Ina Garten announced last week that she’d written a memoir, Be Ready When the Luck Happens, and that it would be coming out in October. Now this week Ina is the guest on the Wiser Than Me podcast hosted by Julia Louis-Dreyfus (and produced by Lemonada, who Duchess Meghan just partnered with). Is it me, or does this seem like reeeeally early promotion? Shouldn’t podcasts and interviews to hype the book be timed closer to the release? Or who am I to second guess a Contessa. In any event, Ina spent part of her conversation with Julia sharing how her husband Jeffrey, who she married in 1968 when she was 20, has always supported her decision to be child free:
Ina Garten never wanted children — and her husband Jeffrey Garten supported that decision.
During a new episode of Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ podcast, Wiser Than Me from Lemonada Media, the Barefoot Contessa star spoke about their relationship. “I think Jeffrey would have been a great parent. He would have really loved having children,” she told the Seinfeld star. “But, he wanted me to be happy, and it was okay with him.”
As a working woman in the ‘70s, Ina’s choice to not have kids “wasn’t a struggle at all,” she said.
“I had no interest in having children. None. I just had a terrible childhood, and it was nothing I wanted to recreate,” she added.
While the Food Network star doesn’t regret her choice, she said that by seeing her friends with their children, “I understand what it could be.”
“But when I was 20, I didn’t want to have anything to do with it,” she told Louis-Dreyfus.
Ina and Jeffrey first met in 1963 when she was 15 visiting her brother at Dartmouth College, where Jeffrey was also studying. They married in 1968 in Connecticut. They’ve enjoyed countless adventures together over the years in places like Paris and Washington, D.C., to their home in East Hampton, New York, of course.
Ina told Louis-Dreyfus that they’re going on two unique trips this year: a journey to the arctic and another on a safari.
In her forthcoming memoir, Be Ready When the Luck Happens (out Oct. 1.), Ina opens up about her 55-year marriage to Jeffrey. During an interview with PEOPLE announcing the book, she shared how integral her long-time partner was in shaping the project.
“Jeffrey used to write letters to me when we first met, when I was in high school. And then through college. And then when he was in the military, he would write to me almost every day,” she told PEOPLE. “And I kept all those letters.”
Eeks, the mention of their meeting when she was in high school does not sound right to my Millennial ears. But my grandmother got married when she was 18 and she was forever crazy about my grandfather (who was six years older). Some people really do know. And while Ina says it “wasn’t a struggle” to choose to be child free in the 1970s, methinks she’s downplaying a bit. Remember, before she was inexplicably cutting bagels into thirds, Ina was writing nuclear energy budgets at the Ford and Carter White Houses. How many times did she have to explain to colleagues that yes, she really was happy not being a mother? This is why it’s so great for thriving women like Ina Garten, Patricia Clarkson, and Mary J. Blige to normalize the conversation on their jumbo cosmo-filled, sexy-ass, child free lives. There are many ways to bake a cake; many ways to life your life. It’s all a matter of choice.
I love hearing from childfree women. I’m childfree because I can’t afford children (trust me) and I love hearing about the full lives childfree women build for themselves.
Also Wiser Than Me is a great podcast that celebrates older women, I highly suggest it.
Together for 22 years, married for 17, happily child-free. No dramatic reasoning (I had a great childhood) it just wasn’t something I was interested in. This is the second marriage for my husband, he has two (now) grown children, so he was totally on board just keeping our little family to two (plus two cats). I’m so grateful to my sister for adopting two wonderful babies (now young adults) from South Korea into our family; I adore them and am incredibly proud to be their aunt. I’m also lucky in that my parents never pressured me to have kids (I hear horror stories from other childless couples), and recognized that not everyone has a desire to parent. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I think it’s great that she wanted to be child free, knew that kids weren’t the right choice for her, and found a partner who was supportive of her decision; and I’m also saddened by the fact that she felt that way was due to her own childhood.
Agreed.
I love hearing from these women. There are so few voices for childfree women and it sometimes feels like you are just swallowed about by the breeding population. I knew my entire life that I didn’t want children and now at 46 I have never, not even for one second, regretted that choice. I’ve spent a lot of time single, and I am single now, because I am so steadfast in that choice to the point I don’t want stepchildren either but it has been and continues to be worth it.
I think the world would be a better place if society was more accepting of the fact that some people really should not have children. And among the people who shouldn’t are *those who don’t want to*. Instead, the US is forcing women to have babies they don’t want…it’s appalling.
Every child should be a wanted child.
She’s lucky that her husband was ok with her decision not to have children. For a lot of men that’s a deal breaker.
That’s what I was thinking. That’s a great man…he wanted HER more than anything else. No wonder she’s been married so long. I’d keep him too.
There is only about a year in age difference between Ina and her husband. He was just a young college student.
Ina has lived so many lives. Was she also a pilot?
16 year old college students was much more common in those days. My uncle was one of them, but it was a disaster. He started college at 15 and dropped out after his first semester. He took a year and a half off (and worked in my grandparent’s hardware store). When he went back and tried again at 17, he was ready for it.
These days it’s more common to find 19 and 20 year old first year students than it is to find 15 and 16 year olds.
I guess, te simpler your expectations, the easier it is to find someone so early?
But then again– falling for someone and being convinced you know- its not a decision of the head and you do not plan for it to strike. It finds you– you do not find it lol
I think the world needs women who are child-free because they have the time to do great things (not that raising a child isn’t a great thing, but I mean in the work force).
That said, it always makes me sad when the reason women don’t have children seems more due to other circumstances than their own choices. Like here, it seems like she had a miserable childhood so she didn’t want children. I can totally relate. I had a lot of fears around having children too and I came from a very large family. I never just went for it and only had one child instead of more. Not sure if that was the right way to go, for me. Nice to see that her husband was okay with it even if he would’ve loved being a father…that’s a great guy.
You know why we put so much emphasis on women having or not having kids?
Its cos the dads dont do enough. Many of them dont do a thing, by comparison.
We wouldn’t have women disappearing from society if men carried more of the weight!
And YET- its women who also get lambasted for deciding they dont want to put up with that.
I just love Ina Garten, but I don’t really know anything about her life outside of what is presented on her shows. I guess I always assumed that there were adult children out in the world somewhere. Good for them and good for her. The older I get, the more likely it seems that kids are not in the cards for me. It’s nice to see examples of happy childfree lives!
Boomer/Gen X cusp here. Remember that in 1970 the average age of first marriage for women in the US was 20. So close to half of women got married in their teens. If you read bios of classic Hollywood stars, so many of the women got married at 17 or 18. Usually not for long, though.
Throughout human history, people have gotten married as soon as they could economically support a family. You can watch the numbers go up and down and they track with national/regional wealth. The morality of when you should get married shifts in order to justify what society is offering young people starting their adult lives.
To my eyes, the way we are making people wait to fully start their adult lives until they are in their 30s is immoral, not teenagers deciding to get married.
And good on Jeffry for accepting that she didn’t want to have a kid, so it just wasn’t going to happen. They seem to have a great marriage.
Nobody forces anyone to get married in their 30’s. You can get married any time any where for any wedding cost. Some people prefer not to get married young and some prefer to get married young. There’s no right or wrong (as long as nobody is minor child), just preference.
And you can also keeping living your adult life and never get married if you don’t want to.
I have two children (because of my zero or two kids rule) and have never regretted having them; however, I honestly feel I would have been happy without them as well. I also love hearing from woman who have chosen not to have kids. Good for you and enjoy! I have made it clear to my daughter and niece it is more than okay and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise..
I have two amazing kids, but I too think I would have been fine not having any.
I grew up with a mother who’s common refrain was, “WHEN you have children,” never “if.” I’m so careful to never say “when” to my own daughter — just, you can live whatever life you want for yourself and don’t ever feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to.
The following is just my own experience. I was very insistent on never having kids while I went through university, law school and my early career. And then I became a mom in my early 40s. I know what it is like to be childfree, but now I also know what it is like to have a child. And honestly? Something magical happens. Overnight I became more patient, more organized, more efficient, more forgiving. I would never shame anyone for being child free, but I also want to point out that no one who has never had a child can speak with any degree of authenticity about what their life would be like with a child. So I’m mostly opposed to the suggestion that anyone is necessarily happier for not having had children.
Wait, what?-writing nuclear energy budgets?! Amazing, will be looking this up to learn more about Ina. Husband and I have been together 20 yrs, married 18 (in our early 30s) and agreed early on in our relationship that we were not interested in having children. We met walking our dogs and have had two additional, going on 3, dogs since meeting. Being dog parents is so fulfilling for us and like others have said, it is SO refreshing to hear other women talk about not wanting to have children! Some of us just don’t have that desire, need, etc. and that is perfectly OK!
I love Ina’s recipes and I listened to the podcast. I thought it was cute but not groundbreaking! Anyway, Ina almost always promotes things around this time of year. I’m not sure if it has to do with Mother’s day but one year I ordered a signed copy of her to-be-released cookbook for my mom for mother’s day. It came out in October. Maybe it’s for that reason?
Anyway thanks for always writing about interesting stuff. Been reading the site for like 18 years and I always find new things – today the podcast 🙂
I read an interview of hers and the journalist claimed her husband’s CV could be interpreted as that of a spy / someone who also worked for the CIA at some level. Here on CB I’ve learned he was in the military. Interesting!
Very cute pic of them on their wedding day.