“I may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing. You can’t take that away from me, ‘cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can’t sing, it’s kind of like insulting God.”

So when people say you’re ugly that’s ok, right, because you’re not God, just your voice is. Is that what you’re saying? (I would not bash Fergie if she had not talked shit about bloggers. Now she is fair game.)

Picture from Buttafaces.com

Now Madonna has revealed what everyone suspected after she bought a ton of designer girl’s clothes - she wants a half-orphan daughter, too. This sounds like a made-up quote to me, but it could be true. Maddona supposedly told French magazine Paris Match that she wants to snatch a Malawian baby girl quickly to “redress the balance” in her family or some such shit. It sounds like she can’t stand the fact that Britney got divorced and her name is no longer in the papers this week:

Asked in an interview if she wanted another child the 48-year-old answered: “Yes, absolutely. I’m going to adopt another Malawian child very quickly. A baby girl this time, in order to redress the balance”.

The 48-year-old said that Lourdes and Rocco would be involved in the ‘choice’ of their new baby sister but she wanted them to have time to get used to 13-month-old David Banda - who Madonna is in the process of adopting - first.

She also refused to take responsibility for flouting the adoption laws in Malawai, which require prospective parents to stay in the country for a year and a half, by claiming that someone contacted her first about going to the impoverished nation. This sounds like more of the bullshit she usually spouts:

In the interview with Paris Match she said: “It was not me who chose Malawi, but it chose me. “A native of the country contacted me though my association, Spirituality for Kids which I publicise in all my shows.

“She helps a lot of orphans in Malawi and she told me about the childhood poverty, and the dreadful mortality rate.

“She asked me for help as my fame could help focus on the problems.

“I started my own inquiry and I said to myself: ‘They need help!”

She is surely helping the Malawians convert to Kabbalah, that’s for sure.

Pictures from I’m Not Obsessed and Daily Mail.

This is a lame exclusive, but remember when that myspace security hole let people view all the comments on private celebrity profiles? I read a bunch of boring comments by Paris, Lindsay, and Hillary Duff about strawberrry Nesquick, and I remembered that Paris’ myspace name at that time was “BabyTink2.”

I have a “Slide” on my MySpace, which is a free service that lets you make embeddable slideshows using your pictures. I use it to show the latest stories on Celebitchy.

When I view my slide directly on the slide.com site there’s a list of other slides that have been viewed by people watching mine, and one listed is “BabyTink2,” Paris Hilton’s last known myspace name.

If you click on the slide directly from there, it will take you to Paris’ old private myspace, which has been shut down, but if you follow the link for the slide from the top frame it will load the slide directly, which still exists independent of Paris’ myspace.

Here it is in all its glory: Paris’ vanity slide. It was created on October 8th. I love how she uses the dollar sign and star motif. This should put to rest any shred of doubt you may have that Paris is full of herself.

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

Paris’ Slide ID is “pwhbiatch.” That’s “powerbitch.”

In case that slide gets deleted, you can download it as a screensaver for your PC. (File is a 5 mg executable.) I’ve saved it on Celebitchy’s server for posterity. It’s an executable file, just double-click on it to run.

Update There are over 90 pictures in that slide, which all seem to be taken at Nicky Hilton’s 23rd birthday party at Pure on 10/7. In order to create slideshows on Slide, you have to upload each picture manually or select it individually using an online photo service. I watched the entire fucking thing, and there are only five photos at the end that do not include Paris making some bullshit face.

I’m not saying that Nicky isn’t full of shit too, but look how nice and normal she looks compared to Paris. It’s her birthday and she just seems to be enjoying herself instead of acting like a complete poser.

Madonna has upset the people who run the Malawian orphanage where she snatched little half-orphan Davie Banda by claiming that he had an “horrendous” diaper rash and was living in poor conditions. Officials there fear that Madonna’s snide remarks about the care they give their children could screw them out of the small donations they rely on to run the orphanage. They also say that Madonna is lying through her teeth, and that no one told her that the baby was not visited by his father. They also say that despite all the media attention they’re still working with a shoestring budget and that Madonna’s criticisms could really hurt the orphans that were left behind:

One of the orphanage’s founders has written to the BBC, protesting at the pop singer’s comments in an interview with Newsnight, which is to be broadcast in full for the first time this weekend.

The British charity which raises funds for Home of Hope orphanage in Malawi said it feared he remarks would lead to a drop off in donations.

In the letter to Newsnight, the charity’s secretary Rosemary Lowdon wrote: “We have been very disturbed that the Home of Hope appears to have been described as a place where children are not cared for properly.”

“We must stress that no money has come to the Home as a result of this adoption, and the financial resources at the Home are very limited.”

“We are desperately worried that people will cease donating as a result of Madonna’s comments, and that this will make a difference between life and death for some of the most vulnerable children at the Home.”

Mrs Lowdon, who helped set up the orphanage with her husband Martin in 1998 and who raised £20,000 to help run it last year, is in Malawi visiting the institution where David Banda, the 13-month-old baby Madonna has adopted, was cared for.

Mrs Lowdon took a copy of the abbreviated Newsnight interview to show to the Reverend Thomson Chipeta, the 77-year old Presbyterian minister who runs the orphanage.

“He was very shaken, he was very upset,” said Mrs Lowdon, 41.

“He said to me, ‘Why is she saying this?’”

Madonna has claimed David was in an appalling state when she first saw the toddler last month.

The boy, she claimed, was suffering “the most horrendous diaper rash I’ve ever seen.”

The singer, 48, who is adopting David with film director husband Guy Ritchie, also claimed she had been told by the Rev Chipeta that the boy was no longer visited by his father.

Kids get diaper rashes, and it’s often not anyone’s fault. Even the best cared-for babies can get thrush. Madonna is just a bitch.

Meanwhile Madonna called Gwen Stefani to tell her that Davie wouldn’t wear the L.A.M.B. baby clothes that Stefani thoughtfully sent her. Madonna is said to have told Gwen she doesn’t want to promote her clothing line and wouldn’t dress Davie in the clothes. Couldn’t she have just sent a thank you letter? People gave me some ugly clothes for my son and I just wrote thank you letters or took a picture of him in them and sent it. She didn’t have to get into a whole debate about it!

Madonna also supposedly called up Angelina Jolie all upset about the fact that her baby-snatching was such a focus of the media while Angelina got away scott free with Maddox and Zahara.

I don’t know if all that is true, but Madonna is surely a bitch for disparaging the orphanage that so gratefully opened their doors for her and let her take home Davie without going through proper channels. I hope that people help that orphanage out and that it’s not too distressing for them to have to deal with all the criticisms that Madonna heaps on them whenever she opens her mouth. Talk about an ungrateful bitch. Maybe if they all had red strings on their hands and gave the babies Kabbalah water instead of breastmilk Madonna would say what a great place it was.

Madonna had a bruise on her cheek after a supposed accident with a paparrazo. The people at Splash News suggest that Madonna is not telling the truth about the incident. Pictures from People.com and SplashNews.

Everyone is saying that K-Fed didn’t know the divorce was coming since he went on and on about how he was in a partnership with Britney, and was captured on videotape receiving the divorce news via text message.

I wonder if he’ll ever regret bragging about how much he loves tacky bling and luxury cars? He told Salon magazine that he still feels “poor” despite a “fetish” for items that could feed entire African villages for a year.

He also said that his relationship with his wife is worth way more than all the material goods he covets and accumulates. Let’s see how he really feels about that when he’s trying to get a chunk of her money:

The watch you’re wearing is worth more money than I’ve made in the last five years.

That’s my baby. Whenever I made some money that’s the first thing I went and bought.

So there are certain aspects of the lifestyle you probably enjoy.

Of course, of course. I have my fetishes like everybody else does. My shoes — my kick game is ridiculous.

How many shoes do you have?

Probably like 80 to 100 pairs. My watch game is ridiculous — just jewelry in general. It’s an investment. I bought this [points to his watch], and it’s already gone up in value. All the jewelry I’m wearing has already gone up in value.

You’re not planning on selling it anytime soon are you?

Hell no. I ain’t getting rid of it. I’m going to go out and get some more. It’s great to be able to go and do that stuff, but you really sit back and think about it … You could have all the money in the world and within two months of having that … Say you hit the lotto, right? Two months of having that money, you go and buy a mansion, you buy a big-ass boat, you travel all around the world, you do everything in two months. That’s not gonna buy you happiness. That’s not gonna define who I am. It only goes so far. There’s something way beyond that that’s deep that I have with my wife that nobody will ever understand…

What’s the last book you read?
o
Last book I read was either — man, somebody just asked me this shit today — it was either Russell Simmons’ or Puffy’s book. I’m really studying people who have been in this business and people who have really made themselves into a business from nothing because basically that’s … you see the watch and you see the jewelry and even though, yeah, I do have money, in a sense, I act like I really don’t. Right now the way I look at it is that I’m broke and I’m struggling to get this shit off.

He also claimed that he’s rapping because he loves to, and not because he needs the money. Most incredibly, though, he claims that his terrible rap-like music would have been super popular if he never hooked up with Britney! “If people didn’t know who I was, a couple of the records that I’ve thrown out would’ve probably blown up huge by now. It would’ve just come out of nowhere — people wouldn’t know what to expect.”

Life & Style claims that K-Fed wanted to surprise Britney with a divorce first, and was trying to use their first child, Sean Preston, as leverage. Kevin met with a divorce attorney in May and wanted work out a hefty $10 million settlement for himself. Once little Jayden James was born, Kevin wanted to up that amount to an unbelievable $30 million. The bastard tried to use their two children as pawns so that he could get more cars and jewelry to “rap” about:

As early as last May, Kevin, 28, began secretly meeting with his lawyer, Mark Kaplan, to work out a settlement deal with Britney, 24. Kevin was prepared to use their son, Sean Preston, now 1, as leverage: If Britney didn’t give Kevin $10 million, plus their $10 million Malibu mansion, he would sue her for custody, claims an insider. “Kevin knows that Sean is Britney’s Achilles’ heel,” an insider says.

But the couple stayed together through the birth of their second son, Jayden James, now 2 months. Yet Life & Style knows that Kevin recently went back to his lawyer for more secret divorce talks — and this time, he had two babies to use as pawns. He was hoping to score a $30 million payday.

“He feels like $10 million is not a generous amount if he and Britney split since he won’t have any part of his sons’ lives,” says an insider.

But Britney was too quick for him. While Kevin was caught up with his troubled album-release tour, she filed papers of her own asking for legal and physical custody of Sean and Jayden — before the couple reached any kind of deal.

“There was no way she was going to let Kevin lead the way on this subject,” says a close friend of Kevin’s. “She filed first to save face. It’s all about taking care of the babies and keeping the money.”

And Brit’s prenup should be airtight. According to the prenup, Kevin will receive $300,000, any gifts Britney bought him that cost less than $10,000 and half the value of their $10 million Malibu mansion.

Perhaps if Kevin had paid more attention to his wife instead of his career and friends, he would have seen the legal war coming. After a bitter fight on Oct. 11, Britney told him, “If you want to act like you’re a bachelor who doesn’t have a family or a wife, I can make that a reality,” says a friend who witnessed the fight. Brit later got on the phone with her mother and told her, “This isn’t working.”

By filing for divorce first and not succumbing to Kevin’s ridiculous settlement demands, Britney is making sure that the terms of their prenup are adhered to:

According to an Us Magazine article from December 2005, here are some of the details of their pre-nup:

• K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.

• The mansion will be divided 50/50.
• Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
• She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he’ll be taken care of until at least a year from now.
• Spears won’t pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson.

This is the woman who once gave K-Fed her no-limit Amex black card to show him that she trusted him, so she deserves a lot of credit for filing for divorce first.

K-Fed has a custom Ferrari worth more than a quarter of a million dollars, a Maserati worth at least six figures, and a $30,000 watch. All that shit is going to go back to Britney!

(Prime Celebrity Tips Network e-mailed me the pre-nup details, and you think they would include a link back to their site, which I could not find.)

You almost feel sorry for that asshole for a minute. He went on and on about how Britney encourages his crappy career and how they’re in a partnership. Then he gets a text message that his free ride is over. K-Fed - you’re going to be forever known as that douche that used to be married to Britney Spears!

Thanks to BreatheHeavy.com for this video.

Despite his frequent talkshow, music television, and wrestling match appearances, and despite the fact that he’s the husband of one of the most popular pop stars of all time, no one is attending K-Fed’s concerts or buying his new CD. You would think that being on Total Request Live, Ellen, and Much Music would help an artist sell tickets, but when advance buzz is overwhelmingly negative and the person is generally considered an untalented douchebag, no one shows up to see him rap. K-Fed shows that it does take skill and a that a decent personality wouldn’t hurt if you want to make it in show business.

One report claims that less than 250 people attended K-Fed’s show at Webster Hall in NY on Saturday, while another says that around 100 people showed. Regardless even the higher number represents less than a sixth of the club’s capacity. K-Fed was over three hours late onstage, and rapped for about 30 minutes. By the end of his brief set, only 1/3 of the audience remained.

An informal survey of the crowd yielded a foursome who confessed that they were friends of K-Fed’s manager and had gotten free tickets; two judgment-reserving girls who also had free tickets, which they’d won from TRL; a priceless foreign couple who admitted they’d first heard of Kevin Federline “this day”; and one couple with mixed intentions. (She: “I’m not a fan, just really into the tabloids!” He, glumly: “My girlfriend made me come.”) And though the venue may have been sorely undersold — estimates put the sparse crowd around 250, a sixth of the Webster Hall’s capacity — the impenetrable bunch of hopped-up fans pressed against the stage were an undeniably ecstatic bunch packed five rows deep.

A posse of enthusiastic NYU types, including a pair of Roxy boys with matching bandanas tied around their necks, raised a ruckus on a too small riser at the left of the stage, nubile girls clad in their best strip-mall formalwear gyrated in front of appreciative dates, and more than one pair of drunken-secretary types careened wildly toward the stage upon entering mid-set. Their energy was palpable and — we hate to say — surprisingly infectious. Judging by the screams incited every time K-Fed did, well, just about anything, we’d say it was one of the more hyperactive, scrappy little crowds in recent Webster Hall history, ironic or no. Most remarkably, no one in attendance seemed to mind that the show clocked in at around a half hour — just under a dollar per minute, in ticket-price terms.

[via ONTD]

K-Fed is said to have “begged” organizers not to cancel that Webster Hall gig, and it doesn’t seem like making the show go on at all costs was the right decision. Two of his other shows, in Cleveland and Atlantic City, have been cancelled due to poor ticket sales.

K-Fed most likely told his wife not to steal his thunder at his recent concerts, and that has undoubtedly hurt him. What he sorely lacks in talent and common sense he could have salvaged with some well orchestrated duets with Britney. She was dumb enough to marry him and bear two of his children, she would have gladly come on stage at his gigs. Instead, he shot himself in the foot by making sure she isn’t even seen at his shows. Britney wore a pink wig at his Halloween concert and was not seen at the Saturday night show.

Madonna looks composed as she tries to make her way through JFK airport with David Banda , 13-months on Saturday. They are returning home to London after a week in New York promoting her new concert special. Madonna is furious at the media for making her impending adoption of the boy “hell.”

“It was one f–ing thing after the next, everywhere we went. So the idea that people think I got a shortcut or an easy ride is absolutely ludicrous. I have never worked so hard for anything in my life, and I’ve never been given such a hard time. And my celebrity has worked against me in every way.”
“There’s a lot of Brits – reporters on the street – who’ve said, ‘Why don’t you adopt a kid from Britain?’ Or, ‘Why did you adopt a black child?’ So a lot of people’s hangups and ‘isms’ are sort of mixed into this, too. It’s just kind of a cocktail for disaster in terms of media perception.”
If you’re a famous person who’s trying to make a difference in the world, she adds, “you’d better be prepared to find yourself in the headquarters of hell.”

Source

Madonna says she could have gone all-out for charity like her nemesis, the younger, prettier more fertile Angelina Jolie, but instead she decided to just go to an impoverished nation for a couple of weeks, set up orphanage fronts for her cult religion and go home with a baby with a family. That way, she could maximize her publicity potential instead of wasting all that time like Angelina does:

In the interview [in Time] on newsstands Monday, the reporter asked Madonna about the perception that she’s “jumping on a bandwagon” by adopting an African orphan. The singer replied, “Look, I could have joined the U.N. and become an ambassador and visited various countries and just kind of showed up and smiled and looked concerned. But that’s not getting to the root of the problem – and by the way, neither is building orphan care centers and giving people food and medicine.”

Hmmm…which U.N. ambassador who is famous for visiting various countries and building orphan centres could Madge possibly be referring to? As if we needed further proof that she was setting her sights on Jolie, Madonna added, “I’m not interested in going in there like a dilettante and being an idiot and going ‘Ok, I’m going to build 10 orphanages and I’ll see you guys later!’”

Me-ow! We sense a ‘my orphan is cuter than your orphan’ battle in the near future.

Madonna said on Oprah that she hadn’t even met Angelina when she was questioned about whether she was following Angelina’s adoption lead.

Angelina is currently visiting refugees in India and speaking with government officials instead of doing the exhaustive talk show circuit, which is like so more charitable, right Madonna? On Saturday Angelina visited refugee camps in Dehli and on Sunday she met with the Indian Minister of State for External Affairs Anand Sharma in Hyderabad. Brad Pitt is currently in Los Angeles for the premiere of “Babel.”

Thanks to DListed for the Madonna story and some pictures and Mollygood for the high res versions of Angelina at the refugee camp.