his mouth to breastfeed (he still has trouble with simple things like blowing bubbles or candles). So I pumped exclusively for about 11 months. Holy hell that was the worst thing ever. I would never do that again. But my baby had breast milk! But I still got crazy dirty looks from random people when I would pull out a bottle to feed my kid.
Plenty of people are still living under a rock. Breastfeeding remains the minority choice, with a blowback effect againsts it well in action.. I heard so much flak from my in-laws for babysitting. I was a pretentious, martyr seeking, unrealistic hippie in their eyes. And these were woman between 20-30, middle class, north easterners 8 years ago.
Plus a woman may just want to offer their friend an expensive pumping system they no longer need. Geez, I think people think too much into this stuff. There is always going to be judgement from others, through words, looks, unpleasant encounters. Sometimes, we just need to learn to handle it or make a remark back to stop someone in their tracks if they are being rude, but talking about breastfeeding is also a way mothers bond so forbidding the question is a little odd.
If that’s actually the case then there’s a way to do that without pushing for the personal information someone may not want to offer up. You could easily just state that you have a pumping system you’re not using and that was great and if they want it then they just have to ask. You can offer things without prying into someone’s life.
Everyone is offended by everything nowadays. If you’re not offended, how will you get any attention? You simply must whine and complain about everything all the time, especially the most innocuous and well meaning stuff! Can’t be a well adjusted person without a massive chip on your shoulder nowadays, no way!
I have, as have many of my friends. I was in a McDs traveling with my infant daughter (and had pumped, for travel purposes obv). I was giving her a bottle, minding my own business, and a creepy old man came up to me and said “it is so much better for the child if you breastfeed, you are being selfish.” You don’t want to know the expletives I said back to him. Lol.
Long story short it DOES HAPPEN. If you haven’t/didn’t experience it, consider yourself fortunate.
I had so much ppd/ppa I cried almost everyday over not breastfeeding. I was a ftm with a c section and a hungry baby and no idea what to do. EVERYONE asked if I was breastfeeding. It was awful.
OMG, EVERYONE asks whether I’m breastfeeding, LITERALLY everyone- neigbours I see in the elevator of our building, neigbours I run on in the streets, family members, even people I meet for the first time at some family gatherings (like at my grandmother’s funeral where HER neighbours asked me that). It’s literally the way she put it- “Oh what a cute baby,are you breastfeeding?”.
I was so annoyed already that this weekend I asked my in-laws that what was it with random people and their concern over what my baby ate like it was them that needed feeding and not my baby. And now this title comes up 😀
(Btw, I am breastfeeding, but not because I’m a supporter of the La Leche League mafia, but because my baby needs food and as it turns out I have it)
The hell. I can’t imagine asking a young mother if she is breastfeeding. Why would that be any of my business?
I always feel like everyone is so used to over sharing on blogs, Facebook, Instagram, etc that they make the rather rude assumption that you are fine with it too and that they have a right to know about all your personal decisions. I hosted a baby shower for my sister and her group of close friends were there. Half of the women there have struggled with infertility. And it’s not a secret, although they don’t generally open up about the details in groups and they’re not plastering it on social media. Knowing this there were still women there making comments to those women and to me (I was just about to have a surgery for endometriosis and was told that I could lose an ovary) about how we were next to be mommies. People should not comment or ask about other people’s personal life choices unless they are family or best friends in an intimate sharing setting. Period.
I also think this sort of lack of manners has extended to other personal matters. You want to talk politics and express your opinion, fine. But it’s still rude to actually ask someone who they are voting for. It occurs privately for a reason. My husband’s uncle called him a month ago (this has never happened in the six years we’ve been together) solely to try to make sure he was voting for the “right” candidate and bully him if he wasn’t. People need a good dose of etiquette classes and to remember that it’s acceptable, and necessary, to have an actual private life.
My eldest nursed until she was 4. The judgment “isn’t she too old for that?”, “if they can ask for it they don’t need it”, “what will she do when school starts” etc… started when she was about 2. I hated it. I would never comment on how a mother decides to feed her child.
I had a friend who nursed hers until he was 4. I thought it was great. I got endless judgement about my daughter’s binky obsession. But she gave it up when SHE was ready. She also has perfect teeth, so all their fuss was for naught.
I don’t find it odd if any sex asks if I’m nursing. Breasts aren’t sexual when they are feeding your child so there should be no shame. And some woman choose to not nurse and that’s OK too. To each their own!
Right, I don’t mind the question provided there’s no judgment about the answer!
I dont find it weird for any sexual reasons, but more like ‘how’s it your business?’… like ohh you had a baby girl, are you wiping front to back?
If someone offers up personal info, feel free to ask follow ups but otherwise just mind your own business!
Love what she says about parents doing their best and needing to chill out. The mommy brigade is THE WORST. My sister in law is a card carrying member who loves to refer to the girls store “Justice” as “hoochie.” They’re children, crazy pants!
I agree with your sister in law about Justice. There is no reason children need to be dressing like adults and I personally find it disgusting. It is inappropriate to see anyone, but especially small children, wearing shorts so short they don’t cover anything. They are children and they need to be protected from the gaze of perverts. But on a more mundane level, how can they play and be kids if they’re having to pull those shorts down every three seconds? Of course this is jmo but my kids certainly won’t be dressing like that. Others can do as their parents allow but I tell mine “you are not them, their parents make different choices than I do.” Besides, I wouldn’t pay store prices for Justice clothes. I’ve gotten a few pairs of pants and a sweater and modest things from there that I got at a yard sale which is fine. I will forever judge paying full price for anything because it’s dumb!
I don’t have kids myself and I’ve seen the breastfeeding battle among my friends (all female). There was a lot of judginess between them over it. One mom got ostracized from the group for using formula and for working several part-time jobs. I’ve heard their reasoning, which was something about her ruining her child’s life and comparing her to a child abuser. I’m from the Midwest and this was about 3 years ago.
That mom is better off. Man I wish that type of crap would happen to me! Lots of “say that sh*t to my f*cking face” confrontations would occur let me tell ya what!
Ok, so I’m 53 and just last night I dreamt that I had been forgetting to breast feed my baby! What the hell? For some reason it replaced the horrifying missed-the-whole-semester-and-now-it’s-the-final dream! Ugh. I’m really glad to have grown kids as I never really felt the competition til mine were school age. And I will NEVER pressure my kids into having them. Quite the opposite, really.
OMG relax. Breastfeeding or formula feeding should not be treated as a dirty secret. L RS talk about it with both moms and dads. What worked for you what didn’t. No sham or judgment. And don’t Dads have the right to be knowledge in children’s nutrition? How else can if they don’t ask questions it’s just a boob.
If a man who gives you the creeps by asking you weird questions then say that but to not have a conversation because someone is a male…? I don’t get that
But why is it anyone’s business? What is the purpose of you asking? Because if you know someone well enough to ask that question, you likely already know the answer, so your only reason for asking if you aren’t that close is to be nosy or judgemental.
Sadly, it’s one of those questions that seems so casual when someone asks about someone’s baby, but unfortunately at times it can actually be opening a can of uncomfortable worms. One of my closest friends found out she had breast cancer DURING her pregnancy, and ended up having both of her breasts removed. I know she felt so awkward and miserable when people who didn’t know her situation would question her on why she was formula feeding or is she breastfeeding because she did not feel like sharing all her medical information with strangers.
My baby would not latch. The public health nurse came over weekly to help, but eventually said my technique was great, and she had no more feedback. I spent the first 7 weeks postpartum pumping 8 times a day around the clock. We were also instructed to finger feed the baby with a syringe and pipette instead of a bottle, so each feed took up to 45 minutes. Essentially those first 7 weeks for me were pumping, feeding or trying to get baby asleep. Maybe it is different for me because we had a lot of medical appointments for her, but the number of people who asked or assumed I was nursing made me feel like a failure. It didn’t help that my mum insisted nursing was easy and “suggesting” I tell people I was trying to nurse. My daughter eventually latched.
Her mouth and nose are sooooo strange
I have experienced this question from men. I think the first time it seemed a little bit strange to me because men wouldn’t normally just randomly ask me about what I’m doing with my breasts, why would they start asking about it once I had babies… However, I think men are just trying to relate in some way to the new mom, perhaps via the experiences that they witnessed with their wife? I don’t think people are always trying to be judgey. Perhaps their wife tried and wasn’t able to nurse or found something that helped increase her milk supply, whatever, and they are trying to offer support that it’s ok to NOT breastfeed or let the new mom know she’s not alone in whatever choice she makes. I guess I try to see the good in people instead of getting offended by every little thing. I think it’s nice that men are getting so much more involved in child rearing and the whole baby experience nowadays. The narrative has certainly shifted from previous generations where a man wouldn’t dare change a diaper to men wanting to be as involved as they can be.
If you want to normalize breast feeding it should not be made into a taboo topic that you can’t ever ask about. You can’t have it both ways, it’s totally normal and natural to breast feed but never ever ask a mother about her experiences with it. There are ways to ask about or talk about breast feeding without being judgmental or sanctimonious, etc.
Thank you! I was just going to write that:) You can’t have it both ways. Either it’s OK to talk about or you have to go to the bathroom for this ‘bodily function’???
Those really aren’t the only two options. Normalizing doesn’t mean you must comment on people’s choices or ask about them. I don’t ask gay couples when they came out. It just means you don’t shoot dirty looks or make offensive comments or act like breastfeeding is gross or sexual. Normalizing breastfeeding does not give people permission to be intrusive.
+1
That is not a logical extension. Not being ashamed of something doesn’t mean you abdicate personal boundaries. on your logic, a woman breastfeeding in public cannot object if a man stands beside her and talks about her breasts while staring at them. Boundaries still exist.
I did not write that boundaries should not exist about talking about breastfeeding, just that people should feel able to talk about their experiences and ask questions. Part of taking the taboo out of something is to create a healthy conversation about the topic. People ALWAYS have a responsibility to be respectful. The scenario you described is sexual harassment and has nothing to do with creating healthy conversations about breastfeeding. The only options do not have to be never ask questions or ask questions to the point of sexual harassment.
I wouldn’t ask such a question because it’s rude, baseless, and way too invasive. It’s nobody’s business how a child is fed. If they’re healthy and happy, who cares? There is no right way anymore – it’s whatever works for you and your child. Noone ever asked me about breastfeeding but I witnessed people asking my niece when she had her baby and it just so happened, she wanted to breastfeed really bad, but she was unable to. I saw the look of hurt and sadness on her face more than once. Breastfeeding can be a very sensitive subject for some mothers, so all the more reason to mind your own business. I’d also add that unless they are close friends or family, those who do endeavor to pry like that are never perfect parents – they are try-hards who are all about perception but usually lacking in some areas behind closed doors. It’s just a way to deflect and feel superior on some front.
I’ve lived in NYC, So Cal, and San Francisco with young kids/babies and NYC was by far the craziest. California parents are much more loosely wound than Manhattan/Brooklyn parents and less judgy as well. Too much pressure to find a good school in New York, makes everyone question every move you make, starting with your birth plan.
A male co-worker’s wife recently had a baby. First day back I overheard another male coworker asking him if she’s breast feeding “because that’s really the best way.” WTF?!?!?
I had to turn out their conversation I just thought it was so creepy a guy asking another guy about his wife’s boobs and then that guy openly talking about his wife’s boobs.
I once had a convo with my bestie who at the time was a new mom breastfeeding her first. I told her while there is enough evidence to suggest breast is best there isn’t anything to say formula is bad and breastfeeding isn’t always an option. Whether it be physical (another bestie couldn’t supply enough milk to feed her twins adequately) or time wise. She insisted that outside of physical it’s always doable if someone is willing to make the commitment. I thought that was so judemental. I’m not a parent by the way.
I also have another friend who tried breastfeeding but was completely grossed out by it. She hated admitting it but it was honestly how she felt. I can’t imagine the bonding benefits would have occured in this situation had she continued to breastfeed and she shouldn’t be judged for it. I’ll admit it’s strange, but she is entitled to feel how she feels.
I was shocked how hard breastfeeding was. All you hear is how wonderful it is, and how good it is for the baby. Which is true. And how “natural” it is , or so I thought.
Nobody talks about how incredibly hard it is for a new mom. The pain, the stress if the baby doesn’t latch, if there isn’t enough milk, the sleep deprivation. Nobody prepares women for that. Nobody talks about how inefficient pumping is for many women and how they really have to choose – breastfeed or go back to work.
If that was talked more about then maybe women would be more prepared and maybe we would finally get a discussion going about getting a maternity leave in the US.
End of a rant. ))
You are so right! And let’s not forget the other side of the coin. Even if you bf, there is the “oh is she gaining enough?” Or “she seems small, is your supply low?” etc etc. You have enough difficulties as a new mom as it is, minus the village to help you to get thru as in the old days but plus tons of judgement as to how you are not good enough as a mom! For the love of god, leave women alone if you are not gonna help!
I think she’s projecting her feelings, and I think guys who ask are just trying to relate. No shade, but new moms are super boring. My cousin who was my bff had a baby and it was like she wasn’t even the same person for the first 3 yrs of her kid’s life. Which is fine cause she had a baby and that’s huge, but all the stuff we used to talk about went away. And it was all breastfeeding and play group and whatever.
The only thing I got from this post was that her fiance is really hot.
🙂
While working moms set a good example SAHM is not a bad one… Just saying
“Babe, you’re setting a good example as a woman that works.” Are the stay at home moms setting a bad example? I say this to point out that the mommy wars seem to me somewhat inevitable. Sorry Hailey. Even those who protest against it indulge in it. The working mom comment, no doubt intended to boost confidence and ease guilt, maybe only inadvertently questioned the decision of other moms. And I guess that’s understandable. Parenthood is tough, so people do what they do to sleep at night. Hmm I wonder if she cosleeps? …
Only women ever asked me if I breastfed, not men. I did feel as though I had to explain myself when I told them that I had made the switch to formula after a few months in (low milk supply, returning to work, baby refusing to latch).
OMG what a struggle her life must be being asked those question!
Really, the world is going to explode and that’s her big worry?
Also, it’s like she is the first woman ever to have had a baby, get a life girl!
On occasion I’ve asked the question because I wonder how the mom’s doing. I thought breastfeeding was tough and took some getting used to. So glad I’m out of that phase!
Really? Is that question that offensive? I ask that question quite often because it keeps the conversation going after the ‘do you get enough sleep”, ‘how does the baby sleep”, “is it hard to…”. Formula has its pro and cons, breastfeeding has its pro and cons, and to me as a childless 28-year old who is surrounded by first-time moms it seems that all the young moms I know are eager to discuss both options, as just another part of talking about the struggles of the “baby experience”. (hello breast infection! hello plugged ducts! ) And yes, these things are also discussed with casual acquaintances where I come from.
Maybe it’s because I”m Austrian and people are quickly into each others’ business once you know someone somehow, and more happy to talk about bodily functions. to me it seems an innocent question as long as you phrase it in a non-judgemental way and you seem eager to be understanding of both choices.