Tom Cruise fights against Xenu in the ‘Oblivion’ trailer: hilarious or interesting?

Tom Cruise

Here’s the new poster for Oblivion starring Tom Cruise. We give Tom a lot of crap about Scientology for good reason because it’s a terribly abusive cult that continues to make hasty slave labor out of many of its members (and their children). However, there’s also a lighter side of Tom’s devotion to the E-meter, which involves making fun of the whole Xenu thing. “Praise Xenu!” rolls so easily off the tongue, you know? However and according to the (not-so) ancient tomes of L. Ron Hubbard, Xenu is actually supposed to be the bad guy in Scientology. According to the (formerly top-secret) scripture of OT Level III, Xenu was the galactic overlord who (with the help of psychiatrists, naturally) rounded up billions of his own “people” (to us, “aliens”) and relocated them to Earth. Then he lowered their drugged-up bodies to the bases of various volcanoes and blew up the volcanoes, which caused all of the aliens’ souls (“thetans”) to float around in a disembodied state until they found bodies to possess. And getting rid of these thetans is the ultimate aim of auditing. Yes, it’s so stupid.

Interestingly enough, Tom is now focusing on alien invasions (which he’s already done before with War of the Worlds) in two of his upcoming movies. I’m not talking about his ridiculous turn as Jack Reacher unless, of course, Cruise will surprise us all by playing an alien life form that invades Reacher’s body and causes him to shrink in size (which, in Hollywood, is ultimately possible). Nope, I’m referring to his two other movies in production. The one that he’s filming right now (while ignoring Suri in a physical sense) is All You Need Is Kill, where he looks like he’s about to crap his pants as a robot on lifts while fighting off an alien race, dying in battle, and being forced to relive his demise in a strange version of Groundhog Day. Then there’s Tom’s movie in post-production, Oblivion, which is the one he was filming in July at the Empire State Building and filming in Iceland while Katie was filing for divorce. Here’s the official synopsis for Oblivion and the trailer (complete with Morgan Freeman and his voice) below:

Jack Harper (Cruise) is one of the last few drone repairmen stationed on Earth. Part of a massive operation to extract vital resources after decades of war with a terrifying threat known as the Scavs, Jack’s mission is nearly complete.

Living in and patrolling the breathtaking skies from thousands of feet above, his soaring existence is brought crashing down when he rescues a beautiful stranger from a downed spacecraft. Her arrival triggers a chain of events that forces him to question everything he knows and puts the fate of humanity in his hands.

[From IMDb]

Tom in handcuffs = so not hot. Obviously, this is yet another Tom Cruise action flick with crazy stunts in manner of the Mission: Impossible franchise. There are also shades of The Matrix and Avatar involved, and his character’s love interest, Olga Kurylenko, is quite lovely (and Tom’s team even tried to make it happen between Tom and Olga after Katie filed for divorce). This is a big-budget, heavy-CGI film that will probably make a ton of money in spite of the fact that Tom Cruise is the star. Beyond the whole sci-fi kick that Tom has embarked upon, doesn’t anyone find it amusing how he’s focusing on more alien invasion flicks in his upcoming projects? Don’t even think for a second that Tom isn’t trying to send subliminal Scientology messages out to all of the non-believing wogs out here in the real world.

Here are some photos of Tom at the Manchester Derby on Sunday in England. Tom probably wanted to ride horsies so badly, but sadly, there are no horsies involved in the Manchester Derby (just really strapping soccer/footie players). As always, Tom’s lifts took center stage. God, his bunions must be massive.

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Movie poster courtesy of IGN; photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

24 Responses to “Tom Cruise fights against Xenu in the ‘Oblivion’ trailer: hilarious or interesting?”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. MeMyself says:

    I am not doubting that he wears lifts, but how can you tell in the photos?

    • JH says:

      I was thinking the same thing. The guy’s boots behind him seem to have a higher heel. Are the lifts hidden somehow?

      • tabasco says:

        i think they’re pretty well hidden in these shoes, but they’re more obvious in other shoes he wears. like those blinding white sneakers. the “heel” is inside the shoe, so that his foot is really resting about where the 2nd or 3rd shoelace is, rather than where the sole starts on the outside of the shoe, as in a normal shoe.

  2. Ri says:

    The movie looks silly. He’s getting too old for this stuff.

    • Meredith says:

      I thought that at 1st too – too old for the part. But does it work because his character needs to be old and jaded and finally looking for some meaning in his life? Hmmmmm.

    • the original bellaluna says:

      I’m not interested in seeing anything he’s in, especially something that looks like it mostly revolves around him.

      And yes, he is too old to be running around in action movies. It’s like he’s become a caricature of his action characters.

      • TG says:

        So true @ the original bellaluna – He is a caricature of his characters and himself at this point since he is his characters. Won’t ever support anything this monster does. Saw over on People where he says he is going to see all of his kids on Christmas day, including Suri. I hope Kate didn’t just roll over and give this piece of sh*t everything he wanted. I really despise this man more than Halle x1000.

        Also, this is petty of me but I hate when celebs who have no culture like Cruise and the Kardashians appear in my favorite European cities like London and Paris. They just stand out oddly in European photos. Like they don’t belong, which is true.

  3. Lee says:

    Agreed. This movie doesn’t look good at all if the poster is anything to go by. Looks like it is all on Tom, this movie, as his name is the only one on the poster.

  4. Amelia says:

    AHA! It was TOM behind the mess at the Manchester Derby!
    BAD Xenu minion!
    BAD. Outside. Outside, now, and go think about what you’ve done.
    Ugh, that trailer is so damn contrived. The only good bit is Morgan Freeman looking badass.

  5. Lee says:

    LOL. Tom causing havoc wherever he goes.

  6. Green is Good says:

    Wow, is this movie gonna suck balls.

  7. whatthehell456 says:

    I am seriously getting pissed. Why does he keep getting interesting movie rolls? I would honestly watch this movie if he wasn’t in it. Grrrrr.

  8. mln76 says:

    It looks like a bad remake of The Matrix.

  9. The Original Mia says:

    The trailer looked dumb. It’ll probably make money. Just not off of me.

    Nice lifts, Tiny Tom!

  10. Ellie66 says:

    It does look kinda interesting and its got Morgan Freeman! I don’t like Tom Cruise but sometimes his movies are okay (I know I know) I would see it when it comes out on DVD.

  11. Lord Vader says:

    It looks silly and predictable enough to wait until it is released into those even sillier video dispensing machines you find at the grocery store. Cruise needs to do another movie like “Jerry Maguire” because he can act- when he chooses to.

  12. Miss Kiki says:

    I went home on the weekend to see my parents, turns out Tommy Girl has been staying at the hotel my Dad works at. He even ‘generously’ gave my Dad $10. My Dad was probably the only remaining person in the world who hadn’t realised that TG was a) crazy and b) tiny.

  13. mytbean says:

    Why oh why won’t anyone else make a string of decent, *original* science fiction films? Why does Tom Cruise have to be in the futuristic stuff? Dangit all to heck! I LIKE these types of films and new ones are rare. @#&*!(@… sigh

  14. Agnes says:

    i don’t even get the poster. how did mountains suddenly pop up in manhattan, in-between buildings? or am i supposed to suspend my disbelief here?

  15. Lucinda says:

    This is totally the type of movie I would go see and I might watch it when it hits DVD but I’m sad they aren’t giving these roles to others. However, this is Tom’s wheelhouse. It doesn’t require real acting, just intense looks and lots of stunts which he does well. And sorry but he doesn’t look 50 so he can pull it off. Heck Harrison Ford was still doing this stuff, and well, at Tom’s age.

  16. Camille (TheOriginal) says:

    If the movie starred anyone else I might have been interested in seeing it. But I don’t watch anything that Tom Cruise is in these days.

  17. erika says:

    God damn….doesn’t anybody get tired of this crap?

    it’s the SAME damn formula over, over and over, over, over and over. w/ Tom! you would have to pin my eyelids open to make me sty awake through ONE of these films.

  18. Belle Epoch says:

    Ad for elevator shoes up to 5.5 inches!

    Apparently Matthew McConohaugh (I know spelled wrong) went from 5’6″ to 5’11” overnight!