As we learned from a blaring TMZ headline two days ago, Amber Heard was once arrested for domestic violence back in 2009. TMZ tried to make it sound as sordid as possible, like Amber had beaten up her then-girlfriend Tasya Van Ree at an airport and the authorities just had to step in. Many wondered if Tasya would say something about the report. And now she has. She issued this statement to the media:
“In 2009, Amber was wrongfully accused for an incident that was misinterpreted and over-sensationalized by two individuals in a power position. I recount hints of misogynistic attitudes toward us which later appeared to be homophobic when they found out we were domestic partners and not just “friends.” Charges were quickly dropped and she was released moments later. It’s disheartening that Amber’s integrity and story are being questioned yet again. Amber is a brilliant, honest and beautiful woman and I have the utmost respect for her. We shared 5 wonderful years together and remain close to this day.”
So… two cops saw two young, attractive women holding hands, play-fighting and having fun and decided to throw their weight around? I believe that. I believe that kind of thing happens more often than people realize. Of course, TMZ had several updates about this, because of course they know better than Tasya.
And in what must a coordinated effort, Amber’s good friend iO Tillet Wright wrote a defense of Amber at Refinery29 on Wednesday as well. Wright was the person who called 911 on Johnny Depp in May, as he assaulted Heard while she was on the phone with Wright. Wright has also been tweeting her defense of Heard this week. Wright’s essay is called “Why I Called 911” and you can read the full piece here. Here’s the first part:
I called 911 because she never would. Because every time it happened, her first thought was about protecting him. Because every time it happened, the sweet, loving man we all cared for so much would come back with apologies, profuse, swearing up and down that he understood how bad what he had done was, and swearing never to do it again. We all loved him, but especially, especially her, and she wanted to believe that the behavior wasn’t going to last.
The reports of violence started with a kick on a private plane, then it was shoves and the occasional punch, until finally, in December, she described an all-out assault and she woke up with her pillow covered in blood. I know this because I went to their house. I saw the pillow with my own eyes. I saw the busted lip and the clumps of hair on the floor. I got the phone call immediately after it happened, her screaming and crying, a stoic woman reduced to sobs.
I understood her heartbreak. He had been my friend, too, a person I loved very much. A person I had once referred to as a brother. A person with whom I had laughed at the absurdity of the media and their spicy claims about my role in their family. A person who came to my rescue in my darkest hour, who I have credited with saving my own life, who I lived with for a year by his invitation while I healed and worked. I knew him to be soft and gentle, with a temper and a dark side, but a golden heart. I didn’t want to believe it either, until I saw the wreckage.
When you call someone your brother, you also commit to calling them out when they are wrong. As she, shaking and crying, described this 195-pound man throwing the full weight of his body into head-butting his 120-pound wife in the face in a fit of rage, I found that an unforgivable line in my heart had been crossed.
I witnessed firsthand the absolutely baffling mental pretzel that an abused person puts themselves into, trying to balance the desire to protect their aggressor, with the knowledge that their swollen face is unacceptable. I listened as she cycled through things she could’ve possibly done to provoke him, or how she could’ve made him upset enough to do this.
I sat and listened, my own heart aching because I had so much care for the tender, generous man inside of all this rage, and yet…the bottom, unequivocal line is, nothing she ever could have said or done deserves what she describes as him dragging her up the stairs by the hair, punching her in the back of the head, choking her until she almost passed out, and smashing his forehead into her nose until it almost broke.
In the second half of the piece, Wright speaks about the journalistic malpractice going on around this Depp-Heard divorce, and how some sites are absolutely part of the problem, part of the reason why “as a culture, we create the most fertile breeding ground” for domestic violence to thrive. Wright absolutely has a point.
Photos courtesy of WENN, Getty.
Very well written and expressed!
I’m really glad I took the time to read the whole piece from Wright. She makes so many great points. It moved me.
Agreed, wonderfully written.
Absolutely!
Yes, I went on her twitter yesterday and from there to her site and she seems like a wonderful human being who expresses her kindness and compassion beautifully.
Powerful stuff.
Words are powerful, but so are photographs! Are there any photos substantiating these charges? So many vivid descriptions…the pillow covered in blood, the busted lip, the pulled out hair covering the floor. Pictures would make this believable. Taking pictures would probably not be the first thing you would think of to do in a real life horrifying situation, but I believe someone would take photographic evidence before cleaning up the crime scene…and if the allegations are true, it is a crime scene.
Have a look at some previous coverage, there are photos in circulation of Amber’s face after some of the incidents described.
People has photos of Amber’s bloody lip from the winter. There’s a pretty big hole on her bottom lip.
Amber always looks genuinely much happier in the pics with her girlfriends. In the pics with Johnny, she looks stepford wifish…
Unfortunately, TMZ already has a comeback story about how the police officer who arrested Amber is homosexual herself. This police officer says Amber broke Tasya’s pendant in the scuffle and Tasya looked visibly upset and was angry with Amber.
This doesn’t mean this officer was the sole officer they had to deal with, however. Usually there are two or more police officers there to arrest someone.
I just can’t dismiss the charges against Amber in good faith because I wouldn’t do the same for a heterosexual couple and domestic violence is prevalent and often ignored in same sex couples. Also DV victims lie to protect their partners.
Tillet’s account is compelling and completely believe her. I’ll say it again. Amber can be a perpetrator of DV and a victim.
I understand. I am having a hard time with that too.
Did you read all of Io Tillet’s essay? She does a great job of explaining in detail how things happened. It’s just heartbreaking. This part in particular caught me, “I watched a woman with a broken spirit go on national television the next night, covered in makeup, smiling through a bloody lip, who nearly jumped out of her seat when someone casually put a hand on her shoulder because she didn’t know what was coming.”
I’m leaning toward feeling the following about all this: Today this is about Johnny Depp. No matter what happened in the past, Johnny Depp is still obviously guilty of domestic violence. There needs to be some type of punishment for what he did.
I agree with you Rebecca completely today is about Depp and his obvious guilt. And when it’s only about Depp I am completely able to support Amber. But I can’t stomach the whitewashing of the DV arrest against Amber. I can’t stomach some of the comments made about how it’s not as serious because women can’t hurt each other as much etc. And when it’s brought up I feel compelled to speak out against it. Abuse is abuse.
I can’t dismiss it either, although it is completely irrelevant to her situation with Depp. I represent several corporations with “no tolerance for domestic violence” policies and have read far too many statements from wives claiming that it was all a big misunderstanding and the police over-reacted when they arrested the husband. But again, Taysa and Amber’s relationship is irrelevant to the Depp and Amber’s relationship.
Also, I find it really troubling that people are being so dismissive of grabbing, pushing, holding, phone-throwing because it isn’t as harmful as suffocating or stabbing or shooting. It is still domestic violence. It is still assault. It is still battery. It still causes fear and emotional distress. And a thrown phone can break a jaw, a nose, a cheekbone, an eyesocket. Also, telephones are a huge factor in domestic violence. Breaking the phone limits the avenues the victim can use to get help.
While we can’t know for sure what was going on and while it’s true that DV victims often lie to protect their partners I think most reasons they lie wouldn’t apply here. They lie because they are afraid what their partner might do, because they want to protect their family or kids or because they still love their partner and think they can work it out. Those two don’t have kids and haven’t been together for years. I mean, it’s possible, but I think it’s just as possible that it was exaggerated.
@lilacflowers.. I’ve represented both sides at DV hearing and I have to disagree. It’s pretty obvious what Depp’s response is going to be to the allegations of abuse: she’s a violent person, she was arrested for DV, my security guards had to pull her off me.. etc. I was defending myself and somehow my phone slipped out of my hand.
Luca76 – A few days ago, I made an comment thinking that male on female violence was more damaging than female on female violence. I was immediately made aware that I was neglecting the reality and horror of all domestic violence, and was politically incorrect. (I learned a lot from the comments – thanks mostly to @the other Katherine and @Kitten) I’ve never been attacked by a female, but if I had, I would call it horrifying – and I would fight back if that were my only option. However, the tone of sexist, raging male violence feels more sinister than the free for all in the airport, because of principle power differentials. I used to fight back when attacked in self-defense, but I soon learned not to – his rage only increased, and so did the damage! How dare I challenge his male privilege! Helplessness is a big part of the psychological harm done, such as the helplessness of a small child, when faced by giants who hurt them. Any kind of assault is sickening and disgusting. However, I don’t believe that all assaults are equal in nature on the scale of the despicable.
@Wolfpup I want to thank you and acknowledge you for sharing your story and say how grateful I am to hear it.
That being said my point is abuse is abuse. There are different levels of abuse. And that is based on individual circumstances surrounding each case. Abuse isn’t necessarily worse or scarier because a male is the perpetrator and the female is the victim . Psychological abuse, emotional, and verbal abuse can be as damaging. A female can be just as physically dominating or psychologically dominating in certain cases. I think it’s just as damaging to say that you would fight back if a woman hit you as it is to say you’d fight back if a man did. The fact is no one should be laying their hands on their partners and no instances of domestic violence should be taken less seriously than others.
@Rebecca: This quote from IO: “I watched a woman with a broken spirit go on national television the next night, covered in makeup, smiling through a bloody lip, who nearly jumped out of her seat when someone casually put a hand on her shoulder because she didn’t know what was coming.”
Seems to refer to the really dangerous abuse the past december, when Johnny left Amber with her pillow covered in blood. And the comment seems related to the fact that Amber was at the “Late Late Show with James Corden” the next night in December 16 and despite the makeup is still possible to see the same mark under her eye than in the People Magazine Cover Story, her swollen lip and that she was about to cry
http://amberheardbrasil.com/galeria/albums/userpics/10001/vlcsnap-2015-12-17-18h09m15s122.png
Now that her fans linked this quote with her at the tv show, the comments are that in fact at the beginning of the show James Corden unexpectedly touched her hand and Amber almost jumped off her seat
@NoName, I have made that point repeatedly over the last several days. Only if he claims he was defending against her violence against him and raises this as an example of past violent acts is this relevant. But so far, he has not done so. Until he does, this is irrelevant. I didn’t type that this morning because I’m tired of typing the same things repeatedly
Wow, Me. Did you find all that information? If so, I think if you’re not a private detective you should be. That is great discovery.
@lilacflowers.. the hearing for the permanent restraining order has not been held, yet. I believe it’s next Friday and Depp hasn’t responded to Amber’s allegations directly but according to TMZ his guards are going to testify at the hearing she was often the aggressor and with this prior DV arrest thrown in, it definitely is relevant.
@NoName, again, IF he raises that defense, it is relevant, although I would expect her attorneys to rebut it. IF he does not raise it, it is NOT relevant Have I typed it enough now?
So just because they’re a same sex couple that automatically means that this arrest was warranted? I get it that you don’t want to downplay same sex violence but you are really trying to hard to make this into something that it’s not.I said yesterday to wait until we hear Tasya’s side but of course today her words are being dismissed as lying for Amber.Airport security is already super tight and nervous anyway.People get wrongly accused/arrested and even wrongly convicted without any physical evidence at all! READ TAYSA’S WORDS! Of course victims sometimes lie but Amber and Tasya broke up years ago,don’t have kids,she’s not on Amber’s payroll, they are still close and she has the upmost respect for her according to Tasya! She also claims that Amber is HONEST and that it’s disheartening that Amber’s integrity and story are being questioned ONCE again. I believe Tasya just Like I believe Vanessa. And Tasya said that she felt misogyny and homophobia from “them” not specifically the lesbian cop. There’s way to much evidence to suggest that Amber was in a long term abusive relationship,but none to conclude that Tasya was.
Perhaps they were scuffling around (playing) and the pendant got broken, hence her annoyance? All we know is what they are saying. I believe Tasya when she said that the incident was misunderstood by those watching.
Yeah I mean- it could be all fun and games but if a necklace that’s special to me gets broken, I’m going to be upset.
Maybe Depp was just playing when he threw the phone at Heard?
^How upsetting is it to read that? I suppose my ex bf was just playing when he smashed my windshield or knocked a soda out of my hand?
Most DV victims retract their statements later on and say the incident was misunderstood. And even if it was a just a slap or a shove.. it doesn’t justify it. Abuse is abuse.
Noname, I see your point, I really do, and I am sorry for what you went through. But the fact of the matter is is that as vigilant as we must be against domestic violence, we also need to be cognizant of the seriousness of the allegations, and realize that there are instances where domestic abuse does NOT in fact occur despite what the casual observer might see in an unguarded moment between two people.
Yes, it really didn’t sound like an abuse situation to me. The Depp defenders were grabbing at straws. I believe the explanation. I suppose it’s better to be safe than sorry as far as the police are concerned, though. In a public place, they have to decide on the spot if something might lead to worse or indicates worse is happening behind closed doors. Charges seem a tad overkill in this case, but I wasn’t a witness. Usually skilled police can talk to the people involved and get them to cool down without further action.
I am not that concerned about protecting people falsely accused of dv. there are far more dv victims to worry about.
The Tasya incident is a separate conversation, and the only reason TMZ is going hard with it is that it muddies the waters and shifts the blame from Depp to the victim.
The bottom line is, Amber’s past is irrelevant. Whether or not she hit someone else has no bearing on whether or not someone abused her.
I completely agree and my point is minimizing the circumstances of her arrest is just playing into the hands of Depps PR and muddying the waters.
The problem I was having with the Tasya situation was I was not sure if Amber’s domestic violence arrest in the past makes her more prone to be someone who abuses someone else in the future. I had the question of whether or not she was hitting Johnny Depp also and what that means if she is. Would it mean they are both abusers and both deserve to be punished for their actions? This doesn’t mean that I think she deserved the abuse perpetrated against her or triggered it and it’s her fault. I don’t.
The witness statements seem to indicate that it is NOT the case that she was doing the hitting and that she was the one GETTING abused.
I do think though that TMZ effectively put that question in people’s minds with their story which is exactly what they wanted to do.
Rebecca, I would think that if she was also hitting Johnny he would have said that by now.
I think your right Crumpet. The body guards came forward and said she was and so did that lawyer neighbor. However, they weren’t even in the room to see anything at the time. I’ve never heard of an ear-witness before. I don’t think they are at all credible.
I wonder if and when Johnny Depp will say anything.
The law states if you are being abused by someone, you are only allowed to physically attack back enough to get yourself free and make them no longer a threat – the law states it much more eloquently than that, but that’s the gist of it. If I hit my husband, he has every right to push me away, do whatever he has to to get me off him, but he does not get to beat me up. It goes the other way as well – If my husband hit me, I can do whatever I need to do to get safe, immobilize him, etc. but I cannot beat him once he’s down. It is a slippery slope defining that line between protection v. revenge.
In the case of females abusing males, the difference in physical strength is taken into consideration. For the sake of argument, if Amber did in fact hit Johnny, he can push her away and even subdue her, but he can’t punch her full strength or do anything beyound making her no longer a threat. The balance or imbalance of power (strength) has to be considered.
Jennifer Justice, thanks for the information on what is and is not legal when defending yourself against domestic violence. I had no idea they had a law regarding DV that made so much sense. It cleared up all my confusion on who is considered the abuser.
So TMZ is basically saying because the officer is homosexual, she can’t make arrest mistakes? Jump to conclusions, read a situation incorrectly at the time? What does that have to do with decision making or arresting someone? Homosexuals are all biased and arrest/don’t arrest based on someones sexual preference? Thats like a reverse Trump. TMZ is just f’ing awful.
And Tasya said that she felt misogyny and homophobia from “them” not specifically the lesbian cop. So TMZ is just digging as usual! Tasya said that they didn’t even care until they found out they were together.😟
And the cop is also a DV supporter. She has contributed and volunteered for a shelter (IIRC…but definitely donated)
She/them either way she’s changed her story.
tmz is pro depp that is so obvious – but they never explain all the pattern of depp’s anger and rage issues starting from the past 20 odd years – why is that? amber had something in 2009 but depp – his relationship with kate moss and ryder doesnt need any explaination to show his anger pattern – double standard again
But wait…no one is saying that the arresting officers witnessed the event. The way I’m reading this is that airport security, TSA, or even other passengers witnessed the event. Tasya references “them”. So someone called the cops and they have to follow through. So it makes no difference to me whether one of the arresting officers is a lesbian or not.
I’m very aware that DV can happen to anyone, but I’m still having a hard time believing the spin TMZ keeps throwing out there. Taysa has been very quiet, until now. I don’t think she would willingly participate in this media frenzy if she didn’t feel she had to, to support her friend. Taysa has a social media presence, but she seems like a fairly private person. I’ve seen her IG in the past and it’s almost all about her artwork.
I feel sick because I can visualize it to the point it is almost palpable. Johnny get help STAT.
Wright’s first paragraph broke me. I can relate to that feeling of wanting your love one to change but deep down knowing he/she never will. How you feel when you know nobody will believe you because he/she is such a nice person. The fear, the sadness and a bit of hope that this would be the last incident, and at the same time asking youself how did you even got to that point.
It is a powerful piece, and I just hope this nightmare ends soon for Amber.
Powerful statements from both women. Tasya’s actually made me sniffle. Such a sweet, short yet strong thing to say about an old lover and a respected friend.
And yet she will be discredited, while Vanessa Paradis won’t.
Give me a break. When VP released her letter the first 20 comments on here were about how she was lying and getting paid off and how horrible a person she was for not believing AH.
What SloaneY said. I don’t get why people insist on blaming Vanessa for Depp’s abuse of Amber. It’s really gross.
@SloaneY I’m referring to the whole press, not this website or the people who commented.
@Kitten I’m not blaming Vanessa, I’m just saying that like Tasya, she defended her ex-partner and while people will give Tasya a hard time for many reasons, they will let Vanessa pass giving her reasons to do it.
To me there’s not much difference in Taysa or Vanessa’s statements and both may very well be in denial or outright lying.
I haven’t read any comments of Vanessa lying on any site except this site and Jezebel.I read comments on about 30 sites after Vanessa released her statement.
@Mia V-Ok I get what you’re saying now. Personally, I’m choosing to take everything these women say at face-value. I believe Amber, Vanessa, and Tasya.
Of course, we never know what happens behind closed doors but I don’t see how it helps to doubt their stories.
I don’t care for Vanessa making statements about her relationship with Johnny because it has nothing to do with Johnny relationship with Amber – a relationship that Vanessa knows nothing about. It was an attempt on her part to stick up for Johnny by saying in so many words “he didn’t abuse me, so he didn’t abuse Amber.” Just dumb and frankly, very suspect, because there were articles all over the place in 2012 when Depp and Paradis split that succinctly talked about his heavy drinking and them having epic fights. That may not equate to him being abusive toward Vanessa, but it sure doesn’t align with her saying last week that he’s only ever been loving, kind, and a wonderful father/husband. Heavy drinking may be not lead to physical abuse, but it sure isn’t a hallmark of a good father or husband.
@JenniferJustice: I was trying to say the very same thing regarding Vanessa for a while, but many people don’t see why it’s probably just an attempt to ‘save face’. It’s not just protecting her children (wheras I would still ask how that statement actually does protect them). She released it because the question would otherwise arise, at least with the public: what about HER 14 years with him? Of course her time with him doesn’t really concern the relationship Heard had with Depp, but there were plenty of reports about volatile fights between them, heavy drinking on his part, and him moving into a next-door building while still with her. However, if she decides to see him as only loving, caring etc., or if it was true that he was that way when with her, that is her choice. But to imply that if it didn’t happen to her, it couldn’t have happened to someone else, is not only stupid, but wrong. And it discredits an abuse victim.
Know your abusers, seriously read up on domestic abuse. Many abusers if not most, don’t target ALL spouses, girlfriends family members, friends or women. They often are selective and purposely choose the people they do abuse. OJ didn’t abuse his first wife, Drew Peterson didn’t abuse his first wife but ended up killing two others. Abusers aren’t always consistent and their patterns can be spaced apart or even exhibited years later, years earlier etc….ALL women need to educate themselves on how abusers abuse. If Vanessa says he didn’t abuse harm her or their family, do believe her because a typical pattern for abusers they usually don’t do it to every single girlfriend or spouse.
siri,
Good point. Depp himself has stated that Paradis would ‘talk’ him down from his rage and violent moods.
That would be emotional abuse directed at her no? She was his partner, not his therapist. It sounds like their children were also exposed to a violent argument between Depp and Heard. More emotional and verbal abuse, clear for all to see, hear and to suffer from.
Yes, his family – including Paradis – were obviously exposed to DV. No matter what form it took. Paradis shouldn’t have made that statement. Look at Moss. Unless she truly believes that she and their children were never exposed to abuse. And that I find hard to believe, after Depp’s own statements to the contrary. Yes, they were indeed – according to him and Heard, shown his angry, abusive side, even on a private jet. Perhaps he never laid a hand on Paradis and their family. But there are so many different forms of abuse, as many of us know.
Lucy makes a great point as well.
And Amber’s story is so terrifying. He choked her and more. Thank God he didn’t kill her. As another poster put it, that’s when love has nothing to do with it. And it doesn’t. The person you think you love most in the world tries to kill you?
They don’t love you. It’s all about hatred and control. Like any other violent criminal.
You notice that Depp and his lawyer have said nothing concrete about Heard ever abusing Depp.
Not remotely comparable! Tasya didn’t say a word about anything or anyone except her own personal experience. She didn’t speculate or cast aspersions on anyone else. And she was responding to an allegation made that directly involved her and was reported around the world.
Vanessa has every right to have an opinion of course but her statement was about something that did not personally directly involve her, that she had zero personal knowledge about (it’s doubtful she’d spent much if any time around the couple during their marriage), and was a clear attempt to discredit someone.
Yes but sadly people will care more about the random dude-bro comments by Benicio Del Toro or that stupid comedian, than these two women who actually have something to say about this situation
I forgot opinions not welcome here.
You know, no one is forcing you to come here and read this stuff. If you feel the media is a problem, than you can choose not to contribute. Instead you keep coming back and complaining.
Oh, I see you changed your post. Of course opinions are welcome. I was merely pointing out that if you feel this playing out in the public eye is troubling, you can choose not to contribute.
Not when they are obviously misogynist trolling. You’re right. Bye.
I hope every single one of the (minority of) posters on here who said that Amber’s credibility was ruined by the arrest and that they believed she “provoked” Johnny and “pushed his buttons” will give this serious thought. I was so disheartened to see all of the posts saying “she’s not an innocent victim” and blaming her for what happened. No one deserves abuse.
Agreed, GNAT. It was really troubling.
It doesn’t matter if she “pushed his buttons” even to the extent she’s a “leaner” (someone who holds a bell down for an extended period of time). HIS RIGHT TO REACT STOPS BEFORE HE TOUCHES HER! NO EXCEPTIONS! GAG!! That “she made me do it”, “she made me angry” crap has GOT to stop!
Michael K said iO Tillett Wright sounds like the name of Apple’s new operating system, LOL!
Michael K can certainly turn a phrase!
TMZ’s angle is perplexing. I haven’t been able to visit the site since the anti Amber campaign began. It’s within their right to report the crime as innocent until proven guilty, but what they are doing is shockingly far left of that. Who knew Johnny Depp/his PR team had this much power of the media considering mightier men have fallen.
TMZ was just as partial to Mel Gibson during his Oksana debacle, and is just as partial to the Kardashians.
Depp’s PR people are controlling the TMZ narrative in an unprecedented way. During the Mel/Oksana child custody battle, TMZ acquired the entire sealed case file, and they slowly published the photos, emails, etc., on their website over a period of weeks. They gave their stories a pro-Mel slant, but make no mistake, being the star of a never-ending, privacy-shattering tabloid controversy is highly damaging to an actual star like Mel Gibson. Depp’s PR/legal team is actually feeding TMZ its stories in a calculated manner.
Isn’t it interesting though that during the split with Paradis, she was blamed for forcing Johnny to take marquee roles like Pirates? http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/johnny-depp-vanessa-paradis-had-blazing-fights-before-breakup-201247
But he continued to take roles for Disney Inc after the split….
He was a good actor before all these roles but not a Moviestar; thanks to him being a Moviestar, the system he claims to not like is protecting him with all of its might. And I’ll bet my left arm that he isn’t even grateful for all the work people are doing for him. He’s so used to being catered to that he probably thinks this is how it SHOULD be.
You fundamentally misunderstand what a moviestar is if you think it’s only about money.
Perhaps in this age of superheroes that’s what qualifies as a moviestar because JD was a moviestar straight out of the gate in the 80s based upon CRY BABY.
The PIRATES movies made him a bankable moviestar, but he had achieved it seemlessly when he transitioned from TV star in the 80s.
Brad Pitt became a moviestar with only 10mins’ appearance in THELMA & LOUISE.
If moviestardom was purely about money, Cate Blanchett and especially Nicole Kidman would never qualify because few of their films have made bank.
On the flipside, both Adam Sandler and Tyler Perry make bank regularly on their projects yet they are definitely not moviestars.
It took George Clooney several tries and several movies before he became a moviestar despite having insane TV stardom from the ER show. And the movie that made him a star, OUT OF SIGHT, didn’t make alot of money. And he’s already starred in the Batman franchise by then, as well as an action/thriller role – THE PEACEMAKER
George continues to have more misses than hits and yet he is very much a moviestar.
I haven’t visited TMZ either since this
Exploded and I don’t intend doing so
Untill justice is served in this matter.
The poor woman. I feel SO bad for thinking
She looked stuck up! All the time she
Was miserable and enduring such
violence from the person she loved.
It is really heartbreaking.
TMZ is vile. It’ll be a hard habit to break, but I’m about to break up with them. Permanently.
–TheRealPinky
Me too. I’ve always thought of them as a bit of a necessary evil, but these days I think they’re just evil. Vile is truly the word.
TMZ Harvey is very close friends and allies with Depps divorce lawyer. He always sides with the side she chooses.
Wright has written a powerful moving piece that perfectly illustrates the heartbreak and danger of domestic abuse. Poor, poor Amber. I believe absolutely that she loved Johnny, and that he has a heart of gold. I also believe that he assaulted her multiple times and that she had to leave to save her life. Thank God she had strong women friends around her that supported her and helped her to leave for that very last time and didn’t allow herself to be talked into staying by Johnny or his creepo personal assistant.
It is heartbreaking to love an alcoholic. You believe the good person you fell in love with is still in there, just buried under the alcohol. One day, you realize that the good person isn’t coming back. And you hate the person who replaced him. I feel sorry for Johnny, too, but if the fact that he was hitting this woman he claimed to love wasn’t enough to make him get help, I’m afraid he’s already gone.
I think he is gone too. Watching him party in Europe, playing at being in a band while photos of Amber’s bruised face circulate seals the deal for me. It’s sad.
I have a cousin whom we would lose to alcohol and drugs every few years or so. Finally, after 3 times in jail, he is back and has been back for 12 years now. Yet I never lose the fear even while being happy for him and seeing him move in his life. Because one day he might leave again, and this time it might be for good.
I’m sorry about your cousin, SilkyCrumpet. (Sorry, I miss my little Crumpet). My father in law stayed sober for forty years, so maybe your cousin will be able to as well. It’s a terrible addiction., though, and I understand your fear.
I miss Crumpet too. I think you should bring it back, SilkyMalice.
Oh, OK. guys. I guess I can end my tribute to Alan Rickman. I admit I don’t much like the malice part of my moniker. It doesn’t really suit. <3 to two of my favoritest posters!
Much better and yes that was my issue with your old-new name—there’s nothing “malicious” about you. But I didn’t realize it was a Rickman tribute, so there’s that 😉
Hooray! Crumpet’s back!! 🎉🎉🎉 yes, you are a little crumpet, not something mean!
1.) I loved the SilkyMalice moniker. 2.) I didn’t realize you were Crumpet! I’m an idiot! (I see the picture now.)
Hi tealily! 🙂 You are not an idiot. That was another reason to change back – I really did feel like I was being sneaky. Ha!
Welcome back Crumpet! I liked u as SilkyMalice too, but the malice part didn’t seem to fit 🙂
Beautifully put.
” When you call someone your brother, you also commit to calling them out when they are wrong. ”
I especially loved that part. It’s clear that she was very close to both of them. It was so heart felt and raw. What a beautiful piece, and SO true. Nobody wants to think their loved ones are capable of anything wicked. But all the murderers in the world, and child molesters and war criminals – they’re all someone’s loved ones. Sadly, people are capable of so much that we don’t want to see. It’s nice to see someone so eloquently state what that meant to them.
I agree, and I think it actually shows more love for the person than the others who won’t admit he did anything wrong in spite of having seen it themselves.
YES. That’s why the piece is so powerful and convincing. She’s obviously really invested in this situation on a personal level because she has close relationships to both Amber and Depp. I liked that she talked about how generous and nice Johnny can be because it so clearly demonstrates what the public at large refuses to see: that a nice man can also be an abuser.
It was upsetting to read though…poor Amber 🙁
Amber was arrested for DV.
That is a fact. Why is there a rush to believe all her PR. Because that is what it is.
I can see Team Depp have been waiting and waiting. Seeing what Amber produces. Then one by one plant these stories.
troll.
Because it has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not Depp abused her. It literally does not matter in the context of her relationship with Depp.
It does seem like TMZ has been waiting and holding on to this story. Aren’t they the ones who first said that Amber had her last name changed to her ex girlfriend’s last name when they were together? They must have done a criminal background check using Tasya Van Ree’s last name earlier. I think they did know about this all along.
Yes she was arrested. So do we give Johnny a pass because of it? That’s ridiculous. If you slapped someone and they, in return, beat you up so badly you almost died, would you say I deserved it, I slapped him? I doubt it. So why are you trying to say she deserved it? Don’t play, we know that’s what you’re saying. I smacked my husband once when I was mad at him? Does that mean he should have choked me? Even if she started the argument, even if she screamed at him, even if she slapped him, she did not deserve the abuse. No one, EVER, deserves to be abused. No matter what they did.
To be fair, even though I’m SOLIDLY Team Amber, if she slaps him, that is DV, too. No one should be raising a hand to anyone else, except in self-defense.
The way this is playing out in the media is absolutely horrifying and almost ntolerably graphic. Every day a new angle and a new voice, to add to the cacophony of voices already yelling at fever pitch.
But now it’s being said I can see it all too clearly. The downward spiral of Depp over the last few years has been apparent to even the most casual of observers. Remember how cool, interesting and fun he was when he’d fly in direct from France with Vanessa on his arm, fresh mud still on his boots and a cheeky grin for the world to see?
Those days are long gone.
If anything good is to come of this whole messed up situation, it is an increased awareness of how insidious DV is in this retrograde patriarchy we call modern society.
Here in Australia we have a woman die every week at the hands of her current or ex partner and still, government sits on its hands.
Sometimes I think we are going backward not forward in this crazy, troubled world we all call home. 😔
Completely agree, and alongside the hideous Stanford rape situation, it becomes v. obvious how the victims of the given situation have their past dissected, when it’s irrelevant.
iO Tillet Wright’s statement gave me the chills. I hope Amber is getting all the help and support she needs.
But isn’t it possible that Tasya van Ree may be covering for Amber’s violence against her? Even if Tasya forgave Amber for supposed domestic violence, it was still violence. That doesn’t make what Johnny Depp did any less horrifying. Amber can perpetrate DV and still be a victim of it. I emphatize with her on one but disprove of her actions on another.
iO’s essay was well written, eloquent and hard hitting. Another important read alongside Brock Turner’s survivor’s statement in court. She is absolutely right about the culture in which DV thrives. People like TMZ, Del Toro, etc should be ashamed of themselves.
Why would she make a public statement about it if Amber really abused her? And the charges were dropped.
Various reasons. Many DV victims have a strong desire to deny that what happened to them was actually abuse. If she convinces herself it was just “playing” then she never has to acknowledge that she was abused. It’s very common.
The charges were dropped because they didn’t live in the aera ( they lived in California whereas the incident is happened at Seattle) and what is the interest of probation if you don’t live in the aera (no?)
Because people do that all the time.
How furious that cop must be. A lesbian herself who supports domestic violence organizations, who responded to an upset woman reporting dv, only now to be slandered by them in the press.
@Claire, to clarify, Tasya didn’t report the incident as domestic violence, and she also didn’t accuse the female police officer of misogyny or homophobia. She didn’t specify that it was the police officers at all who misinterpreted the event, but two people in power–which could have been TSA officers, gate agents, etc., who in turn WERE the people who reported what happened as domestic violence.
It’s important to separate out what Tasya actually said from what TMZ is implying.
@Samtha-Thanks for the additional info. Do you have links by any chance? It’s hard to find detailed info about the alleged attack in the general gossip blurbs online.
For the same reason that Amber covered for Johnny. I refuse to click on any tmz link, but from what I’ve read here, Tasya calling the arresting officers “homophobic” and “misogynistic” when one of the officers is gay is troublesome. Why is it difficult to believe, especially given the evidence, that Tasya was assaulted just because the (out of state) charges were dropped? Tasya can be a victim too; that doesn’t negate that Amber is a victim of DV herself.
Yes, after I wrote that the charges were dropped, I realized that my argument was totally lame. DV charges are wrongly dropped all the time. I guess I just believe her. She could have said it was a one time incident, or it wasn’t that bad, but she said it was misinterpreted by two people in power at the airport. I have seen these airport goons in action a few times. I appreciate the job the good ones do in trying to keep us safe, but as in any job, there are some bad ones, too. She may have read their remarks as homophobic because she has learned through her life experiences that lots of people have problems with same sex couples. Maybe she was just wrong about that. It could be troubling, too, as you said. So I think you make good points and we just don’t know.
It’s also possible other officers involved during or after the fact didn’t say homophobic things – they say there were two that were involved in the arrest. I mean – she didn’t name them specifically so just because one of them is gay doesn’t mean none of them are homophobic.
That being said – the prosecutor decided to not bother, and she petitioned in 2011 to have it removed from her record. So I don’t know. Maybe it WAS an innocent thing that took a bad turn and got already on high alert airport officers on the case – but it’s just as possible that it was an angry thing. Travel is stressful as hell to begin with – and if her property got damaged (even accidentally) I can’t blame her for being upset with Amber even if it was an innocent thing.
“She could have said it was a one time incident, or it wasn’t that bad, but she said it was misinterpreted by two people in power at the airport. I have seen these airport goons in action a few times. ”
Except domestic violence victims who want the cases dropped frequently claim that law enforcement overreacted or had an agenda of their own, even in cases when the victim called the police.
What is most important here is that the Taysa case is irrelevant to the Depp case.
Women (including gay women) can be misogynists. Gay women can also be internalized homophobics.
Just wanted to point that out.
@Kitten, absolutely. You also just proved my point.
Exactly. I said this when the story came out about her arrest that DV victims can often times be abusers themselves. Its not a cycle for no reason.
In a rush to defend Amber people are trying to sweep her arrest under the rug. Fact is she is an abuser AND a victim. She can be both.
And I find it just as troublesome that her ex said the cop was homophobic when said cop has been openly out for years
@TG–??? then why would you have trouble believing that a gay police officer might be homophobic and misogynistic as Tasya claimed?
Sure, Tasya could have been caught up in a cycle of abuse with Amber, but once she finally freed herself from an abusive relationship, would she REALLY then publicly rush to the defense of her abuser? That seems…atypical for sure. It’s hard enough to break that cycle and generally when that finally happens, all ties are severed. It’s certainly not common to remain close friends with your abuser.
Anyway, as I said above I’m choosing to believe Amber, Vanessa, AND Tasya. If that comes across as “sweeping it under the rug” then I guess I’ll have to live with that.
*shrugs*
It’s possible that she might be, I suppose. But the charges were dropped and they were together for 5 years without any other incidences that we know of.
But it really doesn’t have any bearing on Amber’s situation with Johnny except to give nasty sites like TMZ traction in their quest to portray her as less than ‘the perfect victim’.
@GNAT why did Madonna make a public statement defending Sean Penn? Why do many domestic violence victims refuse to press charges? And why are so many domestic violence charges dropped? None of what is happening is that different from how many heterosexual cases of domestic violence play out. Fits into the pattern perfectly in fact.
@SilkyMalice since the charges don’t have any bearing it’s not really being supportive of Amber to dismiss the possibility that she may have in fact done what she’s was charged with.
Yes, Luca, as I said above my comment was stupid. You are correct. I didn’t think it all the way through.
That part written by Wright makes so sad. I actually cried. I really don’t know how those a**holes at TMZ live with themselves. Like how much disconnect can you have from reality to be so gross.
Is anybody else unable to find iO’s statement on Refinery29? I keep getting an error message when I click the links and I really want to read it in full.
Link is good for me 🙂
The link is down for me too and there’s no trace of it on the Refinery29 website.
Ditto. It’s not as if this particular content can’t be viewed outside of the States is it? I hope it’s just increased traffic, and not that it’s been taken down.
I don’t care if Amber was arrested for violent behavior. So was JD, and his incidents were far more severe.
I don’t care if Amber’s a horrible woman who pushed JD’s buttons.
I don’t care if Amber’s a gold digging whore who intentionally set JD up by provoking him. Neither of these things matter because they are no excuse.
I only care that Amber has evidence that JD was repeatedly violent to her. I only care that JD has shown nothing but dismissive “blame the victim” behavior towards Amber’s evidence and story. If can’t be bothered to take Amber’s accusations seriously, despite the preponderance of support, then why I should I seriously entertain the idea that he’s innocent?
JD needs to grow up, get clean, apologize, and donate to some DV charities. And he needs to count himself lucky if tho doesn’t tank his career.
Well said.
I agree. Well said. That was the opinion I was coming to also, but couldn’t say it as well as you.
Perfect. I feel the exact same way.
Perfectly said.
And as Kitten mentioned upthread. It’s possible to believe Amber, Taysa and Vanessa.
Hear hear! Come on Johnny, WAKE. UP.
👏👏👏👏 Perfectly said, thank you!
Those are powerful and beautiful statement.
Looking at the photos with Tasya, I see a totally different woman: Amber was smiling and full of life , I hope she can go back to be happy again.
Cynically I think the only thing that is going to help is another man supporting Heard’s allegations, in particular a man who has been eyewitness to Depp’s paranoia and anger.
It’s lining up as women supporting her versus men supporting him, and her female friends’ first-person accounts versus his paid male bodyguards and former assistants and the indirect comments of some concierge/complexion fanciers. I don’t know if I can read the piece on Benicio del Toro’s comments. Men’s voices continue to shout down women’s voices, even when the women offer eyewitness testimony.
Hate to say I agree with you.
Like in the Cosby case: dozen of women over the years talked, but they were…how did he say? Yes “manipulative and twisted”. But people started believing them after a male comedian said something about Cosby. Only after that people started changing their minds…
That’s exactly what happened. Women’s reality is not respected — everyone knows we’re crazy, right? Only men are sane and authoritative. It’s an update on the Victorian view of “hysteria.”
It’s the more dangerous extension of what happens when, every so often, I ask Mr. Who to talk so some faceless bureaucrat because I’m at the end of my patience, don’t have the time to hassle, and know his deep voice is going to break through.
I even give him the script. We just need his voice to get something done. He doesn’t like it either, though. It’s just a different larynx.
The most telling comments will be from the police officers who attended the emergency call. I have no idea if they are men or women.
@Who ARE these people, I do the exact same thing with my husband! I had a very serious problem with my car, where the engine would die at low speeds sometimes. I took it a couple of places, but they couldn’t replicate the problem. I spent hours googling and reading message boards and finally found several threads with the same problem on the same make and model. I printed out the message threads and the solutions and *highlighted* them, because I knew the mechanics wouldn’t take my word for it.
When we got to the garage, I begged my husband to do the talking and present the evidence, but he got all weird and made me do it. So of course they didn’t bother looking at my information, dismissed my requests, and “fixed” the symptom by turning the idle up. (You can still hear the engine trying to die, so the underlying problem is still there.) I was furious and humiliated, shaking as we walked out of there. My husband didn’t understand why I was so upset, and I still can’t make him understand how dismissive men are of women, even though he’s witnessed it.
Hi ClaireB if you’re still there. How completely aggravating. I hope your car is safe to drive – you can go to a different mechanic, too.
It takes men a few times to “get it,” mine started seeing enough of a pattern to grasp it but first I had to prime the pump, so to speak.
Recently we had to deal with a minor financial issue on behalf of our child, so I told my husband, I’ll talk but you …. and he finished the sentence, “just be present.” Just the mere fact of his standing there tall, silent and somber helped get the job done. When I’m an old lady I’ll have to line up a lot of guys of all ages to supplement, I guess.
ClaireB – Hi there. once a year on average I would have to dispute a technical point with management but when certain people stacked a meeting I would have to call up my male peer and nicely ask him to make the points needed. I would then explain to him ‘Sometimes they just have to hear it from a man’. :(( yeah it’s sick)). People are incrediably closed minded and biased.
God I wish you weren’t so right about this. Sigh.
I am perplexed at her friends actions. io and this neighbor apparently both knew about all of the abuse from the beginning. They saw the bruises, saw how scared she was. And yet…instead of helping her to get out of that situation, they both, at different points, were living in houses that Depp was paying for, rendering them indebted to this person who abused their friend. Neither of them, apparently, helped her get out of this situation. For years. And it’s not like she didn’t have the means. She also had plenty of opportunity as he was gone a lot. You can say all you want that they didn’t help her because she wanted to stay for love but…..multiple friends? When she had the means and opportunity to leave? After she had been documenting since before the marriage? Instead of helping her get out they decided to live off Depp’s money? Now, after 4 years her friends are finally coming to her defense? Some friends. I’d kick those friends to the curb.
You cannot force someone to leave a situation no matter how unhealthy it is. As iO said in her story she and Johnny were really close and good friends and everyone hoped things would change and get better. If they got Amber out and she went back they would have run the risk of ending the friendship and further isolating her. If they had left the inner circle Amber would only have been surrounded by Johnny and his yes men amd we see how they are. They are coming forward because Amber finally made the decision for herself that she is done being a punching bag. All you can do for friends and family going through an abusive situation that they cannot or will not leave is to be there for them and let them know you support them until they take the steps to get away.
@originslly blue this is soooo correct. You have eloquently spoken the truth. Alienating the victim is the worst thing you can allow the abuser to do!
As much as i liked tiller wrights essay. I also question why she would live in the home of someone who abused her friend. i mean she says that Depp supported her and she was living in his home. Yet she knew about this? For how long? I am perplexed by this bit.
It doesn’t say the timeline overlapped. It says she lived with him for a year, not that she lived there during his marriage to Amber.
Sometimes you believe your constant presence in their lives–even in their homes–will lessen the violence or be a deterrent to the perpetrator. Sometimes you feel as though if you’re there, you ARE protecting the victim. Why is that so hard to understand?
–TheRealPinky
If there were no other options, I might understand that attitude. If she was poor and didn’t have any other support system I might understand. But that is not the case here.
I have to agree. I think the level of graphic and tangible evidence of abuse while iO was living there makes her more complicit than anything. Protecting her would have been taking that evidence down to the police station and getting Amber the solid legal protection that she so obviously required.
Very well said, Pinky. Well said.
@TG, but if Amber wasn’t willing to press charges, Tillet’s hands were tied, no?
Her hands may be tied in terms of pressing charges. But effectively accepting favours such as living in the luxurious household of ambers abuser if she knew what was going on? Theres an exchange there that seems off. He would have a lot of power over her too if he was providing her with a place to stay. This would easily become a conflict of loyalty. I don’t think i could have accepted to be in that situation with someone who is abusing someone else never mind my friend.I would hope she didn’t know about it.
I agree. Well said Pinky.
I don’t blame Amber’s friends for continuing to live on Johnny’s properties. I agree that they may have felt that they were protecting her by being close by. But I also agree with TG in that I wonder why her friends didn’t take the evidence to the police and make a statement. They may not have been able to prosecute Johnny without Amber’s cooperation but at least his abuse would be officially documented. Thus, when Amber was finally ready to leave, it would be a lot easier to prove that he had a pattern of being abusive to her. I can kind of understand why her friends may have stayed quiet after some of the incidents where he kicked her etc. They may have been hoping that he would quietly go to rehab and change his behavior. But when your friend’s husband allegedly tries to kill her, you go to the police.
Gee, I don’t know, why would it be so hard to understand?
If the threat of the law/jail doesn’t “deter” an abuser, or the fact the victim has a PO against the abuser doesn’t “deter” an abuser, what makes anyone think another woman would “deter” the abuser. Especially if the abuser is aware this person knows.
Patronizing someone with a less than stellar argument does not make your case.
I believe Johnny was abusive towards Amber.
I also believe that it took more than a “playful” situation for Amber to get arrested for DV at SeaTac. The two don’t cancel each other out. Yes, Tasya didn’t proceed with charges and eventually Amber expunged her record – TMZ is trying to make that into a part of Amber’s “conspiracy”, which is BS, a lot of celebs do that once the required time elapses. But I don’t buy into the idea that Amber has to be this perfect angel in order for us to believe her. And I think that efforts to make her look like a perfect victim, by her friends or symphatetic media only fan the flames of those who are bitterly anti- Amber.
That does not mean that anything she could have done or said excuses JD’s abuse of her. Nothing does, even IF she cheated on him with all the Dallas Cowboys and all the cheerleaders, or provoked him or anything. The other party always has the choice to walk away, get a divorce, go into counselling (which BTW it doesn’t sound like they attempted, at all). So no excuse for him, at all, on any of that.
Do I have opinions on why Amber stayed and how she could /should have acted? Sure. But it is too easy for me to speak from the fortunate position of never having been in an abusive relationship – and I was horrified that so many of you were. It taught me one thing, you cannot ever know how you’d react in that situation unless you are in it; and you can’t judge how another person would react either because everyone’s different, and their personalities and circumstances factor greatly in how they deal with it. I hope all of you who have walked away know how brave you were and I hope that you are healing and being in a much better place now. And hopefully Amber will too. For the record, I still don’t like her, or her acting, but what does that have to do with believing she was beaten and verbally abused by her husband? I don’t recall seeing a requirement for a victim to be likeable. I also believe that if he had acquiesced to her financial requests she wouldn’t have asked for the RO, and that is the main reason why I don’t label her a hero. Her own lawyer stated that they submitted a request for the support and when it got denied they decided to go public, but not yet press charges.
Based on the combination of her legal and media actions I think her current strategy is a mess, speaking as someone who was in PR and marketing/image building for a huge brand. I don’t understand it, but I lack a legal perspective on it. Do I side eye some of the inconsistencies in the story about the night the LAPD visited? Yes. (If the apartments were trashed, is the LAPD really so corrupt that they ignored it? If her neighbour friend saw bruises – which she stated in her deposition at Amber request for the TRO, did she cover them with makeup before the cops arrived or they ignored those as well? If she released pics of a broken bottle and picture frame, why not pics of all the trashed stuff in both apartments? And if she only released those, why is she holding the rest back? It doesn’t make sense to me.) But again, I don’t think these inconsistencies or incomplete info is sufficient to not believe her. The rest of the smear campaign is BS – if she cried, she was acting, if she laughed, it shows she is a gold digger, pffft…. Depp supporters would – and do cling to anything they think will support his “innocence” which I believe is zero in this case. I also don’t think that his friends not witnessing the DV proves anything – I presume that most abusers don’t hit their partners when in public, with witnesses. OTOH her friends coming over and seeing the results of DV after it happened, duh, of course. And his prior relationships may very well not have been abusive, but that is not relevant to how he acted with Amber. It doesn’t make them liars, and it still doesn’t make him innocent.
It will be interesting to see if last night’s Star story that she is /may be pregnant is true. I sincerely hope not, no child should be brought into this disaster. Once he has his Disney meeting this may all get quickly resolved. They can’t afford this to affect their Pirates 5 movie, more than it already has. If anyone has the power to push him into rehab and a quick settlement, they can.
Nice to read a balanced, well thought out post in a sea of pitchforks. Well done.
ETA: I cannot with the pregnancy thing on any level.
Thank you vauvert wonderful post!
Well said Vauvert.
Very great post. And I do think it’s quite possible that Amber was violent to her partner. BUT I have seen more than once a complete abuse of power by airport personnel. Once, I missed my connecting flight because my original flight was late. The airline rep was being a complete bitch, and she blamed me for missing the flight. I said, “it’s your airline’s fault I missed the damn plane – they were 50 minutes late.” She called over security and tried to have me banned from travel on that airline because she said I was “swearing at her.” She would have succeeded if another man who had been standing behind me hadn’t intervened and said I used a swear word, but I was not swearing at the rep as she claimed, and that I had been incredibly polite until she started blaming me for missing my flight. Another time, I was seated on a plane and we sat on the runway for hours. This guy beside me asked the flight attendant if she had any new information and she just shot him a dirty look. A while later, he asked her again and she said, “I tired too, you know. I got up at six o’clock this morning!” And walked away. We were all aghast that she would compare her getting up for work, for which she was being paid with our sitting there after having paid for a flight, when this huge guy comes up and muscles the guy next to me out of seat and says, “Let’s have a talk buddy. ” he took him by the arm and shoved him to the back of the plane and read him the riot act. The guy came back white as a sheet and said he was an Air Marshall and the flight attendant had told him he was harassing her. He hadn’t done anything but ask her a question. So I completely believe that two airport personnel could just not like what they thought was a scene and make it into something it wasn’t. Not saying that’s what happened, but it’s very possible.
It could have been a “scene” or Amber did hit her girlfriend. I’m not sure why it matters, though. Amber doesn’t have to be angel to have been abused and it’s entirely possible she’s abusive as well. It doesn’t excuse Depp’s actions.
Abuse is abuse. I can believe she’s a terrible person, manipulative, golddigger, abusive and can believe she was abused too. I’ve been abused and abused others in response. Doesn’t make it right, but it does happen.
You just reminded me why I hate flying. Sigh.
Holy mackerel!! I am going to by flying to the East Coast in August and I’ll have to remember to be on my best behavior no matter what! Sheesh.
@GNAT: Yup. I politely asked a question to a flight attendant once (about hoping for a window seat due to claustrophobia) before boarding. It was a crowded, chaotic situation and she told me to wait and she’d get back to me. But then a lot of time passed and the flight was about to board, so I went up again. HOLY SHEET. She went OFF and told me I was on the verge of not being allowed on the plane. I didn’t even ASK her anything the second time, but just me quietly appearing in front of her was all it took for her to flip. I’ve been very careful while flying ever since.
I have one thought about the bruising and whether it would have been visible to the police. If she was wearing makeup when the incident happened, that might have made it difficult to see the initial redness. And if she had changed her mind about filing, she may not have allowed the police to examine her, hence they easily could have missed the redness. The initial photos of the injury do show primarily redness, and with a face clean of makeup. It wasn’t until 2 or so days later you could see the actual bruising, as in black and blue. As for the doormen, again, makeup could have easily covered the bruising, which was actually quite light.
Bottom line – I believe the bruising was real, 100%. And you make good sense about her timing with the RO. But hell, I would ask for a LOT of money as well if I had gone through what she had gone through.
I’d like to hear why it is that people don’t like her. The acting I have seen her do was not bad, and she was getting better which shows me that she is working hard at her craft. I respect that.
Gossip Cop is reporting that the pregnancy rumor is not true, btw.
@Vauvert: I totally don’t understand her PR strategy either. It seems very disorganized and reactive to whatever his camp is saying at the moment. I guess she was planning on staying in this marriage until the final beating and that’s why this all seems poorly planned.
Eh, I’m not inclined to believe Tasya on this one. Most humans can tell the difference between play fighting and something else. And personally, we see so many DV incidents where the police don’t intervene at all and make excuses. I’m personally not going to attack an officer who intervened in something that certainly COULD have been domestic violence from the outside looking in. And I dislike that she falls back on “misogyny” as the reason. If it’s about equality, let LBGT couples get treated as anybody else – and don’t deny that DV can be serious issue there as well. If my husband put his hands on me in public – even in play – if it resulted in a broken necklace, I’d expect some reaction. Two women should not expect any different.
i O Tillet Wright’s essay touched me. I
Know EXACTLY what she’s talking about.
Does her ex partner say anywhere that they were play fighting? If not i don’t think we should suggest they were.
The likelihood is they had an argument that perhaps her then partner feels has been exaggerated. If as has been reported the arresting officer was a woman who is in a same sex relationship i don’t believe that they were specifically targeted. Something probably did happen at that airport but i do not believe it was in any way comparable to the accusations against Depp.
Tillight wrights essay is very good, the bits about Amber are very moving and it also paints a more believable portrait of Depp than currently seen in tabloids were he is either a monster or a man fallen prey to a manipulative woman. The Depp in her account is an abuser but also the kind, gentle man that his friends and previous partner spoke of. I think its important not to reduce him to a two dimensional monster. Abusers can be many things just as victims aren’t always perfect victims. To understand these issues we have to let go of the simplistic black and white thinking.
I feel very bad for amber because i think she is fighting against something she can not win. Ultimately i fear its her thats going to pay with her career.
Eh. I guess I don’t see why people aren’t allowed to speculate that they may have been play-fighting when so many here are speculating (if not outright accusing) that Tasya is lying to cover for Amber.
Why is the former scenario wrong and the latter scenario considered ok?
Personally, I think this another case of people refusing to believe women.
I mean look, is it possible that Amber and Tasya were caught up in an abusive relationship? Yeah of course, but maybe it’s the atheist in me that always comes back to “we don’t know what we don’t know”. There it literally NOTHING so far that has demonstrated that this wasn’t an isolated incident that got out of hand when TSA/law enforcement intervened. It happens.
The only facts we have are:
1) Amber was arrested and released, prosecutor declined to press charges
2) The two people involved are claiming that it was an overreaction on the part of the authorities.
3) The two people who were involved are still very close friends. (Tasya was reportedly at Amber’s 30th bday party).
I just don’t think that if Tasya had been caught in a cycle of abuse that she would still be besties with her abuser. That just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not like they have kids together or any obligation to remain in each other’s lives. I know DV dynamics are complicated but I would assume if the relationship had been violent, that Tasya would want nothing to do with Amber once she was finally freed from that relationship.
So again, we don’t know what we don’t know.
And I chose to base my opinion on what we DO know.
I don’t think it’s terrible to bring up the possibility that Tasya is covering for Amber, but I think it’s f*cked up to straight-up accuse her of lying with literally ZERO evidence beyond this one incident to back up the notion that Tasya was repeatedly abused by Amber.
So unless someone from Depp’s side provides further proof that Amber was abusing Tasya (which could happen I suppose) I’m still choosing to believe her.
agreed, it seems weird to remain friends if the relationship contained elements of dv.
@kitten
@Laura Crellin
Slow down please,you both misunderstood my post.
i very clearly said I don’t believe that this is comparable to the stories about Depp, i never ever said they were in a cycle of abuse. I just find it a bit difficult to talk about “play fighting” in this context were we are having serious conversations about DV. Whatsmore its definitely possible for people to have a heated argument where they grap each other, and even though such an incident is also wrong, it doesn’t automatically mean that said relationship then necessarily would contain years of outright violence and systematic abuse, that defines their entire relationship.
Final note, I don’t think anyone would dare to suggest it was “play fighting” if this was a man who had been arrested for this type of incident.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
DV is so much more complicated than that.
A lot of DV is quite low-level. Pushing, shoving, slapping, hair pulling and ‘mild’ emotional abuse. If you don’t view the person doing these things to you as a major physical threat, you won’t necessarily fear them, and the bad may not cancel out the good for you.
Many DV victims I work with are unhappy in their relationship and are aware their partner is being abusive, but they aren’t scared. Once they leave, they often stay friends with the ex. For them the abuse ends there, and without that they’re great friends.
Even when things are more serious, many people stay in contact out of choice. This idea that people only stay because of kids or money or fear really isn’t true, if it was there’d be a hell of a lot less people staying with their abusers. Most of the female victims I’ve worked with are financially better off once they divorce, either because they were being financially abused and never had access to more than a minuscule ‘allowance’, or because their partner was spending all their money anyway. The kids are often desperate to get away, many beg their parents to divorce for years before it happens. Women sometimes lose their kids to CPS because they won’t leave. A shocking amount of women stay even when they’re the breadwinner, the home-owner and the primary carer.
The people who stay purely because leaving will be difficult, they tend to get out pretty fast in the end. If you make it through more than a couple of serious incidents, there’s a lot more keeping you there than the obvious, and that’s hard to let go of when you split up.
It seems iO TW’s essay has been removed from Refinery.
Still up for me.
Thanks all – it’s not working for me.
The link still works for me.
It’s still there for me. Link still works on this end anyways.
Gone for me too and I’ve searched the site thoroughly. It’s the same on iO’s twitter, the links to the article are dead. as are any other links I’ve tried via google.
Could it be that access is being blocked here (I’m in the UK) for legal reasons…?
Yep, I think it may be a UK thing. I cleared my cookies and such, went to the Refinery site, clicked the drop down for United States and searched “911” and got it back up. The Comments have become something of a rammy.
But it is weird as it was working UK last night.
The comments are….wow. I just can’t with those people.
Yes, it looks like the article’s down for UK users.
Someone will have pointed out to iO and/or Refinery that it’s way easier for plaintiffs to win libel suits under UK laws (google “libel tourism”), and they’ll be blocking UK IP addresses for that reason. It’s supposed to be tougher now for non-UK residents to prove standing to bring suit in England and Wales, but the act which made those changes doesn’t apply to Scotland and Northern Ireland. It’s reasonable for them to be concerned.
Of course, anyone who can VPN through the US can read the article.
Just from Amber’s own statements in the past, I see her as the type of girl that enjoys making a scene, potentially slapping a significant other or throwing something during a fight, but doesn’t really take it seriously because she is a girl. I can see this being a potentially toxic combination with a husband who also has a temper and addiction problems. And I can see the real difference between some occasional dramatic scenes that don’t cause real damage, and kicking, suffocating and hitting from an adult male that is totally high/drunk at the time and you don’t know what he is capable of and what his boundaries are. I don’t think we have to totally excuse her past actions in order to take her allegations seriously.
Good point.
Depp is coming out more disgusting with every minute. It’s so painful to see, I used to love him in all those Burton movies and his story with Vanessa and his kids and how family changed him.
I look at how most media is covering the subject and what iO wrote and it’s really worrying to see how this can play out in terms of the consequences of the main message: If you are in a relationship with someone who is loved by your community, no one will believe you. It’s like people will only believe if the abuser is poor and already publicly disliked.
I think there is a subtle change since the first week the allegations came out, but important media doesn’t seem concerned about their responsibility as the role they have in society. It is possible to give the facts, give the alleged victim the benefit of the doubt and not pick sides. It is possible use this as an opportunity to inform the general public about the emotional processes DV victims go through and explain their reasoning to behave in ways that seem illogical to most. As some have already did, it it possible to add a national DV support contact in the end of the article just in case the person reading it feels empowered to change their circumstances. But no, the priority is to defend the status quo of a famous actor by vilifying the alleged victim. The scrutiny is biased and intentionally tries to reinforce the victim blaming narrative because apparently the more plausible theory is that she is the personification of a fictional character of a book/film. And lets all forget what the studies and statistics tells us about the ones who lie.
I just hope that as at the same time many may feel discouraged, others may actually feel empowered as an answer to the injustice of how this is all being played out.
I agree with what you wrote, and I understand all of her friends defending her, and I also understand Johnny’s friends and family defending him. If the Simpson murder case didn’t tell us enough, a lot of times friends and family of both the victim and the abuser don’t see the abuse. They just see the love they have for that person, and the person they know. If more people saw it I am sure there would be less victims, as who would let a love one be abused or for that matter be the abuser. Not saying this is the case with all of Johnny’s people, but it certainly wouldn’t be unusual for friends and family not to know.
This is partly my issue with this whole thing. Instead of the tit for tat publicity, I really wish Amber would have gone or go now and file a criminal complaint. It doesn’t mean they will prosecute, but she can file one and if she has all the witnesses the gossip pieces are saying she has then she should have a pretty strong case. Also, if this was going on for as long as it has been claimed and her friends knew and saw as some are claiming and they didn’t try to get her out of this relationship she needs some new friends.
“When it comes to violence, “love” is no longer part of the equation.”
It was so well written from beginning to end, io Tillett.
As a DV survivor, this story gave me chills. I have always struggled articulating my experience so that others could understand. He nailed it, right on the head, a thousand percent. I am almost in tears now just trying to express how much it means to me to see DV so respectfully and compassionately discussed. Our society has to stop victim blaming, the culture needs to completely change and articles like this are how it begins.
Why do people keep saying amber abused her girlfriend when taysa said she didn’t
I don’t know what to think about the Amber and Tasya incident. On the one hand, it is incredibly common for victims of domestic violence to deny any incidents have ever occurred. On the other hand, it is also incredibly common for law enforcement and other figures of authority to claim abuse, harassment and other kinds of inappropriate behaviour have occurred between two women displaying attraction to one another in order to excuse their own misogynistic, homophobic and biphobic harassment. I think it is important to remember that, much like abusive people like to frame their partners as the actual abusers, abusive authority figures like to do the same to the marginalised groups they target, and it is not uncommon for women casually displaying affection towards one another to be accused of abusing or harassing one another or being sexually inappropriate simply so there is an excuse in place to harass them.
I keep thinking of that episode of Orange Is the New Black in which two women who are attracted to one another are dancing and one of them ends up getting accused of violating the other and then punished for it, only because the accusing corrections officer is a misogynist, homophobe and biphobe who would like to punish her for daring to enjoy the company of another woman. I have never had an experience that awful, but I have had a couple of analogous ones, like having security called to escort out my girlfriend and me because we were standing overly close to one another, touching and softly giggling while looking at artwork. Apparently, we were both being sexually inappropriate and my girlfriend, who was the more physically expressive in the situation, was also sexually abusing me. Which is not at all to say that I think Amber was not abusive towards Tasya, because I think that is entirely possible and am a little bit wary of Amber right now, but that, because Amber and Tasya’s genders and sexualities play a part in how people perceive and interpret interactions between them, they are both much, much more likely to be accused of inappropriate and occasionally even abusive behaviour towards one another than had one of them been perceived as male, which is why I am only wary so far.
Morale panic is scary as hell.
Amber and Tasya seems very friend until now, even E! is reporting about how they ran into each other at one of Johnny’s music show for Stella McCartney back in January and she and Tasya were really friendly
I believe it was a misinterpretation from the authorities, mostly because they were doing a public scandal at an airport and that’s not well considered after the 9-11 and i believe Amber is loud and dramatic, that’s for sure.
About IO, is a very moving essay. But let’s get the facts straight, Amber has hundreds of proofs, witness, bruises but even if she’ll show the video many media says she has, the depp’s fans will find a way to say she manipulated it and TMZ a way to try to discredit her
Yesterday she was seen attending a meeting with a famous psychologist, specialized in women victims of domestic abuse and author of books, Dr. Cowan. She’s seeking for the help she needs to heal (she is so scarily skinny now, it’s worrisome) and let’s hope he can convince her that before anything, she must protect herself and other possible victims in the future by pressing charges against Johnny
Also she could be doing justice for other victims before her, that had remained silent but now may be coming out:
http://s33.postimg.org/6w0c1nt3j/Screen_shot_2016_06_09_at_10_39_44_AM.png
Wow. It seems that person really knows him from long ago. Thank you for posting it!
i0 made me cry! well written…. I agree with you @me
Like it or not, there are homophobic cops who will make an arrest for DV if they can. A cop once said so in a church we were visiting with my grandparents and he was proud of it. Needless to say, we never went back.
They get a little bit of power and that gives them the idea that they can lord it over the rest of us.
In the USA they “educate” people to be cops in 6 monthes to 1 year. In most other western countries it takes much longer to “educate” a person to become a cop. And that is what makes a whole lot of difference.
I see (here & elsewhere) people questioning how Io Tillet Wright could live off of JD’s generosity given the circumstances. Controlling people get as many people under their control as possible (and cut out those who won’t conform). Most people in Johnny’s world are either on his payroll or they have some other motivation (doing business with him, making a movie with him, etc) for keeping him very, very happy. I would argue he’s had it that way for a looooong time and he LIKES it that way.
JD’s partners are usually younger or poorer, less experienced, just starting out, or all of the above. So you choose someone who has less power than you and then get all of her friends beholden to you. Why would they NOT join your inner circle? You’re Johnny Freaking Depp and (at that point) you’re the nicest guy in the world. Oh, and you’ve got a spare apartment they can live in? Who hasn’t needed that kind of financial breathing room at least once in their lives? But once the friends were tied to Johnny, Amber was probably thinking, “If I break up with Johnny, I won’t see Lily Rose and Jack anymore, he might hurt my dogs, and where will Io go?” It really kept up the pressure on AH to minimize and excuse his outrageous behavior.
I don’t know, don’t most abusers try to isolate their victim from their friends? That’s not very consistent with moving your victim’s friends into your house. The neighbor witness for the phone throwing incident is, according to the Daily Mail, living in an adjoining condo unit belonging to Depp with her husband as well.
Regarding previous partners, none of them were not finacially independent. Winona had her own success that arguably may have benefitted from a connection with Depp, although the power he would have had then was considerably less than now. Kate Moss had and still has a solid modelling career that in no way depended on having a connection with Depp and the same can be said of Vanessa’s singing, modelling and acting career. In the case of Vanessa and since they were living in France, it’s far more likely that he was part of her inner circle than the contrary. It’s not like the Karl Lagerfelds of the world need the influence of Depp to make it big.
Nah, it’s a myth that all abusers isolate. I had an abusive boyfriend who, when I moved into a new house, went around to every neighbor and introduced himself, did big favors for them, etc. Then my neighbors were skeptical that their new best friend was threatening to kill me. I’ve known other abusive men to buddy up to a partner’s family in the same way.
@Cirque: that actually WAS a form of isolating you. My point was that moving a victim’s long term friends, people she’s known for years beforehand into your home, is a very odd way of going about isolating that person from their support system.
I sometimes wonder if it might be wise to tell your neighbours when you move in that you have an abusive ex who might turn up. And ask them to keep off the battlefield?
@Anna: No. You don’t know me so please don’t explain my own life experiences to me.
Again, it is a myth that all abusers isolate. If we have learned one thing from this situation, it should be that many of the standard ‘facts’ people believe about DV aren’t necessarily true. (I’m thinking of the Depp supporters who insist that abusers abuse everyone in their lives.)
I believe Johnny was not isolating AH from her friends because he knew he couldn’t, so instead he courted and co-opted her friends. This left her friends in a confusing situation and Amber had the added pressure of her people being financially dependent on JD. It’s JMO although it’s pretty standard controlling behavior.
When I was young I gave my boyfriend a black eye. I was driving, we were arguing, he grabbed my right arm, I flung his hand off me, and as he twisted out of my grasp, he added momentum to my hand, which landed on his eye. It so stunned both of us, we started laughing, then went back to verbal fighting. I was watching the road, so hardly aiming. If he had wanted to, he could have pressed charges the next day when the bruises started. Sometimes when you fight, the wrong thing happens in the heat of the moment. Not an excuse, but it happens. That was 30 years ago. Never came close to that again. Never had anyone grab me again, or argue that intensely. Sometimes it really is about being with a person who pushes the wrong buttons. In photos Depp treated her like a pet, very handsy, but not in the casual way she is in the photos with Tasya. AH really was a prize to him. Like beautiful women do, she is getting more so with age, while he is getting increasingly necrotic under the alcohol and drug use. And sometimes, when abusers feel someone slipping away, especially their beautiful trophy, they get more abusive, more drunk, more controlling. It’s happened to way too many friends.
Depp will fare way better than Heard because he has Hollywood behind him. For the release of their mega Pirates film, the studio will have him go through rehab, and then he’ll show up at the premiers with a new, subdued, respectable woman clinging to him.
“…with a new, subdued, respectable woman clinging to him.”
Somewhere a pretty 30-something yoga instructor just got a chill.
When I saw the pic of Amber Heard with those bruises that looked like a mobile phone I thought that that phone must have gotten shoved into her face while she was holding it and telephoning. That alone seemed like a situation to me where both parties might have forgotten to keep it civilised.