Heidi and Spencer Pratt (she seems to have lost the ‘Montag’ now) are constantly referred to as “that couple America loves to hate.” But why exactly is that? Is it because we envy them? Pity them? Because their lives are bound to end in a train wreck, and they’re the only ones who seem blissfully unaware of the impending crash? Because they just suck? Probably a combination. And from a purely scientific perspective, I love to watch the effects too many years of extreme peroxide use can have on the IQ of people with still-developing brains.

MSNBC spent a little time trying to figure out Speidi’s appeal. Or basically wrote an article nicely asking, “WTF is wrong with all of us?” Fair enough.

Heidi and Spencer Pratt’s Plasticine presence, which seems to have been delivered via wormhole from a strange land where people are shrink-wrapped in vacuous packages ready-made for reality TV, is the exact product that’s appeared on “The Hills,” countless magazine covers and most recently, NBC’s “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here.” So why do we care? We care because they are America right now.

The common denominator between those who claim to loathe and the few who admit to liking the couple is the idea that the couple represents the American dream. Or at least the current, common iteration of it, where the goals are to grow up, be beautiful, have money and be famous.

That notion, and the degree to which some hold it dear, might be everything that’s not right with our country and culture, but it’s also a dream that’s been documented and aspired to by people long before the Pratts began to torture our sensibilities one publicity stunt at a time. It’s a frame of reference that bridges the gap between the Pratts in a Costa Rican jungle, and you spending another night in front the TV… the fact that Spencer can induce synaptic seasickness with alarming brevity adds texture to their act (though they say it is not one), and is exactly what engages us just when we’re ready to run in the opposite direction.

That their success grows in direct proportion to what looks like nothing more than laziness and chicanery is bad enough. The fact that they play by the rules they seemingly wrote and we get sucked in only makes it worse. The only thing left to do is observe and hope that their American dream is one that we can all wake up from.

[From MSNBC]

Honestly I think it’s just about pandering to the lowest common denominator, and not actually caring about dignity of whether people like you. All Heidi and Spencer care about is making money, which is why they’ll show up at the opening of a car wash if you pay them enough. And they’re worth millions. In a bad economy. Really, they’re onto something, in a way.

I remember years ago seeing Anderson Cooper interview a woman who had been the longest working model ever. She was probably in her eighties at that point. He asked what the key to her career success was, and she said that she was never snooty. She’d walk down a runway or model a nightgown for a catalogue, and didn’t see one as better than the other. Whatever kept her working.

Now this model had a grace, dignity, and eloquence with which Heidi and Spencer have never been blessed. But it seems like they’re employing the same strategy. Need someone famous to run around your mattress warehouse being photographed in cheesy, unnatural poses? Speidi is there. Need to trek down to Costa Rica and add some drama with a stomach ulcer? Enter Heidi. Are they going to have long celebrity careers? No, and I think they know it. It’s like a lot of professions: you’ve got to get in and make all the money you can while you’re young. I think Heidi and Spencer are just working it for as long as they can. I want to club them over the head with a caveman-style mallet, but there’s a decent chance they’ll be retired in the next ten years.

Here’s Heidi and Spencer arriving at LAX Airport after returning from Costa Rica on Saturday. Images thanks to WENN.com .