Jessica Simpson has always been farty. So much so that we named her Farty. I always make up different last names for her – sometimes she’s Farty McObvious, Farty McDumbass, and one of my favorites, Farty McMallHair. At this point, Farty is a term of endearment. She’s pretty and pregnant and not that bright, but I want her to do well and live well and prosper. And I want her to be as gassy as she needs to be, even if that means farting in the middle of a business meeting and getting yelled at by her mother. Anyway, Jessica knows her FARTY (and gross) reputation, and she’s in on the joke too. How else to explain this tweet?
[From Jessica’s Twitter]
I love her. I can only guess that she’s so much worse, so much grosser, so much gassier now that she’s pregnant. Eric Johnson is probably reconsidering this whole “Let me trap my fiancée into having my baby OH DEAR GOD WHAT’S THAT SMELL DID SOMETHING DIE?” plan.
So what’s the lesson here? Don’t stand downwind of Farty McPregnant.
Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN.
She’s not lying, either. And the burping! OH, the burping.
“Eric Johnson is probably reconsidering this whole…”
Yeah right! It’s his task as an unemployed freeloading douchebag to withstand her farts and pretend he actually loves her. This is a small sacrifice for the life he’s in. He’s wriggled himself in the easy life for the next 18 years because her dumb ass revolves around having a MAN all the time. She can fart all she wants, she remains a little helpless girl who relies on her father and douche boyfriend to feel worthy and accomplished.
I love this farty bitch. She’s the BEST.
You guys are mean.
She is a nice girl.
I don’t get the hate. Seriously, she is sweet, did nothing wrong but want to become a mother at 30 years of age, and has enough money to raise her own child.
Why are you guys calling her such names and making fun of her for looking for love.
Actually, she has proved she doesn’t have to have a man near here, or she would have stayed in her bad marriage.
She had much more courage than many woman to leave when Nick mistreated her and was jealous of her success.
Just because she is not acting like a bit**, doesn’t mean she is a helpless little girl that would do anything to have a man.
I wish I was as “helpless” as her with her fortune and business…
Cute post!
Preggo farts – oh my. They really can be bad, as I know myself. But anyone who wants to criticize her (or anyone!) for them? Jerk move.
Great name for her maternity line (you know she’ll have one)”Farty by Nature”.
I know some of you leap to Jess’ defense whenever Kaiser talks about her Farty side, but I really think she means it in a joking but loving way. I don’t think you need to protect Farty. We all do it. It really is endearing, as Kaiser says.
She looks so young and pretty in that first picture. What you think a pregnant woman would look like.
She is a super cute girl. Not beautiful but very cute.. American Girl cute. Girl next door cute. Not like the grown ass women who are
given that title and could be her mother.
but I swear she had a breast job. Her boobs got so huge..way before the baby.
And Yes I actually like her and want her to be happy and have a healthy baby. I just think the guy she is with is a (user)
@ Wow #4 – Agreed. She’s not bright but she seems sweet and harmless. Boring, but harmless.
CT – I do not possess the ability to burp, except when pregnant. In all three pregnancies, I think I burped twice. (But, oh, if I could have, I would have!)
And the heartburn! Oh my!
She’s harmless. Picking on Jess is like kicking a puppy, and I don’t think Kaiser is picking on her at all. Just pointing out what we all know, and that Jess is in on the joke.
I hope she has a successful rest-of her pregnancy and safe delivery. And, of course, a healthy baby. She seems happy, and that’s good enough for me!
I could try, but I’d still fail to understand what people see in her. Letting one rip accidentally and then taking a lighthearted approach to it is endearing, but PROUDLY FARTING at random is disgusting…and no, she’s not that bright.
I swear, if I was related to her, I would have slapped her by now – “what the…*sniff*…aww, Jessica!” *SMACK*!
it’s her party and she’ll fart is she wants to.. and that’s all there is to it 🙂 (btw, I hope she gets to have a scheduled C-section. I can’t quite picture Jessica going through a single contraction).
Even if she doesn’t write her own twitter, that one shows Jessica has sense of humor, I bet Beyonce will kill anyone who says she farts.
Ewww. Lol. Still like her though. 🙂
I really like her. And its TRUE! Pregnant & gassy are like peas n carrots. lol I’m one of those girls who’s rather have her husband think she’s never farted a day in her life types….but it was impossible while pregnant!
I remember she farted with her then husband Nick a lot. I did’t think it’s good branding for her perfume, which I thought was an good fragrance. She needs to class it up a little with the farts. It just leaves a bad smell. She said that her perfume can cover up a farty smell. Farting only means you have you know what waiting to come out of your colon Jess. People that are on very healthy diets usually don’t eat foods that cause gas. Dietitians will tell you that gas is not a healthy result of food. I don’t want to smell someone else’s poop.
I love her!
Let she who hasnt passed one be the first one to cast aspersions………….
Foods that contain a lot of fiber (fruits and vegetables) can cause gas. To claim an unhealthy diet can lead to gas may not be true in her case.
Maybe she ought to get that checked on- she is probably eating somethign she shouldnt if its that big of a topic in her life. Everyone does it- but when its this much of a deal? Try food allergies and poor digestion. Just not cute at all.
Btw I give her credit she looks great, she has a beautiful skin; I can’t stop thinking Jessica and Kim Kardashian have nearly the same age, but Jessica without makeup looks younger!
Yes, certain foods cause gas. Like beans, nuts, cabbage, soy etc. Fruits and veggies with fiber should clean you out and should not be causing gas, sometimes the skin of these cause gas. I’m not an expert, and I love Jessica Simpson, she seems to be a little too honest about things, maybe she does have allergies. But enough about her bodily secretions. I prefer to have her a little more classy. I had a boyfriend that just farted too damn much.
Not sure why everyone is defending this vapid girl who has absolutely no common sense. That tweet is just too much info, as were the comments about not brushing her teeth regularly. All I see when I look at her is a dumb as dirt girl who u would think grew up in a trailer park and is too lazy to look after her self.
Someone mentioned Nick mistreated her. Is that true? I thought I read she got caught up in fame and became bored in her marriage.
She is repulsive ! We get it JS, you like to fart but seriously shut your gross mouth up already.
Criss-I’m with you. My husband just pushes them out all the time just so they are extra loud. I want to strangle him. Not to mention it just kills my libido.
Maybe bean-o would work?
Gross, it’s just not public stuff to me. She’s just so darn IQ challenged. Do more celebs need to graduate from somewhere to grow up or have anything more on their mind?
Wish she’d figure out the entertaining again, reality show persona for life is gonna work my nerves.
Can’t help but root for her real pregnant self though.
I hope she “dutch ovens” him every night..lol!
Look at her face and you’ll see that lovely, intangible, full pregnancy glow that softens a woman’s face and makes her look “maternal”.
Now look at Beyonce’s. It’s sharp, angular and NOT PREGNANT. I’d bet a million dollars on it.
Jessica Simpson is downright nasty. Grow the f up already!!! Your 31, not 15.
I bet you she’s going to be one of these women who has several kids with different fathers.
She has NO morals and depends on Daddy and Douchebag Eric to take care of her.
Mark my words, they are NOT going to get married.
She must not eat very healthy or She’s eating something her system can’t handle well for her to have major gas issues. Now that she is preggers, it will get worse bc pregnancy leads to constipation, etc. Perhaps she needs to consider a diet change and figure out what her stomach has problems digesting.
Eric Johnson is probably thinking “Smells like money!!!”
I don’t think she’s in on the joke. I think she is truly fascinated by her own farts. And that’s probably just the tip of the iceberg…I bet she’s even more fascinated by her own waste. First she posts a picture of herself sitting on a public toilet and now she’s talking farts again. What’s next… a picture of one of her inspiration turds tacked to the inspiration wall in her “workshop”?
Thats right. Us pregnant woman fart ALOT.I just blame it on my horse,and keep on goin’
At least when the baby arrives she can blame the poopy stink on him/her.
Everyone farts!! Hello!?!? lol
Maybe she has some sort of condition, lactose intolerance or something which gives her a lot of gas? These fart jokes are getting old.
I wonder if Ingrid Bergman or Grace Kelly went around telling the world that they farted in their day. OH right…they had CLASS.
This skankbag wouldn’t know that word if it bit her in her oversized GASBAG.
Forgive me for not appreciating those heady and oaky top notes of Eau d’effluvia. Of course it’s natural and embarassing accidents occur, but that doesn’t mean you have about smelling like a paper mill if the meantime. If natural is so fantastic, why do we have the toothpastes that she doesn’t use? Imagine being around that in a professional capacity, no professional isn’t the word, because a professional would see a doctor about it instead of re-introducing associates to ‘The Ballad Of Looseness Bowels’ and really makes me wonder about her ‘contributions’ to her perfume lines…hm. It always goes back to babies, well, I’ll say that for every pissy or generally ignorant person who thinks babies are to be seen, not fed, and have not become aquainted with this very basic and onion-y truth about pregnancy pugnancy (wait, cravings and food–do those two things go together? Stirrups exist for stable boys named Westley, everyone else is prohibited until the gut bomb goes off and you’re nothing but a green globule and menthane mist), there is the professional victim who takes civility and calls it treachery whilst buffing the chips on her shoulder and episiotomy who acts as though ‘more than enough’ is never enough from people.
Take this silly bitch on the train last night. I am definitely in the ‘give up your seat to the pregnant or infirm’, but here’s the thing: loaded down with mountains of crap I had with me after having come back some time out of town, I saw what looked like an empty seat next to a pregnant woman, short story short, she gets to have a seat for her purse, the only thing she was carrying. I’ll say the same of this lady as I said of another one some years back who likened breastfeeding public to forcing a person to literally shitting where you eat: Ugh. Good thing I had no free limbs, it could’ve turned into ‘hold me back’ situation. Purple is for prose, I want my legs back to their original ‘peasant dun’, and special compensation for the metric tonne of Robax I’ll be inhaling until the neck stops swelling. What a jackass.
I guess that if we can help it, or are in a situation where you end up smelling or acting like an ass, it applies to both gases and exclamations that an effort to hold it in would be appreciated, but if the falter is in good faith, we can try to avoid full paternalism until recess–maybe even lunch.
Farty McPregnant!! I love the nickname and I think Simpson would think it hilarious!
She may not be the sharpest, but she IS naturally gorgeous and totally unpretentious. I love that about her. As long as she doesn’t sing around me. . .
I would love to smell her farts