Emily Ratajkowski has grown on me so much over the past year. While many people still take issue with Emily, her sexuality and her feminism, she’s one of the few young celebrities who have made me stop and think about how I write about feminism and celebrities. Some high points of just the past few months: Emily gave a full-throated defense of Kim Kardashian, and they even seemed to befriend each other. Emily gave a series of interesting interviews about the male gaze, sexuality, feminism and how society treats women who don’t fall into a certain “good girl” box. Emily covers the new issue of Glamour – in addition to a short interview, she also wrote an essay about the way society treats women who want to have a voice in any way:

She was criticized online for being political & public: “After posting a picture of myself at the rally and a video of my speech about Bernie Sanders’s positions on equal pay, maternity leave, and economic inequality, I was trolled heavily. Commenters said I had ‘an excess of beauty and lack of brain’ and told me to ‘shut up and show us your t-ts.’ But I was also criticized in a very specific way— for seeking attention. They wrote me off as “a desperate attention whore,” saying I was taking part in the conversation only because everybody else was too. I realized then that I’ve been called an attention whore so often that I had almost gotten used to it. And as women we are accused of seeking attention more than men are, whether for speaking out politically, as I did, for dressing a certain way, or for even posting a selfie. Our culture has a double standard that runs so deep, many women have actually built up an automatic defense—attempting to be a step ahead of potential critics by making sure we have “real” reasons for anything we say or do.”

Sexy & opinionated: “Often it’s men propelling these acts of sexism, but women discount one another too: Think about how many times you’ve heard a woman say about another woman, ‘Oh, she’s just doing that for attention.’ We’ve internalized this trope. Our society tells women we can’t be, say, sexy and confident and opinionated about politics. This would allow us too much power. Instead our society asks us to declare and defend our motivations, which makes us second-guess them, all while men do what they please without question… The truth is that both groups want to be noticed. Yet we view a man’s desire for attention as a natural instinct; with a woman, we label her a narcissist.”

Genderless motives: “It’s absurd to think that desire for attention doesn’t drive both women and men. Why are women scrutinized for it more, then? And if a woman dresses up because she does want attention, male or otherwise, does that make her guilty of something? Or less “serious”? Our society doesn’t question men’s motivations for taking their shirt off, or shaving, or talking about politics—nor should it. Wanting attention is genderless. It’s human.

Attention & victim-blaming: “In August a young woman, Karina Vetrano, was raped and murdered while on a jog in Queens, New York. The New York Daily News published an article about “the brainy and beautiful victim,” including a selfie of Vetrano from her Instagram. One commenter said, “Poor girl yes. But she put herself out there like a Kardashian carbon copy.” Later he added, “If you’re going to be out there, be prepared for the attention, good and bad.” This is how far the attention accusation can go: It validates the idea that this woman’s actions—wearing makeup, posting selfies—might have contributed to her senseless murder. Would you have seen the same type of comment had the victim been male? Doubtful. Women should be allowed to be themselves and live the way they want to, just as Vetrano did.

Women are the only ones whose motives are questioned: “The ideal feminist world shouldn’t be one where women suppress their human instincts for attention and desire. We shouldn’t be weighed down with the responsibility of explaining our every move. We shouldn’t have to apologize for wanting attention either. We don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s not our responsibility to change the way we are seen—it’s society’s responsibility to change the way it sees us.

[From Glamour]

And once again, another great piece from Emily. This reminded me a lot of her conversation with Naomi Wolff a few months ago, where they discussed reclaiming the gaze, and basically everything Emily discusses here. That it’s completely natural and normal to want attention, for men and women. That it’s natural to be sexual, to be sexy, to have opinions, to be political, to want to be heard, to reach out, to be a part of a dialogue. And yet only women are slammed for those things. If I have one criticism of Emily at this point, it’s that she sometimes veers a little bit into the “woe is the plight of the attractive woman” thing. Her points are completely valid and she’s having a larger dialogue, of course. But the whole reason she’s been given this platform to discuss these issues is because, oh right, she’s a beautiful, sexy woman and she’s exactly the kind of woman who is given priority in our society too. Glamour isn’t asking overweight Marge the Bouncer to talk about these issues (although I would love to know what Marge thinks).

Photos courtesy of Glamour.