Britney Spears & Michael Fassbender are totally twinsies!! Hahaha. Sorry, I’m delirious from excitement/lust/sadness. The same day that Britney Spears and Jason Trawick announce their split, well… that’s the same day that Nicole Beharie announced HER split from Michael Fassbender, her boyfriend of about a year (a little bit less, I think).

First of all, I didn’t know Nicole had a Twitter, but she does and it’s sort-of confirmed – I mean, she’s posting candid, personal photos of herself, so… it’s her. And earlier today she tweeted: “After 3 weeks in Thailand, One week in the desert of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Finally heading back to LA…miss you guys…” Many have noted that she was likely with Fassbender in Thailand and New Mexico – he’s working on Frank in NM. Then a few hours later she tweeted: “Yes its true Fassbender and I are no longer dating.”

So. That just happened. They were together and she was visiting him on the set of his film and BAM! It was over. And I have genuine sadness about it because I actually liked them together. Obviously, I would have preferred if it was ME with L’Fassdong, but if it had to be someone else, I’m glad he went for Nicole. She’s pretty and she seems sweet, and I was prepared to make her my spirit animal if their love affair continued.

Still… a single Fassbender. You know everybody will be trying to set him up with EVERY CHICA. Charlize Theron’s loins probably sent out a RED (GINGER) ALERT. God knows, (newly-single) Jennifer Lawrence might even try to get on that. Hell, (newly-single) Bradley Cooper will try to get on that soon too. Sigh… come find me, Fassy. They don’t love you like I love you. They don’t understand you like I understand you. Come to me (or on me, whatevs).

Photos courtesy of Nicole’s Twitter, Esquire UK.

More Fassbender! And The Fassdong is feeling the vibrations… the vibrations of a big beast between his legs. HOT DAMN. No, I was talking about his motorcycle. Fassy was spotted out in London yesterday. He’s been in London for most of the summer, working on The Counselor with director Ridley Scott – although Scott had to shut down production for a week after his brother committed suicide.

That’s Fassy’s girlfriend of some-odd nine months riding on his bike. His girlfriend? Nicole Beharie, who worked with him in Shame. They claim that they only got together while they were promoting the movie, not when they were making the movie – because when they were making the movie, Fassy was with Zoe Kravitz. Such a wicked web the Fassdong weaves.

Anyway, Fassy looks kind of dirty and trashy in these photos, like he’s been up for days, drinking, laughing and screwing and he hasn’t had a shower in a while. Which on most men is a horrible look, but on him, I kind of like it. I like him when he looks dirtier, scruffier and unwashed – when he’s too pulled together, too shaved and clean, it kind of kills my panty explosion. He ends up looking too Germanic – not that there’s anything wrong with German men, mind you (did anyone get a load of those hot German dudes who won gold in Beach Volleyball? OMG). But I need my Fassy to be an unkempt Irishman, not a prim, pulled-together Sprockets clone.

As for Nicole… yeah, I kind of like her. I think she’s a beautiful woman and she has an interesting career. I like her on The Good Wife, although I think her character is poorly defined and inconsistently written (much like the Cary Agos role seems to be at this point), and they really need to stop making her wear that awful wig on the show. But I think Nicole has a great future in film, television and on the stage, and I think she probably complements Fassy rather well. What I’m saying is that I’m not going to write her a bitchy, jealous open letter. YET. I don’t know what I’ll do if Fassy gets Nicole pregnant, though. I suppose I’ll be happy for them… but it will be bittersweet, to say the least.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

So far, it seems like LaineyGossip is one of the few sites talking about this. Michael Fassbender might be dating his Shame costar Nicole Beharie? What the…? No, I’m not really shocked. She’s his type – petite, dark-skinned, exotic beauty, full lips. That really is his type. All I’ve got is the dark-skinned part (GAH!). Anyway, if you go here, you can see the new photos of Michael and Nicole walking around New York yesterday (or sometime this week?). The photos in this post are of Michael and Nicole filming Shame last year – March 2011.

You know what else was happening in March 2011? Michael was dating Zoe Kravitz. I suspect Zoe and Fassy were living together in her NYC apartment too. So just how and when did Nicole couple-up, if that’s what we’re seeing? Is it one of those “we worked together a year ago and now we’re dating” things? I never buy those things. I always think that the people were hooking up as they working together. So was Michael fooling around with Nicole while he was with Zoe? Eh. For what it’s worth, I’ve never been completely sure that Michael and Zoe were as “couple-y” as was assumed. They spent months apart at various times, and I think they had a loose definition of their “relationship.”

What do you need to know about Nicole? She’s 27 years old. She’s an up-and-coming actress who has begun to work steadily in film and television over the past few years – you can see her IMDB here. I think she’s really beautiful, and she’s one of those women who looks totally different depending on her makeup and hair situation. Considering this is the first time they’ve been photographed together in a casual situation, I don’t know what to think about their relationship. Dating? Friends with benefits? True love? GAH. Oh, and over the past few months, there have been rumors and “sightings” of Fassy with an unnamed dark-skinned beauty – so maybe it’s been going on for a while? There’s also a report from London a few weeks ago that Michael and Nicole were loved up across the pond.

I’m not saying that Fassy hasn’t broken my heart a little. He has. But if this is what he wants… *sob* I’m not going to blame Nicole for ridin’ the Fassdong. God bless her, you know? Somebody’s got to.

Photos courtesy of WENN, stills from ‘Shame’.