It feels like a million years ago, but last December, FKA Twigs sued Shia LaBeouf for sexual battery, emotional distress and assault. In January of this year, Twigs began detailing in the media how Shia love-bombed her, groomed her and began abusing her and terrorizing her. During the same period of Twigs’ lawsuit, Shia was dating Margaret Qualley. They were still seen out together for weeks after Twigs sued him. In early January, Shia and Margaret did break up and there were reports that she was “aware” of the backlash for how it looked for her to be so loved up with Shia while his ex was detailing the horrific abuse she suffered at his hand. Well, Qualley is currently promoting Maid, a Netflix series, and she was asked about all of this and more by Harper’s Bazaar.
She worked with her mom on ‘Maid’: “When you walk into a room and your mom is there, that does something to you. Not only do you have permission to touch her like family, but rolling your eyes is a built-in response in the same way that tearing up from a well-timed hug is.”
She wants kids: “Despite the fact that I dress like this,” she says, gesturing to the cavernous tee that someone earnestly wore in the 1990s, “I’ve always dreamt of getting married. There’s a girly-girl part of me that’s thought about what my wedding would be like.” (Big, drunken, with a dress that’s not too long, so she can dance, she adds.) “And I’ve dreamt of having kids. I’m a real romantic in that way.”
How she prepared to play a character who is victimized by emotional abuse: “Unfortunately, it’s so common… And it’s true that more than half of people experience some level of psychological threat within a relationship in their lifetime. I just did my best to read the script and experience Alex’s reality as much as possible within the scenes.”
When Qualley & LaBeouf split: By early January, Qualley and LaBeouf had split. In February, when Twigs detailed her story to Elle magazine, Qualley posted the cover on her Instagram account with the caption “Thank you.” “It was important to me for her to know that I believe her—and it’s as simple as that,” Qualley says, her face open but unreadable, before politely saying that she doesn’t want to talk about her personal life. She’s not surprised, though, that this latest role may prompt questions about that time period. “Yeah,” she says, acknowledging the inquiries that are bound to come her way. “I’m like”—and then, with her elegant ballerina arms, she does an exaggerated pantomime of buckling a seatbelt over herself and settling into Drive—“all right.”
If she doesn’t want to talk about it, so be it. She doesn’t have to detail what happened, if anything happened. My feeling is that the relationship with Shia was so new, he was probably in the love-bombing stage and had only started to become controlling or jealous, which probably freaked her out (as it should). Plus, I still get the feeling that Margaret’s parents saw her at Christmas and they were like “how do we get you out of this.” I’m glad she decided to listen to what Twigs had to say, because that’s who Twigs was trying to reach: women and girls who find themselves in these kinds of abusive relationships.
Photos courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.
Unless you know what to look for and are aware of the red flags it is very difficult to see clearly from the inside.. gaslighting, isolation & love bombing are a very real and manipulative tools abusers use to confuse. I wish these very telling behaviors were taught to anyone who is starting to date, before they have to learn how to be a grey rock to survive.
This, a thousand times.
The sad thing is that do many of us have to grey rock our way through childhood. Then when it comes to relationships in adulthood, it’s just second nature.
This why I now wonder about the timeline of her relationship with Shia and filming of Maid (which is great, by the way). The plot is driven by her character getting out of abusive relationship and the world that often times makes it so difficult for women to get out and forces them to fall back into the pattern of abuse. Her character also at the begging demonstrates how even victims of abuse struggle with the notion of abuse and whether her experience is abuse. And her mother, played by Margaret’s own mother, repeatedly doubts her choice to leave the abusive relationship
Right?! I mean we don’t know what happened in her case. But the love bombing can make it feel like a- i have found the man of my dreams, i’ve never felt anything like this, this connection is real and true and soulmates! – Which is, of course, what makes it harder to leave as the abuse ramps up.
Imagine being in that deep and maybe brushing off red flags and then getting a first hand account of what is down the road.
And then, maybe, getting a call from your mother, who has also read such account.
Thankful for her she got out when she did.
As someone who married the first person I dated (religious upbringing) I was totally unware of the signs of an abusive relationship, outside of physical abuse. It took literal years for me to wake up to what was happening and pursue a divorce. I didn’t even know what gaslighting was until I was almost 30 and I cried in relief when I learned the term because there was finally some way to express what had been happening to me for years.
I SO wish that “health” classes in school had addressed what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like, and explored these terms so we all could have had better context for our relationships. I think it would make a huge difference in so many of our lives.
“I SO wish that “health” classes in school had addressed what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like, and explored these terms so we all could have had better context for our relationships. I think it would make a huge difference in so many of our lives.“
Agree. I also really love that Maid focuses on emotional/financial abuse, so common but also invisible and more likely to be ignored/discounted. This was my situation and it was hard to admit this kind of abuse is just as damaging, that it is in fact abuse.
Twin Falls, thank you for your comments on emotional/financial abuse. It was so much a part of my childhood and it is damaging. When I see any sign of it in a partner, I run.
It is so hard. Both my sister and I got into abusive relationships in our first relationship. It wasn’t that our parents relationship was abusive, but it was cold and full of fighting and lack of empathy and many bad things.
So we didn’t know what a good relationship looked like (and neither did they), so the love bombing felt good. A part of me is even thankful for that experience even though it was a terrible few years, because as soon as I saw those flags in later men, I would run. Now both me and my sister are married to good men, and out of that cycle. And even though there are so many others to work through, we have support and stability.
I actually really appreciate the way she talks about this. It’s not going to be perfect and she doesn’t owe any details of what went down between her and that dude-who-shall-not-be-named. But, a lot abusers convince their currrent SO that an ex claiming abuse is [insert stereotype here] but she had resources, family, and apparently the strength to leave.
Good for her.
You know, I used to kind of think of This Dude as similar to Pete Davidson and that’s why he was always coupled up even though he seemed gross, but I think I may be coming around to Pete; he gives off completely different vibes. (Oh no, this seems like just begging the universe for a scandal.)
Honestly, both Shia and Pete can be bad.
Yes. PD and SLB both have developmental trauma disorders. DTD means you grew up too fast — skipping the part where you were supposed to learn the same coping skills everyone else did — so now you struggle with emotional regulation (and other executive functioning) as an adult. “Moving fast” isn’t necessarily always a nefarious attempt at manipulating someone. (What appears to be “love-bombing” can also occur, for example, with ADHD. In that case it’s sincere!, because the person has “tunnel vision” focused on the object of their affection.)
Unfortunately, in the early stages of a relationship, it can be hard to tell the difference between someone who is “just” neuroatypical and gregarious, and someone ill-intentioned, with antisocial and narcissistic traits. And I do believe there are predators out there who actually rely on people not being able to tell the difference until they’re in too deep. What you are describing IS that difference.
Twigs talked about this with Louis Theroux on his podcast, it’s incredible, she’s so honest, and he listens like a perfect best friend.
The thing is – she was spotted being lovey dovey with Shia several times after the news came out (very purposefully, in full view of paps) so…I’m going to take it with a grain of salt.
Not excusing it, but abusive men are incredibly good at playing the victim and turning things on their ‘crazy’ exes.
Don’t victim blame! I’m sure he tried to convince her it wasn’t true and I’m sure he’s a masterful manipulator!
Some of this is sounds like people are judging Margaret for her response to his abuse of FKA? I don’t understand that. The only person who is wrong here is him! I am so glad both women are safe. I don’t care about timelines. Who believed when. Who took cuddly pictures when. Who posted what. All that matters is this guy is dangerous.
Agreed. I don’t care about the timelines. Unfortunately, Margaret probably experienced abuse too, after all the initial love bombing and carefully crafted charm evaporated. Margaret is a class act, and Maid is the most relevant series I have ever seen about domestic abuse. The gaslighting, lack of emotional support from family/friends, economic hardship, isolation, and feelings of worthlessness and despair. I believe FKA Twigs, and I wish her well.
Agreed.
Agreed. People will always find a way to blame women for the actions of men. Both women here are so young, too. Nobody learns this the easy way.
Its terrible when people get abused by someone they love.
I love FKA Twigs and I love Margaret Qualley. Both are so talented in their own ways — I would love to see a dance-collab between them.
Re: the abuse, the Instagram post of Qualley supporting Twigs made me tear up. I had never seen it before and just Twig’s face and how brave she looked, combined with Qualley’s simple acknowledgment that she saved her from abuse…that’s why it makes me angry when people try to reduce the Shia split to “oh my gosh, it was a bad look for her to date him.” It minimizes what Twigs did as well as Qualley’s response, which was to leave him BASED on what Twigs did. This is why abuse survivors speak out, and why it is immensely important that their actions are acknowledged and their words, believed.
wonder if she believes Amber Heard