Gary Oldman’s third ex-wife Donya Fiorentino: ‘He hit me in front of the kids’

wenn2044

In January, I asked why Gary Oldman has barely had to answer any questions about his past, whether it was the misogynistic language he’s used to discuss female politicians, or his defense of Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitism, or the accusations of abuse lodged at him by his third ex-wife (he’s on his fifth marriage right now). In 2001, after a turbulent four-year marriage, his third wife Donya Fiorentino filed for divorce and accused Oldman of abusing her physically and emotionally. She claimed that he struck her with a phone as she tried to call 911 on him, all in front of their two sons.

Many of you pointed out that Donya was a substance abuser – well, so was Gary Oldman. Oldman and Donya actually met in an AA meeting when she had been sober for three years and he had been sober for a matter of weeks. Many of you pointed out that Donya lost custody of their two sons. Mel Gibson still has joint custody of his daughter even though he pleaded guilty to assaulting his daughter’s mother. My point? Family court and divorce court is rarely built for women who have been abused, especially when the abuser is a wealthy and famous man. In any case, Donya is speaking out. She gave an interview to the Mail on Sunday. You can read the full piece here. Some highlights:

How she feels about Oldman now: “He stole my children and ruined my life. The truth needs to be told. I would like Gary to stand up and take responsibility for his actions. Will he? Who knows? He has always denied everything.”

Emboldened by the #MeToo movement: “He is a great actor. Was he a great husband? No. Our marriage was a giant car crash in which demented things happened. I lost my self-esteem, I was broken. I’ve been empowered by hearing other women speak up. When a woman gets her voice back, she gets her power back.”

Why she’s speaking now: “I want our sons and the world to know the truth. I would rather get eaten by a great white shark than go through that marriage again. I have $20 in my purse. I’ve got nothing else he can take from me. I’m not speaking out to hurt Gary. In fact, I wish him well. He’s a brilliant actor and he fully deserves his Oscar. But when you are nominated for an Academy Award you have to be held to a higher standard.”

How they met: “I think it’s fair to say we were not the most stable people in the room. I was three years sober when we met. He was a newcomer to AA. I had never met someone so fragile, so emotionally vulnerable. He was charming and I thought I could fix him. He invited me to dinner at The Ivy in Hollywood. That night he told me he wanted me to have his son. He wanted to call him Gulliver after the character in his favourite book, Joyce Cary’s The Horse’s Mouth. We fell in love quickly – too quickly. We didn’t know each other. We’d married strangers.”

He would grow depressed every Oscar season.
“His career was stalled when we were together and every awards season he got depressed. He would sleep all night with me then sleep all day downstairs on the sofa.”

Being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis during her second pregnancy
. “I was in pain. I couldn’t cope. Gary yelled at me constantly, saying other mothers coped without any problems. I became angry and resentful…. He would say I married him because he was rich and famous – but I married him for love.”

She still maintains that he physically abused her: “It happened a long time ago but it was incredibly traumatising to me because he hit me in front of the kids. The kids were held hostage in the war between us. I eventually ran out of money and was representing myself in court. Money, power and fame won. I will take blame, I played a big part in destroying my life and that is something I have to live with. I am sorry I was not the mother I should have been. I don’t blame Gary for everything. But it takes two to destroy something. The perpetrators of domestic abuse have to live with it too.”

[From The Daily Mail]

Should we take everything Donya says as the complete truth? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s certainly worth ASKING Gay Oldman about, surely? Why is that problematic white men just get to breeze through these awards seasons with no one asking questions or demanding answers? If Gary Oldman was just out there, living his life, so be it – but he’s actively campaigning for an Oscar. He’s considered a sure thing for Best Actor. He’s been doing press for months. Why is it that no one is asking HIM more?

Update: some of the photos in the original post were of his fourth wife, who looks so much like Donya. The photo agency had the photos mislabeled too. I’m sorry for the mistake.

wenn2764

Photos courtesy of WENN.

 

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99 Responses to “Gary Oldman’s third ex-wife Donya Fiorentino: ‘He hit me in front of the kids’”

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  1. milla says:

    But he did not steal her kids. She needs to take responsibility.

    Btw they met in AA and married 4 months later. Recipe for disaster.

    • Goats on the Roof says:

      Her interview is intended to paint her in a more flattering light, yet she admits she wasn’t the mother her children needed. I think it’s safe to say this wasn’t just a case of “he has more money so he got the kids.” They were both a mess and as such had a messy custody fight.

    • Londerland says:

      She does. She says so in the quotes posted above. She says “it takes two” and acknowledges her responsibility.

    • mannori says:

      then we probably read a different interview because in the interview she takes full responsibility for the mess she was and still is. Yet, the custody court, probably rightfully so, had to choose between the broken mess and the rich mess and chose the second to hand the kids. Gary is in good behavior now because he admittedly wants that Oscar so bad. So much that the choice of the latest and (fifth!) average looking wife is just part of his campaign. He will divorce her soon after. That’s just who he is.

      • Zapp Brannigan says:

        “the latest and (fifth!) average looking wife is just part of his campaign” ouch! Can we leave her out of his general assholery please.

      • Danielle says:

        What’s wrong with being average most of us our and we wonder why woman have body confidence issues

      • Jellybean says:

        I believe he has been clean for 15 years, so I guess that means since he was awarded full custody of the children. I know he has his faults, but he deserves that oscar and there is no reason why his ex-wife;s accusations should change that. For a woman to lose custody of all her children to two different husbands there ,must have been some serious issues. It seems she accused both husbands of abusing her and yet both judges ruled against her, even though, in Oldman’s case, he had problems of his own. I think I trust the judges on this one, because wtf do I know about the truth of it.

    • KBB says:

      It seems weird to me that she’d say that about him “stealing” her kids. I don’t think she has any relationship with her daughter with David Fincher either. I read that Fincher’s daughter posted a photo of her stepmom Cean Chaffin on Instagram on Mother’s Day. Did David steal her from Donya as well? If you’re not there for your kids, you can’t accuse the parent who was there of stealing them. She obviously had some pretty serious substance abuse issues if she lost custody to two separate men, one of which also had serious alcohol issues.

      ETA: I do believe her abuse claim though because Gary Oldman is an utter asshole. He shouldn’t get the Oscar for a number of things he’s done and said in the past. The whitewashing of him in the press lately is gross.

    • Svea says:

      Yep. Total recipe for disaster. My first thought about these two is that they were boozing and brawling together.

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      I thought people new to AA in recovery were not supposed to even think about being in a relationship for the first year? Or is it two? Anyhoo, he sounds like a really manipulative sociopathic personality.

      • Plantpal says:

        That is the recommendation. Not everyone manages themselves based on the recommendations ~ SHE was 3 years sober, yet still was of the mindset she could “fix” him, which meant she was going to “save” him, which is the ultimate receipe for disaster, is it not?

  2. Natalie says:

    That’s his fourth wife Alexandra Edenborough in the first few pics. Believe Donya also lost custody of her daughter with David fincher as well so grain of salt and all that (in terms of abuse)

  3. Nicole says:

    I can believe that she had a substance abuse problem and was also abused. This is why recovering addicts should not get together. It’s always dangerous.
    I like her statement about getting her voice means she’s getting her power back. Right on.
    I expect some questions to be thrown his way but not a good look on the academy to have back to back winners that are abusers of different kinds. Yikes.

  4. deets says:

    It’s the easiest to discredit women who have bad pasts, who aren’t perfect victims. Some abusers even prefer them. I’m sure people have heard the gross adage about ‘crazy’ women in bed. Why are we treading so lightly here?

    I hate this. The victim tries to come to a middle ground, to take some responsibility, and yet we still want to find the balance between the two stories. There is no balance between stories in abuse.

    • Kitten says:

      These threads are just sad at this point.

    • MissM says:

      Except this woman really is a liar. Her own sons who were children at the time admitted to the judge that mommy was forcing them to lie about daddy beating her in front of them so she would get custody. She’s angry that she made bad choices and that her ex got the better end of the deal so now she’s trying to destroy his life.
      She tried to say that Fincher was abusive too and he got custody of their kid together. If a woman loses custody of all her kids to two different father’s in two separate custody battles with two separate judges, there’s probably something wrong with the mother here.

      • A says:

        Why is it so hard for you to believe that she could have been abused, and still not been a good person? Those two things are not mutually exclusive. People who are addicts, who are bad mothers, who are not supposed to get into relationships can still be victims here.

        She made poor choices in her life, yes, and those are her full responsibility. But let’s not act as if Gary Oldman is any better or that this absolves him either. You can have two people in a marriage who made poor decisions and still understand that this doesn’t negate or excuse domestic abuse in any fashion.

      • CairinaCat says:

        My uncle got my cousin’s to lie in court and say my aunt beat them, when in fact it was him beating them and sexually molesting my girl cousin and forcing my boy cousin to also have sex with her. My uncle started sexually abusing her as an infant
        The judge believed my uncle, that my aunt was hitting the kids, she wasn’t.
        And he got full custody where he went on to rape my cousin for years.
        I known he abused them because he got to me as well.

      • Lady D says:

        ‘probably something wrong with the mother’…like one too many shots to the head?

  5. Katy says:

    I know plenty of recovered folks in the rooms who are in happy stable relationships. The program works if you work it. Recovering addicts should only date normies? I’d argue that’s a similar recipie for strife.

    I’m more concerned about her publicly breaking her and his anonymity. Thats a big no no.

    • magnoliarose says:

      But he was only a few weeks sober, and his messiness isn’t just alcohol but a terrible personality and violence. Uma referenced his temper a few times but never went into detail though it has been alleged by many that he was mentally and verbally abusive. With maybe some physical altercations.
      I am pretty sure he admitted to attending AA meetings, and it is in public records anyway.
      5th marriage! That says a lot about someone. What it says I don’t know, but it does at least mean something is up with them.

  6. Digital Unicorn says:

    As much as I love his work, he’s always been problematic. I remember their divorce being played out in the media – neither party smelled of roses, he only got custody as he got clean and sober while she was on and off the wagon for many years after – i know he has also struggled with sobriety since. Winona Ryder said he was a nightmare to work with on Dracula, he was a bit of a drunk a$$hole on set IIRC.

  7. Pedro45 says:

    Didn’t he abandon the child he had with Leslie Manville shortly after the birth? I want to say within a few weeks or months?

    • Div says:

      Gary is problematic AF, but as far as I know he didn’t abandon/ignore/not pay child support to his kids. There have been photos of him with Alfie so they apparently have a relationship, and Leslie mentioned that it was exciting for him to have both parents nominated.

      He did leave Leslie when their kid was very young for another woman, which is a horrible, dickbag move, but running out on your wife (terrible) is not the same as running out on your kid (even worse).

  8. littlemissnaughty says:

    I have a question re multiple marriages. At what point do you stop getting married? I can see 2 or even 3 marriages. But FIVE? At what point do you start thinking maybe I could NOT marry this one and just date?

    As for the abuse, I have no reason to doubt her. She might not tell the entire story but when you start a marriage with a recovering addict (who’s barely recovering) while you’ve had the same issue, I doubt you’ll be able to recount the entire thing. It doesn’t matter. She’s not coming for his money or anything so why would she lie? Ugh, I bet he’s another one of these artistes.

  9. mannori says:

    praying for Timmy Chalamet not be outed as an abuser of an old high school sweetheart or something….go for that Oscar, because after Rapey Affleck the Academy won’t look good handling yet another Oscar to a violent abuser, no matter the talent.

  10. Jag says:

    “He was charming and I thought I could fix him.” Said the codependent about the narcissist. Thought it was an unwritten rule to never fall in love in rehab/AA due to that. (Full disclosure: I am codependent with C-PTSD, and have had narcissists ruin my life for a while as I dated them. Adult child of an alcoholic and 2 narcissists here.)

    I hope that she gets competent mental health, that her children also get good therapy as well, and that Oldman is held to the same standard that others have been. I believe her. He is an abuser and no matter how good of an actor he is, it should matter that he’s not a good person.

  11. minx says:

    I have read this about him for years. I cent even look at this guy.

  12. Surely Wolfbeak says:

    Gary Oldman is a garbage person and a great actor. Do we separate the art from the artist? It’s not really a problem for me this year since both Daniel Kaluuya and Daniel Day Lewis put in better performances , hopefully Oldman stays in his seat. I think a lot of the people defending Oldman (and Woody Allen for that matter) like him as an artist and don’t want that taken away from them. It’s easier to question evidence or say there are two sides of the story than to disavow the art and the artist that you love.

    • Kobro says:

      Daniel Day Lewis treated the mother of his first son in a horrible manner – google Isabelle Adjiani she gave an interview about how Daniel treated her. He cheated on her and left her while she was pregnant with their son. He broke up with her via FAX.

      if we base our opinions of artists on their personal life we might as well condemn them all. there would be no one left.

      • AG-UK says:

        Exactly I thought GO was brilliant in Darkest Hour as well as Tinker Tailor he might be a jerk but he is a good actor. Also DDL’s partner was pregnant at the time I think. I stopped being bothered with all these awards as they are all after the fact for me on this side of the pond. I think being involved while in rehab not a great idea but I do know of one person that has done that and now happily married but she is the exception to the rule.

      • Ally says:

        Bull. Lots of artists live decent lives without leaving human wreckage in their wake. Don’t smear all artists to defend your tarnished darlings.

        There’s also a weird attempt here to equate rudeness and cheating with outright abuse of power and criminal behavior, so give me a break.

      • KBB says:

        Philandering is a hell of a lot different than physically abusing a woman. They’re not even in the same universe.

  13. LAK says:

    So why is she not saying David Fincher stole her kid?

  14. st says:

    I think issues in personal relationships are private issues. He doesn’t have to answer to anyone with exception of his significant other(s) and the courts. Workplace issues are different from personal relationships. Why should he publicly address “accusations of abuse lodged at him by his third ex-wife”? Are we going to extend this to private citizens also?

  15. Tiffany says:

    He is one of the best in the game but I have always kept him at arm’s length because Uma won’t even speak his name let alone talk about their marriage.

    Always remember.

  16. Jamie42 says:

    Oldman is responsible for what he has said in interviews, and much of it is awful. I don’t like him for that. I’m rooting for DDL.
    However, I don’t think Donya told the truth when she was asked “why now?” (Her answer was for her sons and the world to know the truth.) The truthful answer to “why now” would have been: to torpedo his Oscar chances. Which she is trying very, very hard to do, and even mocking him a bit with how much he wants it.
    Their relationship was a mess, obviously, and since both were struggling with substance abuse I’m not inclined to fully believe, much less blame, either one of them. Addiction is a terrible disease to deal with; it often involves verbal or even physical abuse as part of it; it doesn’t fit neatly into the #metoo category.

    • Mia4s says:

      “why now?”

      Because she wanted money. Sorry but that’s why people talk to the Daily Mail. The Daily Mail pays for stories (Christian Bale’s mother runs there every once in awhile with a story about how he won’t talk to her. Ugh) and they’ll pay more when the subject is relevant (Oscar nominee). That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s all lies but if you’re looking to appear credible the Daily Fail is not the place to do it. If appearing credible and giving her sons the “truth” was her goal this was an horrendous way to try it.

      • Ally says:

        Yes, women should starve in quiet dignity while their abusive former husbands collect million-dollar paychecks, accolades and actual Oscars. I’m being sarcastic.

        After seeing the opportunities lost to women after they had the misfortune of being selected for abuse by people such as Weinstein, I think we grade on a curve how “classy” such women are in choosing among the few opportunities and platforms they’re provided thereafter.

      • Saucy says:

        @Ally – what a perfect comment on the expectations placed on women to indeed “starve in quiet dignity” and the loss of opportunity…therein also lies the tragedy.

  17. Svea says:

    The world is filled with serial monogamists, especially among creative types. Don’t get the judgment on this point. (Look at Liz Taylor’s many marriages. Or Michael Sheen who doesn’t stick with anyone.) Abusive behavior is something else again. And is the judgment about decades ago or can we allow someone the idea that they changed or evolved?

  18. Ana says:

    There woman in the top photo is his most recent ex wife, Alexandra Edenborough.

  19. KatieBo says:

    I find it so interesting how quickly the narrative changes when a woman is a less desirable victim. The overwhelming voice on this site is “I believe her” which is how it should be. Now a woman has a documented difficult past, so we must “take it with a grain of salt”. It’s disappointing.

    • Kitten says:

      Yup. The Oldman threads are always like this, which is just a reminder that there have been rumors about his BS for YEARS now.

      This site: “We must believe ALL women!!!
      …unless that woman has substance abuse problems.
      …Or had custody taken away.
      …Or is looking for a settlement.
      …Or is looking for attention/fame/publicity/profile-raising.”

      I will never understand why it’s so difficult for people to grasp the idea that a damaged person might gravitate towards unhealthy relationships. Or the idea that a woman could be a less-than-ideal mother and also be abused by her husband. Or that imperfect, messy people can still be victims.

      So many heavy sighs for this whole comment section.

      • KatieBo says:

        It’s disconcerting and problematic.

        I’m a recovering alcoholic. Sober almost 4 years. By all logic within these narratives, if I were in an abusive relationship I should have no recourse or voice that can be trusted. This also perpetuates the idea that women with troubled pasts and issues of their own are somehow more deserving of abuse. Now, before I get told off for saying that anyone here said she deserved to be hit, I know that nobody did. But when people devalue your voice based on your history and things that make you seemingly less desirable or less believable you begin to believe that you deserve less. Because in the eyes of society, you do.

      • Kitten says:

        EXACTLY exactly exactly.
        I have nothing to add because you said it all and said it perfectly. On a cumulative level, the speculatory comments that make a point to reference her past are SO damaging to victims of DV.

        Also, congrats on your sobriety, KatieBo..

      • deets says:

        Ditto.
        I have sighs for the write up that encouraged it too.
        Clicks from controversy are more important than consistent feminism or true support, I guess.

        Or Gary’s litigious.

      • Mia says:

        Agree with everything. This comment section made my heart sink.

    • A says:

      Thank you @KatieBo! Compare the comments on this article to the comments on Woody Allen’s articles. Both of these men have a set pattern of abuse, but only one of them is excused and the other has only (very recently) become a target for criticism. It’s mind-boggling. Do we have to wait another 20 years for Gary Oldman to get to Woody Allen’s age before we start to become more discerning and understanding?

  20. Dee says:

    What troubles me about Hollywood is how some people like Gary Oldman can get away with their past, but someone like Woody Allen (who is still a POS and I’m not defending him) has it hung over his head and brought up every 20 seconds, What differentiates them? They are both horrible, terrible, disgusting men who took advantage of women and abused them in different ways. How come Gary gets to keep his rap sheet hidden but Allen doesn’t? They should both be held to the same standard, along with every other POS in Hollywood.

    • diana says:

      Yeah..no. Woody‘s only been called out for the past several years. He’s been thriving in the film industry for years, getting awards and different honours.

    • Nanny to the Rescue says:

      I’m guessing it’s because many people fight with their spouses and if there are no serious injuries, many can identify with folks like Oldman or at least know somebody similar. Blah blah, difficult wife, yelling is not abuse, he only hit her once with a phone, didn’t mean to do it – that sort of justification.

      Now, very few people groom and marry their stepdaughters, so people find that weirder, quite gross – so much worse.

    • Milla says:

      Apples and oranges.

      Woody married his somewhat daughter. And there’s the whole case presented by Dylan Farrow. That’s as creepy as it gets. Having anything sexual with someone who was a kid at the time…

      GO got physical with a woman who was obviously unfit mother. Losing two cases of custody says a lot. And the kids seem to be close to their fathers, sorry but I’ll side with more responsible parent.

      • Kitten says:

        “Well, if I called Nancy Pelosi a c-nt—and I’ll go one better, a f-cking useless c-nt—I can’t really say that. But Bill Maher and Jon Stewart can, and nobody’s going to stop them from working because of it. Bill Maher could call someone a f-g and get away with it. He said to Seth MacFarlane this year, ‘I thought you were going to do the Oscars again. Instead they got a lesbian.’ He can say something like that. Is that more or less offensive than Alec Baldwin saying to someone in the street, ‘You f-g?’ I don’t get it.”

        “Mel Gibson is in a town that’s run by Jews, and he said the wrong thing because he’s actually bitten the hand that I guess has fed him—and doesn’t need to feed him anymore because he’s got enough dough. He’s like an outcast, a leper, you know? I don’t know about Mel. He got drunk and said a few things, but we’ve all said those things. We’re all fucking hypocrites. That’s what I think about it. The policeman who arrested him has never used the word ‘n-gger’ or ‘that f-cking Jew?’”

        Seriously. This is the guy you are willing to defend and believe. Sure he’s a proven jerk who happily makes light of abuse and racism but the courts gave him full custody so yeah let’s believe him and not her…

        Gah. This thread is infuriating

      • Milla says:

        He apologized several times for that interview. People know about it. It wad dumb and yes. He may be a jerk but not an abuser. Face it, they went to the court. His ex wife lost on all accounts. This is paid by fail just cos he got chance for an Oscar.

        This was a bad interview. Journalist forgot about follow ups and focused only on Oldman. You cannot seriously compare him to Allen or Affleck or Polanski. Why do all men have to be awful? Why can’t we see good in some of them? Unless something bigger comes out, i am not canceling him. He’s an amazing actor, one of the best and he can be an example for people who are dealing with alcoholism.

      • Dee says:

        No, losing custody of your kids doesn’t say much about you as a wife, sorry. It doesn’t excuse Gary’s behavior and it shouldn’t be rug swept and he should NOT be allowed to be regarded as highly as he is. He should face the same constant onslaught as Woody. Every time he is in a new movie, it should be brought up, just like for Woody. They are both pieces of sh*t and they both deserve the constant criticism. I don’t care that Gary was in Harry Potter and he’s British so everyone immediately loves him. He’s still a jerk, he’s still abusive, and he deserves to be reminded every single day, regardless of the fact that she may or may not have been an unfit mother.

  21. Tallia says:

    I believe this. Why now? Who cares. Honestly. Should she not say anything simply because he has been nominated for an Oscar? If its the truth, it’s the truth. When she says it doesn’t matter. She took responsibility for her actions. He has a track record – Isabelle Adjiani, et al. If the Academy wants to weigh things based on his performance – have it, it didn’t seem to matter with Casey Affleck.

  22. wood dragon says:

    Sometimes screwed up people end up together and all of their personal problems boil over into toxicity. I have observed this before. Both people seem problematic as human beings.

  23. Madpoe says:

    Dracula: [about the wolves that are howling]
    ” Listen to them: the children of the night. What sweet music they make.”

    • seesittellit says:

      @Madpoe – LOL. But just to be pedantic – in the original book (which scared the wits out of me, I had to sleep with my light on for two weeks, it is terrifying), the actual quote is, “Our ways are not your ways, and there shall be to you many strange things. Listen to them — children of the night. What music they make.” It’s Dracula talking to Jonathan Harker, not one of the heroines. (No “sweet” but they always seem to put it into the Dracula movies – I think they did it in the Frank Langella one, too.)

  24. seesittellit says:

    I think he’s a fantastic actor but he has trouble with a capital T written all over him. Maybe a couple of times around the park, and then get out fast :) . I don’t agree, btw, with the assessment sometimes stated here that his Churchill was all about the makeup – I thought he did a great job and delivered those speeches, some of the most famous of the 20th century, as if he had just written them. I was disappointed in the movie overall, but I thought he was wonderful.

    But marry him?! OMG.