Remember when Pippa Middleton got engaged to Terribly Moderately Wealthy James Matthews and all of the gossip was about how Pippa did NOT want a big wedding? Sources – Middleton sources, let’s be real – made it sound like Pippa did not want her wedding to be anything like Kate’s wedding. Pippa wanted something small and intimate. She wanted to be married out her parents’ house, Middleton Manor. She was like a Jane Austen heroine, just a country girl and a local beauty who somehow managed to get engaged to a terribly moderately wealthy Mr. Darcy. What happened to that? Did Carole Middleton – who truly is a mother created by Jane Austen, I fear – decide to throw herself her own dream wedding and it just happened to be her daughter’s wedding? Did Pippa make a conscious choice to use her wedding to launch the new phase of her celebrity/business? I don’t know. But from here on out, I don’t want to hear one more thing out of Camp Middleton about how Pippa hates attention and she’s just a simple, humble, country girl. First it was the glass palace. Now Pippa is going to be arriving at her wedding in a g-ddamn horse-drawn carriage.
Pippa Middleton will arrive at her fairy tale wedding like a queen – in a horse and carriage. The bride will bring a touch of royal glamour to the wedding of the year with Her Majesty’s favourite mode of transport. The Duchess of Cambridge will watch as her sister is pulled by locally bred horses past crowds of photographers to St Mark’s Church, in Englefield, Berks, on Saturday.
One villager told The Sun: “I have heard on good authority that Pippa will be riding in a carriage from Bucklebury to the church in Englefield, just like a princess. A livery yard owner has been told that she will be driven in a carriage to the church.” Moments after she steps off she will bring tears to the eyes of family and friends as she walks through the cosy church’s wooden doors and down the aisle. The revelation comes as Pippa and mum Carole, 62, yesterday went for lunch at Englefield House – where the canape and drinks reception will be held.
Antique cars were yesterday delivered under tarpaulin to the Elizabethan country mansion – the scene of US reality show I Wanna Marry Harry. The move suggests the happy couple may be driven more than six miles back to Bucklebury for the reception.
The message of Kate’s wedding was that she arrived by car, a commoner, and left Westminster Abbey by carriage a princess. The message of Pippa’s wedding is that she arrives a Middleton princess and leaves a terribly moderately wealthy peasant, I suppose. Now, if you love the princess fairytale and you genuinely want to arrive at your wedding via a horse-drawn carriage, then God bless and I wish you will. Getting married is a once-in-a-lifetime thing for many people, and I know you don’t care if I think certain wedding details are tacky. Different strokes, etc. And if the Middletons were horse-loving people, this might not be so strange, but as we know, the Middletons aren’t keen on horses.
If the press around Pippa this whole time had been “Pippa wants her fairytale wedding,” then at least I would have known what to expect. But this is what bugs me: it’s the Middletons’ insistence that your eyes are deceiving you, that Pippa is something other than a D-list celebrity with a wedding that reflects that, that of course they aren’t gauche social climbers and of course this wedding hasn’t devolved into a Kardashian-esque experience complete with luxury portable toilets. Tell me what part of this wedding would not be at home on a very special wedding episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. TELL ME.
Also: in this same Sun story, the same gossipy “villager” made it sound like Meghan Markle was going to be the real star. Like, the local police force was going to just do basic crowd control around Pippa’s wedding, but as soon as people learned that Meghan was coming to town, suddenly the police force needed additional “security planning” because Meghan “has international appeal” and now they’re expecting international press to show up. You guys were right: Pippa used Meghan Markle to get more attention for her wedding.
Photos courtesy of WENN, Pacific Coast News.