Kris Humphries did his “first interview” on Good Morning America today. I just watched 90 seconds of it and I was bored out of my mind. Kris really is dumb as a rock, in my opinion. Throughout the conversation, he, like, YOU KNOW, um, talks about, like, YOU KNOW, basketball a lot, like, he, um, brings the conversation, YOU KNOW, around to basketball, um, like, a lot. Here’s some of his interview:

Some highlights:

On his divorce: “For me, it’s just certain things happen in life and you’ve got to move forward. Through everything I’m just focused on family and preparing for basketball. Basketball has always been something I’ve taken really serious and I continue to do that and I’m just moving forward.”

When asked if he loves Kim Kardashian: “I’m focused on just what I can control, which is being ready to play ball and supporting my mom and her cookie baking.,” he said. “I don’t really play into all the gossip and things that take place, but that’s life. I’ve been doing a lot of things with my foundation and spending time with my family and working on my game,” Humphries, who does not currently have a contract with an NBA team, said of his life post-Kardashian. “Hopefully I’ll be on a team soon and get ready to go.”

When asked if the cameras destroyed his marriage: “I can’t say for sure or not for sure. It’s the only time I’ve been married. I’ve been in the NBA since I was 19 years old, but it’s a different level.”

SRSLY BASKETBALL: “Through everything I’ve just focused on family and preparing for basketball,” he said. “Basketball is something I take really seriously and I continue to do that. You know, I’m just moving forward.”

[From Us Weekly & ABC News]

OMG, shill for a contract harder, Kris. This boy’s hustle is seriously lacking. Some publicist told him, “Just mention how focused you are on basketball!” And all Kris could do was stutter “Basketball… basketball…um… you know… basketball.” He’s probably still muttering that right now. I mean, I get the hate for Kim, I really do. But you can’t tell me that Kris is any kind of prize.

GMA video thanks to Radar Online

Photos courtesy of GMA & WENN.

As we talked about yesterday, Kris Humphries has now officially filed for legal separation from Kim Kardashian, and he is now seeking an annulment. According to sources, Kris claims the date of separation was October 31 (the same day Kim filed for divorce), and the reason for the annulment is listed as “fraud”. By the way, Kris’s rep also managed to comment on this week’s Star Magazine cover story, about Kris being “secretly gay” - Kris’s rep said the story is “completely false and ridiculous. He is not gay.” Anyway, we’re now seeing the fallout from the latest chapter in STFU AND GO AWAY YOU STUPID HEAPS OF TRASH.

Kim Kardashian is telling close friends today … she NEVER defrauded Kris Humphries into marrying her.

Sources very close to Kim tell us … Kim loved Kris and the marriage was legit, but just fell apart in short order.

As for Kris filing for an annulment on grounds Kim defrauded him, she says the two of them actually discussed annulling the marriage before she filed for divorce, but they were advised there were no legitimate grounds for an annulment. Under California law, someone can annul a marriage if there’s proof of impotency, incest, bigamy, unsound mind, force or fraud.

In fact, Kim is saying she wanted an annulment and filed for divorce only after being told it was her only legal option.

[From TMZ]

Wait, you would have to have “proof” of impotency? What’s proof? The lack of a sex tape? Is that proof? It is in my courtroom! *CASE DISMISSED*

But sources also tell People Magazine that Kim originally wanted to annul the marriage too, but her lawyers told her she couldn’t (lest she wanted to admit to defrauding Kris, I guess). So now Kim is “happy” that everybody is on the same page, apparently.

Anyway, Lurch ran right over to TMZ just after Kim’s people leaked that story, and here’s what he (through “sources”) had to say:

Sources very close to Kris Humphries tell TMZ … Kris is gunning for an annulment based on fraud because he feels “he was just slotted in the plot line of Kim Kardashian’s latest headline and newest business venture.”

We’re told Kris believes Kim never intended to stay married to him, but needed a groom to fuel ratings for her show. One source says, “Once they were finished taping, she just didn’t need a groom anymore.”

Kris is telling people he feels like a pawn in the game.

And, we’re told, Kris is outraged by people who think he was in on the wedding scam — according to one friend, “He would have never flown in his childhood pastor to marry them and involve his church.”

Finally, Kris feels Kim’s own statement that she posted on her blog is a smoking gun … specifically, “I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up in the hoopla and the filming of the TV show.”

Bottom line — the divorce/annulment war in on.

[From TMZ]

See, whenever I start to have a smidgen of sympathy for Kris, I’m reminded of how dumb he is – he got out-foxed by a flock of cat-faces, after all. I think he’s just pissed off that all of his half-assed plans blew up in his face. Everyone could see what a disaster this whole wedding and marriage was going to be, and using the “I was too stupid to see it” defense is BS.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Do you think Kris Humphries is gay? I don’t. I might buy “bi-curious” but not flat-out gay. But that’s Star Mag’s claim this week. So, at this point, the Kardashians are just throwing whatever they can at Kris. He’s verbally abusive! He’s lazy! He hates fatties! HE’S TOTES GAY.

Anyway, the big Kris Humphries news today is that Kris might be counter-filing some legal documents in response to Kim’s divorce filing. According to People Magazine, Kris will be filing paperwork to seek a legal separation from Kim “within days.” People’s sources say that Kris’s “ultimate intent” is to annul the 72-day marriage. Us Weekly actually managed to confirm this with Kris’s rep:

What’s better than a divorce? An annulment.

Kris Humphries plans to respond to Kim Kardashian’s Oct. 31 divorce filing with a counterstrike of his own. A rep for the NBA star, 26, confirms to Us Weekly that Humphries will seek a legal separation from Kardashian, 31 — ultimately leading, he hopes, to an annulment of their 72-day union.

If Humphries gets his way, the couple will avoid divorce proceedings altogether.
Kardashian and Humphries tied the knot Aug. 20 in Montecito, Calif.; an ironclad prenuptial agreement guarantees that the reality starlet will hold onto all moneys earned during their marriage.

Humphries, whose prospects have opened once again now that the NBA lockout has ended, recently signed an endorsement deal with Sector watches worth $150,000.

Pals told Us that Humphries freeloaded off of his wife and could be downright cruel during their short-lived union.”He belittled her in front of people,” one insider said. “He’d call her stupid. It was truly sickening.”

“He tried to control Kim by bringing her down…He would say truly terrible things. One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn’t last.”

Worst of all? Humphries even called the star “fat ass.”

[From Us Weekly]

I don’t really understand the legal and financial implications of an annulment-versus-divorce in this case. Would Kris be able to get more money out of the Kardashians with an annulment, because the prenup isn’t an issue anymore? Or is the annulment just an intellectual “clean slate” so Kris doesn’t have to refer to Kim as his “ex-wife” forever? I don’t get it. I also don’t think an annulment can happen given that they “consummated” the marriage, correct? Or is that where the whole “HE’S TOTES GAY” thing comes in?

Oh, and Radar has a really boring story about Kim’s jealousy of Kris’s relationship with his sister. A source told Radar, “Kris and Kaela have always been extremely close. They talk daily, exchange text messages, their parents are extremely proud that their children are so close. However, Kim was jealous of Kris’ relationship with Kaela. Kris holds his sister in very high regard, and takes her advice very seriously. Kim would often try and get Kris off the phone with Kaela by making suggestive comments, or telling him he needed to pick up after his dogs. Kim wanted the full attention on her at all times and saw Kris’ sister as competition. For his part, Kris thought his family were being treated like second class citizens and that was no more apparent than at the wedding.” And when Kim couldn’t pull Kris’s attention away, she would just beat him. You can read more about Kim’s mistreatment of Kris’s sister here.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Dr. Drew is such a hack that he regularly armchair diagnoses celebrities with addictions and other problems based on interviews they’ve given. For instance he questioned Angelina Jolie’s charity work and wondered whether she was still on drugs after she admitted that she’d done heroin in her youth. He also called out Brad Pitt for admitting that he used to smoke pot, also in his past, and for moving his kids with Angie around while they’re working. (Kaiser did a recap of some of Dr. Drew’s nonsense here.) In this latest case, though, I’m rooting for Dr. Drew and I almost agree with him.

On the last episode of Kim & Kourtney go to New York so they can have a spin-off, Kim moves to punch Kris Humphries after the big oaf steps on her toe and breaks her pedicured nail. Kris of course quickly deflects Kim’s blow since he’s a giant basketball player. It looks like Kim was seriously going for him, and like she could have caused some damage if she landed that punch. Dr. Drew got all incensed about it and says it’s a clear incident of domestic violence and that domestic violence goes both ways, meaning women can commit it against men. He also said that stuff like this can escalate into a more dangerous, abusive situation. Go Dr. Drew?

Holy matrimony took an unholy turn back in October, when news broke that reality television star Kim Kardashian filed a disclaimer of interest — wait, no, I meant a petition for divorce from New Jersey Nets free agent forward Kris Humphries.

Their marriage lasted 72 days, just enough time to get footage for Kardashian’s new E! television series, Kourtney & Kim Take New York. The series debuted on Monday and featured startling footage of Kardashian winding up to punch Humphries for “accidentally breaking her toenail,” according to TheImproper.com.

Kardashian appears to be smiling while throwing the punch and Humphries doesn’t exactly cower in fear, but psychologist Dr. Drew Pinsky opined on CNN that the punch amounted to domestic violence.

“What you are seeing there is domestic violence,” Pinsky told viewers. “A lot of people watching this may not understand that and I get that. It looks playful. What’s the big deal? It is a massive deal.”

Pinsky continued: “Kris and Kim, listen, they’re separating and that’s over with, this doesn’t need to be reported or anything. But anybody listening at home or viewing this has to understand the spectrum of domestic violence. And this is an incontrovertible piece of evidence of someone who is engaged in a domestic violence relationship.”

[From CBS Sports]

So for all the times that Kris calls Kim “fat” or acts like a dick or accidentally steps on her, Kim is behaving even worse by lashing out at him physically. Even if Kim’s punch was delivered with a smirk, it’s still domestic violence according to Dr. Drew. I don’t think she was joking, she looked serious about hitting him. It’s a hard call for me to make since I don’t like either one of them and don’t particularly give a sh*t, but young teens watch this show and they should know that’s not acceptable.

In other Dr. Drew news, it looks like he’s softening his stance against drugs. Or maybe he just bases it on whether he likes the celebrity or not. On the whole Miley Cyrus “I’m a stoner” Bob Marley birthday cake controversy, Dr. Drew said she’s not an addict. He told Extra “I don’t think it’s that big of a deal… Real marijuana addicts don’t quite talk like that. I don’t think we have somebody who has a drug problem on our hands.” Uh huh. When that Miley smoking “salvia” video came out in December of last year, Dr. Drew said “This is a child who is in trouble and who is suffering and this is her way of trying to manage that. Get professional help.” I bet Miley or someone close to her reached out to him after that, so during her next crisis Drew would be on her side. It worked. Now the Kardashians have to kiss his butt so he’ll call their dysfunctional squabbles no “big deal.”

Look at Kim serving up food at the LA Mission. Jennifer Love Hewitt does this every single year. Credit: WENN

I told you this week’s tabloids featured push-back from Team Kat-Face! Life & Style’s cover story this week is all about how Kris Humphries is a horrible homophobe and a gay-basher, and now Us Weekly has released their cover story, and SURPRISE. Kris Humphries is also a fat-basher. As in, he would make fun of Kim’s weight and call her a “fat ass”. And “stupid”. And then she called him a “booger-face” and a “peckerwood”. And then Kris pulled her pigtails and pushed her and Kim cried and called for the teacher, because apparently we’re all still in the first grade.

Harsh Humphries! Kim Kardashian has been raked over the coals in the court of public opinion ever since she filed for divorce from Kris Humphries Oct. 31. But the real villain in the 72-day marriage, pals tell the new Us Weekly, was out-of-work NBA star Humphries, 26.

After lavishly tying the knot Aug. 20, Kardashian’s hubby soaked up the perks of being married to one of the most successful reality stars ever — staying out late at clubs in NYC and L.A., and demanding free bottle service and more wherever he went.

Even worse? He could be downright cruel to Kardashian, 31. “He belittled her in front of people,” one insider tells Us. “He’d call her stupid. It was truly sickening.”

The source adds that Humphries resented his wife’s fame and fortune. “He tried to control Kim by bring her down…He would say truly terrible things. One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn’t last.”

He even took exception to her world-famous posterior, calling her “fat ass,” the source says.

And when Kardashian (who rarely drinks and tends to go to bed early) asked her man to skip the nights out in favor of quality time, “He would tell her she was acting like too much of a wife and ‘get over it,’” another insider says.

For much more on why Humphries was the husband from hell — he “picked fights” and bullied her closest friends, was caught “scoping out” other women at clubs and more — pick up the new Us Weekly, out Wednesday

[From Us Weekly]

Will I buy that Kris Humphries was emotionally abusive and rude? Sure. He was rude on their wedding special, and I thought he was particularly nasty and immature when it came to interacting with Kim’s sisters. I wonder which insult hurt Kim more, stupid or fat ass? When someone insults my (lack of) intelligence, I just kind of laugh it off. But if someone called me a fat ass, much less if it was my boyfriend or husband? I would cry. I would have a total meltdown. And that dude would never see my biscuits ever again. Because he would be a mean, rude booger-face. Oh, and personally, I don’t like the idea of saying Kim is in any way “fat” – she’s not. She’s just not a size 4 (as she claims).

By the way, just to reiterate the point: Kris is definitely going to be painted as “the villain” as Kourtney and Kim Take New York gets edited and re-edited. Sources have already said that producers are re-jiggering the show in post-production so that it will become increasingly obvious WHY Kim dumped Kris. Meanwhile, I think Gwyneth Paltrow is probably seeking Kris out so they can fat-bash together.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

This week’s Life & Style Mag features some push-back from Team Kat-Face on the whole divorce scandal. I think the new pro-Kat-Face talking point is “Kim left Kris for good reasons, because he’s a big jerk!” It seems that Kris Humphries is a homophobic asshat and he’s super-worried about how Kourtney & Kim Take New York is going to portray his character. Oh, and Kris might be suing Kim and E!? Interesting…

Kim Kardashian is about to be dealt another blow. Insiders reveal exclusively to Life & Style—on newsstands now—that Kim’s estranged husband Kris Humphries has met with a legal team and is preparing to sue for $10 million.

“Kris has a legal team investigating his options,” the insider tells the new issue of Life & Style. “He’s claiming his role on Kourtney & Kim Take New York is bigger than he was told, and that’s why he wants more money. But Kris is also suing because he’s really worried about how badly he’s going to be portrayed on the series.”

Life & Style has learned that Kris is particularly concerned about explosive footage of him bullying Kim’s best friend Jonathan Cheban — scenes that stand to tarnish Kris’ wholesome Midwestern image.

“Midway through the season, Kris starts bullying Kim’s best friend, Jonathan Cheban, about his sexuality,” shares a Kim pal. “Jonathan isn’t gay, but Kris accuses him of being gay and criticizes him for it in a really homophobic way. Jonathan is really upset.”

As is Kim. “Kris used the word ‘gay’ as an insult, to try and hurt Jonathan,” an E! insider tells Life & Style. “He’s the lowest of the low bullying someone like this.”

While it’s too late for him to stop the premiere from airing, Kris has retained lawyer Lee Hutton III and is trying his hardest to prevent the most inflammatory moments from being broadcast. Kris, his family and his friends maintain that much of Kris’ appearance on Kourtney & Kim was scripted — including scenes in which he ponders Jonathan’s sexuality — and that he’s not homophobic.

“Little did Kris know that he was being set up,” his father, William Humphries, tells Life & Style exclusively. “Kris got used —100 percent used.”

[From Life & Style]

Thoughts on whether Kris was “used”? He was just hired for an ad campaign for Sector Watches – a reported $150,000 paycheck. And Kris and his publicist have been dropping “sightings” of Kris into nearly every publication, noting over and over that Kris is so, so SAD. Whatever – I think Kris is as big of a fraud as Kim, and I don’t really have any sympathy for either of them. And I also find it hard to believe that Kris was given a “script” in which he simply HAD to say homophobic things to Kim’s friend.

Oh, and Radar reports that Kim’s Christmas cards – which were ordered right before her honeymoon – feature a wedding photo of Kim and Kris. Guess she’s going to have to buy her Christmas cards from CVS this year.

Cover courtesy of Life & Style. Additional photos by Fame.

This is a pretty juicy story that would have gotten more mileage prior to Kim Kardashian’s precipitous downfall. Remember how Kim sort-of dated her hot Australian bodyguard late last year? (You can see photos of their on-screen hookup here) They even were shown in bed together on “Kourtney & Kim Take New York.” Well apparently the guy was married, his wife had the impression that they were still together (although they were necessarily apart at the time due to their jobs), and then he hooked up with Kim and unceremoniously dumped her. They’re also still married, and she’s still waiting for the guy to give her a divorce. Here’s the story, via Hollywood Life. Star did get the other woman to speak on the record and they have photos and everything, so this isn’t a story based on unnamed “sources.”

Kim’s romance with her Australian body guard Shengo Deane played out on her show back in 2010, but now Shengo’s wife is speaking out against the reality star.
Kim Kardashian has found herself in the middle of another love story gone wrong. Zuzana Deane is accusing Kim of stealing her husband, Shengo Deane, Star magazine reports.

Kim was introduced to Shengo in April of 2010, while he was her bodyguard in Australia. He then appeared as Kim’s love interest in a September 2010 episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians and an October 2010 episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York.

“In my eyes, I was happily married to Shengo when he and Kim met,” Zuzana told Star. “Less than two weeks later, he told me he didn’t want to be married to me anymore, and then he ends up in her arms in Los Angeles. It was a whirlwind. I don’t know what Shengo initially told her about his situation — he’s handsome and charming, and I can see where Kim would be smitten. But it was all a shock to me.”

But Zuzana and Shengo are still technically married. “Incredibly, Shengo still hasn’t given me a divorce, and that’s all I want from him, nothing more,” Zuzana said. “As for Kim, I actually don’t have too many hard feelings. I think she was a bit too trusting and impulsive — and Shengo saw her as the golden ticket to fame.”

[From Star via Hollywood Life]

I would say that if this guy wasn’t legally unavailable Kim would have married him, thrown a fairy tale wedding, and ditched him later. He he was too low status for her though. He was worth a fling and that’s it.

Radar is reporting that Kim is being portrayed as the “victim” to baddie Kris Humphries on the upcoming season of “Kourney & Kim Take New York.” Of course Kim has “editorial control” and is going to manipulate the footage to make it seem like Kris treated her poorly and not the other way around. Even if this is true and the guy was a total ass, she chose to marry him and that’s on her.

The E! reality darling will be seen “as the victim, and Kris will definitely be the bad guy. Kim was stunned by the amount of bad press and the public relations nightmare she has endured since deciding to file for divorce,” a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com. “Kim will be using the show to attempt to rehab her image. Kim has been telling her inner circle that she has worked very hard to get where she has, and she isn’t going to let her marriage and subsequent decision to divorce Kris Humprhies ruin that.

“Kim carefully and methodically plans all of her business decisions, and that is how she is looking at her divorce, as all business. Of course she is sad, but it’s all about Kim’s endorsement deals and paid promotional appearances. There were reports that Kim was going to lay low after she filed for divorce, yet several days later, she was in Atlanta shooting a role in the movie, The Marriage Counselor.

“Kim will be ringing in New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas. The fact is Kim is extremely insecure, and she is truly afraid that if she were to disappear from the public eye, for even more than a week, her fame would disappear,” the source says.

[From Radar]

Kim is right, her fame is about to disappear. She should count on it.

Meanwhile Kim is still co-starring in that Tyler Perry movie, The Marriage Counselor, as an assistant to a matchmaker. Perry defended his decision to cast Kim, writing that “I thought and still do think that it would be very responsible of her to be a part of this film. To have the young people that look up to her, see her in a film that is about what happens in life when you make the wrong choices.” Perry doesn’t seem to get that Kim has much less “young people” looking up to her at this point.

In related news, PETA is slamming Kim for wearing fox fur. They may as well do it now when she’s still somewhat relevant.

Most of these photos are from 11/2 and 11/3. Credit: WENN.com. Open mouth photo from 8/31/11. Credit: Fame

It’s time for today’s post about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’s divorce. Today, we’re going to come at from a different angle – from Kris’s angle. Kris has just returned to New York. Apparently, on Monday, he had dinner with friends and sources say, “Kris looked so depressed. He looked like he was going to cry in his pizza, sat at the same table he used to sit with Kim. He looked so sad and gloomy. Not the happy Kris who used to tease and laugh with Kim at that table. His friends looked like they were giving him encouragement…they were trying to cheer him up.” To make matters work, Kris is being heckled when he does go out – Page Six reports that a passerby shouted “Where’s Kim?” on Monday, and Page Six’s source also said that Kris looked especially devastated.

But a Kardashian source tells Us Weekly that Kris is just pretending: “Kris and Kim spoke about breaking up many times…He was not blindsided by the divorce, just by the filing on that exact date.” I think Kim is pissed off that Kris is a better actor than her. Anyway, OK! Magazine has an exhaustive cover story about all of this:

Some were shocked that Kim Kardashian’s marriage lasted just 72 days — but it’s even more outrageous to discover that Kim had all but given up on Kris Humphries less than two weeks after they were wed!

“He really thought she just gave up too quickly and didn’t even try,” an insider says. “It came out of nowhere — he really didn’t see the divorce coming. He’s angry and also very sad.”

Kris, 26, also feels like he’s been unjustly tagged as the bad guy in their marriage. “He feels like no one cares what he has to say or wants to hear his side of the story because Kim is a bigger celebrity,” says the insider. “People care more about her.”

HE WAS BLINDSIDED
“It’s been painful. Kris said that he never thought in a million years she would file for divorce without giving it a chance,” the insider says. “He wanted to try. He thought in a few weeks things would be smoothed over.”

Kim had different ideas. She asked Kris not to accompany her on a previously planned promotional trip to Australia — and then left without letting him know their marriage was over. “All of a sudden, he woke up to a divorce — and then no one would return his calls,” recalls his friend.

SHE COULDN’T FACE KRIS
In retrospect, Kim realizes she could have been more honest with Kris, according to an insider. “Kim wanted to call and tell him herself, however, her team thought it was best to let them handle things,” says the insider. “They were trying to keep it from getting out of control, but it did anyway. That is when she reached out to Kris.”

Kris reportedly wanted to try marital counseling. He even brought in his family friend, Joel Johnson, the pastor that married them, to speak with he and Kim for nearly three hours. But there is nothing he can actually do to stop the divorce if Kim is determined to end their union.

Since Kim’s visit on Nov. 6 to Kris’ home in Minnesota, “Kim is still talking to Kris,” says the insider. Although, Kris would like to believe they stand a chance to fix their marriage. “Kris is a little bit in denial about the whole thing,” says one pal. “Their relationship is strained at best,” adds another Kim pal. “She knows she wasn’t perfect and he was a pretty big jerk. Kim is taking a break from everything.”

HE WANTS TO BE NORMAL
Since Kris arrived back home in Minnesota, he’s been keeping a low profile — going to the gym, playing basketball and sticking close to his family. With the NBA still on lockout, he’s without a job to keep him busy. He has been photographed, of course, but he’s trying to stay out of the public eye.

Friends say that although his relationship with Kim taught him that fame is truly a double-edged sword, “Kris was never really prepared for what he got into with Kim,” says his pal. “He thought he could turn off the celebrity whenever he wanted — that he could just ask people to give him space and they would. But it doesn’t work like that. It grated on his nerves until he started to snap.”

THE SHOW MUST GO ON
Though Kris may still harbor hope, Kim’s friends say it’s unlikely that the two will reconcile or even reunite for an interview. “Kim’s not about to go on a talk show and air their dirty laundry — this isn’t The Bachelor.” Episodes of Kourtney & Kim Take New York are being re-edited in the wake of the couple’s split. Kris will be written out of the show — the same way Reggie Bush was when he and Kim split up, explains the insider.

“They will wrap this divorce up with a neat little bow in an episode and then move on,” predicts the insider. “Kim will start dating someone else, another scandal will happen and everything will even out.” Like Kris, Kim is also staying out of the spotlight and trying to avoid photographers. “Kim is still so sad and is not sure what the future holds for her,” says the insider. “She is trying to be strong.” But Kris’ words ring in her ears. “He thought Kim would give him a chance to work things out and for the dust to settle,” says the insider. “Kris really did love her and he still does.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Do you feel sorry for Kris? Meh. He was already screwing around on Kim with club girls just weeks before Kim filed, so whatever. Plus, Kris’s ex-girlfriend Bianka Kamper went to In Touch/Hollywood Life to tell ALL about what Kris is really like (hint: he’s a douche). Bianka claims that Kris “used to hate Kim, her show and her family and would make fun of the Kardashians all of the time. Bianka believes that Kris married Kim just to promote his own fame. He would call the Kardashians garbage. He would never watch the show with me. He always bad-mouthed it and said it was trashy. He would ask, ‘Why are you watching that?’ Kris was a penny-pincher. He would do anything he could to save money, and he definitely did not buy expensive clothes. If I were in Kim’s shoes, I would be embarrassed and ashamed.” There’s more stuff here. Bianka has an axe to grind.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Of all the stories about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ impending divorce and fake show wedding, this one is probably my favorite. It’s just hysterical, and I really hope it’s true. Supposedly Kris Humphries has some kind of “evidence” that Kim Kardashian uses padded panties to make her ass look big, and is threatening to expose her butt as a fraud. I’ve never really thought about padded underwear, as it wouldn’t occur to me to try and give myself a bubble butt. There are real products with silicone padding that do just that. (You learn all sorts of useless things while gossiping about celebrities.) Anyway Kris hasn’t exposed much dirt on Kim so far, probably because he’s still hoping for a decent cut of the wedding profits, but what could he say that we don’t already know about her? We already know that she’s narcissistic, superficial, useless and petty. Real evidence that she’s lying about that trademark ass that she keeps insisting is all natural would go far to discredit her, not that she’s got much credibility left at this point. Here’s more:

Kim Kardashian’s big booty is a big, fat fake, sources say – and her estranged hubby Kris Humphries is threatening to expose the truth.

The reality TV sexpot insists her bubble butt is all natural and even displayed an x-ray of what she claimed was her backside on her show to use as proof.

But some insiders claim the curvy 31-year-old beauty uses butt pads and say Kris filmed a video that proves his estranged wife’s prized posterior is phony!

Kris remarked to pals that, while he loves Kim’s shapely butt, it’s not the same as what you see on the red carpet or TV.

“Kris told his buddies that it takes a lot of work for Kim to make her bottom look as good as it does,” says a source. “He revealed all her secrets – how she uses ‘booty pads,’ Spanx and other things to enhance it. When she takes off the Spanx, the pads and everything else, it’s not the same.

“He knows what the real thing looks like – because he’s reported it on his cell phone camera!…

“Despite what Kim said on her show, I think she has definitely had fat injections in her butt,” the source said.

“Kim would never call it a Brazilian butt-lift, but that’s essentially what it was…”

Even before they split, Kris taunted [Kim] about her weight, sources say. At 5-foot-3, Kim claims to weigh 115 pounds, but Kris told pals that she’s closer to 130.

“Kris would pat Kim’s bottom and say, ‘You sure have a lot of junk in your trunk,’” divulged a close source.

“The Kris actually began calling Kim fat! He said the undersides of her arms were flabby and she was getting a pooch in her belly. Kim was furious!”

The first source added: “Kim is all about creating illusion. Having Kris spill the beans about how she really maintains her world-famous butt would be devastating to her.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, November 21, 2011]

Even if Kim Kardashian isn’t using those butt enhancers, (although she probably is) I do think she had a Brazilian Butt lift. (Link potentially NSFW.) The procedure involves fat transfer to the butt and wouldn’t be detectable on an x-ray like the one she did of her ass for publicity. (Like everything she does.) Oh I hope Kris is in possession of video revealing that Kim pads her ass, I really do.

A couple of days ago Kaiser reported on the story that Kris H. was refusing to sign the divorce papers and was pressuring Kim to return the actual wedding gifts, not just make a tax-deductible donation to a charity in lieu of returning gifts. That report was from Life & Style, which had Kris’ dad on the record talking about how his son was blind-sided by the divorce filing. An unnamed “source” told L&S that Kris was refusing to sign the divorce papers, and it sounded like that came from Kris’ dad too, but that he didn’t want to be blamed for leaking that news.

Well Kardashian mouthpiece E! denied that report and claimed that a source told them “It is not true that Kris is not going to sign the divorce papers…. He doesn’t want a war. He’s laying low.” You know that Kim just assumes she’s going to get her way, as usual. I hope that Kris really does hold out and that he contests the divorce and puts her through the wringer.

Meanwhile In Touch is reporting that The Kardashians are at war among themselves over this divorce, which is surely threatening their easy money stream. Supposedly Khloe and Kim got into a big blowup while they were doing publicity in Australia. In Touch claims that “The family has split into two camps since the divorce – Kim and her mom versus the rest of the family, who are really angry at her.” Evil Beet has more on this if you’re interested, but you get the point. The Kardashian’s big fake house of cards is collapsing all around them and they’re screaming and clawing while trying to hold onto what they believe is rightfully theirs. Only it’s all an illusion, down to Kim’s giant trademark ass.

These photos are from 7/10/10, and they’re the same ones The Enquirer used to illustrate this story. The pictures of Kim looking especially plastic are from 11/3/11. Credit: WENN.com

Time for today’s stories in the ongoing Kardashian-Humphries Saga For The Ages. In today’s episode, Kris Humphries’s dad William gives an exclusive interview to Life & Style, for the cover story in which Kim Kardashian is apparently being called out for her disastrous plan to profit from a tacky wedding and then divorce the man that she barely even liked. Still, Kris seems slightly sympathetic here.

In an exclusive interview with Life & Style, Kris Humphries’ dad, William Humphries, opens up his about his son’s reaction to Kim Kardashian’s filing for divorce and reveals how Kris is now coping with the split.

“There was never a discussion about it — it just came out of nowhere and blindsided Kris,” William claims in the new issue of Life & Style, on newsstands now. “How could someone do that? Kris was completely surprised. The news was already published before he found out!”

While a rep for Kim insists Kris did know the divorce was coming, friends and family say Kris, now back in his hometown of Chanhassen, Minn,. is still heartbroken.

“He’s hurting, but we’re here for him,” William reveals to Life & Style. “It’s nice that he’s here [in Minnesota] with family during this time.”

Kris was so hurt by the news that he refused to even speak to his wife — until she surprised him by flying to Minnesota on Nov. 6 to hash out the details of the divorce.

“Kris told me that Kim was texting him a lot, but he wouldn’t respond,” his friend tells Life & Style. “They did speak briefly the day the split was announced — but only because Kim was apparently pissed that Kris had released his own statement.”

“It’s not a nice situation. No matter how you look at it, he’s going through a divorce,” William adds.

Not only is Kris refusing to sign the divorce papers drawn up by Kim’s high-powered attorney Laura Wasser, but Kris is fighting with Kim over the wedding gifts.

“Kris is disgusted that Kim is making a donation to the Dream Foundation,” a friend of Kris’ says. “The gifts cost people a lot of money. They should be able to get their money back.”

[From Life & Style & Hollywood Life]

According to Hollywood Life, Kim‘s reason for visiting Minnesota was not in any way about a reconciliation either. Their source says, “Kim visited Kris so that he wouldn’t talk to the press. She was making sure that he wouldn’t do ‘anything stupid’ and ‘law low’ and not talk to any media outlets about their relationship. She seems more about controlling how her brand is affected than reconciling the relationship.” Apparently, they weren’t even left alone for one moment during the trip either.

Meanwhile, OK! Magazine is still trying to make Reggie and Kim happen all over again. I don’t think Reggie is interested at the moment (he issued a statement saying that he had no plans to see her), but you never know… I actually think they might have a chance at reconciling – even more so than Kim and Kris.

They never lost touch, not even in the exciting first days of her engagement to Kris Humphries. But now that her marriage is all but over, Kim Kardashian has turned to her ex-boyfriend NFL star Reggie Bush for comfort. The pair, who dated on and off for three years before splitting in March 2010, talked for three hours after Kim announced her plans to divorce.

“Immediately following the divorce announcement, Reggie reached out to Kim to let her know that he was always there for her if she needed someone to talk to,” says a Kim confidante. “Kim still loves Reggie deeply. She never got over that; she doesn’t think she ever will. She says he is her one true love.”

REGGIE IS KIM’S ROCK
Since Kim, 31, filed for divorce on Oct. 31, she and Reggie, 26, who’s currently in Miami where he plays for the Dolphins, have communicated via text message, phone and computer — culminating in a long, heartfelt conversation via Skype in the days before she met with Kris on Nov. 6.

“Reggie and Kim made a date to talk uninterrupted,” a friend of the football player confides. “Kim just feels really lost right now, and she isn’t sure who to trust or who she should turn to. Reggie is one of the few people who make her feel safe.”

Kim confided to Reggie how disappointed she was in her marriage to Kris, which lasted just 72 days, and how she came to realize that she jumped into the union too quickly.

“Reggie was just so patient listening to it all. He let Kim just pour her heart out to him for the first hour.”

“Reggie has a calming effect on Kim,” says the Kim confidant. “He really has such a positive outlook, and he made Kim remember that she is blessed.”

THERE’S STILL LOVE THERE
Over their three-hour conversation, Kim didn’t just complain about her marriage. She and Reggie also talked about their relationship. “It was a heartfelt talk: They laughed; they flirted; Kim cried,” says the confidante. “It began to seem like old times.”

Though there were reports that Kim and Reggie had already met up for lunch in NYC on Oct. 29, a Kim insider says their in-person reunion hasn’t happened yet — but it will.

“Before they said goodbye on Skype, they made plans to see each other in person soon,” says the insider.

Reggie has been dating Melissa Molinaro, a 29-year-old model (who bears more than a passing resemblance to Kim) since the summer, but that doesn’t mean he ever stopped thinking about Kim.

“Reggie loves Kim; I’m not sure if he’s still in love with her, but he still loves her without question,” his friend explains. “He never felt about any woman the way he did about Kim. I haven’t heard him utter one nasty or negative thing since the split happened.”

Reggie is also one of the few people in Kim’s life who hasn’t passed judgment on her failed marriage or made harsh jokes about the spectacle she made of her August wedding.

“Whenever you mentioned it, Reggie just would say he wished Kim the best and all the happiness in the world,” says his pal. “He’s a real class act. He loved that girl with his whole heart. Probably still does.”

By the time Kim got off the phone with Reggie and began to pack for her trip to see Kris in Minneapolis, she was feeling better and more confident.

“She felt like she lost a little bit of herself when she was with Kris,” explains her friend, adding that talking with Reggie helped her get back on track.

“Kim is finally taking responsibility for her actions,” says another pal. “It’s been a growing experience. She is happy that she’s got her family behind her and Reggie. If this ends up bringing Reggie back into her life in a bigger way, then that’s one positive thing that came out of this whole experience.”

[From OK! Magazine]

So, basically, according to this story the whole Kris Humphries thing was just an epic plot to win Reggie back. Sort of. And it sort of worked. I’m telling you – even though Reggie probably doesn’t want to be seen this way, I think he probably would give Kim another chance. He’s dating a girl who looks just like her, for the love of God.

Photos courtesy of WENN.