Madonna hires $1k a week English tutor for Jesus

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We all know what exacting standards Madonna has for everyone in her life. Not only must you be above perfection to be in her employ, but the same holds for anyone she dates. You must be a prime physical specimen, of a highly desirable age (preferably half her own), and capable of extended bouts of Madge worship. Oh, and you must speak the Queen’s English. Or at least you must speak better than Jesus Luz apparently does.

Madonna has shelled out a whopping $1,000 a week to improve Luz’s English. No ESL schools that advertise on the subway for her.

What’s Portuguese for “sugar mama”? Frustrated by her Brazilian boyfriend’s iffy English, Madonna has hired an English tutor for Jesus Luz!

“She’s paying more than $1,000 per week for him to learn English,” a source says. But it’s a small price to pay for bridging the language – generation! – gap.

[From Star; May 18, 2009, print ed.]

Out of sheer curiosity, I wonder if it had ever occurred to Madonna to consider learning Portuguese? Perhaps a nice compromise, and she and Jesus could meet in the middle? Of course Madge is not known for her ability to compromise. And something tells me that between her vigorous workout routines and eating 750 calories a day, she’s a pretty busy woman. I doubt she could fit in the tutoring to learn. Which really leaves the ball in Jesus’ court.

I knew there were perks to dating Madonna, but I thought they mostly had to do with lavish clothes and nice hotels. Who knew language improvement and accent reduction were part of the package?

Here are Jesus and Madonna at the Costume Institute Gala on Monday in New York. Images thanks to .

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20 Responses to “Madonna hires $1k a week English tutor for Jesus”

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  1. Melanie says:

    If I were Madonna, I wouldn’t want him to understand what I was saying.

  2. ash says:

    haha, that’s why he is with her so far, he doesn’t understand her. Wait until he learns more english….hellloooo younger brazilian girls his age.

  3. CandyKay says:

    He looks a lot like a young Carlos Leon.

    I actually see a long career for this guy, once he gets his English up to speed. After his relationship with Madonna ends, he can ride the notoriety into, say, a reality show, and then on to hosting-type duties, Daisy Fuentes style. Maybe, like Daisy, a clothing line. If he’s got the smarts, it’s all there for the taking.

  4. Nony says:

    I don’t know for how many hours that is, but private lessons aren’t cheap so it really doesn’t seem such a shocking amount of money to me.

  5. Kimberly says:

    I still can’t get over that rediculous outfit , just because it’s Louis V. or whatever expensive coutoure label it is doesn’t make it stylish .

    Even for a “costume” .

    In that header pic Jesus reminds me of an older Spanish Zac Efron , but more brooding .

  6. Jen says:

    Nice pit stains, Madonna! She looks AWFUL.

  7. Cate says:

    What the fuck is that thing on her head?

  8. nanster says:

    My question is this: why would a boy-toy even need to talk?

  9. CandyKay says:

    I did private language lessons and they cost me about 20 bucks an hour. A thousand dollars a week divided by 20 is 50 hours of language lessons – and one-on-one language lessons are exhausting and intense. Even if Madonna is paying double what I paid, that’s still about 25 hours a week, or 5 hours a weekday. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

  10. Daria says:

    So has she adopted him yet?

  11. josie says:

    ahhhh, they make a cute couple.
    Bow to the Queen.

  12. kiki says:

    jesus is gay Madonna is going to be like Mae West an ageing woman who surrounds herself with boytoys much to the amusement of others.

  13. geronimo says:

    Poor Baby Jesus. I’m picturing him chewing his pencil, surrounded by picture cards with words like ‘cow’ and ‘yacht’ and ‘umbrella’ on them. And a perplexed frown on his little face.

  14. PJ says:

    There’s a report out that Madonna laughed at Guy Ritchie’s joke about Jesus’s inability to speak much English: “So that explains why they’re getting along.” LOL

  15. MARKY MARK says:

    I’m a Madonna fan from way back in her 1982 club days and while people change (as they are supposed to)–this hags transmorgraphication into a caricature of a human being has given even this queen pause.
    Someone on here compared her to Mae West and I really shudder at the thought, but that is what this pathetic, selfish slag has turned into

  16. coocoo says:

    i don’t get it.
    why bother. isn’t he gay anyway?

  17. jayem says:

    What. The. F@$%. is that thing on her head? ETA: Cate! Read my mind.

    And I would prefer the accent too. Who wouldn’t?!

  18. maritza says:

    Jesus looks just like Robby Rosa, an ex Menudo singer from Puerto Rico. Madonna really likes latin lovers.

  19. filthycute says:

    300 bucks for Jesus’ spray tan, 3000 for her face lift, and she couldn’t spend 3 bucks for some anti-perspirant? Dumb hag.