You know what I love? When famous pots call even more famous kettles black. Or in this case, short and ugly. In this case the Pot would be Donald Trump (who is sort of shaped like a pot, if you try to see it) and the kettles would be George Clooney and Angelina Jolie. Donald Trump has the delusional self-confidence that causes men to strap a pair of wings to their backs and jump off tall buildings. Actually, that might be a very good thing for Trump to consider. I’m sure his hair would add some type of aerodynamicness… aerodynamicality… aerodynamicosity… I don’t know the right word – to the freefall. Trump was on Larry King Live on Monday, in an effort to pimp his new book “I’m a Great Big Blowhard, and You Can Be Too” – or something like that. In the interview, he managed to slam George Clooney a little bit, and Angelina Jolie a lot.

KING: You say George Clooney is little and much shorter in person. You describe Angelina Jolie as not good looking in any way, not a beauty.

All right, first, George Clooney is someone…

TRUMP: No, George — I don’t know George Clooney. But I met him once.

KING: He’s 5’10”.

TRUMP: Is he?

KING: I think so, yes.

TRUMP: I think you’re taller than he is. But it doesn’t matter.

KING: I’m 5’10”.

TRUMP: I did a chapter on perception. The perception of George Clooney is he’s a big, strong handsome guy. He’s a handsome guy. He’s a nice guy. I mean I really don’t know him. I met him once. A nice guy.

KING: Married.

TRUMP: So I’m just saying anything bad about him. I’m just saying this was a chapter on perception in business and life and different things. One of the perceptions I had of George Clooney was he was this big, strong guy. And he was very little when I met him. It’s OK. Nothing wrong with it. He’s doing just fine.

Angelina Jolie…

KING: So you’re writing about perception, not against him?

TRUMP: I’m — oh, no, no. Nothing to do with George Clooney. I mean, I thought he was very nice, but I only met him for a short period of time. But the perception is this, you know, different kind of a guy. And when I met him, I was very surprised.

Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she’s like this great beauty. And I’m not saying she’s an unattractive woman, but she’s not beauty, by any stretch of the imagination. And now she’s like a representative of the United Nations and world peace on hunger and all of this crap.

And I remember at the Academy Awards a few years ago she was Frenching her brother. She was giving her brother lip kisses like I never saw before in my life. And she had just said she made love to Billy Bob Thornton in the back of the limousine on the way over. And I wouldn’t want to shake her hand, by the way. You know, you get back into the — I wouldn’t want to have shaken her hand. But she’s being interviewed and she’s all over the guy.

About three weeks later, he got caught cheating with about 15 different girls and she was gone. But she had just made love with him coming over to the Academy Awards.

And now she’s like this great beauty who is representing world peace and the United Nations. It’s called give me a break. But she’s not — in terms of beauty, she’s not a great beauty. She’s a nice looking woman. She’s OK. But she’s not a great beauty.

KING: And it’s your opinion.

TRUMP: Well, it’s my opinion.

KING: (INAUDIBLE).

TRUMP: I really understand beauty. And I will tell you, she’s not — I do own Miss. Universe. I do own Miss. USA. I mean I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she’s not.

But what I really don’t like is if you look at her — and I watched. I was watching television four years ago. And I see her brother and I see her. And then I see them lip locked. I don’t mean like, you know, giving your brother a kiss. And I said that’s really gross.

And then I see what she said about, you know, Billy Bob Thornton and what they were doing on the way to Academy Awards. And now she’s representing the United Nations and world peace. I don’t get it.

[From CNN.com]

Sometimes I forget about old Angelina, who used to cut herself with knives when she was bored, wore a vial of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood around her neck, and shove her tongue down her brother’s throat. But no matter what, I always thought she was beautiful. Maybe not attractive… because I generally find blood less than sexy, not to put that judgment on others. If nothing else, she’s certainly made a drastic change in her life, and has really grown up into a remarkable woman. And frankly, I don’t consider 5’10 all that short. I definitely thought George Clooney was taller than that, but he has a large frame, so he still looks pretty well built. What I love is the thought that Donald Trump is a great judge of beauty. How can he say that, and then look in the mirror and not feel ill? I don’t think that man will ever understand the concept of glass houses.