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FROM THE DESK OF CLIVE OWEN:
Darling lasses! It is I, your Lord and Master, Clive Owen, dashing off another naughty little note for all of you, my loves. You’re catching up with me while I film a movie in Dublin, Ireland. God bless it, I love Irish lasses. So pretty and so drunk. Is that anti-Irish to say? It’s quite possible that these lovely Irish girls aren’t drunk off alcohol – they could simply be drunk off of The Musk d’CliveDong. As soon as I arrive in any city, my scent wafts through the air, making sexy bitches delirious and horny. To the untrained eye, they appear drunk, but in truth, they’re overcome with The Musk (and they’re probably drunk too).
Would you like to know about this film I’m doing? It’s called Shadow Dancer – NOT MY CHOICE. It sounds like an Elton John song… not that there’s anything wrong with Elton John (when I show up at your door, I will have roses and chocolate and I will serenade you with “Your Song”). But if I was in charge of naming my movies, they would have titles like “Biscuit Threat: Clive’s Pants” and “To Dong and Beyond: The Clive Owen Story”. Anyhoodledongmusk, the film is totally depressing. Something about a young mother involved with the IRA who becomes an MI5 informant. And you wonder why I write to you… you are what lifts my spirits! You and Nespresso, which I’m carrying in these photos. All I need is you and Nespresso, bitches.
On a lighter note, you do remember that I’ve got a film coming out in September, right? It’s called The Killer Elite, and I’m mixing it up with a mustache, Robert DeNiro and Jason Statham. I get to play with big guns (and actual firearms). My mustache twitches winningly, and of course, villains always have more fun. I’m including the trailer (again) and the new poster. I don’t mind if you lick my mustache. Seriously. Go ahead.
Photos courtesy of Fame.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Clive Owen
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20 Responses to “From the Desk of Clive Owen: The Luck of the Irish (Biscuits)”
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Oh Clive, to hear from you and your Musk
d’Clivedong again so soon lifts my spirits (and biscuits). I will follow you to the end of the earth and beyond.
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If From the Desk of Clive Owen is already that addictive, I wonder how a From the Bed of Clive Owen would read.
I’m pretty sure the bed has some nice stories to share!
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I’m sorry, there might be Too Much Hot in that Killer Elite flick.
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I love when Clive writes us so much.
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Are we having a Hot Guy Friday post today?
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While I will go see Killer Elite because of the extreme amount of hotness/gratuitous violence…. that is a terrible name for a movie!
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Second you No 2. & iam not even into him AT ALL, lol
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In that first picture he looks like a younger Mel Gibson! (although not a wife/woman beater)
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I read the title as The LICK of the Irish. It’s too early in the morning for my mind to go there. Lord he’s a fine man.
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Isn’t shadow dancing an Andy Gibb song? I’m ashamed that I know that
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Oh Clive, we’ve missed you! Too much Daniel Craig and no you (maybe that’s because you are faithful to your partner/wife).
You are as fine as ever! Damn, an action flick with Deniro and a mustache. Sign me up.
You can do action-I was blown away by “I’ll Sleep when I’m Dead”, even though you looked pretty much a mess-but that was the point! What a performance!
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Ah, Clive…
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My most darling Clive. When you show up at my door I ask only that you’re dressed in Elton’s spandex or nothing at all…(preferably that later).
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Sexy man to be sure (the voice makes me quiver), but his pants situation is tragic. He wears the most pitiable dad jeans.
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Killer Elite looks like action movie porn! Count me in!!
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Hell yes. I live in Dublin and I have to tell you, totally inebriated on the CliveDong musk. And many other things. But I’ll say it’s the Clive musk. I’ll be on the lookout when roaming the streets this weekend..
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Oooh, he’s opposite Government Buildings on Merrion Row, with Merrion Square behind him (you can see the entrance gate to the Natural History Museum in one of the pics).
He’s walking in front of The Merrion hotel where the Obamas briefly stayed, fact fans.
So chances are he’s staying there, or perhaps in the Westbury, close to Brown Thomas on Grafton Street (where he likely bought his Nespresso 
)
God, I miss Dublin.
@Saor – Neary’s and at a stretch Kehoe’s was the most actory pubs if memory serves. You go stalk him, me girl, but remember to save a piece for Kaiser. We might need him yet to barter for The Fassbender
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So these are new photos? And the porn ‘stache is gone? Praise the gods of dong, because with that thing, my panties were just twitching instead of exploding. I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch the Hemingway thing.
This column always makes my day.
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I love it that every time he gets papped, his dong writes us a letter!
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Oh, Stephanie, you are absolutely right. That is a hee-larious observation!
Love Clive, and will take him any way I can get him!
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