Lindsay Lohan ‘is a great beauty with tremendous talent’ says her crazy lawyer

I think we should give CB a round of applause for taking one for the Crack Team yesterday! She volunteered to watch Lindsay Lohan’s live court hearing and she updated yesterday’s Open Post with all of the info. Yay, CB! So, since CB’s update was so thorough, there’s only a little bit of post-cracktastrophe cleanup for me. But since we have lots of new photos, this should be worth your time.

First, let’s talk clothing. Bitch was braless – what did I tell you? She never wears a bra to court. She wore a sleeveless black dress by Chanel, sunglasses by Celine and the highlight of her court outfit was her $1295 Louboutin hooker heels. You know what? I’m tired of complaining about what is and is not appropriate for court. I know I’m old fashioned about it, but goodness sake, COVER UP and don’t wear hooker heels to court!!!

Next – CNN has an excellent recap of everything that went down in court and afterwards, including the statement Lindsay’s lawyer made to the press after the hearing. You can read the full summary here at CNN, and here are some highlights:

Lindsay Lohan’s new lawyer has a white rabbit’s foot hanging from the handle of his Louis Vuitton briefcase.

“That’s for good luck,” Mark Heller said. “Lindsay Lohan is a great beauty with tremendous talent and I believe that all she really needs in life is a little bit of luck.”

The actress faces a March 18 trial that includes charges of lying to a police officer about a car crash, reckless driving and violating her probation for a shoplifting conviction. Lohan did face a receptive judge at a pre-trial hearing Wednesday. Los Angeles County Superior Court Stephanie Sautner is the same one that found her guilty of stealing a necklace from a jewelry store and violating probation two years ago. She praised Lohan for completing the terms of her sentence a year ago when she lifted her supervised probation. Judge Sautner retires next month, so another judge — yet to be determined — will preside over her trial.

There are two prosecutors, including one from Santa Monica where the car crash happened last June and another from the Los Angeles city attorney’s office which is overseeing the shoplifting probation. While they’ve not taken a public position, several media reports — not confirmed by CNN — have said they want Lohan to spend at least six months in confinement.

Heller, who met with the prosecutors for the first time Wednesday, said they seemed to be “very much interested in serving justice.” What would justice be in this case?

“Justice always has to be tempered with mercy and jail is not always the answer,” Heller said. “When people find themselves coming before the court there’s usually a very serious underlying reason and cause.”

Lohan’s father has been urging Lohan to enter rehab voluntarily ahead of her trial, hoping that would satisfy the judge and prosecutors. Heller said it was premature for him to talk about a plea deal with the prosecutors since he just got the case file Wednesday. While her previous lawyer, Shawn Holley, entered a not guilty plea on Lohan’s behalf two weeks ago, Heller did not go as far as to suggest to reporters that she did not lie to police or violate her probation.

Lohan took the bold move of firing Holley, who steered Lohan through her many legal troubles over the past few years. She appeared reluctant, however, in court Wednesday when Judge Sautner asked her if she wanted to replace her. “Today, yes,” Lohan answered.

“This is not the most complex case we’ve ever seen,” Sautner said. But it could send Lohan to jail again. Sautner warned her a year ago that any violation of the law could mean she would have to serve 245 days in jail — the remainder of her suspended sentence from a shoplifting conviction.

While critics have panned Lohan’s recent dramatic appearances as an actress — her recent portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor is exhibit A — defendant Lohan has consistently delivered drama. She caught a late flight from New York Tuesday night to be in Los Angeles for court Wednesday morning despite sending a doctor’s note that said she was too sick to travel.

“Glad to see you’re feeling better,” Judge Sautner told Lohan. “Thank you,” Lohan replied.

Heller told the judge that her doctor diagnosed an upper respiratory condition. “In New York, it’s the flu,” he said.

“No, it isn’t,” said Sautner, who was an NYPD detective in a previous career. “The flu is the flu.”

Still, the judge overlooked the issue, even saying that Lohan does not have to attend future hearings or even the trial since it is misdemeanor case.

“She will rise to the occasion and I think she’ll be fine,” Heller told reporters.

[From CNN]

“Lindsay Lohan is a great beauty with tremendous talent and I believe that all she really needs in life is a little bit of luck…” Good God, is she paying him in beejs?

Also – Radar claims that Lindsay is so dead-broke that she’s been forced to *GASP* move in with Mother Crackhead! Radar’s source claims:

“Lindsay is being forced to live at home with Dina because she can’t afford any other options at the moment… Lindsay is flat-out broke and can’t even afford to rent a two-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood. There’s simply no way she would pass a credit check right now, and even if she could she wouldn’t be able to muster up a security deposit, let alone meet the rent every month. Lindsay’s been telling everyone that she moved to New York because she was sick of Los Angeles. But that’s just not true, she would love to move back west, but she can’t afford to! In the past, Lindsay has managed to rope in another person to co-sign on leases because her bad credit means she can’t get approved in her name alone. However, she couldn’t find anyone willing to do that now as she has burned so many of her friends and associates.”

“Dina seriously cramps Lindsay’s style because she always wants to go out partying with her,” the source says. “It’s embarrassing for Lindsay and she often dodges her mom’s calls when she’s out. Lindsay is constantly on the prowl these days to snag a new wealthy pal who has an apartment or vacation home she can move into…. rent free of course!”

[From Radar]

I’m sure she is looking for a “new wealthy pal” – the problem seems to be that she has a lot of wealthy pals who pay her for all kinds of things but they don’t want to “keep” her – like, as a “kept woman”. How much does that suck – that her wealthy johns don’t even want her as a consistent mistress?

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

 

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122 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan ‘is a great beauty with tremendous talent’ says her crazy lawyer”

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  1. carrie says:

    it could be funny if it was not that pathetic

  2. brin says:

    She finally has a lawyer who is as delusional as her!
    Side note: congrats to Michael Lohan on the birth of his and Kate Major’s baby (poor kid)…Lilo has another brother!

  3. Amelia says:

    Only the Cracken could make Chanel and Louboutins look like clothes that have been fished out of a stripper’s bargain bin.
    Never has there been a better example to show that style isn’t about what you wear, it’s how you wear it.
    Also, I’m no expert on the US property market, but isn’t NYC more expensive than LA?

  4. Belle Epoch says:

    How did they pay for those first class tickets?

  5. Kimbob says:

    Is it me, or do they both look like they haven’t bathed in a couple days? And yes, @Amelia is right…Crackie looks like she fished her outfit out of a bargain bin.

    Both her and her mother look nasty. Just gross.

  6. GiGi says:

    Everyone should go back and read this VF article:

    http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/11/celebparents200711

    It’s from SIX YEARS AGO but could have been written today – there are some real gems in there – especially about how Kathy Hilton could get paid appearance gigs but Dina Lohan could only score “a free room and booze”.

  7. MrsBPitt says:

    Girl is looking rough!!! Oops, I mean she is a great beauty…

  8. JL says:

    That last pic, double chin, sagging breasts and gut, not to mention the awful hair how can she look at that and not see she’s going down rapidly
    .
    That tattoo on her hand just looks like dirt, actaully the girl just looks dirty in all aspects.

    As for the lawyer, I’m sure he’s getting paid with “stories” that will impress everyone at the hillbilly bar.

    So now she has a lawyer that brings a rabbitt’s foot to court, jail or not that’s probably the girls last hope.

    It’s not jail or death that’s the threat it’s continuing in her miserable existance of drugs, prostitution, enabler, users and the blacklisted ridicule of the press, hollywood and the porn industry that Lilo should be worried about, THAT would truely be hell on earth,

  9. Dany says:

    I think her stylish and beautiful new tattoo perfectly matches her professional spray tan job… must have had something to do with her great talent I guess. *LOL :) Shakespeare must be rotating in his grave.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2271082/Lindsay-Lohans-Hamlet-inspiration-revealed-unveils-new-tattoos.html

  10. Lol says:

    her lawyer sounds like billy flynn from chicago.

  11. lucy2 says:

    The thing is…she’s HAD luck. She got a Hollywood career where she earned millions for making movies – something 99% of the people who try don’t get. She’s had people helping her out (Sheen and his “gift”) and she still, somehow, gets offers – half a mil to do a dancing show? I know a LOT of people who could use that type of luck. But she blows it all. She doesn’t need luck, she needs hard core rehab, jail time, and kick her mother to the curb.

    • Ruffian9 says:

      Exactly. Girl has had 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.. chances, and still fu**s it up EVERY TIME. Hollywood, why do you keep giving her more chances? Why is she worth it? Is she really a commercial draw? She is NEVER going to be a back-from-the-dead success story (a la RDJ). So, so, so many would kill for the opportunities she’s had. F**k her and the mother she came in on. Also, b**ch looks 45.

  12. Samigirl says:

    All she needs is a little bit of luck? Lilo has more luck than anyone I know. If I had the same list of crimes, I would be in jail. The woman is a lucky f*ck up.

  13. Dahlia Verlaine says:

    I don’t get it!! Do these rich dudes who…errr…”hire” her have some wired kind of fetish for banging the filthiest, most disgusting looking crackhead out there? For that amount of bucks you could hire a top notch escort that isn’t looking like it has died weeks ago.

    Jeeez, I’m getting serious case of the itches just seeing pics of her.

  14. some bitch says:

    Those tattoos. Seriously. It only adds to the “convicted felon” look.

    I have ink on my body and getting more, but to me there’s something pretty scuzzy about hand tattoos.

    Also, didn’t LiLo pull in like $7 million per film at one point? She could have been set for life, but she blew it on blow.

    • MonicaQ says:

      Hand, face, and neck always make me cringe. I have a lot of ink but none of it visible unless I really try (three quarter sleeves, shoulders, and a thigh piece). Not to mention the pain, I always wonder how interviews go with her (or I would worry about them for me considering I live in the real world.)

  15. vixo says:

    Is this dress really a Chanel ? Jesus, looks so unfited and cheap !

  16. logan says:

    Finally Lindsay found someone she can connect with on an intellectual level.

  17. serena says:

    Dear god..why doesn’t she ever wear a fitted dress?
    And she looks like 40yo. Her face is so terrible.. sigh

  18. Quinn says:

    Holy hell…she is aging in dog years.

  19. Mich says:

    I would like to sincerely thank Lindsay Lohan for firing Shaun Holley and giving us this fabulous gem of a man!

  20. Skins says:

    Anybody notice how she kept rubbing her cheeks and forehead like she was checking her temperature in court yesterday? Too funny. Loved the judges remark about how she was feeling. And then the strut past all of the press like she is some huge movie star. Earth to Linds, they are not taking photos of you because you are a star, they are there because you are a trainwreck and a joke.

  21. fabgrrl says:

    Not to mock someone’s height, but did that guy get his license in Munchkinland? (He is a sleazy lawyer, so I feel okay mocking). At first I thought it was just her ridiculous stripper shoes and the angle of the photo, but Dina and the guard look about the same height.

  22. Tessa says:

    It’s like she lives on a planet with double Earth’s gravity. She’s going south, everywhere, just sag sag sag.

  23. MrsBPitt says:

    LL and her mom look like twins…like they are the same age…wow

  24. dcypher1 says:

    why is she so orange on top but her legs are so white she forgot to put her fake n bake on she looks like weird

  25. elceibeno08 says:

    It sounds like her new lawyer is a joke, but hey, he is working for free. You can’t beat that deal with a stick. I cannot believe she didn’t wear a bra, and those shoes are inappropriate for a courtroom. It would be in her best interest to try to pretend at least in court that she has a little demureness left. Lindsey was pretty 8 years ago. Now she is not so much because of drugs and alcohol and missing too many beauty sleeps. Could she be ‘pretty’ again if she quit drugs and alcohol and staying up all night?

    • MonicaQ says:

      I don’t know how California court is but when I was a juror here in Florida, a judge “suggested” that the defendant to appear in court like she actually didn’t want to go to jail. Girl had on a tube dress and lucite heels. Thought I was looking at Jodie Marsh for a second.

      She might have gotten the same treatment here. Just…ick. My 27 year old tomboy self just shuddered.

  26. OhMyMy says:

    Why is Dina wearing a shirt covered in bleach stains?

  27. Shady says:

    Oh Lindsay…..smh where do I start. Well Lindsay can make anything look cheap no matter how expensive. Why does her face and arms have a yellowish hue to them while her legs are as white as printing paper? 0_o

  28. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Hahahaha!!! (at the title of the article) the Lawyer is def being paid in kind!

    Dear god, surely even Dina now can see that her pimping days of hooking Lindsay are running out…there’s no cash and not many prospects (read rich desperate old men) surely Dina should try and clean her up so Lindsay can ‘work’ again…

    But thats giving Dina far too much credit, she’ll prob arrange Lindsay’s p0rn career or street walker or set up her house as a ‘high class brothel’ as her next move

    This is all so disgusting its beyond belief – what a f*cking f*cked up family

  29. dorothy says:

    I seriously expect this young girl to be in porn soon. The money has dried up and she is desperate for cash. Sad, such a downward spiral for one that once had such a bright future. No one to blame but herself.

  30. Thea says:

    Maybe Lindsays wealthy benefactors pay her to stay away. And I wish the judge would have called her down on her consistent eye rolling and lip biting instead of the lawyer behind her shaking his head. And I lost it when the sketch artist would stare at Mr. Heller in awe and then she rolled her eyes.

  31. bopit says:

    I just want to take a Brillo pad to her whole face and body and then dip her into a vat of bleach and then let her air dry on a clothesline in the Alps for a week….

  32. Minnie says:

    Good lord. I’m in my mid 30′s, so not that old! and i was taught to cover shoulders and bare legs when appearing in a courtroom.

  33. MonicaQ says:

    ““That’s for good luck,” Mark Heller said. “Lindsay Lohan is a great beauty with tremendous talent and I believe that all she really needs in life is a little bit of luck.””

    I have never spit taked faster in my life so I could laugh.

    /weezing

    Boo boo, what glasses are you wearing? Oh right. They’re made of money. That you will never see.

  34. Ruyana says:

    When LiLo does score money – from whatever source – she does not use it to pay living expenses or overdue bills. She shops. She goes to clubs. Maybe she buys sea jasper and “water”.

    It’s always easier to roll down a hill than to climb up a hill. She continues her downward roll to the bottom.

  35. Susie Q says:

    He said, just before he told Lindsay not to bogart the crack pipe..

  36. judyjudy says:

    A rabbit’s foot? She hired a lawyer with a rabbit’s foot attached to his briefcase?

  37. Lori M. says:

    “great beauty with tremendous talent”. I can assume he has never seen Liz & Dick, nor looked to his left in the courtroom??

  38. apsutter says:

    Look at the lines on her forehead!! I cannot believe she is a year younger than I am.

  39. HappyJoyJoy says:

    She’s so pathetic and on top of that she now has the constitution of a nuclear roach. She’s not going anywhere, her and Dina are just staying around like a bad pest. Her own poison won’t kill her (alcohol) she’s probably become so tolerant to opiates & whatever else she’s doing that she’s developed some kind of super strenght. She’s like a super strong crack head. How she walks around as “fresh” as she can be after -allegedly- downing bottle after bottle of vodka is beyond me. I can’t not even begin to wonder what she smells like ::: dry heaving :::

  40. wonderwoman21 says:

    LOL this girl’s beauty is GONE. Snorted away!

  41. banarang says:

    Is he Joking, Is this life he reminds me of a skeevy Lawyer from a comedy sketch

  42. Babalon says:

    $1300 shoes and no closet of her own to keep them in. SMH

  43. Bread and Circuses says:

    Are you sure about the bra? I see a hint of double-boob in the last photo.

    (I did not watch videos of her arrival, however. That would have been the smoking gun. Or the swinging bigguns, rather.)

  44. skuddles says:

    HoLo better hope none of her paying customers see these courtroom pics or she’ll be reduced to standing on street corners instead of bopping off to Europe for the usual yacht/party girl fundraisers. Girl’s a total bloated, bleary eyed, unwashed looking mess! And it looks like she wasn’t able to afford a second bottle of spray tan either.

    Well, at least she picked a lawyer with a good sense of humor ;)

  45. Madriani's Girl says:

    How can these two raddled harridans afford to fly first class and stay at the Beverly Hill Hotel???

  46. Kelly Ann says:

    Oh my god, Only Firecrotch could make Chanel look so cheap! Poor CoCo is rolling over in her grave.RUN CHANEL RUN!

    • OhMyMy says:

      I thought the same thing. I keep looking at the dress and trying to decide if the bunching in the middle is supposed to be a design element or if it’s there because she’s not wearing a bra?

      Coco would yell at her to take it off and burn it. Really, Chanel wants that to represent their brand?

  47. Kaboom says:

    Relative to a bag of coconuts.

  48. Grace says:

    At this pointI’m wondering if they aren’t sleeping together or if Lindsay supplies drugs for the attorney. They have a very odd relationship.

  49. CharmingFrock says:

    Wait…what happened to that house she just got and was having decorated by The Million Dollar Decorator? I don’t understand?

  50. skuddles says:

    I just noticed that Lohan’s new lawyer appears to be about four feet tall! He looks so tiny compared to everyone else in that first pic.

  51. Shelly says:

    Her lawyer is crazy and delusional. She once was a great beauty, but those days are long gone – drugs, booze, and cosmetic “enhancements” have sucked all of the beauty out of her.

  52. Madriani's Girl says:

    She looks like a psychopathic pumpkin.

  53. Dee Cee says:

    Ditch good advice, dump your friends and loyal aides.. Hire any cheap unfit lawyer.. Kill a wabbit for a fetish to keep you safe.. Wear freakish fashion gear., continue to lie and break the law.. fill the deep, dark hole of criminal offenses to the top. The only sure ways to save a Cracken from her own misfortune curse… Super Karmic juju spells and deeds you can believe and put your faith in?

  54. littlestar says:

    Does anyone know WHY Lindsay fired Shawn Holly??? WHY?! This new layer is an absolue shyster. How did she even find him??? I heard that her dad used him in the past, not sure if that is true or not, but just the rumour of it should be enough for Lindsay to stay away from him!!!

    What reason could there have been to fire Shawn Holly? I understand Lindsay owes her a lot of money, but is that a real reason to fire her?

    • Madriani's Girl says:

      In my admittedly amateur opinion, I think she needed a New York lawyer for her New York case and she picked Heller. I think he managed to convince her that not only could he do a better job than Shawn Holley if she hired him for her L.A. case, she wouldn’t have to pay Holley the money she owes her. If that last part is true, that’s straight up malpractice on his part. I think she’s so desperate to believe he could keep her out of jail and rehab, she allowed herself to be convinced he was the way to go.

    • Bread and Circuses says:

      Shawn was in the process of working out another miraculous plea deal wherein Lindsay would get lock-down rehab instead of jail time.

      And Lindsay didn’t want to go to rehab. So she fired Shawn.

      And will likely get jail time now, the genius.

    • Cecada says:

      I’m not convinced it was Lindsay’s idea to change up lawyers. I think that someone (her mother?) slipped the papers under her drunk/coked up face and she signed without really understanding what she was doing. Or something. She doens’t seem to like this guy; she keeps side-eyeing him. And she seemed hesitant in court to accept the change when asked. We keep hearing about how she’s begging Shawn to take her back… I dunno; I think it was decided FOR her probably by her mother. I heard a rumor somewhere that Dina is dating this guy or her father knew him or something. The whole thing is shady as hell.

  55. Lemony says:

    OMG, the 6th photo of her…her face is just…..I’m at a loss for words.

  56. EscapedConvent says:

    I just cannot get over those shoes. That she thought it was perfectly fine to wear those hooves to court says so much about her grasp of reality.

    And I’m pretty amazed that anyone would wear those at all, & pay $1295 for the privilege!

  57. badrockandroll says:

    She’s a busy little litigant, is our Linds. She’s now suing that “fashion” company for breach of contract because her leggings line never expanded into makeup etc the way that it was supposed to.

    now I have a terrible memory, but wasn’t that back in 2007 or something? I have a vague recollection of the company stating that her designs were plagerisms and the whole thing just fading away in acrimony. Is she only just now remembering about her leggings? Mark my words, this is Heller’s work, and this is how bad lawyers keep idiotic clients, with ridiculous promises of easy money. The clothing company will countersue of course.

  58. Camille (TheOriginal) says:

    She *used* to be very pretty, now, not so much.

  59. Lindsay has aged beyond her years and now looks like a fat forty-year-old sitting on her porch in the local government housing tract. She is a sad commentary on what can happen to a child who was exploited by her parents and not given the tools to cope with adult life. TRAIN WRECK? How about SPACE SHUTTLE DISASTER!

  60. nikzilla37 says:

    She looks so bloated. Someone wake me when she finally goes back to jail.

  61. hannah says:

    I’ve got a question , what’s going to happen to her if she gets convicted and her parole stays revoked ?

  62. Kitkerenina says:

    The real Kitty Kerenina (cat) says her black bod and white spotted feet were her ticket out of shelters, so why the B wanna steal her look to end up caged?

    Just sayin.

  63. DanaG says:

    Lilo’s johns must have given up on her too if she can’t even scrap enough together for a bond and has to move in with mommy. Can’t believe how cheap she looks and her lack of respect for the court. Her hair looked unwashed, no bra and those shoes. I wouldn’t rent them a room I hope the Beverly Hills Hilton got paid upfront. Haven’t seen any pictures of them going back to NYC so are they partying in LA? Trying to scout for a new sugar daddy for Lindsay?

  64. Sugar says:

    seeing these pictures of her I imagine her mother dressing her, putting her face on, fixing up her hair, get her shoes buckled up, hang some pretty chains round her neck-prop her up-push her out the door. We good-yeah, oops forgot the bra again-o well who cares.

  65. Sparkly says:

    “Today, yes”? Wonder if Shawn dumped her or the other way around. I can’t see this guy doing much good for her. Although maybe failing spectacularly WOULD be best for Lindsay. Something different needs to be done, that’s for sure.