Last week, Orlando Bloom went paddleboarding while on vacation with his girlfriend Katy Perry and a group of friends. While Katy and her friends kept their beach gear on, Orlando decided to drop trou and flash his business to the paparazzi. Personally, I don’t think that was up for debate: Orlando clearly knew that he was being photographed, and he made a choice to take off his clothes for the cameras. What I didn’t realize at the time was that Orlando’s dong photos were merely the opening salvo for The Greatest Dick-Off Of Our Time.
Some background: where to even begin? There were widespread rumors that Justin Bieber and Miranda Kerr slept together, back when Miranda was married to Orlando. Miranda and Orlando split soon after that, and reportedly Orlando believed that Miranda really did sleep with Bieber. Orlando then made his way to Bieber’s ex, Selena Gomez, and they reportedly hooked up for a short time, on-and-off. Then in 2014, Orlanda and Bieber got into a petty boy-beef in Ibiza, with Bieber making some kind of reference to how Miranda was good in bed and Orlando threw a punch. Bieber then started trolling Orlando on Instagram, because of course.
So Justin Bieber saw Orlando’s dick pics, and Bieber decided that now was the time for a Dick-Off. Bieber was photographed in Hawaii… naked. With his business swinging in the breeze. You can see the blurred-out, SFW photos here at the NYDN. Was this coincidence? Or is Justin Bieber baiting Orlando yet again? Sigh…
Last thing: Katy Perry is not amused by any of this – go here to see the SFW photos. The body language between Orlando and Katy is sort of amazing, because she just seems totally over it.
I hope Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber's one-upmanship continues and continues and is handed down to through generations.
— Meredith Haggerty (@manymanywords) August 5, 2016
Justin and Orlando are taking their beef to the next level 💀💀💀
— celina (@greedyjournals) August 5, 2016
Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom allegedly staging nude shoots is the equivalent of 2007's Brit/Lilo/Paris "forgetting to wear undies" trend
— Mitchell Sunderland (@mitchsunderland) August 5, 2016
Photos courtesy of the Daily Star, Fame/Flynet.
Why is nudity such a big deal.
I get that these two are ridiculous but why is nudity seen as something so crazy or bad. Maybe it’s the European in me but I’m fine with it. Also swimming in the nude is amazing.
A woman from Baltic/Scandinavian sauna culture reporting in. Naked people, even the most beautiful ones are decidedly unsexy when they’re minding their business. It’s just a body, I mean.
Even though nudity is incredible natural- I mean, for the vast majority of the human race either you have a penis or a vagina, what’s the big deal- Americans are incredibly prudish when it comes to the naked body. It is one thing that I wish I could change about our society, especially since we over sexualize almost everything.
Nude swimming feels wonderful.
And everyone has bits! It’s not a big deal. I wonder if it comes from the strange idea that people have ownership over what they see.
In the sense that in NA I’ve heard comments like – Ew I don’t want to see that / Gross they should cover up/ spandex pants shouldn’t be made in that size etc.
It’s like people feel that they are owed attractive bodies to stare at and it’s an offense to them if you don’t live up to their standards. I’ve heard these things said about women (and men) who are attractive. I looked at a bathing suit retrospective, and the bodies of women in the past are much more ‘real’. They look like fit or thin women who are taking care of themselves. They don’t look like they haven’t drank or eaten in two days to get those clean cut lines. Or like VS models who juice cleanse for a week before the show.
Oof…so thirsty.
Why a 39year old would stoop to the level of a 21 year old is beyond me…..no wonder Katy is looking irked…
yeah i expect nothing else from Bieber but Orlando, seriously?
Lol I can’t stand Orlando but he’s been like this before he got famous through Legolas. Nothing new here.
it appears he was washing the sand out of his suit..he didn’t remove it..I’ve done the same thing..but as a private citizen so no cameras followed my movements.
Neither is particularly impressive so this is amusing. I hope women get a pass too if their photos ‘leak’
Agree with you except for the ‘leaked’ part- these two dudes have both deliberately used nudity for attention- not that I see that as a bad thing at all- just want women to get the same pass where the worst things that get said about them is that they’re ‘thirsty’ and immature. (By the way, Chloe Grace Moretz, Pink, Sinead, and Rashida, why aren’t you inserting yourselves into how these folks are ‘using the platforms they’ve been given? Not one peep about role models, self-respect, prostitution, the children, using your brain, and wh*res?) Oh right, exemption from that shaming comes with that little Male Privilege package that the people those 4 want to elevate themselves above can’t benefit from.
Why are you trying to so hard to use the hypocrisy card? Does everyone who has an issue with something have to comment on every single thing? Did these men photograph themselves and splash it all over their social media feeds?
Are you really suggesting men are above criticism due to their chromosomes? Because that would be news to Bieber.
Put your skivvies (and/or Bloom-ers) back on, boys. Nothing to see here.
And, yes, Bloom had better watch his (bare) back, ’cause it looks like he’s about to get dumped….
–TheRealPinky
Bloom looked totally ridiculous in the paddle board photos. The DM photos, apparently in the midst of a crowded beach, make him look even worse. I look for Katy to dump him, and soon.
Her face says she’s over it.
90% of those photos at the DM she’s making that pained face.
Is he the Elsa Patacky of this relationship? Is he calling paps?
I saw the NSFW naked pics of Justin on another site. All I have to say is the water must have been very cold that day
You just know that his “crew” have told him that he is the second coming of John Holmes. Just like they tell him he’s the baddest gangsta ever and totally “black enough” to say the n word. He does not live in our universe.
Don’t be silly.
DM has another story about his dad praising his junk – again!
Willy jousting taken to its logical yet ridiculous conclusion.
Guys: it’s just your penis. Your penis is just a penis. It is not anything special. You can’t beat another person at anything by using a photo of your penis as a weapon.
(Also: I’m much more disturbed by that photo of Orly scrunching up Katy’s boobs. Eurgh.)
Ssshh! They think they’re special. You’re going to make them cry.
I like how the DM get pointing out that Katy wasn’t wearing make-up to the beach. And I don’t need to know why Orlando unfastened his shorts and then squatted in the water. They could have left that detail out of the story.
Right? What Orlando is doing to Katy in those pics is weird and embarrassing. I feel for her.
Mines bigger than yours!
Male ego and all that.
‘You might think your dick is a gift, I promise, it’s not’ comes to mind.
“Or is Justin Bieber baiting Orlando yet again?” When was it that Miranda Kerr was married to Orlando Bloom and cheated on him with Justin Bieber? Years and years ago, right? So why did it take so long for this alleged fisticuffs/dick off to happen, so many years after the fact?
Yeah.
The Ibiza run in was in 2014, when Orly threw a punch at JB (honestly I don’t blame him). The stuff with Orly and Selena is recent though.
I like the idea of a dick off as something celebrities can do now. This one isn’t all that interesting but think of the possibilities.
Eh. Not impressed by either. Now, if Jon Hamm decides to participate in this dong fest, I’m all in —
Punky, that paddle boat would have gone under if it had to bear the weight of the Captain Hammaconda. All hands on d*ck.
What a glorious image you have given me on this Monday, kri 😘
Katy’s expression in those photos makes me think he is inchoherently drunk or stoned etc. and she’s just barely tolerating him.
So, who is baby Flynn staying with these days? Orlando’s a bit of a hippie, Miranda’s a relentless gold-digger….. worried about the kid.
This seems a bit unfair, no? I wouldn’t want my parenting skills judged by pap shots.
They should fight this out in a sauna, “Eastern Promises” style.
Lol
That header photo of baby Biebs with his tongue out is way more disturbing than any dong pics could ever be. It’s hard to take first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.
We need another pic of JB’s peen like we need another pic of KK ass. Please Make It Stop.
Now Orly, is another story. He can spring little Legolas any time!
I feel like I’m looking at different pics of Katy, she doesn’t look unhappy at all to me.
I”m expecting some new nudes of Kim K now. She won’t let any other naked body have the spotlight you know. All of these people are so thirsty.
I like how comfortable Katy and Orlando are with each other at the beach. Cute couple.
Well it’s clear who won the dick off. OB>>>>>>JB
And JB, trim your gross bush brah
Both dicks look tired. Now boys take it
Up a notch and let us see a little hardness
Does anyone else see the resemblance between Bieber and Joran van der Sloot??
No idea what Bieber was up to, but I wonder if Orlando thought to himself, “Hey, there are paps on this beach. How do I ruin their shots so Katie and I can have some privacy? I know — I’ll get buck naked, so they can’t sell their photos anywhere!”
And then it backfired.