These are photos of Jennifer Garner out with her adorable son, Samuel, on Tuesday. It’s rare that we see that sweet baby, who turned one just yesterday! She’s also shown out and about with her oldest daughter, Violet, yesterday. She changed into a different outfit at one point to go on a Starbucks run. This is the Jennifer we see so often, the mom just doing her thing, and it looks like everything is back to normal for her. She was all spruced up on Sunday for the Oscars of course, and was there supporting her husband, Ben Affleck, as she’s done all awards season. As you know, Ben took home best picture for Argo. In thanks for her support and loyalty Ben disrespected her, in my opinion. He paid her a backhanded compliment by admitting that their marriage was work. Of course we’ve already mentioned this but I haven’t had a chance to really discuss it and I wanted to.
This is what Ben said in his Oscar acceptance speech, in reference to his wife. (It’s at 6:50 in this video. Garner smiles in reaction, but does pull her head back and grimace a little like she’s wondering why he said that.)
“I want to thank my wife, I want thank you for working on our marriage for ten Christmases, it’s- uh, it’s- it’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and, uh, there’s no one I’d rather work with.”
In an interview with Access Hollywood after the Academy Awards, Ben tried to explain his statement and just dug himself deeper, in my opinion. He said:
“All marriages, all relationships to a certain extent, require your work. They require work and investment. We work on it together, we try our best, nobody’s perfect. I would be lying to you if I said that either she or I were. She’s more perfect than I am, I can tell you that. We do our best. She’s committed. She’s as committed as I am. We work together, we have three great kids.”
Yes marriages are work, but that’s usually not the part you focus on during an Oscar acceptance speech! We’ve heard Ben say things like this in interviews about his marriage, it’s kind of appropriate for an interview, however personal it may seem. Those kind of lines get pulled out and dissected by bloggers, but they’re forgotten in the larger scheme of things, and the press moves on. An Oscar speech lives forever, and is not the place to admit cracks in your marriage. This guy is an Oscar-winning screenwriter. How hard would it have been for Ben just to give a pre-rehearsed line like “I love and admire you more every day” or “you inspire me to be a better person” or some other platitude? No, he had to get all honest and gritty and I just ended up feeling sorry for Garner, who clearly takes a lot of sh*t from him. This is fully on Ben, not her. The rest of his speech was really heartfelt and good, so I don’t get why he had to do that to her.
So do you think Jen told him off, or do you think she figured that’s just how Ben is? I think she probably said something to him gently and then let it go. That’s the impression I get of their dynamic.
We know that Garner did assert herself later in the night. She brought clippers with her to a party after the Oscars, the one at Craig’s where all the Academy Awards were sitting on a table and the guests were doing tequila shots. At one point during the night Ben went off and shaved off his beard. Small victories.
Oh and I just want to give a shout out to College Humor for their send-up of Ben’s Oscar speech.
Photo credit: FameFlynet and WENN.com
Every single one if my friends whose said similar to me has ended up with a divorce. At some point the one whose trying to convince themselves that it really is ok that’s almost all work sees an opportunity and gets out.
+1
long story short. he’s not happy. she probably isn’t either. it’s sad.
There are all types of dynamics in relationships. There is no one right way to be. In saying that, I never understood the whole: “marriage is work” thing. I have been with my husband for 16 years. We have 4 kids. My marriage isn’t work. Work is work. My husband is my rock. Loving him has never once felt like work. I think it is work if one of you doesn’t want to be there.
amen LadyJane. I cringed for her. because of the utter awkwardness projected to her in his speech and also that dress that made her look like a transformed female Barney. I REALLY love this family together though so hopefully they will last through the “work” stage and be in it for the long haul.
+1 over here.
I have been shacked up with my sweetie for fifteen years now and we are thinking about getting married because it kind of makes sense at this point. Eheh.
In those fifteen years we have not had even one serious argument. Seriously. Not one. We are not especially compatible– we have all kinds of differences about so many things– but we love and appreciate each other and support one another in pretty much everything.
I think what has made the biggest difference is that neither of us expects the other to be a cookie cutter perfect mate– room for one another’s humanity and individuality is built in. He hates poetry readings, so I go with my friends. I am not a triathlete, but he got me to take up running which has greatly enhanced my life. He can have all the races he wants; I will run by the river and enjoy my solitude. Etc. It’s easy.
It isn’t work, it isn’t difficult. This is the area of my life where I can let my hair down and play instead of work. Work is work and I get paid for that; my relationship is fun. What is the point of even being in a relationship if you don’t really love being in it?
Exactly the same thing for me. We’ve been together for 20 years, married for 16 and have 4 kids. We’ve had times where we’re busy, or are kind of grumpy with each other-but I have never considered it “work”.
@ realitycheck: COULD’NT AGREE MORE (reg’d jen’s dress and everything else! lol)
This, LadyJane! I don’t get why you would have to work at loving and being with someone. That’s forcing things, in my opinion. You have issues and you keep making things work when maybe you’d be happier alone or with someone else. It should be like a friendship. I don’t work at having a good friendship with my BFF. It’s just a good friendship!
I think my sister is on the verge of divorce. Her marriage is not the best decision she’s ever made. She fights with her husband all the time and I don’t think she was ever in love. She never seems happy. I asked her after one if her horrible fights, Why are you still with him?! Why did you even marry him?? She said that marriage is not as great as people think, that it’s tons of WORK and it’s not easy. That everything changes and that the men are not as nice as they were when you were dating, and that with marriage they just stop caring about impressing you or pleasing you and they just feel comfortable enough to not have to do much to keep you around. I was like D:
And all the men in our family are telling her to not give up and keep trying to make it work. Bad advice because it won’t work!
Oh, ladies. Glad to read this series of posts. 10 years married here as well, and it’s not work, either. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me. When things aren’t good we stick together and hunker down. All in all, our marriage is fun and has enriched our lives. BTW, niether of us “settled”.
I’m not criticizing anyone who “works” at it.
@ CB – I am so glad you posted this, I have been waiting to see if anyone felt the same way I did during Ben’s awful, awkward, bumbling speech.
I really wanted to die for poor Jennifer. After all her support, working her a$$ off for Ben’s Oscar campaign, the cheating, the gambling – honestly, he couldn’t have said something loving or kind to her? Not asking him to gush like Hugh Jackman or DDL, but FCS! As Lainey posted during awards season, “Affleck can barely contain his like for his wife”. What a bumbling oaf and poor JG.
Awkward and a micro expression of pain from Garner that she then pushed into sadness so she could come back around to a smile.
Her first reaction is wrecking PAIN and then covering it up with sadness. Some bad juju in this relationship.
‘Course it could be pain at him airing their dirty laundry on National TV. The immediacy of her pulling it up and well…it just seems deeper than that.
Totally agree. I’m not married but my bf and I have been together for almost 10 years and I’ve never thought of it as work. Coming home to him and being together is the best part of my day and through every hard time we rely on each other. I think one of the most fundamental parts of a sound relationship is that you genuinely have to LIKE the person you’re with. The most successful relationships I’ve seen are the ones where they really are best friends. I’ve known people who had relationships where they really had to work on it and it just seemed like it was a daily struggle to hold it together. Sometimes people have to just acknowledge that the person they’re with just isn’t right for them.
ITA!!!! My former marriage was “work” that’s why it’s over! My new marriage is wonderful. We fall more in love every single day. It’s been almost five years now and the happiness quotient just gets bigger.
This guy can’t catch a break on this. His mouth and brain weren’t in sync. I dont think there’s much more to it.
However in terms of marriage being work, I applaud all those in 10-15-20 year marriages who have never had to work at or on their relationship. On the flip side, how many times have Hollywood marriages failed and the excuses of time or distance or whatever are criticized with statements saying the couple gave up too easily, that marriage is work?
I appreciate he said what he said and realized how it sounded and tried to fix it.
…and every Hollywood couple where one guy or gal praises the other so syrupy **cough cough Sandra Bullock cough cough** ends in divorce.
He’s been with her for ten years, has three kids, and isn’t saying stupid “over the moon” stuff.
Maybe he’s just not romantic, but is a hands on husband and father? We live too much in romance which cannot last.
He has admitted to not being very hands on in his role as a parent and if it weren’t for his wife, his kids would probably not even know his name.
+1
His whole speech was kind of ‘gritty’, if you ask me. He’s had some well-documented fails in his life and career he’s obviously worked very hard to overcome them. But he has a relationship with his wife and a career that he obviously loves very much, otherwise what would be the point?
My mother once told me the best things always take hard work to achieve. You can’t just float through life hoping everything will happen for you without investing yourself. And she was a die-hard romantic, as am I. Hollywood is full of romantics and dreamers. Sometimes we’re the kind of people who need to hear that message the most. 😉
*applause*
Nohting wrong with what he said, he was being truthful. Anything worth having you will have to work to get it. The work to maintain and keep it is the ultimate compliment, and although to us it was kind of unexpected, we’re not in their marriage. The fact that he knows it’s work says that he’s still present more than just physically…at least to me, if we’re to believe the rumors, we don’t know EVERYTHING!!
Thank you. I had already read the article about them in People, and I didn’t find his speech offensive to her. (I thought maybe I missed something?)
I don’t think he meant their marriage is work NOW; I think he meant they went through some rough times but worked at making it through them together. That’s how I took it, anyway.
I do not want Ben to be sickeningly sweet. Is he incapable of being decent & grateful?
I guess we will not see him much anymore with his lovely children at the Farmer’s Market since he won his Argo Oscar. The fake Family Man campaign has come to a screeching halt.
I have never seen a Hollywood Hubby with young children who is so crass..maybe Ben is drinking (and gambling) again.
Maybe it’s just your perception because I found his speech to be “decent” AND “grateful”.
Amen, Rin. If people have marriages that don’t take “work” (meaning putting the marriage first and being willing to compromise and COMMUNICATE), then my hat’s off to them. Mine takes work. Doesn’t mean it’s crappy, it means that we make an effort. Don’t see what’s wrong with that and I don’t see what’s wrong with his comments.
Thank you, bluhare. I said the same about my ‘rents down below.
Ok over-posting..must leave thread now.
@bluhare…I am so glad you said that. You DO have to work at relationships. You have to be considerate, you have to be wiling to compromise…to make an effort to be there for the other person. THAT is work. If it feels effortless, that’s GREAT! It just doesn’t magically happen.
Agree. He’s said this sentiment more than once in interviews. It is obviously on his mind a lot. It sounds like he’s trying to convince himself about the marriage. I hope he is just accidentally digging himself a hole (said it once wrong and is just trying to correct it in succeeding interviews) and she totally understands him, otherwise…
He was a bit nervous, excited. You might say things you regret later but this wasn’t an insult. No big deal really. I doubt Jennifer cared much one way or another about his comment.
My mom always tells me that “marriage is hard work.” She and my father have been married for almost 45 years.
I’ve always appreciated the fact that she didn’t perpetuate the idea that marriage is all rainbows and unicorns.
I must be doing something wrong if relationships are work. I can count on one hand the number of times my fiance and I have fought. We laugh everyday and snuggle up with each other every night. We communicate our issues before they become big problems and we respect each other’s boundaries. It’s pretty simple. But we also genuinely love one another. Relationships are very hard work if you never have loved that person to begin with. I’ve always believed Ben married Jennifer in order to salvage his career and not out of any love and affection for her. I’ve always believed Jennifer wanted a cushy A-list lifestyle and her biological clock was going off. I just never got the impression that either of them genuinely love the other person as a human being. I could be wrong, obviously I don’t live with them but I think those relationships between men and women are more common than people think.
…or maybe it’s just different for different people?
I think my parents have a successful marriage-it’ll be 45 years in October.
I don’t think fighting is inherently bad nor do I think a sign of a perfect marriage is never arguing.
“Relationships are very hard work if you never have loved that person to begin with.”
I kind of resent the insinuation that my parents don’t love each other because they perceive their marriage to be something that takes work. In fact, that pisses me off.
Their marriage is what I aspire to have and it would be amazing if I was married to someone as long as they have been and still so obviously in love. Their marriage in and of itself is a testament to their dedication to each other-the hard times never broke them or stopped them from loving one another.
I mean no disrespect, but unless you and your fiance have been living together many years and have several children, the comparison is not a fair one.
I know some people live together for many years before marrying, so I’m not suggesting that ‘isn’t the same’. Only that unless you have been living together for 5, 10, 15 years, have young children… and busy careers to juggle on top of it, that it might not be fair to judge.
Oh, and obviously, I don’t know what really goes on in Ben and Jennifer’s marriage, but I got the impression they were very much in love when they married. I remember seeing photos of them at a low-key picnic with Ben’s brother and some other family and friends, when Jennifer was pregnant with Violet. I still remember how sweet those photos were and how Ben was loving on Jennifer, with googly eyes in almost every one. 😉
LeeLoo:
“Relationships are very hard work if you never have loved that person to begin with.”
This is a very cultural thinking. In Western culture people have the option to fall in love before marriage or wait for the right person. In other cultures, people get married and then fall in love while discovering the person through marriage. Having said that even in the case of Ben, it might have the case that he appreciated Jen more over the years than when he first met her. It’s not necessary that relationships are hard work if you never loved the person to begin with. It is definitely hard work if someone holds on to that position dogmatically and refuses to see the good qualities in his/her partner. It may very well be the case that Ben married Jen for whatever reason other than love, but he went on to discover Jen in a different way in the last ten years and fell in love with his wife.
We should see his speech in context. That context is his fall and the eventual resurrection. Given how painful he might have been to live with, Jen did a great job and yes it was work. He appreciates that work and Jen for keeping it together. This movie and the Oscar are very important for him in terms of where he saw himself a few years ago. His bitterness about his career would have definitely affected his marriage and he recognizes, and appreciates Jen for keeping it together for him and his family. Not all recognize and appreciate their partner for being the unsung hero in their success story.
I think we should give Ben a break and read his speech for what it is than for what it is not. This is coming from someone who has an irrational dislike for Ben Affleck. I’d rather hear Ben’s speech than all those fake and OTT platitudes by some celebrities – Anne, Portman, Resse etc. I cringe and feel embarrassed for them. In fact I haven’t heard Anne’s Oscar speech. I muted the volume during the show and haven’t gone back to check on it.
So I totally opened my mouth and inserted my foot when I did not mean to. I’m not trying to say relationships aren’t meant to be hard work. My main point is that if two people genuinely love and respect each other they will figure out a way to make it work. My fiancee and I are on the same page about a lot of things naturally in regards to goals, values, background, etc so it makes it easier for us. That’s not to say it can and should be that way for everyone.
The point I was trying (and failed) to make is that if there is genuine love and respect between two people they are more willing to work hard at the things they need to work hard at. If you barely like your partner or don’t respect them or it is for the wrong reasons; it’s a hell of a lot harder to work through your issues.
@Mira – i agree with all that you said. I kept thinking about arranged marriages as i read all the other comments. i do think the context of Ben’s remarks is largely overlooked.
That said, i did cringe because it made me think about all the interviews he has given in the past in which he damned JG and the marriage with faint praise.
without the background record in my head, i would have been OK with his remarks.
LOL he married her to salvage his career? Ok……….
I was embarrassed for Jennifer. Ben’s image has diminished for me. He never should have uttered such a statement, let alone at a podium at the Academy Awards. Sadly, I have known a few men like Ben. This marriage is doomed. So sad with the three darling children. I hope that they are doing couples therapy.
^^ PRECISELY.
In my opinion every marriage requires work, every relationship requires work whatever that involves. I don’t think what Ben said was disrespectful what he said I believe was sweet. In my option. To me everything in life requires work and the time u put forth working on life, love, family ,marriage, ur job, friendship whatever is positive work or negative work and is up to u to decide what type of work u put into any relationship.
228 comments later so I’m sure no one cares about my deep thoughts, but here goes: it’s nice that some people find their relationships effortless, but it’s not terrible that others feel they have to put in some work to keep things going.
Someone saying that marriage is work doesn’t mean their marriage is doomed or inferior to your effort-free ten, twenty or thirty years of couple hood.
He’s a motormouth who isn’t very articulate without a script in front of him. Daniel Day Lewis basically said that he is a lot of work in a relationship, but he said it in an elegant and witty manner so there isn’t a
ll the brouhaha.
I agree. And I think his speech was a very reflective one…He has been through a LOT in the last 10 years career wise. I mean, “Surviving Christmas” anyone???
Jen probably had to do a lot of ego stroking during that time. When a person goes through personal struggles, their spouse goes through it right along with him. He really has crawled back up from the bottom.
Also…kids ARE hard work! Balancing careers which put you on random continents while creating and raising 3 children is difficult! Not to mention, we don’t know what health struggles they have encountered in there. I find it very mean-sprited that people are trying to make this honest statement into something damning. Sometimes life is like running a marathon, balancing work, responsibility, love, and fun. I think he looked back at his struggles and saw that she was there with him.
Sigh. I love Jennifer, but I reaaaaallly can’t stand Ben Affleck. Jerk.
This is a genuine question: everyone on here seems to hold the view that Ben Affleck is a jerk but I don’t know why? I’m really curious…
I don’t think he’s a jerk 😉
I kind of seem the same way. I remember being in the kitchen when he came up to accept the award and I had to pause from makin my alcoholic beverage to ask my friends who the burbling, bumbling, stuttering idiot who was talking was. Total shock to hear it was Ben. That was hands down one of the worst speeches I have ever heard! I get he was excited, but MAN, is this what the guy is like unrehearsed? Where was the smart, smooth grown up man who writes movies? The one who directs movies that win oscars?? I simply couldn’t get over what an asshat he sounded like. I thought Ben, shut your piehole…NOW. Thank you, acknowledgement of those who worked with you now and through the years, praise to family and wife, another thank you and you’re DONE!
Seriously. Asshat.
Give the guy a break, his ‘speech time’ was cut short, and if I remember right, when he first started talking he apologized in advance for talking fast and trying to mention a lot of people in a short time. So, he was not only excited, shocked and happy… but stumbling back and forth between different things, talking quickly and trying to get in as much as he could before the Jaws music chased him off the stage.
Eh? I must have missed something? Because I think it was sweet of him, I don’t see the big deal into complimenting his wife and acknowledge their marriage is hard work, Oscar speech or not. If he hadn’t mentioned her or too briefly, people would’ve complained as well and say ohhh douche he was disrespectful.
Anyway I really don’t see anything negative.
Marriage is work but an Oscar speech is not where you talk about it. That was really in poor taste in my opinion.
I agree. The vast majority of marriages have ups and downs (mine certainly has!) but an Oscar acceptance speech is not the time or place to discuss it.
I sort of agree that it’s fine to admit that marriage is work–it IS work– except an Oscar acceptance speech seems like a terribly awkward place to say that. Especially when you consider how he’s always gushing about other women in the media.
I think she probably told him off both before and after.
@ Ms Kay
I agree…I don’t really see the point here. I think it was a nice speech and I find it way more sincere than what everyone usually says to then go on divorcing in the following year. Any relationship takes commitment and work, and he said it in a nice way IMO. I don’t really like him that much, but I find his speech way better and refreshing than the same bullsh*t that usually all of them say.
I hope she let him know she’ll be takin a leetle bit of time off from the arduous marital work he described in front of God and everybody at the Oscars, because she’ll be occupied being good to herself for a change. The irony is, a self-important guy like Ben would probably find her more interesting if she DID. I’ve never liked him much because his eyes are like Gertrude Stein’s description of Oakland: “There is no THERE there.”
Ladidahbaby-well said! I know this may not be a popular sentiment because Jen Garner is well liked here, but maybe if she showed a little more self respect in that she didn’t put up with his cheating and not being present, it would make him desire and respect her more. She thinks Ben can do no wrong, which is obviously not true, and in return for her support, he takes for granted her love and support. It’s kind of sad actually. I wonder if she would ever have enough and leave him the way Katie left Tom Cruise? Just to wake up and one day realize she deserves more and is not truly happy. I hope it doesn’t come to this though and she sticks up for herself before her breaking point.
Lucinda and gogoGorilla
Ah so now he should be bashed for being brutally honest? Because had he said those lines “I love you… You inspire me to be a better person” people would have rolled their eyes, call BS and call him a douche again.
Seriously… He can’t win then. I may not like him, but one can be rational enough to see the real honesty.
It’s like him being truthful makes people uncomfortable. *shrug*
I agree. To be honest, it’s the kind of thing I would end up saying. Just because he isn’t effusive doesn’t make him insincere.
Give me a break. Neither of us was bashing him or being irrational about it. We both said we thought his comments were disrespectful in the venue – period, end of story.
I’ll repeat, so it’s clear: He was giving an Oscar acceptance speech. I personally do not find that to be the appropriate time or place to talk about his rather obvious issues with the marital state. I feel sorry for his wife, frankly, because I think it’s only a matter of time before he finds himself in a Mini-Cooper with someone who “understands” him.
If he hadn’t been saying repeatedly how HARD marriage was, I would probably give him a pass. But to say that in front of millions when accepting an award instead of just saying thank you to his wife for all her support while he campaigned his ass of for this award is just poor taste and self-absorbed. I’ve been married quite a while now and I have a great marriage but if my husband said something like that in a situation like that, I would have been mortified that the first thing he thought of was to tell people how much work it was to stay married to me.
gogoGorilla you are free to take your own break.
Lucinda (and gogoGorilla) Just because he did a speech at the Oscars doesn’t make it wrong by any means, he said it before so why would he say anything different? And even less wrong to acknowledge that his wife is putting up with him, but clearly people rather have him being a hypocrite about it and being gushy instead whereas lot of people know about his antics? I have yet to see how honesty is being disrespectful. He gushes about other women, he is (undoubtedly and justifiably) a douche and now he praises his wife in the most honest way aka she is the one who worked hard to keep it all together when it was tough and rough (even with her flaws but him even worse), I really don’t see how difficult it is to understand he says it all clear. So because he says it at the biggest award event, he is a douche? Uh ok…
And Lucinda you can’t apply your view of your marriage and project it onto Ben Affleck’s marriage nor anyone on that matter, no one is reacting the same way so just because you would’ve been mortified means Jennifer Garner should’ve been.
And besides he has been known for having a wandering eye and more, it’s not new gogoGorilla.
We shall agree to totally disagree.
+1
+1. I didn’t hear anything that disrespected Jen either. I know a couple who were married for 21 years and everyone thought they had a great marriage. And then one day…poof…it was over. I had many conversations with my friend who told me that it had been in the crapper for years and they ignored it because they didn’t know where to start to fix it.
I agree it was a random thing to say but it was t disrespectful. It was honest, he was obviously overwhelmed and just rambled on anything that came into his head.
Also lets look at how well all those marriages fared with the loving suggested platitudes. Sandra bullock or Reese Witherspoon mean anything to anyone? How about Sean penn? The list goes on and on.
Spot on Debbie!
Yup. Agree. Wish I was a die hard romantic, but working on my marriage has taken it out of me. 🙂
Agree… and he’s said other, very sweet and loving things to her when he has accepted many awards this season. This was the end of a busy awards season for him, and maybe he was trying to thank her for all of her support, and taking care of everything at home while he has been off directing, filming and promoting movies. Because he was flustered, and trying to hurry his speech, it came out a bit awkward.
For most people in a long-term marriage, especially with children, it is work sometimes. Not all of the time… and not the ‘typical’ work one thinks of when they hear the word. Maybe a better word is ‘effort’. Busy couples with kids often have to make an effort to have alone time… or even family time. Most couples also have ups and downs… and go through some difficult times, regardless of the reason. Some WORK or make the extra effort to get through those times, and others give up and get divorced.
I would imagine that being married in celebrity-land brings plenty of added issues to ‘work’ through. The time apart, public scrutiny, etc., etc. Ben knows Jennifer takes on the bulk of the family responsibilities, and I think he tries to acknowledge that. It’s not a bad thing. His job isn’t a 9-5, home every evening type of job. As with MANY other successful husbands/fathers out there, he misses out on chunks of time with his family… and then tries to make up for it when he can.
Sorry for the long post. I think Ben gets a lot of crap here that might not be deserved though.
+1 It may be a matter of semantics for some. It doesn’t feel like ‘work’ to them because it’s a ‘job’ they love, so they don’t refer to it in such terms. But I bet everyone with successful relationships puts forth some kind of effort to make them so.
Well said. I also think Ben gets an irrationally bad rep on here. And I really don’t buy the idea of having a perfect relationship without putting any effort into it.
I just think it just an awkward setup for the “there’s no one I’d rather work with” line. Cliche, showbiz-y but a complement given the situation.
I agree too. What is the big deal? Marriage is work. He was thanking her for sticking with him. It has to be hard to have three kids and your husband is filming a movie that he is also starring in.
I’m more worried about her initial reaction then what he said. Looks like she’s been hurt…bad. I think what he said just opened up a very serious wound, if only for a moment
YES!!! There is just so much going on in her reaction! I can’t even begin to decode it. It looks like there are about 15 different emotions happening all at once on that face and it doesn’t look good.
Yes, he disrespected her, I was actually shocked, when he said that. Poor Jennifer, I get the impression she is working very hard on this marriage and wants him to be more mature, but he..well will never be. I am sorry, I love this family, but I get the impression that Ben will screw this up one day and Jennifer will be fed up to pick up the pieces once again. (Oh and yeah, we all know Matt Damon did most of the screen-writing).
So it would be better for Affleck to lie his ass off then? That his marriage is all glitter and rainbows. When everyone knows it isn’t.
I rather have Affleck trying to admit, ungracefully, that his marriage has been a lot of work.
Because lets be real. There is probably truth to the gossip that he wanted out of that marriage long ago.
But did not want to live the PR nightmare of divorcing her. So he decided to try to figure out, how to make it work for now.
Uhhh, Hautie, all you say in your post is true except one pretty significant deet: Why…THERE in front of the entire developed world, at a shared moment of triumph and elation after all the struggles they BOTH went thru while he was making Argo…was he airing their marital struggles? Not cool of him, truly. And if he could get far enough outside his own derriere for a sec or two, he would know that.
How about not admitting it in front of the world, on live TV, on the biggest moment of your career? Why do we need to know? Why does anyone need to know that you struggle so much in your marriage? Would you like it if your SO told everyone that you’re such a chore and it’s not easy being with you?
I didnt’ hear that. I heard he gave her props for doing more than her share and that he was the one who had done less.
If I were her I’d have taken it as a compliment.
Agree! Even “who has given me three wonderful children” would be better than “marriage is such a drag.” I wonder if little Samuel was a save-the-marriage baby? (Does NOT work!)
Yeah marriage to him would be work. He always looks cranky.
That’s what i think also,i noticed that everytime we hear something about Bens alleged indiscretion,booom Jen is prenant.I hate to think that way but ,that’s how i see their relationship,it’s full of bandaid children.I don’t know why she put up with him like that.Look at the way he ignores her while shes getting up the stairs,i bet if it is Sofia Vergara,he would dance his way to assist her,ugh!
@belle you’re so right about the save the marriage baby. It’s so sad and so common. My cousin cheated on his wife with a student. He’s a young college professor. It turned out into quite the scandal and he almost lost his job. This girl e-mailed his wife and told her everything, including how they had sex in his office all the time. So she kicked him out and he moved in with his parents.
They got back together and had a second baby as soon as they could. I think it’s sad. That marriage is not strong anymore, there’s no love, and it’s just unfair to the poor baby who was born already with a huge responsibility. It won’t work in the end because thise issues didn’t go away with that baby. So now they both post pictures of the baby on FB all the time, he looks happy because he was forgiven, but she looks sad and basically like… Stuck in her situation. Settling but not very happy. She’s always frumpy now, which she never was and she put on a ton of weight. Like her mood just shows in her appearance and she aged a lot too. I mean, all for what? Why stay together if it’s making you unhappy and nothing can fix it? Not even a baby? Mom calls it the child of forgiveness.
Now my sister and her husband have tons of issues too. They just don’t get along and my BIL told me he thinks my sister will change when they have a baby. I would facepalm myself but I’m afraid I would never be able to stop, people would ask me if I’m dating Chris Brown.
First off, kudos for the well-deployed CB joke 🙂
Secondly, I feel HORRIBLE for your cousins wife. I work on a college campus and there wouldn’t be anyone who didn’t know about such a scandal. I think affairs are one thing, but public humiliation is quite another. There is no way I could be with someone so stupid that they would screw a student in their office and think no one knows. Here’s a throwback: I would Bobbit his a$$ 😀
As for Affleck, I have a feeling this will go on until the kids are a bit older, more independent, and less of a distraction. If this charade isn’t over by the time the baby is in junior high, I’ll be shocked.
I think what he meant to say was:
“Thank you for the extra campaign work you’ve been doing and I appreciate the over-time you’ve put in”
In my opinion he doesn’t really seem to appreciate his wife, but I could be biased because I think he’s a tool..
“I think what he meant to say was:
‘Thank you for the extra campaign work you’ve been doing and I appreciate the over-time you’ve put in'”
I read what he said as “I’m stuck with you for many reasons, but you make yourself worthy. You are worthy of being married to me, Jennifer”.
“In my opinion he doesn’t really seem to appreciate his wife, but I could be biased because I think he’s a tool..”
Agreed.
Look, I appreciate honesty — I really do, even the most brutal one…but I don’t think an Oscar speech should be the moment for that. He didn’t have to lie or come up with some sappy speech, but he really didn’t have to mention that.
I always have the feeling he’s often, let’s say, “unintentionally” rude with her.
Exactly, Eve, ex-friggin-zactly! You nailed it.
that sounds about right Eve
I completely agree! I get the impression he doesn’t appreciate her and she puts him in a pedestal.
Totally agree. She could do so much better. Eventually, she’ll realize that.
Sounds about right. I doubt they’ll stay married much longer. She’s propped him up, made him look good, and he won the big prize this year.
I seem to remember that Jen got herself pregnant and pressurised Ben to do the decent thing?
He was going through a very unstable patch particularly after the JLo incidents, and she got him on the rebound… so I have no sympathy for her.
She comes across as having structured this relationship to suit herself,ie she gets the home/kids/A List lifestyle/ anything she wants and he gets to do his thing when he wants to. Hence I doubt that she will be the one to ever say goodbye to this golden egg…. unless of course it is to climb up a notch to someone who can give her even more.
Also, I believe that often – out of adversity/unhappiness, comes out real character and possibly the misery of this marriage may have helped Ben to win the Oscar -eg it was something else for him to focus on rather than Jen.
btw – it is the first time I have seen Jen glammed up, and she has looked really good at all these Argo RC events.
I still hope he will get together with JLo and let the charade of the marriage end sooner … so many people wait until the children are grown up to separate, and then they are just alone.
Thanks Kaiser for putting up the send up of the speech!
Elm writes, “I seem to remember that Jen got herself pregnant and pressurised Ben to do the decent thing?”
Just how does one get pregnant by themselves? I’m pretty sure Ben was in the room with her.
BTW: you seem to know a lot about Ben and Jen’s marriage. Do you live in their bedroom closet?
I’d rather have my husband say publicly at the Oscars that our marriage is hard work which he is willing to invest because he feels that it is worth it, that I am worth it, than dive into the whole “Ever since I met you, my life has been a glittery fairytale” kind of BS.
I found his speech sweet and REAL.
+1 exactly!
I agree – I think he meant it in a good way but just expressed it awkwardly – you could tell by Jen’s face she got it but was amused by his nervous manner.
Plus I’m sure their marriage is work. They live and work in the Hollywood fish bowl,where their EVERY move is under scrutiny if he looks at another woman he’s cheating … if she takes the kids anywhere she’s pimping them. No matter what they do they are criticized that can put added pressure on any relationship.
Exactly. That kind of marriage IS work. Because you’re kind of married to your career, too. Long periods of time away, lots of beautiful people throwing themselves at one or both of you, hours and hours away when you’re in town…
I think it was him thanking her for not giving up when some people might have.
I liked it.
+1!
My take is that they’ve struggled, maybe almost broke up a few times, but they both decided to put in the work, and at the end of the day he is really happy they did. They have a family, and it’s not always easy, and she’s been a saint with him, and he is appreciative of her commitment. It’s a little on the personal side, but it felt genuine to me. They’ve made it. He thanks her for sticking around when she probably shouldn’t have.
+infinity; it’s not the first time for him to say these things and it totat comes across as not appreciating your wife or that he’s in love with her etc.
This was a reply to eve gone wrong. I agree with Eve +infinity; it’s not about him telling the truth or not— i am sure we all agree what he says is true. it’s just that the Oscar thank you speech should not be the place for him to talk about his marriage in such a way; even if he is thankful that she saved their marriage.
@sauvage ITA!
Sauvage-Thank you for saying this.
I was going to comment below that I guess I’m alone in this because I like men that are REAL and I get embarrassed by what I perceive to be insincere ass-kissing, whether it’s man or a woman. Actually, I think if it was reversed and a woman was talking about how her husband was “the best thing that ever happened to me! Our marriage is a glorious explosion of love and understanding! He is my one and only, my rock, my moon, my sun and my stars!” we’d all be rolling our eyes out of our fucking heads. But I guess the overriding female perception is that husbands are obligated to ostentatiously and publicly display love and affection for their wives.
Then again, I’m a Capricorn and decidedly unromantic-in fact, that shit makes me cringe. If I ever came home to a guy who had put rose pedals on my bed, was serenading me, and telling me how gorgeous I was and that I was the light of his life then I would be GHOST. I just find over-the-top expressions of love really uncomfortable and unsexy. I don’t even like hand-holding—it grosses me out.
So no, I see nothing wrong with Affleck’s speech and I guess I’m in the minority but I respect the way he keeps it real. It’s refreshing.
Magnifique!!
Totally agree.
Totally disagree.
I am a die hard romantic and will die one, period.
An Oscar speech was not the time and place to talk about “the work” of marriage
Nothing wrong with being a romantic, Anna. I’m not made of stone. Work doesn’t take the romance out. It’s actually to keep it IN.
EXACTLY, bluhare!
It’s rare that we see that sweet baby
Yeah if by rare you mean every few days during the Oscar campaign.
Considering publicity-adverse Christian Bale got up their and managed to come up with, “…mostly, to my wonderful wife who’s my mast through the storms of life. I hope I’m likewise to you”, I think Ben dropped the ball.
I’ve always thought that he wishes he had a Clooney life. Or Leo.
That’s the thing many often forget about Ben. He DID have a DiCaprio life, and he willingly gave it up. As far back as the pre-Bennifer days, he spoke of a desire for family. “I want to be a good father and a good husband”
Unfortunately, he just doesn’t seem comfortable in his married man skin. This is like the third or forth time he’s felt the need to explain the presence of a wife/family, publicly.
There is no need to publicise to the whole world that you marraige is hard work, anyone who has been in a serious relationship knows this. It was disrespectful. Of all the things to say.
You nailed it. Right on the head.
“She’s more perfect than I am, I can tell you that. We do our best. She’s committed. She’s as committed as I am. We work together, we have three great kids.”
My interpretation: “I cheated. Maybe more than once. She got really mad and punched me but then forgave me and we stayed in the marriage for the sake of our kids, who we both love. We go to counseling. A LOT. I love her but it is a sacrifice to my huge ego and virility to be sexually faithful to this one woman. But she is great and that is what I have committed to. I guess.”
In a nutshell! That is the best interpretation yet …. spot on.
That is EXACTLY how I read it! LadyJane, you are the new subtext reader for Celebitchy!
+2
“whoM we both love”
Otherwise perfect.
+1
She’s WAAAAAYYYY more into him than he is into her; it’s obvious. And she’s WAAAAAYYY more into the whole domestic scene thing than he is, too. They will not last; eventually he will seek out something more exciting, whether it’s good for him or not.
He is right, after the Honeymoon stage is over, the marriage has to be worked on everyday and when a couple stops working on it, then divorce comes. Unfortunately, an Oscar speech might not be the best place to declare it for millions of viewers to hear. I notice on many gossip sites that is the one part of his speech everybody is talking about. I liked the way Grant Heslov, the producer of Argo spoke of his love for his wife and children.
Right, Cody. I can rewrite that last part of his speech right now:
“…and, Honey?” (here he fixes his gaze on Jennifer and raises that Oscar in the air as a little salute to her)…”thanks for singlehandedly carrying the weight of our family life while I was off making this movie. Thanks for the beauty and grace you bring to my life. And most of all, thanks for putting up with me. I love you.” He starts to walk away, then turns back to the mic and blurts, “God, you look beautiful tonight.” Ducks his head with a shy, slightly embarrassed smile, then turns and walks off the stage.
If he tried a little harder to let her know how lovely she is and how lucky he is to have her, he might come to see the truth of it.
The marriage is work thing wouldn’t have been a big deal if he didn’t spend every other interview talking glowingly about his female costars.
I would be po’d. It makes it sound like it’s hard being married to Jennifer Garner, who had a pretty good career in TV and movies before having his kids.
An Oscar speech is soooo not the place for honesty! What a ridiculous notion. There is a formula. Thank the important people and don’t forget your wife/husband. No matter what the crappy state of your relationship, tell em you love em and couldn’t have done it without their support. Don’t go overboard on the mushy stuff (AnnE Hathaway, Sandra Bullock, I am talking to you) but don’t make it look like you are uncomfortable being in the same room with them.
Do we want best actress winners also to get up on stage now and, instead of thanking the director, say “you were an a**hole who emotionally abused me every day and I will never work with you again”?
Sheesh. Ben already wasn’t being honest. What he really wanted to say was “Honey, if it wasn’t for you …I could be banging a different VS model every month like Leo”. Sorry, but if it had been my husband it would have been a quiet limo ride home.
Daniel Day Lewis totally showed him up with his funny, quirky, affectionate shout out to his wife.
“Sorry, but if it had been my husband it would have been a quiet limo ride home.”
LOL!
Daniel Day-Lewis really showed him up. I am sure his marriage is work too, he was just not dumb enough to say it outloud in front of millions of people. He constantly praises his co-stars and exes, but she gets credit for working hard instead of a bit of passion and joy.
His campaign was just as yucky as Hathaway’s in my opinion, just for different reasons.
DDL is also 100x the actor Ben Affleck is. Theatre-trained so he’s very used to performing in front of live audiences. And he’s Irish. 😉 Not to stereotype, but they have a history of great storytellers. It’s almost a given DDL’s speeches, interviews…everything will be a cut above almost everyone else.
DDL is in a class of his own. Very articulate, humourous, demonstrates respect & appreciation for his wife. Ben is Ben–very talented..wish he would emotionally mature and stop embarrassing his wife.
@mercy
DDL is Irish in the sense that he lives there and holds Irish (and British) citizenship. But he was born and raised in London and is of British/Eastern European Jewish ancestry. So he’s not ‘culturally Irish’ – whatever that is – so his love of a good story has little if anything to do with his Irish citizenship.
JanMa your post was brilliant.Comment of the day and I totally agree.And he had to have known they might win so there’s no excuse not to have a speech written.There is no doubt in my mind that being married to Ben Affleck is “hard work” for Jennifer but she would never admit it in an Oscar speech and embarrass him.I was so close to liking him too.Jerk.
Why thank you anonymous fan 🙂
I’m always so confused when people say marriage is hard work. I have and have had a fairly happy marriage and I just don’t think it takes that much work. You just respect each others’ feelings and show your spouse that you love them. Seriously, how much work is that? Obviously we have disagreements at times but I just don’t think this marriage thing is hard.
Marriage can be painfully excruciating if one partner is resentful. Ben`s resentment seeped through on Oscar night for the world to see.
He sounds like a drunk Cali marriage counsellor with all his ~marriage is work~ speeches. I have never disrespected Ben more. Shameful.
He’s an ass and she dresses for sh*t.
She’s a beautiful woman, but she puts absolutely ZERO effort into her every day appearance despite the fact that she is papped constantly (sloppy t-shirt hanging out of the bottom of her nice sweater? Really?). That has to be intentional. In return, he makes passive aggressive digs at her through these types of public statements. I don’t see them lasting unfortunately.
I think she trying to just be a regular mother and not upstage her children or their peer group of friends. Actually admirable.
She’s not all movie star goes to soccer game.
+1
She’s the anti-J-Lo or Gwen: she doesn’t need to be done to the nines just to do her everyday Mom stuff. Nothin’ wrong with that, imo.
Not just her everyday appearance (which could be excused by the frazzled mom syndrome) – but that dress she wore to the Oscars looks a bit like a Barney costume. Something about it says she was going for a ‘character in an animated kids series about dinosaurs” look.
I thought the dress made her look like a beta fish.
Agree that the Oscars is not an appropriate venue for telling the whole world that your marriage is “work.”
WTH. Not a good omen at all.
It seems to me Ben Affleck is saying that marriage is a struggle for him but when you really love someone and you put in your fair share of work/commitment than it really shouldn’t be.
“No, he had to get all honest and gritty and I just ended up feeling sorry for Garner, who clearly takes a lot of sh*t from him.”
He may take a lot of sh*t from her too, but small doses as she is “more perfect than him”.
I don’t feel sorry for her at all. She knew where she was getting herself into it and they have 3 adorable children.
What a jackass he is .. it’s really mostly thanks to her that he won -happy family photo-ops can do that in their case- and then he has to be bitchy about it. Poor Jennifer..
I really think she knew what she was getting into when she signed up to be Mrs. Affleck.
Jennifer seems like a great mom and a supportive wife who has really helped Ben get his career back on track, but ultimately I think she entered into this marriage for the wrong reasons and now we are all beginning to see major cracks in this marriage. Ben never seemed like the marrying type. I kind of wondered how she got him to the alter in the first place. Was she pregnant before they got married? I forgot. Anyway, people have mentioned in past posts on these two that Jennifer seemed very set on marrying up and dumped her exes whenever she saw the opportunity to get with a bigger star. Who knows if that is true but I always got the sense that she was dead set on marrying Ben partly due to his star power and married him shortly after his disastrous relationship with JLo. At the time he didn’t seem like someone ready for marriage but maybe he also thought that being with Jennifer would rehabilitate his image and that he needed to tame himself in order to focus on his career. Regardless, they have a beautiful family together and truly do seem to work hard at making it work, at least for the sake of the children. Do I think this marriage was borne out of love? Unfortunately, no I do not. I think both of them had ulterior motives and that is probably a reason why Ben sees his marriage as work and Jen puts up with his behavior for her children and because she’d be completely forgotten in Hollywood without him. Who knows if these two will stay together in the long run. I think for various reasons that I have stated above, they will probably stay together for a long time or at least until the kids are older.
touche’
Agreed! I don’t feel bad for Garner at all. She set her sights on Ben, hooked him and she’s never letting go. She’s the quintessential “politician’s wife” type. She’s the good mom, the good wife, always appropriate, never overshadows, and on and on. And I really feel like all of this gushing during awards season is really just Ben being overwhelmed by awards season emotions!
Maybe I just float through life in a field of lillies and maybe my perception of love and marriage is like brushing the tail of a unicorn, but I really feel like your spouse should be a haven, a comfort, safe, stable, loving and understanding. What about that constitutes hard work.
Maintaining that stability, comfort, etc. in the face of demanding careers, little kids who need a lot of attention, and the glare of the public eye?
Labor of love, perhaps?
And labor is work.
(I miss Enclave 24 too.)
Well my take on it is that he was trying not to be pretentious. It could also be because maybe he thinks practically the whole room is privy to some indiscretions of his in the past and he didn’t want to look like a phony. Or not. I think he was just trying to be real – despite the intoxicating moment. Still he maybe said too much, but it may have just been nerves. I look at him in interviews and he seems very nervous sometimes. I’m rooting for them though. Jen Garner seems so sweet, would be sad if they broke up.
I think she is really in love with him, but I don’t see the same passion from him. The last time we saw real passion from him was with J.Lo and maybe Gwyneth Paltrow, but more so with J.Lo. He also seems weirdly apathetic about his family life…I guess he’s somebody who always thinks the grass is greener.
I don’t think it was so much disrespectful, in that I don’t think he meant it in a bad way or meant to say it like he did. However, that is not the time or place for those kind of words – just thank her for everything and tell her you love her and the kids. End of story.
I actually appreciate Ben’s honesty and what he said is true. Marriage IS hard work and nobody is perfect. It was just odd that he chose to say this during his Oscar speech.
It struck me as a bit of a power play.
“…and, uh, there’s no one I’d rather work with.”
Yes, but is there someone else he’d rather play with?
Yeah, maybe all is great with Ben & Jen (for their kids, I hope so), but he has a consistently awkward way of taking about her which contrasts so much with the way he talks about other stuff. Well, at least she got a mention, unlike Robin WP, Chad Lowe, and/or Brad Pitt…foreshadowing of things to come or already there?
Oh, I think the only Jennifer he disrespects continuously and purposely is Jennifer Lopez.
1- Constant jokes about Gigli.
2- Celebrating 10 Christmases? Since when? Either he is bad at math or he was cheating on Jen1 with Jen 2 in 2003.
That’s the rumor though. That Ben and Jen 2 got together while they were filming Daredevil. He was still with Jlo…
The other award show he won an award he carried on about how much he loved her, etc. I think he was just rambling. For people that say their marriage isn’t work, it depends on personalities, but, more importantly, your lives. Ben is in a career that takes him away from the family for long stretches. He has moved into being a director, which is harder than being just the actor. Plus, he is the actor in most of his directing movies, and he writes the screenplay on some. Plus he had been super focused for the past six years on rebuilding a broken career bit by bit. All the while his wife is having babies and she likes to squeeze in acting here and there.
That is a lot to juggle and to work on. He has been, just like other directors consumed with their work at times, away from home, all with small children left with the wife. I think they have really worked hard on communicaton and working through those workaholic times. He really wanted to take the offer to be the director on Homeland, the highly acclaimed TV series, but she was against it because of their family and her career, and he did turn it down for her. Compromise.
Natastha Richardson said this industry is rough on marriages and that she and Liam had some rough times over the years being away from each other off on location for periods of time, which she said isn’t great for a marriage being apart. She said they get through the hard times, enjoy the good times, and just keep on trucking.
Jen I highly doubt is mad at Ben. Probably just rolling her eyes, like, oh, Ben. It’s not like he hasn’t said wonderful things about her all award season. It sounded like they were having fun where she was helping to cut off his beard at an after party.
+1! Getting him to shave at the party was a nice touch. 😉
Absolutely agree, Jayna.
+3. I said something similar above before reading your post, but you said it better. 😉
I’ve come to the conclusion now, while reading this post, that it is the word ‘work’ that seems to bother some. I think when people talk about working on their marriage, or marriage being hard work, they actually mean EFFORT. After you have been married for a while, and especially after you have children, it is easy to let some of the ‘couple’ stuff slide… and sometimes it takes effort to make sure to nurture that part of your marriage. Add in a celebrity lifestyle, careers that can separate you for long periods… well that certainly would take extra EFFORT to make it work. There is a reason so many celebrity marriages don’t last.
This is a GOOD thing… working through problems that arise, ups and downs (and I don’t mean someone cheating… I mean plain old LIFE), making the extra effort when you can and when you need to in order to maintain a strong marriage because you CARE and you love your spouse and children… is GOOD.
“The other award show he won an award he carried on about how much he loved her, etc. I think he was just rambling.”
This is how I heard it. He was excited/relieved/overwhelmed and misspoke and then tried to correct what he was saying mid-stream. It came off as fumbling but honest. I do this all the time. Honestly, I should be muzzled.
I think she campaigned hard for him but I think she also believes in him, which is many kinds of cool.
+1,000,000, Jayna
I want to like Ben, so take this with a pinch of salt, maybe…
They are raising three small children, and trying to manage their individual careers. My husband and I are in a similar position, with babies and each with a career that demands putting in the hours, and it is HARD to maintain that- even with help. It’s nearly impossible right now to take care of our relationship and put ourselves first, and some days, our appreciation of each other is what pulls us through, rather than the romantic love. We love each other very much, and are secure in the knowledge that it’s going to get easier, but right now, the day to day business of staying on top of things is more of a priority than being demonstrably in love. That’s just what life is sometimes, and we’re both ambitious people and are okay with our choices. It’s difficult to express that without sounding dismissive. Ben was very inelegant, but I don’t necessarily think that it translates into disrespect.
I also think that there’s another way of looking at it. I always loved and esteemed Mr. Fanty, but once we had kids, my respect for him completely changed, in a good way. I admire him now in a way that I didn’t before, because I see how hard he works to build the life and family we want. Ben has been out with more than his share of shady women, and maybe he is simply in awe of someone who is so willing to knuckle down and raise a family and give him the support he needs and that’s what he can talk of. Looking at his tracke record, it’s unlikely that he’s used to having someone who pulls all the weight in the relationship.
*takes off rose-tinted spectacles in order to go and look at the Liam Hemsworth post*
Sorry just read this. Re: Mr. Fanty (Beauplaisir, yes?) – that is wonderful to hear and is exactly my reaction to Mr. Rochester. I am not sure I would have ever guessed what an amazing father he would become – nor would he – but he is and I redoubled my admiration of him as a result. Lesser flaws can be over-powered by greater traits.
Exactly. Once we spawned, my admiration for him went up to an entirely different level – one that I didn’t know existed.
I would like to clarify, re: my point and Ben Affleck. My marriage is fine. Beauplasir and I love each other very much, and just had a lovely weekend away, sans Fantlings, which was wonderful. But when we have so much going on, especially with fantlings, what stops annoyances/difficulties from becoming marital problems is the awareness of our commitment to pulling in the same direction and our knowledge that building a life together, as we want it to be, which can be hard, but that we’re doing it together and the challenges of not seeing each other, not having enough time to do dates as often as we might want, etc., is worth it. As Affleck said, it’s work, but the best kind. No regrets here.
Sometimes, when we have to put our noses to the grindstone, hearts and flowers aren’t what we need to get through. That’s just who we are, but doesn’t mean we love each other any less. To me, what he said is completely realistic. I love looking at our life and seeing that someone else is working as hard as I am because we want the same things, and we want the fantlings to have the best kind of life. To me, acknowledging shared values and the sense that we’re in this together is just as romantic as telling someone that they are the sunshine of your life.
(ETA: After my big, Marxist marriage rant, I’ve just realized that you’re sorry for the delay in reading, not for the actual description of my marriage! Whoops)
No, the fault is mine. Punctuation saves lives and Marxist rants.
I was not going to get into the fray here, only because I feel many have said my thoughts well. I have a hard time imagining a relationship in which the two involved don’t work at it. I am not saying they don’t exist, I simply have not been a part of one.
Mr. Rochester and I were confirmed Bachelor/Bachelorette with capital C’s. We openly discussed that we did not think we could handle someone living with us day in and day out. But we fell in love (after 4 1/2 years, mind you)and being together seemed worth it.
But I work on my friendships as well – and my relationship with my family. I get angry, I have off days, the other party messes up, we apologize, we listen, we speak, we argue, we remember to say we love each other – it’s work. I work on my relationship with my kids. I am a “My Way or the Highway” thinking mom and my son has severe ADHD. I was running down a road of completely alienating him until I worked on a way for me to discipline him and him to respond appropriately.
My love for the real Mr. Rochester in my life has been well documented here but I work in some way every day – and like Mr. Affleck said, it’s the good work. I have never been prouder of anything in my life than I am my marriage.
I can’t follow that lovely post, other than to echo my mother, who always like to remind me that marriage is an ongoing conversation. Affleck’s a smart guy; he gets that, I’m sure.
+1
I’m not married, but that’s how I see marriage between two different persons with different personalities that choose to not cancel each other in favor of the relationship. I mean, each one is a single entity and we don’t end all loving someone that is a copy of us. Not to count with everyday life challenges. Therefore, I see a marriage as a continuous process of adaptation from both parts.
I see these couples that send love messages to each other on facebook the all time (even when they are sitting next to each other), where it seems that they are more trying to convince themselves of something than anything else. They also seem to be the first ones to walk away in sight of problems, instead of trying to work on hem.
On the other hand, not everyone feel comfortable talking about their feelings. That doesn’t make them feel less than the others.
Thank you for sharing T. Fanty. I wish you good luck working through your marriage, job, family and life but I guess you’re making a great job already by acknowledging the times where not everything is perfect and working on it 🙂
Yes, THIS!
You perfectly articulated my sentiments.
@minime, you really expressed was I was going to write here.
@T.Fanty@j.eyre: Thanks for sharing your stories and points of views!
Ben actually looks decent with facial hair. It has never sounded like Ben is invested into the marriage/family life thing. In my opinion he jumped into because of Matt was doing the same (sounds weird I know). It may be smarter if he didn’t talk about his relationship because the sound bites and then the explanation of the sound bites NEVER sound good. She comes off as the type that wouldn’t be bothered by this because she’s just happy to have her name attached to him and her kids. I could see the same situation happening for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.
The way matt talks about his wife is so different. Matt is all about singing his wifes praises. he talks about how he loves being a father and he knew his wife was the one for him as soon as he met her You get the sense that he is content with family life. With ben you feel like he is always looking over the shoulder to see if there is something better out there. Jennifer Garner definetly helped bens image in the oscar campaign, he could have been a little more gracious.
Actually no. Matt married several months after Ben’s wedding. I think we are all outsiders of their marriage. It’s really hard for us to tell if their marriage is going well or not by inferring their words. Words are on the surface. We don’t know the fact beneath that. well at least I think he just tried to be genuine at the Oscar night.
Garner….Dump him please! Go back to jj Abrams and do mor escience fictions alias type stuff! Be that action star you were meant to be…and get back with Michael Vartan seriously. Biggest mistake of your life dumping that guy. Just dumb.
Michael Vartan is happily married. Jennifer with three little kids has no desire to put in the very long hours on set Alias required of her. At 40 her chances for a movie role like that are past, also.
I don’t think what he said is necessarily wrong, but it definitely wasn’t something to say at the Oscars, in front of thousands of people, on live TV for millions. I agree and definitely understand and sympathize with ‘marriage is work.’ Because in reality it is. I was with my husband for 3 years before we got married and now almost 2 years married and not every day is perfect and you do have to work on your relationship in order to keep it together. It’s probably something he should have said in a written interview where he could explain it as opposed to stuttering at the Oscars. Meh, I find myself rooting for them because their kids seem like they have a great upbringing and I’d hate to see that ruined.
I give him a pass for the speech. He won, he was flustered.
I see both sides of this, I have admittedly said my marriage is work, but when I say that, I mean that it is something you always need to prioritize and make time for. I don’t mean to compare my marriage to an actual job, because I don’t feel that way about it, but I think marriage is mainly about having an unconditional love and understanding for one another and sometimes that can be mistaken for work. They are two different things.
I think Ben needs Jennifer and he knows that, but deep down he just wants to be an ass and f*ck around. But hey, at least he is honest about how he feels, he isn’t trying to shove this perfect Hollywood marriage down our throats, but unfortunately, it’s at the expense of his wife.
I totally second this. Ben has a huge ego, is kind of a docuhe and needs a partner who plays second fiddle. he couldnt handle someone that wants to be as big a star as he ( JLO). He is totally the type of guy who needs a more subservient partner. Jennifer is happy to play the dutiful wife and support him, raise their kids etc. He needs her to look good and he needs the happy to stay at home wife. I think he would mess up again if he was single and free to go to as many strip clubs as he likes with out consequences lol. Thats said i get the impression that jennifer thinks he is a genius or something and that probably plays into their dynamic.
All awards season Ben was taking those kids to all the pap hangout every single day. Breakfast at that Brentwood country mart daily.
Oscars are now over and not seen with them once this week.
It is way to obvious he used them because before Jen was looking like a single mom!
Jen is always photographed with the kids more because Ben is working more. When he has down time, there are plenty of photos that include him. My husband travels quite a bit, and if I were followed by cameras all of the time, my husband would only appear now and then in photos of us out and about.
I think Ben did some campaigning… dressed a little more ‘professionally’, and I’m sure his PR people let him know that being seen with the family was probably a good thing. But to suggest he is never around his family, and was forced to hang around with them and use them to try to win an Oscar? Doesn’t seem very fair, though you are entitled to your opinion. 🙂
The thing is that he made it a point to take them to the most pap filled place on a DAILY basis. He knew the paps would be there and went anyway rather than go to the many pap free areas in LA.
He used his family during awards season and now has only been seen with them ONCE in the past 2 weeks. hmmmmmm
Ben used to be seen about once a month. Then suddenly he was seen once a day!
He also looked bored to death in most pics while trying to look annoyed with the paps even though it is easy to avoid them if you really want.
I get what you are saying Kie, about the pap-filled places, but those are the places the Afflecks are always seen. They might actually enjoy going to the farmer’s market, and surrounding areas. Award season aside, people accuse Jennifer as pimping the kids out as well because she doesn’t ‘avoid the places everyone knows the paps will be’. The press know where they live, where their kids go to school, dance, karate, whatever. Jennifer is seen in the same places all of the time… is she pimping the kids out, or simply going about her routine??
As for Ben, I’m not saying he didn’t work it a bit during the awards season. But I think he loves his family and wasn’t just using them. I think if he didn’t have work going on during this awards marathon, then we were likely to see him around his family anyway. Maybe he dressed a bit nicer, hoping to make a good impression… maybe there were times when he went along with the fam on a quick trip to the market, when another time, he might have hung out at home (with one of the kids). Who knows. I just don’t think Ben is an evil man who is unhappy in his marriage yet used his children as props, in some massive, calculated PR plan. I think he tries to juggle what is becoming a busy and successful celebrity career, and all that comes with it, along with being a husband and father.
I think he had diarrhea of the mouth and shared a little too much but I don’t think what he said was negative. Marriage is work!!! I cannot understand people who say it isn’t. “Work” is not a negative word about marriage. It means your putting in the time and the effort to make your spouse your priority. In this fast paced world..kids and jobs and bills…sometimes spouses take the backseat to everything else and it takes “work” to keep them front and center in your life. He was honest and that’s refreshing!
I think this is making a mountain out of a mole hill, he fumbled what he was trying to say during his speech, it happens.
A totally weird thing to say to your wife in public during an Oscar acceptance speech. I just cringed for her. I get the feeling this guy has two very strong sides to his nature, (wonder if he’s a Gemini), one side is craving a family life, and one side wants to go nuts in Vegas with various starlets all weekend. I don’t know about this guy. I wouldn’t trust him as a partner for some reason. It seems like he’s always got his eyes elsewhere and tries convincing himself and us that he is a family guy. Not buying it.
I’ve been married almost 20 years and it is work. That doesn’t mean it’s unenjoyable but you do have to put in effort if you want a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Anyone that thinks balancing marriage, parenthood and a career is easy, isn’t being honest. I think he was speaking off the cuff during his speech and just didn’t phrase it very well. I’m sure they’re fine.
I so totally and wholeheartedly agree with you. For the person that says they’ve been married for 20 years with 4 kids and are so, so happy/it’s never been anything but perfect/no work whatsoever – you are a rarity and are by no means the norm.
For the person who compares their 15-year dating relationship (with no kids) to a married couple with kids – try having 3 kids that close together and see if you’re not at each others throat just a little bit. It’s amazing what long-term sleep deprivation and little one-on-one time can do to even the most solid relationships.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 7. We had 3 kids in under 5 years – not totally unlike Ben and Jen. I love my husband to bits, but it IS work when you have that kind of chaos surrounding you – there’s no other way around it.
My husband and I started couples counseling a couple of months ago – it’s been the best thing for us. That doesn’t mean we’re not meant for one another or that we’re headed for divorce, but that we recognize the shortcomings of our communication skills with one another and our relationship and are WORKING to improve that so that we’re happier/more satisfied all the way around.
There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re not perfect and that you need a little help figuring things out sometimes. I, for one, totally loved and appreciated his speech – and I thought the look on her face substantiated everything he had to say.
Thank you for saying this. I don’t get a lot of the comments on this story. I wonder if people have the same unrealistic expectations in their own relationships that they love to project onto celebrities??
You’re so right Helen! I think the reason the divorce rate is so high is because people think love SHOULDN’T be work so the second it is, they file for divorce. There are ebbs and flows in every relationship and the important thing is to hunker down and invest even more of yourself when you need to and then enjoy the fruits of your labor.
He seems so mean and passive aggressive regarding Jen and his marriage. He’s made remarks like this in the past as well. I wonder if she regrets marrying someone so uncouth and narcissistic. I divorced my passive aggressive narcissist…best divorce EVER! (we didn’t have kids…I wouldn’t have a kid with someone so mean, so it was a clean break, thank goodness!)
I think the short and the sweet of it is, he was very obviously on something(coke, speed?) that made him a rambling, hyper douchebag — when he’s normally just a slow to moderately tempo’d speaking douchebag. Affleck’s problem is that he has no problem being flattering, and chivalrous and praise-y about his young co-stars (waves to Fake Lively), and yet seems to get beyond practical, and unromantic about his own wife. His motivation, regarding ‘getting real,’ about his domestic life? I think he wants people (read young desperate starlets who might want a part in his next film) to think he’s got a shakey marriage and act appropriately..or make that inappropriately. He seems douche-y and manipulative like that.
Daniel Day Lewis demonstrated how an Oscar winner can show his love for his wife in an original, funny and non-cringeworthy manner. Affleck? Let’s just say that if he were my husband, he’d be sleeping on the couch that night. Now, there’s nothing wrong with having marriage problems and admitting this, but on Oscars night? When you’ve just won the biggest award in the show? In front of millions of people? Come on! Not that I feel sorry for Jen – she seems to me the consummate politician’s wife: she wants the wealth and prestige which comes from being with a famous man, and will put up with a hell of a lot to hold on to it.
As for Ben, he strikes me as a spoilt brat who blames all his problems on everyone else. Marriage to Jen was good for his image, and god knows he milked it during the awards season. But now that he’s got the Oscar in the bag, and is now accepted in Hollywood as a ‘serious director’ I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he gives up on his marriage some time soon and trades Jen in for someone flashier.
His honesty is refreshing because marriage is the hardest job on the planet!
We ALL know the crap she has had to put up being married to this man child who seems to finally have matured (lets hope) so I think he was being sincere but it was the completely wrong time & place. This is something he should have said to his wife in private not in an Oscar acceptance speech.
I also cringed listening to Ben’s speech – not for Jen and certainly not because I disagree that marriage demands effort. I cringed because I knew his words would be misinterpreted. None of us know for certain whether Ben has cheated and, if so, to what degree, so I can’t address that. What I do think we can reasonably assume is that Jen wasn’t miffed. I found an interview Jen did soon after her marriage to Ben in 2005, where she also spoke of her brief marriage to Scott Foley:
~ Despite admitting she “couldn’t be happier,” Garner admits she doesn’t believe marriage guarantees a happy ending.
She tells InStyle magazine, “I don’t have this fantasy about marriage anymore.
“Everyone says it takes hard work. Well, it kind of does–and I’m much more pragmatic about romance than I used to be.
“[With Scott] I wanted to see him as a white knight and was crushed whenever anything normal happened. I wanted to be the princess. Now I’m much more willing to see myself as human and flawed, and accept someone–the whole picture.”
And this from 2007, again talking about her failed marriage:
“She says, “I had ‘white knight syndrome’ – I’d get so disappointed when I realized somebody was human. And I don’t come without baggage. It’s learning to accept that human quality that helps you really love someone in a different way.
“Any break-up changes your views on romance. I saw a lot of things I needed to work on. It’s too bad you can’t have that epiphany when you’re in the middle of it.”
This in 2010:
“I had a lot of growing up to do,” Garner says. “I’m still conflict-averse. I don’t like to argue. But back then I couldn’t have a fight. I couldn’t work things out because I wasn’t able to say what I needed to say. I didn’t have a voice. I didn’t dare to express myself. It was a huge heartbreak for me to have something fail like that. I knew that this was either an opportunity for growth or I would sink.
“It’s easy when you’re hurt and angry to just say, ‘Oh, it’s them,’” she continues. “But I had to come into my own. I thought, ‘Why did this relationship not work? What part of the failure is my responsibility?’ So I went to work on it. I started therapy.”
Having read all this, I strongly suspect Jen was quite alright with Ben’s proclamations. Maybe the world didn’t understand, but it seems she did. So good for him for speaking to his wife rather than tossing out a few pretty platitudes for the sake of public approval.
Now that the award season is over, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them files for divorce soon.
I tend to think Jennifer knew exactly why she married Ben and it wasn’t out of love. Same with Ben. I think marriage was a convenient avenue for their careers at the time. I also think Jennifer needs Ben more than Ben needs Jennifer at this point. Hence the reason there are always cheating/breakup rumors and then BAM Jennifer’s pregnant again.
Which leads us to Oscar night. I always thought whenever Ben makes comments about Jen or in regards to their relationship like the ones we’ve been hearing in his speech it’s his passive aggressive way of telling her and the world that he doesn’t want to be with her but he’s stuck with her. Especially if you read interviews with her where she is all “my marriage is perfect. Everyone is happy. Etc.” it really goes against the comments she has made in regards to her marriage. It’s just my opinion though. I’ve liked either of them so they could be the happiest couple on earth and I would still figure out a way to be critical.
At the same time, I can’t say it was as offensive as some of his interview comments when Argo was first released. Maybe he just doesn’t understand how to show affection to his wife in public. I don’t know.
Relationships and marriage take effort to maintain. You have to constantly be ‘working’ at it to make sure it stays functional. Just think of marriage as house. If you don’t constantly clean it and make repairs to it, it will deteriorate and it will eventually collapse. So yes, marriage is a lot of work.
I really like Jennifer and feel bad for her.
Been is smarmy and at this point has
the ” I wanna run” look on his face. Reminds me of the way Jon gosselin used to look on his show, before the split.
I think Ben’s speech might not have caused such negative comments were it not for the fact that there have been rumours about the state of their marriage for years. The body language in the third and fourth pictures is VERY telling: He’s kissing his wife and yet can’t be bothered even to take his hands out of his pockets! Says it all really.
Here’s my take:
Jen’s always been enamored of Ben. She’s been climbing the Hollywood social ladder since she got there, and when she met him, he was her goal. Now she’s reached the top. She probably still sees herself as the nerdy high school girl and she is so psyched that she snagged the captain of the football team. Ben may like that Jen is a good mother and a dutiful wife, which has helped rebuild his image and status in Hollywood tremendously. He also probably likes that she is subservient to him like a 50s housewife. He (and she) think that he is her superior – intellectually and otherwise. Though, I suspect she exerts her power in the family through many passive-agressive means herself. Generally, it appears that these two do not have an egalitarian relationship/equal partnership and that might normally spell dysfunction. But to each his own. Maybe it works for them. I suspect he has cheated and she has tolerated it, but who knows. Maybe he isn’t the narcissistic, lacking self-esteem douchebag he has always seemed to be, and maybe she is stronger than it appears, and maybe they like their situation just fine.
I dont agree with that. When they married Ben was sort of played out hollywood. His acting career had tanked and the whole Jlo deal had made him a bit of tabloid trainwreck
Ugh, I hope she kicked his ass. What a stupid and disrespectful thing to say – in an Oscar acceptance speech no less! But no surprise – I don’t think he’s ever said anything about her that hasn’t come out sounding shitty and stupid.
Jennifer’s Oscar dress looks exactly like a double poppy that grew wild in my backyard last summer 😀
They seem to have zero chemistry on the red carpet.
He can’t even crack a smile in those pics above. He just won the Oscar he campaigned daily for and yet looks miserable with his wife.
It’s not like it came as a total surprize to him that he may have to do a speech that night. And that’s the best he could do for his wife?
When he practiced his lines, and looking shocked and humbled in front of the mirror that morning, he was thinking of himself, not how could he say something that would touch her heart and be forever remembered. It was the chance of a lifetime, missed. That’s why marriage is work for him. Thinking of your partner first, doesn’t come naturally to him.
So what if someone rolls their eyes and thinks the sentiment expressed is mushy? At the end of the day, it’s the two of them that go home together and that’s what should matter most.
If he ever gets a chance again, I hope he uses a speech writer and then runs it by his PR people.
For me, it’s not what he said, but what he DIDN’T say. He had all the times in the world to think of one line to give a heartfelt thanks to his wife, and that’s what he came up with!!?!?
You should have paid attention to the MILLIONS of speeches he has given this Awards Season- most notably his Golden Globes speech where he did in fact gush over his wife. And made her cry while doing so. Nothing he said in his Oscar speech was an insult. It was honest, sweet and real.
We all know that marriage and longevity in relationships take work..that’s a given. But should he have brought that up in his oscar acceptance speech? This was the biggest night of his career and he chooses to speak of how difficult marriage is? That was not an appropriate venue to discuss his marriage in that way. I think most of the female population bristled when he made that comment. Did anyone else notice the lame, lackluster kiss he gave Jennifer when they announced him as the winner? I think this is a marriage of convenience more than anything else. He seems to have zero passion for her which is very sad. But I guess for her, that is enough. I do believe that had she not become pregnant he would have never married her. Some men are not marriage material no matter how much the minivan majority want to believe this marriage is on solid ground. I think they will split up at some point. Unfortunately.
Jennifer should take the money and run. She gave him a family, she gave him back his career, and she did it with grace-all while she maintained her own career.
He chose to repay her by being disrespectful in front of millions of people.
She needs to start picking his replacement now.
I really don’t think what he wanted to say came out the way he wanted it to.He was clearly nervous,you could tell by how red his face was.He probably was looking at the countdown clock and was in a hurry to say all that he wanted to and it came out all wrong.I’ll take a guess and say Jen probably laughed it off.
Still, when the first word that comes to mind about your life partner is “work”, it ain’t good.
Ben’s whole speech was random, I don’t think he thought out what he was going to say – he was kind of rambling and just saying whatever came to mind, it seemed. So I think the comment came from an honest place and I don’t think it’s this big insult people say it is. Marriage can be hard sometimes, and that’s the reason 50+% of American and like 90% of Hollywood marriages end in divorce. I’m sure them having to deal with working on location away from each other factors in. So no, it wasn’t the most romantic way to praise her, but like someone else pointed out, gushing over your spouse (Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Phillipe, Sandra Bullock/Jesse James, etc etc) doesn’t mean any more about the stability of the marriage.
He gushed about her profusely throughout this awards season, calling her “my everything,” “the most beautiful woman out there,” saying, “I love you,” “I adore you.”
I think he was just overwhelmed and rambling a bit – the Oscar was a BIG deal. And I’ve been a my husband for 20 years and 2 kids – we rarely, almost never, fight, but it’s still work to compromise, communicate, connect. I don’t think admitting as much is a big blunder or insult.
What would Matt Damon say if he had won the Oscar ?
We should give Ben a break. He was understandably nervous. During this award season when he walked up to receive various awards he has been saying great things about Jen. Once (forget where) he said (paraphrasing), without her love and support he wouldn’t be standing there/ wouldn’t be standing anywhere… stuff like that. I am sure she knows where he was coming from.
Its like some just need a stick to beat him with. He had a few tough years and was mocked at for many more and he was seen as nothing but a wannabe in HW and was known as MD’s BFF. Now is his time to enjoy the recognition he is getting. He has openly acknowledged how he much he appreciates the second chance he has been given in the industry. He has proved he is intelligent and talented. Let him be.
So unfair to judge the nature of their relationship based on a few words he said or that he didn’t say the words some had in mind 🙄
+1
I remember that speech, too. “Thank you to my wife who makes all things in my life possible” Was TIFF premeire for The Town. Jen had suprised him by showing up unplanned. And before anyone gets any ideas 😀 Ben had told a reporter a few days earlier (in Venice maybe?) how much he missed her after a long press tour and wished she was with him. When Jen heard, she flew to Toronto just for the night and left the next morning. He was clearly thrilled and very grateful.
No marriage is perfect bliss all the time but I don’t think these two are half as miserable as so many seem to think.
+1 Exactly! I feel that people just love to hate on Ben which I personally don’t get. These two seem to really love each other and it isn’t a “Hollywood” romance. Marriage IS work!
I thought this may have been related to the work they’ve both put in during the campaign to present the family in support of the movie and that he was grateful for her contribution for the extra effort.
Really don’t like either one of them. She is a Stepford wife to me so I truly don’t care what she did. I wish she was more like Sydney Bristow I just loved that show. As a former fan of hers I wish she had done more with her own career but that’s up to her.
I’m actually surprised by reading the comments about how marriage should not require work. Having to work at something absolutely does not mean there isnt love or compatability.Maybe some of you don’t consider working out inevitable differences in upbringings, dealing with death, raising kids, careers, money, in-laws as being “work”. What comes to mind in marriages that people claim they never argue is that one person is more passive than the other, or maybe there’s a little denial of the reality of of the relationship. Being able to accept that there are factors that do need to be worked out is very healthy. I find that those who claim to have marriages that require no effort alarming. I have been married 7 years, have 2 children, and there have been moments of both bliss and turbulence, what has been always consistent is our commitment and love for each other and our family. Getting through tough times isn’t damaging to a marriage, it means the relationship is growing and maturing. Please don’t be so critical of those who thrive on marital “work”. 🙂
I’mm not married so . but I understand what they said : like you wrote dealing with death, raising kids, careers, money, in-laws are not “work” but normal things in any relationships.
I have been married a long time so I agree with what he said.
We don’t know where they are in the relationship maybe they have worked out a lot of stuff this last year and thats why it was at the forefront of his mind. I can not imagine what its like to live in the location they do.
I have no problem with what he said, he was sincere and honest. I guess he could have said I love my wife.
I like that he and Day-Lewis didn’t just say I love my wife, blah blah. I prefer real.
Exactly. I thought was he said was sweet and real without being fake.
Work in.. for they are in marriage therapy… and all he has to do is stop seeing himself as a hero-star perfect in all he does.. quit cheating and being so selfish wanting the support and loyalty when he can’t commit and simply love her..
Real men don’t love the most beautiful girl in the world, they love the girl who can make their world the most beautiful place to share with her..
Word Dee Cee. Word.
Great comment!
I know she’s a busy mom and all but cant she try to look…i dont know Sexy?…Men love girly girls and i think ben is that type of guy…regarding his speech marriage is abvioulsy work for him because I bet most of the time he wants to run for the hills…and i think now that he got that oscar he will
highly doubtful. if there were no kids, maybe, maybe not. but once there are children involved, the game changes.
What a silly comment. Maybe the children (something really meaningful to him) would keep him there more than winning an Oscar. He really wanted the third child, so he isn’t flippant about this marriage.
Seems to me that regardless of whether what he was saying is true, honest or whatever, it just seemed like an inappropriate thing to say as part of your Oscar acceptance speech. Fine if you don’t think he should gush like an idiot, but how hard would it have been to just say something nice and sweet about your wife and family, so you don’t have to spend the next 2 days trying to explain yourself afterwards? Honestly, even if he was just winging it up there, you’re telling me the first thing that comes to mind when talking about his wife and marriage is that it’s work?
I love this couple so much, hope they last.
And REALLY hope paparazzi would just stop taking pictures of them when they’re out with their kids.
Well then they should stop going to areas where all the paps are!
Other celebs and their kids manage to live in LA and not be photographed daily.
If they did not want to be photographed everyday, they wouldn’t be. Ben was purposely taking them to the Brentwood Market daily to have them photographed.
I hope so. He sounded like such a doufus at the Oscars. I am NO Garner fan, but even I’ll admit that she goes over and above for HIS career. She makes him look good, and he needs to be more grateful.
Geez. It’s like the guy is setting up the divorce now.
I’m sorry but saying that marriage is work isn’t a black-handed compliment. It’s the truth! Anyone who has been married or is married knows this. That’s a fact. He also said that there is no one else in the world that he would rather “work” with in marriage. I actually thought that was really sweet.
I agree. Maybe what he said was awkward for the Oscars and better left to an interview. But he has said in the past that if it was not for her, his kids wouldn’t know his name and he implies she does the heavy lifting to keep their family going.
Marriage and family is work. I’ve been married for 7 years and I consider my marriage to be a good one…but I work at it every day to keep it that way. And so does my husband. We are a team!
The only two people who really no what is going on in a marriage are the 2 partners in it. I wouldnt over analyze their marriage, his oomments, etc om the basis of our own marital experiences.
He isnt the first or last individual that says marriage takes work. Not all are divored or unhappy.
Some are stll married, committed, not blinded, realistic and honest.
Will they make it the long haul like Newman & Woodward? Who knows? Newman had an affair and remained married and Woodward dealt and moved on too. We didnt lose respect or support for them. They kept it classy.
And so far–so have the Afflecks.
Lets pull for them, support them and hope for the best, shall we?
It isnt as if we are talkimg a Karddashian, Glanville or one of their ilk,
Could ya’ll with the ‘my marriage is perfect’ be any more self-righteous? Congratulations! You’ve never fought a day in your life! But that is not most couples- people fight, and argue, and at some point they have had to ‘work’ at their relationship. And sorry, but their relationship isn’t even a normal one! Name like five celebrity marriages who have survived, and you’ll struggle. Being in the limelight, with gossip rags saying you’re ‘disrespectful’ for telling he truth, and suggesting your spouse is always cheating on you because they hug a girl or get lunch with someone would, I promise you, cause stress in your relationship. I think it’s impressive that when things got hard they didn’t just cut and run but yes, WORKED on it
Also, just saying, his work is not your work. He doesn’t go to an office for 8 hours and input numbers then check out. He obviously loves his work, it’s probably his like main reason for being. Comparing Jen to the Oscar he just won really isn’t that bad. Yeah, it’s hard, but it’s also awesome when we get it right, is what I took from it
Perhaps Ben thinks marriage is work because he thinks life is work. Not to call him a malcontent, but he does seem to be less sunny-natured than Jennifer. That doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with her or she with him.
We’ve all known people who are on the fussy side (perfectionism is an excellent quality for a director!) and sometimes they’re lucky enough to find an easygoing partner who lets it all roll off their back.
If so, I wouldn’t be so sure that he holds all the power in the relationship and she’s just hanging on to him by her fingernails. (Kind of a sexist assumption anyway, no?) If she brings the joy to his life, then she holds considerable power too.
I don’t like Jennifer (or Ben either) but she didn’t deserve that from him after she has done nothing but support him. I feel like there is some underlying resentment Ben has towards her for some reason. I didn’t follow them back in the day so not sure how they got together in the first place, but however much she thought she lucked out marrying him, I think she is paying the price now.
Basically he says that they have unhappy marriage. But they live together for kids and they work on it and try to stay together for as long as they can…
Wow. What a perfect marriage. People who love each other don’t talk like that. He behaves like they were two strange people who got married because they parents ordered them too. And now they work on their relationship and try to live together without hating each other.
I think that now we should count the days till next time Ben will be seen with his kids or wife.
I’ve been with my hubby for 23 years and married for going on 20 and yes, marriage is work.
“work” doesn’t necessary mean grueling and hard.. but we make an effort to always try an understand each other, to focus on loving each other even if we are bickering and to make time for each other even when the kids were young and we didn’t have much time for us.
All that takes work. It doesn’t feel like work because we enjoy being with each other…but underneath all that is the understanding that we are each willing to put in the work- no matter how big or small the amount of work required that day is- to keep our relationship growing and loving.
I think Ben was simply saying based on his past that it took work for them to get where they are and he is grateful to her for sticking by him and working through it all with him.
I do wish he would have just said it differently or maybe just said I love you and you’re amazing, but I don’t think he was trying to disrespect her or their marriage or say anything bad about her.
Thank you- can’t believe all the articles about how wonderful he is for being honest in his speech. I would’ve been pissssssed if that was the thanks I got after a year of campaigning.
And… 10 Christmases ago she was married to someone else.
Wow, he doesn’t even bother to remember how long they were married before having logorrhea at the Oscars.
Wiki: They started dating mid-2004. So it’s been 9 Christmases.
He’s such a dumb jock. Gwynnie said it best: he wants a girl who’ll bring him beer by the pool… but he’d like her to be a young, up and coming actress, too.
That College Humor link is great.
I would have commented if I hadn’t been hypnotized by that dress. The back is just mind-boggling. My heart bleeds for the person who had to sew that.
I don’t think there would be anything wrong with this statement during and long and serious interview. But clearly this was the time to be over the top with lovey dovey praises and therefore his statement was not appropriate. I’ve always thought he seemed like an arrogant jerk. So I guess it is a lot of work to be married to a jerk.
I may consider privately that my relationship require “work” and privately confide to friends, but I would never announce it so publicly…
But maybe celebrities have a distorted image of public and private lives; they seem harmonious enough
I hate to say it, but I honestly think that Ben is about 10 times smarter than his wife and he’s BORED SENSELESS with her.
She seems sweet and dull and not above cheating, so she’s not even morally inspiring. Wasn’t it said that she got pregnant on purpose to get him to marry her? Obviously I have no idea if this this true, but he may feel trapped.
He’s self-centered and driven and prone to self-pity and they just don’t match up IMO. That speech doesn’t bode well…
At this point, I just think Ben is a jerk. I have been waiting for someone to really talk about this on the internet. Sunday night, I was appalled and astounded when he gave his speech. I couldn’t believe it. Must he be so revealing? You cannot tell me he has never told an untruth, whitewashed, or prevaricated. Couldn’t he have just told one more untruth? Couldn’t he have just said the truth attractively? I just feel like he slapped Jennifer again, and I feel like he has been the whole time he has been happy to use her to benefit his Oscar campaign. He saved the biggest denouncement for the biggest night. He didn’t mind using her, and he didn’t mind disrespecting her at the same time he was using her. I have historically loved when celebrities were brutally honest. But this time, and I’m not a big fan of his wife, I feel for her. I can’t say she didn’t deserve it, I don’t know. But whether or not she did, he shouldn’t have. One doesn’t see what is happening on the other side: maybe he has wanted out for a long time and she coerced, bribed, blackmailed. I don’t know. I’ve just never heard anyone talk about their wife that way on Oscar night. Never. I don’t know. If someone didn’t want me, I wouldn’t want them. Thank you for talking about this, Celebitchy. To me, this was THE big story of the Oscars. And then the scene with Jack Nicolson and Jen Lawrence. (Loved it)
he is a real jerk, it’s not enough that she’s more of a woman than jlo and put family, kids, her husband before her career and now she lost it, but now have to put her down in public.
what anyone sees in him is beyond me, he’s not half of the actor jennifer is, he was so horrible in armageddon i wanted to punch the tv back in 99
Relationships, especially long ones, are work. It’s the reality. Everything else is just fantasy and fairy tales – that’s probably a reason for high divorce rates. People just can’t understand that what’s on TV and movies is not real – real life is work.
just don’t talk about your personal life, period! these people…OMG!!!
This is a payback on her for frauding Ben into marriage by getting pregnant. Do not forget that she left her husband, then her fiance and did not care at all for either of them. She is just selfish and I am surprised that people do not see deep on her personality. She is obssesed with Ben for now but when her obsession ends she will leave him with no problem.
Really, do you people have nothing better to do? Marriage is work, there are no two ways about it. But it’s fulfilling and rewarding work. No one sits around and lets their partner do everthing. Just because a man receives a reward for hard work and goes overboard in his gratitude, rambling like a (little bit of a) fool, doesn’t mean people who don’t know him have the right to criticise a marriage they know nothing about.
I just want to say that my parents have been married (happily and faithfully) for 38 years, my in-laws for 35, my grandparents were for 45 years (my papa still misses her everyday) and my other grandparents who died too soon within 5 months of each other for 40 years. Y’all are crazy if you don’t think marriage is work. Maybe that’s why divorce rate is so high these days because people think it should be just so easy. True marriages that last are the ones that are in it for long haul because there are times that won’t be easy. BUT with that said, sucky timing Ben! Come on man! Sure is typical of a guy to mention it during such an inappropriate time. However I actually think marriages that aren’t perfect and work through the imperfections are the ones that last. So don’t fool yourselves! And I think theirs (or hope) is more realistic than other screwed up, Hollywood, fame-oriented marriage that lasts an average of a few years. I mean lets be honest, majority of Hollywood is not normal. Hope our country is smarter than this.
Affleck is becoming more and more arrogant. She should be aware of her career now before she has to do a come back after the divorce. He’s too powerful while she is doing nothing, she’s not being smart. I think before he started to pull her down she started that herself. Get up Jennifer!