These are possibly the drunkest photos of Jessica Simpson in history

Jessica Simpson sticks her tongue out to photographers

This is just a quick thing, but how drunk was Jessica Simpson last night? You be the judge. Jessica and her husband Eric “Big” Johnson went to Craig’s in West Hollywood, and these are photos of their exit from the restaurant. Or should I say, falling out of the restaurant. Jessica had that glassy-eyed boozy look that I recognize from my own boozy days (ah, memories). She lost her balance in the few yards it took to get from the door of Craig’s to the door of her car. She also made a perfect drunkface as she got into the car, sticking out her tongue at the paps.

Jessica has always enjoyed her booze, and before she had her babies, she was well-known for liking to down several cocktails with her dinner. She talked about it a lot, how much she liked a Scotch on the rocks, or whatever else was around. I don’t think she’s much of a beer drinker, but she probably drinks wine. And heavy liquor. You know what’s remarkable? Jessica has never gotten a DUI. She gets sh-tfaced on the reg, but maybe she’s self-aware enough to know that she should never get behind the wheel. Good for her on that, at least.

Anyway, are you judging her? I’m not. I have no idea if she’s a raging alcoholic or if she’s merely a happy drunk/social drinker/whatever. I do think she looks like she’s been boozing a lot lately – those are a lot of empty calories in those cocktails, and I guess she’s not under contract with Weight Watchers anymore.

A worse for wear Jessica Simpson leaves Craig's restaurant - Part 2

Jessica Simpson sticks her tongue out to photographers

A worse for wear Jessica Simpson leaves Craig's restaurant - Part 2

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

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124 Responses to “These are possibly the drunkest photos of Jessica Simpson in history”

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  1. Bettyrose says:

    Why did I click on this? Nostalgia.

  2. Nancy says:

    She must have watched DWTS and saw how great Vanessa looks while she still looks like Queen of the Trailer Park. No offense to those who may live in trailers, jk…lol

  3. Mindy_dopple says:

    God bless Jessica Simpson.

  4. InVain says:

    I’m not judging her for being drunk. I’m judging that horrible orange spray tan, that hair, and choice of outfit.

  5. Honey says:

    Pretty bad pictures, but I’ve seen tons of drunk people looking worse in person and in pictures

  6. minx says:

    Oh dear.
    I’d like to give her a makeover.

  7. kb says:

    lol she looks so tiny in that last picture. like she’s being picked up by the arm by a giant.

  8. Embee says:

    Poor thing. I think she’s got issues. I believe she’s genuinely a nice person with some talent and a lot of beauty but her life got away from her and she knows it. She needs a parent (or to start parenting herself).

  9. Meggles says:

    I’d go for cocktails with her, she looks like a fun drunk.

  10. poorlittlerichgirl says:

    I am getting serious Anna Nicole vibes from these pics and I love it. No shade from me. Live your best life, Jess!

  11. JA says:

    hahaha oh Jessica! Eh no judgement but as soon as she sees these pics hopefully she reconsiders getting wasted with paparazzi nearby. I see pics from after a few too many drinks and I always try to remember what a bad look that is.

  12. Millenial says:

    Well, at least her husband looks amused and like he doesn’t mind taking care of her. I tend to hope they work out, even if he is her K-Fed.

    I can’t help but like her, I don’t think she’s bad people by any stretch.

  13. HelloSunshine says:

    I’m less worried about her being drunk and more worried about her awful fashion choices lol

  14. Chaine says:

    At least she’s a happy drunk!

  15. JC says:

    Always thought she was kind of adorable, and had great comedic timing with Nick Lashay on their tv show. She sure looks wasted in these shots.
    Her husband reminds me of Tory Spelling’s husband.

  16. Anastasia says:

    Heh. These pics make me like her. They remind me of me (minus the spray tan, but definitely with the belly coming out from under the shirt, LOL).

    Without any other evidence, I’d just say she was having fun and tied one on that night. I do that once in a blue moon.

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      me too

      like my birthday one year, where I fast drank G&T for the buzz, didn’t realize just how much I actually drank. ended up sitting in a puddle after having to leave the bar because I was so drunk I couldn’t walk and got kicked out. My poor best friend had to call my BF (now husband) to come get me.
      he wasn’t pleased I was wet from the puddle *sigh*

      (but he came, bless him)

  17. Belle Epoch says:

    Not so sure, guys. My mother was an alcoholic and it was H E L L – even when she was sober (between 8 and 11 AM). I don’t like shitfaced moms.

  18. LizLemonGotMarried says:

    *shrug* She’s a grown adult, this isn’t a weekly thing, she wasn’t drunk at work, her husband seems amused instead of frustrated or pissed which leads me to think this isn’t an issue they’re dealing with… I like to get boozy too, I just do it in the privacy of my fire pit with my friends, after the kids go to bed.

    Now, if we want to get snarky, I have a few thoughts on her styling…

    • LadyT says:

      Good point about husband being amused. I remember an uncomfortable picture of Katy Perry looking just like this, having a rollicking good time, with Russel Brand next to her looking annoyed as hell. Divorce was announced the next week.

    • Fanny says:

      Jessica Simpson has been drunk multiple times “at work” recently. She was drunk on the Home Shopping Network and she was drunk on Ellen. The only time I hear about her is when her messiness goes public. And if that’s how she is in public, I would assume it’s the same or worse in private.

    • bluhare says:

      Certainly not implying anyone who likes to have some fun round the fire pit is an alcoholic, so please don’t take what I’m about to say that way. I really am not, but you don’t need to drink weekly, daily or any other time frame to be an alcoholic. Some people can do that and not be alcoholics. Some people drink one or two times a year and are alcoholics.

      It’s not frequency. It’s how you react to the alcohol that is the issue and I don’t care what people say, if you’re an alcoholic, deep down you know. I did, although it took me quite a while to quit because I really didn’t want to be what I knew I was.

      • Ankhel says:

        This is true. My ex would “only” drink a couple of times a week, but once he started, he could. not. stop. Cue belligerence and embarrassing scenes. He would often complain about his alcoholic father, and was blind to his own issue. Hon, your blood wants out, and so did I.

      • LizLemonGotMarried says:

        bluhare, no offense taken. And there’s definitely a difference between having a few around the fire pit, or even getting silly drunk once in a while, and not having a meter for alcohol or an ability to stop once you start. I sincerely hope Jessica is more the first and less the second, but as someone pointed out above, she was drunk or seemed drunk on Ellen, and when it’s bleeding over in a way that impacts your professional life or your ability to function, I think there could be something further to discuss. None of us are in her life, but hopefully Eric can have those conversations if they’re necessary.

      • bluhare says:

        Thank you, LLGM. For what it’s worth I love being around *social* drinkers enjoying themselves; it’s bumps my mood up too, so I probably would love hanging round your fire pit!

        I have fears Jessica isn’t quite like that, though, and it’s her kids I worry about. Her husband can take care of himself, although I think he likes her money a lot. There, I finally judged!!

        Ankhel: exactly. God, it’s embarrassing to think back on who I was.

      • Ankhel says:

        Bluhare, it takes a lot of honesty and strength to face one’s own demons. I hope your embarrassment over the past is soothed by pride in your great accomplishment. Best of luck going forwards.

      • magnoliarose says:

        I just saw her Ellen interview, and I think you are right. When I used to go out a lot I got drunk sometimes but, I never needed it or would have shown up on national television drunk much less anywhere else. I imagine she was plied with pots of coffee before and it shows in Ellen’s face how uncomfortable she feels.
        Drinking is fun, and I love to have a few or even be a little tipsy at a party now and then, but this seems more than that.
        I hope she gets a handle on it if that is the issue.

  19. Tiffany says:

    Whatever argument she had with Ken Paves, she needs to call him and take the first step in repairing their relationship. Man, him leaving really made a difference.

  20. Veronica says:

    She’s an adult woman who got drunk while she had people to help take care of her and was responsible enough to not be the driver. *shrugs* It’s not the most flattering look on a person, but it happens. Provided it’s not a consistent thing (i.e. alcoholism), I think her family will be fine.

  21. Merritt says:

    When she was CBS Sunday Morning a few weeks ago, she seemed off. I don’t think she was drunk, but I think there might be some prescription drug abuse going on.

    That orange tan isn’t helping the bad makeup situation.

    • jwoolman says:

      She might need lower doses. She’s not very big. Doctors don’t always take proper account of size differences and individual tolerances.

      • Jenna says:

        You’d be shocked how often doctors don’t take that into account. Took FOREVER to get some of my meds set up correctly because they were going off ‘average’ American women size… who are 5’6-5’8 and supposedly 150lb and I’m a few inches over 6 feet and weigh (cough) a bit more. Same deal in the opposite direction for my mother in law – they had her taking enough pain killers to knock someone the size of my husband (a 5’10 power lifter at 400lb+) sideways and she is 4’6! It’s a major reason she is essentially a prescription opiate addict and doctors are now desperately trying to get a 76 year old woman down to ‘reasonable’ doses after 50 YEARS of major prescription malfeasance. A lot of meds can go screwy with even a single drink and if she isn’t dosed correctly to her size she could honestly not realize the problems and interactions. (If you are told a med ‘might’ make you drowsy or a bit loopy you might not think you are actually wasted) Her rapid weight changes can play merry hell with prescriptions and drinks too. What you might tolerate at 200lb can knock you ass over teakettle at 120!

  22. LittlefishMom says:

    We’ve all been there. Cheers!!

  23. Cherbear says:

    I’m going to judge.

    Getting shitcanned at a regular dinner on a Wednesday night… she’s not 25, she’s got two little kids at home, it’s not a wedding or a party or her birthday, it’s a dinner with hubby on a Wednesday.

    If you’re seeing this in public, just imagine what’s going on behind closed doors. It’s probably not good.

  24. Whatever Gurl says:

    There’s tipsy and there’s wasted.

    She crossed the line and it’s pathetic. She needs to get it together. Maybe stay on the sofa at home next time with that glass of wine?

  25. smee says:

    Think about it. She works for herself, so she prob. has a pretty chill schedule. She prob. has a nanny and, of course, a maid. She has a lot of free time, fame, money – it’s prob. hard not to get drunk frequently. That being said, seems like pics of her staggering out of bars and restaurants are pretty common, so there may be an issue with alcohol here. And she may have been drinking while she got dressed!

  26. jac says:

    Agree. Every interview I’ve seen she seems impaired in some way regardless of the time of day. I’d place bets on a pill deal acquired after all the post baby surgery work done. Bless her heart!

    At least N Lachey hustles work. Her husband doesn’t appear to even fake some sort of “project” work. I wonder how that gravy train thing impacts their power dynamic??? I can see it working to have it not matter….but it seems like on some level of you are running a giant company and your partner is basically a manny how it would maybe get to you on some level.

  27. Jess says:

    Jessica needs to grow up! She is now a mother, NOT some drunk 20 year old college student.

    NOTHING is funny about this. She clearly has a problem with alcohol.

    It is very pathetic and sad and IF she does not get help she will end up like Anna Nicole Smith.

  28. L84Tea says:

    She’s got Mae West written all over her.

  29. Lady Keller says:

    A few years ago I would have said whatever, it’s her life, she’s not hurting anyone. But as someone who struggles with alcoholic in laws and as the mother of a small child I seriously hope she gets her act together. I personally don’t think children should have to witness an adult being this drunk. If she let’s her kids see her in this state she is setting a horrible example.

  30. Tim H says:

    She was so pretty when she first became famous. She looks larger than life here (but tiny at the same time, like a munchkin. How short is she?)
    I normally love the tan look, but this tan doesn’t look real. Too orange. Not flattering.
    However, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her going out and having a drink every now and then. She’s an adult out on a date night with her husband! Do you not know of people who drink socially? As long as someone is looking after her kids for the evening, and she’s not getting drunk at home in front of them, let her live! The mom shamers are too crazy.

    • Kitten says:

      I’d be inclined to agree with you were she not a celebrity. The problem is that she goes out and gets trashed and pics like this happen. The internet is forever and no teenager should be able to look back at pics of mom wasted, forever immortalized online. Even worse for the kids’ friends to see this.

      Maybe the trick is if she feels like getting sloppy once in a while, do it in a safe space–like home for instance–where paps can’t get their snaps in.

      • Ankhel says:

        Kitten, I disagree. The problem with someone, and especially a parent, finding it hard to turn up all sorts of places sober, is not whether or not others see it. It’s that they probably has an addiction, with all that entails.

      • Tim H says:

        That’s a good point @Kitten. I guess if she wants to enjoy a few drinks, it would be better to do it at a friends house or party where there will be no one snapping photos for all to see. I do think she deserves a night out every now and again to let relax and do adult things. I don’t think this makes her a bad mom, as some others have suggested. I guess part of the downside of being famous is having these embarrassing moments captured and held up for criticism.

      • Kitten says:

        @ Ankhel-She has come forward and said she’s an addict? If so, then yes I would agree that’s a bigger problem. But if this is just people speculating that she has a drinking problem, then no I won’t call her an addict because I’m not in the habit of armchair-diagnosing people I don’t know. JMO.

        @ Tim H- ITA that moms deserve a break like all of us. Also agree about the OTT Mommy-Shaming Brigade.

      • Ankhel says:

        Kitten, have you not read this thread? Jessica has repeatedly turned up, incoherent and slurring, to do interviews and/or product shilling. That’s her livelihood, planned in advance, thousands watching. Yet she’s been unable to be even halfway sober for those important occasions. She, who used to be a successful stage artist.

        It’s no point in pretending that everything’s normal, or that it would be – if she only got sloppy drunk sitting at home, unseen. Except her kids lives at home, for one thing.

    • Ange says:

      Right? God forbid parents be human. I saw my parents and extended family drunk lots of times. They had parties at home because they were all young and nobody had any money so they occasionally had nights where they got to enjoy themselves and didn’t need a babysitter. We all survived, I’m not a drunk in the gutter and the photos from that time don’t make me cringe any more than anything else does. The kids were probably in bed when they got home anyway.

  31. Ash says:

    I’ve been watching the newlyweds lately. Oh! Back when reality tv was fun and inncocent. I just cannot get over the change. She was so so so beautiful! No makeup just stunning. I think she has lived her whole life around enablers. She can’t do anything on that show which seems to boggle Nicks mind. I’m like “did y’all not date?!” Now she’s the breadwinner and I’m sure her hubs wants to stay on her good side. I’d love it if she made an awesome comeback. Back to her old sweet self.

  32. Char says:

    So I follow her on Facebook, yeah, I know, judge me, but her husbands birthday was recently? Maybe even yesterday? I can’t remember when I saw the post, but I would guess that’s what this is about, a birthday celebration?

  33. Zondie says:

    Where did that leg go in the middle picture? She may be drunk but she is limber!

  34. Becki says:

    I love love LOVE Jessica Simpson, but this definitely made me go Oh Honey NO!!! Hopefully she sees these pictures & can reel it in next time.

  35. Molly says:

    On a Tuesday night in 2017, you either called the paps yourself or specifically went to a known pap place to get stumble drunk. No one is hiding in Jessica Simpson’s bushes. She courts the attention, and shame on her for being a public mess with young kids.

  36. kimbers says:

    whether it’s wine, beer or liquor…u drink in the daily? you’re an alcoholic. S-faced, unwounding, functioning…you’re an alcoholic.

    let’s not get it twisted, there are a lot of alcoholic “just a glass” broads out there.

  37. Ozogirl says:

    She has really let herself go…

  38. JenB says:

    I’m not here to shame or judge her. I hope she was just having a fun night but could have done without the last 2 drinks. I personally think she’s a loving, involved mom who gets messy sometimes.
    It’s nearly impossible for me to lose weight while drinking. As I’ve gotten older the combination of the empty calories and poor food choices after imbibing is a non-starter. And sometimes wine even stimulates my appetite when I wasn’t hungry before.

    • Mrs. Darcy says:

      It’s always the last two (or even one!) drink that is killer! Seems like a good idea at the time though! I don’t drink much at all and I still can’t lose weight, I’m not here for the implied booze bloat/fat shaming at all, she is a tiny woman, 5 lbs is going to show, get over it. Weight Watchers sets people up to fail imo but I’m not about that life anymore.

  39. blonde555 says:

    Meh nbd. She’s having a great time and not giving a damn. No shame there! Plus her hubby looks like he’s having a good laugh too. Good for them.

  40. Sam Lewis says:

    This post is the I’m Not Judging: Judging Edition.

  41. pizza, pls says:

    good thing she doesn’t drive!

  42. MexicanRice says:

    My bff is like this now :( I don’t like to be around her when she’s been drinking. She’s the main reason why I’m sober now; her and my teenage daughters. Drunk Mom doesn’t look good on anyone.

  43. Adele Dazeem says:

    I just came here to say that her face in that header pic made my day. Sometimes we need these kinds of discussions, esp when nuclear war, North Korea, Healthcare reform, etc., are all a daily discussion. Thank you crazy face Jessica.

  44. SM says:

    I am sorry, but is she in competition with the Donald of the most orange face on the surface of the earth?

  45. matahari says:

    She can’t enjoy a night out (and yes, get drunk once in a while) just because she’s a mother??? That’s effin’ uptight and ridiculous.

  46. Snowflake says:

    Funny pictures! Lol. Jess mah gurl! But seriously, it’s so crazy how she can go from really skinny to almost chunky. In short periods of time! Cause for awhile there, she was the skinniest I’d ever seen her.

  47. Gia says:

    She is 37 and looks much younger and has a net worth of 150 mill. She can do whatever she wants and wear whatever she wants and do her makeup however she wants. She’s not hurting anyone.

  48. Lisa says:

    Is it fun anymore at that point? I don’t think I’d be enjoying myself.

  49. Mar says:

    For having so much money I never understand why she always looks soooooo awful.

  50. FLebel says:

    Yup, drunk and getting fat yet once again.

  51. Nibbi says:

    ugh the judginess here is grossing me out. she’s a mom, so what- i’m sure the kids are at home being properly cared for. she’s not getting behind the wheel. she seems goofy and fun and fairly harmless. i’m sorry if she does have a real substance problem, but this isn’t necessarily evidence of that- it’s a night w her husband in a restaurant, who cares.
    the age & weight-shaming here is gross too. god forbid a chick have fun & gain weight at the ripe old age of 37. Tsk, tsk. *clutches pearls*

  52. mary bo berry says:

    First-time commenter and HUGE celebitchy fan! I was a bartender for 20 years and have served many celebrities. The place I worked at hosted her company for a party celebrating the giant piles of money they make, lol. She was supposed to come and have photo ops with all of these wonderful employees, making her all of this money. She showed up 3 HOURS late, would not take any photos, was extremely rude. She only drank shots of tequila and in copious amounts. Papa Joe was in such a sad state ( a story for another time). I’ll always remember how awful she was.