Miranda Kerr’s post-sex ritual: ‘I always ask for a critique on my performance’

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I don’t really care about celebrity nudity that much – I mean, I’ll look at the photos (of course), but when a celebrity does some nude or semi-nude photoshoot, I never really feel all that pearl-clutchy (unless the celebrity is really young or the shoot is particularly trashy). So, Miranda Kerr got naked for GQ UK. I can’t even find ONE photo in the entire editorial to use. So let’s do this – if you really want to see Miranda’s bum, boobs or anything else, you can see the very NSFW editorial here.

Miranda is currently at that point of her “divorced life” where she feels like enough time has passed and she’s ready to advertise for a new boyfriend, I guess. Of course, I think she was sowing her wild oats when she was still married, but I’ll also buy the idea that she’s actively looking for a billionaire, movie star or heir of some kind. Some highlights from Miranda’s GQ UK interview:

Aging and sex: “The older I get, the more confident I am about asking for things I enjoy. One thing I’ve noticed is now that I’m having less sex my body isn’t as toned. The more sex I have, the more defined my arms and stomach get.”

On Orly Bloom: “Orlando and I always had great chemistry. One-night stands aren’t my thing. I made Orlando wait for six months until I even kissed him.”

Critiques: “I always ask for a critique on my performance. I always want to better myself in every way.”

Dating a woman: “never say never”

Her favourite part of a man: “hands and feet. Maybe I have a fetish?”

Sex in unusual locations: “I’ve had an orgasm in the air before. Alone. And together”

Dating again: “I’m dating. I’m loving it. Two happy parents are better than two unhappy parents. This is my time to explore and have some fun. I’m not looking to fall in love again quickly… I still get chatted up a lot. I’ve had some crazy, ridiculous proposals – stuff that you wouldn’t even see in the movies. No blind dates, however, and I never google a man’s name before I meet him.”

[From GQ UK via Vogue]

Well… I’ll be nice. If I had her body (new boobs and all), I would probably be talking myself up too. I would be trying to get that billionaire dong. I mean, why not? I don’t really understand the need to ask for your lovers to critique your performance, but I guess Miranda likes to be praised…? Ugh. Don’t make me think about this anymore.

Meanwhile, Orlando Bloom has a new interview too. You can read it here – the only notable thing is that Orly says he’s interested in raising Flynn in the UK so Flynn can have a proper English education. Orly says: “I’d like him to have some experience of living at home – in England.”

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Photos courtesy of GQ UK, WENN.

 

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120 Responses to “Miranda Kerr’s post-sex ritual: ‘I always ask for a critique on my performance’”

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  1. Nick says:

    That’s pathetic. Plus any decent guy is not gonna say “you were terrible”. She is so insecure. W

  2. Eleonor says:

    “did you like it” ???

  3. smee says:

    Rate her performance? Does she really mean technique or is she talking about faking it?

  4. GoodNamesAllTaken says:

    Omg, I had a boyfriend once who wanted to dissect everything afterwards. It was a thinly disguised desire for praise, it ruined the afterglow and it was such a bore. Enough about me, let’s talk about me. Ugh.

  5. Dating a woman: “never say never”

    Translation: Oh, Mr. James Packer, fugly, scumbag billionaire–PICK ME!!! I’m into threesomes…..
    ———————————-

    Also–I give her credit for her boob job. If I hadn’t seen any pics of her before it, I would’ve thought those puppies were real.

    • deehunny says:

      they do look really good but they are like 2 or 3x bigger than they used to be. will be harder for her to work at v/s

    • TG says:

      LOL @VC – You are so right and her advertising that she is into threesomes goes along perfectly with her Plenty Of Fish profile for Billionaires of course that she got for free in GQ. If only all of us could get free advertising in magazines for a very rich man. She is pathetic. I agree with others she must be the most insecure celeb I have ever read about.

    • Sacred And Profane says:

      Her supposed relationship with James Packer was all over our Aussie mags a few weeks ago, but lately….nothing. I wonder if it fizzled out or if they’re keeping it quiet? Yes, he’s a bit ugly, but reputedly worth $7 billion. Yes, $7 BILLION. He has a “type”, too – tall, dark-haired models. There was fiancée model Kate Fischer, then wife number 1, model Jodhi Meares. After that, model Erica Baxter became wife number 2. He’s got the cash to attract such women, and he has the power to push them professionally.

      At one point it was reported he was introducing this one around the Hollywood types, in an effort to help her launch a career in movies. At some Oscars after-party she apparently turned up, even though many questioned her presence at such an event, but James was nowhere to be seen. The last I heard, he had put her in touch with one of the five law firms he uses to help her with the family feud. I’ve heard nothing since then (and that was early February), until this.

      She is a vile, narcissistic fake.

  6. ~Z~ says:

    Hmmmm…..What stupid *ss thing can I say that will get everyone talking….

    OMG

  7. Jess says:

    Yeah that would be extremely annoying, be confident in your abilities and enjoy the moment instead of looking for praise.

  8. eliza says:

    Ugh?! Talk about desperation, this chick reeks of it.

    I hope some dude tells her one day that she was “awful” and never calls again.

  9. aims says:

    I think communication is important. What works, what doesn’t. Although I might be a little offended if I got a report card about how everything went down.

    I agree though, she’s looking for someone to take care of her.

  10. Mugsy says:

    UGH. Girl, get a grip. Such a try-hard she is.

  11. FingerBinger says:

    I feel if she’s asking how she is in bed then she’s not that good. A confident woman or man doesn’t need their performance rated. It’s usually obvious if the partner is satisfied.

  12. blue marie says:

    You know the cards you sometimes get at restaurants on rating the service and whatnot? I see her handing that out before they get started. If it’s not all 10′s then she doesn’t get the bonus.

  13. erindipity says:

    If there was any “performance” involved, then they were doing it wrong.

  14. Sadie says:

    Girl, if you have to ask every time – you weren’t that good.

    • Chicagogurl says:

      1st – if it’s good -all parties know! If it’s groundbreaking you know. If it’s horrible you know. Only when you don’t know some one and it’s mediocre should you speculate and even then men don’t typically ward off sex with a partner they’ve already had unless they’re married or she’s crazy.

      2nd- stop trying so hard. If you get a lot of offers it’s because people don’t know much about you. The more you talk the more you seem like self-centered narcissistic brat.

      3rd – I pray orly has a girlfriend that’s the full package next time and Miranda has a reason to be jealous.

      • Dommy Dearest says:

        The third point, YES. I so agree. I watched Desolation of Smaug this weekend and Legolas was lookin’ goooood.

        Also, I’m assuming you’re from Chicago. Is there a way we can plot and scheme the kidnapping of CM Punk? There are things I want to do that I won’t bother asking if he liked it or not, cause HE GOIN’ TO LIKE IT!

  15. Jaded says:

    I’m actually happy that Orlando isn’t with her now – she’s just so vapid and trashy. He deserves better than some self-obsessed airhead of a model.

  16. Ag says:

    Well, she’s clearly just fishing for compliments, honest or not, since I doubt many guys would be rude enough to say anything negative.

  17. ~Z~ says:

    She never googles a man’s name….Well, duh, she has assistants that come up with full reports on all billionaires in the area….

    She makes Orlando wait 6 months, yet cheated on him so much….WTF

  18. bettyrose says:

    Has boob technology improved? Those aren’t bad. IMHO sex is more about chemistry than technique. It gets better with practice…but more because two people get more in tune with one another’s desires over time. Great technique won’t make up for no chemistry.

  19. Kelly says:

    Dear lord, now that is really TMI.

  20. Lydia says:

    I’d say that she is an affront to all women, but I think she’s actually an affront to all thinking people.

  21. HH says:

    I just find this all to be TMI in a very tacky way. This is coming from a girl who likes to talk to about sex and poop. (It’s healthy people. You need to pay attention to what your body is telling you.) It’s more than clear that she’s the one that was a problem in the marriage.

  22. Suzy from Ontario says:

    I think she believes that her answers make her sound edgey, but to me she comes off as insecure and narcissistic. I’m not impressed.

  23. FLORC says:

    If you’re doing it right both of you should be too exhausted to do anything more than breath heavy until you fall asleep.

    And if you need pointers it IS a performance. It’s not coming naturally.
    This girl is way too into herself.

  24. kibbles says:

    She’s gross. This is a woman who has gotten breast implants, photoshops her Instagram photos, and believes in traditional gender roles (i.e., women being submissive) in a marriage. Her job is to take off her clothes yet she does things that show how insecure she is despite having a great body. She probably cheated on Orlando Bloom and is now on the prowl for a richer sugar daddy. I don’t know why anyone with any self respect and sense of decorum would publicly answer these types of questions. When I read her interview I just thought to myself, this is TMI. Celebrities today are crossing the line and saying a lot of things that really do not need to ever be said outside of the privacy of their bedroom.

  25. hateonit. says:

    she’s so annoying. I find her annoying in every way. her face annoys me. she looks like a cherub. she definitely cheated in the marriage. the only good thing about her is that adorable baby.

  26. bowers says:

    Criminy, she’s sad. How would it feel to like THAT?

  27. Melissa says:

    She is so hard to like- she just rarely comes across genuine.

  28. Monkey Towz says:

    My ex and I would high-five eachother after a great night of sex & compliment one another’s techniques. Maybe that’s what she’s referring to. I don’t know anything about her, but I would like to think that someone with that body wouldn’t be insecure about anything & perhaps she was being humorous.

  29. Erm says:

    Desperately seeking attention.

  30. wooley says:

    Who would you rather have a conversation with, Miranda or kim?

  31. GeeMoney says:

    Please stop giving this woman press.

    Not to mention… I thought that models were to be seen and not heard? I miss those days.

  32. Hope says:

    Meh.

    I like to ask for critiques too, as in “would you like me to do that again?” or “what was your favorite part?” “Was that enough pressure/moisture/tongue?” I like to try to hone my technique too. Ain’t no shame in that.

  33. mkyarwood says:

    Meaning she straight up fakes it. This is a very needy reaction, and it makes me pity her a little.

  34. Nene says:

    I’ve always thought of her as an airhead and attention seeker.
    And she keeps geting worse.

  35. GIRLFACE says:

    What a super desperate and insecure thing to do!

  36. Mingy says:

    why the F#ck did I just read that, my eyes rolled out of their sockets..it must be exhausting being with her..that ego needs stroking like 30 times/ hour.

  37. Jade says:

    While I think she is full of crap and it’s clear that she has low self esteem, I think that she is this way because of modeling…when you’re only known and judged for your body and your face, you will keep seeking that validation and attention from both men and women. If she did cheat, it may be due to her seeking the need to be desired and admired, especially after so called settling down in a marriage. It’s easy to laugh at her but I think if I were a model I’d have the same issues especially if I’ve been conditioned to think I have nothing else to offer…

  38. Evi says:

    She’d have to be one of the most insecure models around.
    Judging from the amount of semi nude imagery, her and Madonna should team up and create the Insecure Instagrammer Society.

  39. Ari says:

    This individual annoys the hell outta me. She’s full of it.

  40. Karen says:

    WTF did I just read?! Dear God.

    I don’t even know where to start. First off, I don’t believe for a second she made Orlando wait 6 months before a kiss, does anyone else?!

    I don’t want to bash a woman for embracing her sexuality, which is fine, but everyone hit the head on the nail with “desperation”. Ridiculous interview from a ridiculous woman.

  41. CJ Berk says:

    She’s pathetic is right. Plus she looks like some kind of blow-up cartoon doll. Very unappealing on all levels. Rate her performance?? So dumb it defies description.
    I’m embarrassed for her. Can anyone really be that stupid?

  42. aasf says:

    She use to annoy me but now I just feel sorry for her. She is gorgeous and her body is enviable. She is rich and is successful in her career. I know modeling makes people insecure but she became a success and a sex symbol. I want to know what the hell is going on in her head for her to cheat on her husband (thus ruining a family), asked to be critiqued about her sex performance, photo shop her instagram photos and what not.

  43. derpshooter says:

    Between wanting a critique and that crack about making Bloom wait to kiss her, I’m being reminded of Kevin Kline’s line in French Kiss that it costs extra to kiss a prostitute. Ha.
    (Which, is that even true?)

  44. homegrrrl says:

    When my mama inspired me to “better myself in every way”, It never occurred or seemed logical that someday I’d ask sexual partners for “self improvement” in the category of better/longer more cosmo magazine style “make him scream” new and improved fellatio. Sheesh woman, way to stay stuck in some 1950′s starlet mode.

  45. Claire says:

    I know its bad when I think I could stomach Kim K over Miranda. Time for her 15 mins of fame to end

  46. WendyNerd says:

    Wow, she must be one of the most unhappy people on the planet.

  47. Jayna says:

    If you have to ask for a compliment and this includes even regarding sex, it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Compliments should be unsolicited to really mean something. Sex should be organic and the hot chemistry between two people not whether you did the triple axle of sex. Someone else could do it all technically better and the guy can’t wait to get his one-night stand out the door. If you’re both feeling it, you know it. You don’t need to ask for a rating. Lol

  48. daisy says:

    I’ve had better. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH

  49. Endorsement says:

    I seriously think this was part of her agreement with Reebok. She’s never been so outrageous in an interview before, and this is obviously a marketing/pr ploy. Incidentally, I just clicked on this story after reading the one about Angie and William Hague in Bosnia. Night and day. Miranda is becoming more vapid by the hour; not to be mean-spirited but does she think about her son – as a teenager/grown man/father – reading about her pleasuring herself in first class and asking lovers how she did right after the deed? Just awful and a truly cynical ploy at headline generation for her sponsors/brands.

  50. Trashaddict says:

    OK, the perfect comedy invitation and NO ONE took her up on it??!!
    MK: “Honey, was it good for you? How was I?”
    SBF(Shallow BoyFriend): “You sucked!”

  51. Snowpea says:

    Oh man, I can’t bear Miranda Kerr. What a an embarrassment to our country (almost as embarrassing as our oaf of a PM Abbott but that’s a whole other story ; )

    She just irks me and I don’t even know why.

    Well I didn’t know why…now I do.

    Kerr please shut up.

  52. Mitch Buchanan Rocks! says:

    That green ring is spectacular and pops the wow even moreso than Kate Middletons.

  53. rodzilla says:

    I used to think Miranda was really something. I guess that must have been strictly based on her looks, because, since she left Orlando, the more I find out what she is really like, the less she appeals to me. This interview just makes her seem needy, and more than a little weird. Maybe a bit creepy, as well.