Robert Downey Jr. features his moose-knuckle in Esquire

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Jesus, could Robert Downey Jr. look any dorkier on the cover of December’s Esquire? Something about his hair… and his expression. And his body… good Lord, is it just me or is this cover rather testicle-tastic? Now that I noticed that, my eyes only go his crotch and his very prominent… what’s the word for it?… moose-knuckle? Yikes. Robert, you’re too cool for that. Let the boys have some baggy pants.

I haven’t really sat down and read the entire Esquire interview, but I did skim it. Now, I love Robert Downey Jr., and I love reading about him, but in interviews he can come across as a bit… manic. All over the place, or “spastic” if you prefer. Just judging from my skimming, Robert is talking a lot of bullsh-t about this and that, but not really saying much about anything important. He bought a new house, and he’s showing it off to the guy. He’s starting to live a more lush life (the “lush life” conversation goes on for a while). Oh, and he and his wife Susan are planning to have a baby at some point. Here are some of the highlights:

On making money: “I love being a part of something that makes other people a bunch of dough. And I don’t need to make nothing but big movies. In fact, if anything I’m probably in danger of wearing out my welcome.”

On being A-List: “Suffice to say, dude, I’m not paranoid anymore. I’m not fearful. It’s interesting to be surfing this tremendous crisis of capitalism – and I know there’s a coral reef under me and I don’t want to hang ten, but I do think that when you’re in the pole position, that’s when you try to beat your best personal time.”

On starting fresh: “I hit my stride later than most folks. A couple years ago, it really was a big old hip-hip-hooray and let’s get somethin’ shakin’ here. Then pfffffff – it reorganized at this higher level, and now there’s more to manage, and more opportunity. And then there’s nothing except the question of pacing – because I can go fast like this for a little while or I can start pacing it down and get where I’m actually supposed to be heading – and it’s really, really elusive.”

On managing his anxiety: “I hand it to any and everyone who has made it past their late thirties and has any sense of contentment, because you know so much, and the anxiety can be so overwhelming — and managing the anxiety is a skill set that seems like a menu that changes every day. My insanity is thinking that somehow or another I was responsible — personally, directly responsible — for altering the course of things that have us sitting here on this deck. There’s so many other factors in this — so many other people and past relationships, my kid and my folks, and the centerpiece of it all, Susan. It’s like I know what happened, and I know that I got the ball and ran with it, and hip-hip-hip, and then like they’re saying, ‘Look — before you blow out a knee, we’d like to give you a bunch of endorsements,’ and I go, ‘Great.’ The truth of the matter is, it’s always been like this. It hasn’t gone up from down; it’s just that it’s finally got wide enough that I can be contained.”

On his former financial situation: “I’ve been homeless for so long,” he says, without a morsel of self-pity. “I always had a place, and Susan and I have taken great care of each other, but I haven’t had two nickels to rub together for a long, long, long, long time.”

On having children: “The big unspoken thing here is that we intend to have a family… Hell, yeah. Speaking of artifacts. The ultimate artifact of our love. In a onesie.”

[From Esquire Magazine and PopEater]

Oh, Robert is on Esquire because he’s promoting Sherlock Holmes, which comes out on Christmas Day. Did you miss that? Yeah, Robert barely spoke about it. I wonder what the press tour will be like? I’d imagine it will be a lot of Robert yapping away while Jude Law sits morosely, thinking about his child army. So, I watched the new trailer for Sherlock Holmes, and I’m less excited now that I see that Guy Ritchie (who directed) basically doesn’t keep anything of the Sir Conan Doyle stories of Sherlock Holmes. Guy Ritchie has basically made Sherlock Holmes like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, if Die Hard was set in 19th century England. With Jude Law. Here’s the new trailer:

 

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37 Responses to “Robert Downey Jr. features his moose-knuckle in Esquire”

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  1. JayBird says:

    Ahhh, moose knuckle. Always a classic.

    Is it me or is he actually gesturing towards it?

  2. grisgris says:

    Its not just you, he’s definitely pointing it out. Behold my camel toe!

  3. Firestarter says:

    I love Robert and I liked the article.

  4. Kaiser says:

    Jay, that’s what I thought too! Like, “Ladies and gentlemen, my balls!”

  5. JayBird says:

    Haha. I hope he said it in a dramatic announcer’s voice.

    There was an older guy sitting across from me on the train the other day who had the most serious case of moose knuckle I’ve ever seen. Wearing thin-ish sweat pants. I could seriously tell you the details of his genitalia, it was that bad. And of course I could not look away.

  6. nanster says:

    Thanks for the laughs, everyone. My coworkers were wondering why I was snickering at my computer.

  7. Rosalee says:

    OOOHHHHHH Yuk the visuals all of you gave me..darn, I’ll have to go watch the view to get over it. But I do have to admit I love, love, love Robert Downy Jr. and I may just disappear from the Christmas dinner table.

  8. Victoria says:

    I love RDJ and he can proudly display his moose knuckle any time he wants. I think they photo shopped him though,(in the face) he looks young and healthy like he’s never had a drink or done drugs in his life.

  9. nikki says:

    very classy pix!(sarcasm)
    RDJ is a girl!!!!

  10. audrey says:

    man – he just gets better looking with age..

  11. Alarmjaguar says:

    He’s looking a little Dustin Hoffman to me (his face, though I’m wouldn’t be surprised to hear that nobody has noticed that part of the picture…)

  12. Popcorny says:

    I would’ve sworn he was Dustin Hoffman from 30 years ago.

  13. Kathy says:

    He’s looking WAY too skinny. No flesh actually makes him look homely.

  14. Eileen Yover says:

    You guys are cracking me up!
    I really want to see this movie though! And just love him now….its so nice to see someone as f’ed up as he was turn it around…plus he’s hot….and obviously proud of his package.

  15. Dorothy says:

    Please RDJ eat these crackers in my bed…

    LOVE HIM

  16. Westender says:

    He does look like Dustin Hoffman in that pic! But the moose knuckle is distracting!

  17. moo says:

    he kind of looks like a young Dustin Hoffman… even the smirk!

    why the nice 3 piece suit, and then those tackey, beat up old sneakers…. ruined it.

  18. gg says:

    Dustin Hoffman and Hugh Jackman!

  19. Pole says:

    He looks a lot like Dustin here. I can’t decide if that’s a good or a bad thing because I love Dustin.

    I’m looking forward to Sherlock myself. Mostly because of Jude Law. Still love him, child army or not.

  20. fizXgirl314 says:

    wow, he’s even pointing to his moose knuckle… does that say “moose knuckle” in japanese?

    oy, I got a headache from reading that interview :/

  21. Sumodo says:

    I. Can’t. Wait. Second husband was a dead ringer for Robert Downey, Jr with all the same bad habits. I luvs dem baaaad boyz. I also love Sherlock Holmes stuff. Put ‘em together and waddya got? Me in line at the movies, where I will see it three times in a row, eating out of my secret Li’l Oscar Cooler. HOT DAMMM!

  22. WTF?!? says:

    It looks like Ed Norton and Dustin Hoffman had a love child.
    Nice crotch shot.

    EDIT: Reading back, I see I am not the only person who sees DH.
    Great minds…

  23. Anna says:

    I am very excited about seeing Sherlock Holmes!!! I can’t wait!!! As for what Robert is wearing on the cover, I don’t care. It is ROBERT DOWNEY (FREAKING) JR.
    I love him in anything he wears, or he doesn’t have to wear anything!!!!! The man could read a phone book dressed in a bunny rabbit suit and it would be an ORGASMIC experience for me.

    The craziness in all of his interviews is just his personality and humor coming out. He is really big on shock value. I love his personality and sense of humor. Just like my husbands’. My husband is 44 also, and he is just as funny and crazy personality wise and as good-looking. LIFE IS NEVER BORING!

  24. Kiki says:

    I apologize for my ignorance (Non-Native English Speaker). What’s Moose Knuckle?

  25. crash2GO2 says:

    It’s a made-up name for the male version of the female ‘camel-toe’. Basically, the outline of the genitalia through clothing.

    I have to wonder where Robert’s jawline went in in the Esquire photo? Perhaps to his crotch?

    At any rate, the movie looks like a blast. I want to see it!

  26. Eden says:

    I think he’s hot, but I really don’t like that picture of him.

  27. snowball says:

    I thought that was Edward Norton. Bad call on that hairdo, Robert.

  28. Kiki says:

    @ crash2GO2: Jajajaja, thanks a lot :-)

  29. KIM says:

    I’m seeing Sherlock Homles for Jude Law
    Love him.

  30. :) says:

    RDJ has a quirky sense of humor – he probably wanted to parody Halle Berry’s Esquire cover.

  31. lastwordlinda says:

    He looks like a subject in a Norman Rockwell painting. It’s actually very well done and funny.

  32. Ice Bunny says:

    Kaiser.. there is one word you used that pretty much sums up everything (even though props to you for trying not to dwell on it): MANIC. Any psych specialist would tell you that all the signs are there. He is freaking cranked. There was not one coherent train of thought in that fast-talking, ‘good-luck-trying-to-stay-with-me-here’, hipster-speak interview. He always HAS been that way, but back in the day it could be attributed to drugs – and it was so obvious how strung out he was. Only problem is.. now, without that “excuse”, it is evident that a lot of that persona remains. He is still jumpy (mentally and physically), and all over the map. He projects anything BUT the picture of a calm, grounded, together guy who has attained peace through maturity and sobriety. The serenity part seems to evade him still. Yes he is a great actor, and hot (not in THAT ridiculous pic though), but yes, he is freaking manic. That interview made me anxious just reading it, and made my head spin trying to decipher his “code”. Personally I think if it were not for Susan (an incredible woman), dude would not be even remotely ok.

  33. Jag says:

    LOL Wow… He’s even pointing to the moose knuckle. I bet they even put a mirror for him to make sure everything looked just so.

  34. Jazz says:

    I ADORE Robert Downey Jr. I’ve gotta agree with Anna here, anything RDJ does is orgasmic!

  35. jub jub says:

    lol I like the way this article was written