Several sources, including the always reputable Sun (and several more reputable mags) are reporting that twin-bearing Jennifer Lopez will birth her babies the good ‘ol fashioned Scientology way – it silence. Apparently nothing frightens newborns like the sound of a doctor yelling “Push! Push!” or a mother screaming that she’s going to cut her husband’s penis off for doing this to her. That was, of course, until they realized that the next thing J Lo’s newborns would see will be Marc Anthony’s face. In terms of trauma, you can’t get much worse than that. So I’m guessing the whole silent birth thing is kind of a waste of time. If you really want to give your babies a more peaceful entrance into this crazy worth, I think you might want to consider having Skeletor wait in the lobby. Just a thought.

Jennifer Lopez is following in the footsteps of Katie Holmes by giving birth naturally, quiet, and free from painkillers. Katie was forced to keep quiet during the birth of Suri – her first child with Scientology-fanatic husband Tom Cruise.

J-Lo and husband Marc Anthony are also keen followers of the religion, where it is believed that loud hospital environments, and doctor’s shouts of ‘push push’ can have damaging effects on a newborn later in life.

A pal of the 38-year-old told a US mag: “Although she knows it will be hard not to scream, she understands why it will be good for the baby to have peace and quiet.”

[From the Sun]

Good luck, little babies Lopez-Anthony. Your mom is a crazy, multi-tasking diva, and your father looks like a four-day-old corpse. Something tells me that despite the money and the fame, this world won’t be too kind to the two of you. But psychologically, you’ll be okay; because your mom didn’t scream when she was pushing what I can only assume will be your incredibly angular heads from her body. So while you may inherit your parents’ undeserved sense of accomplishment, self-righteousness and a confusingly emaciated face, psychologically, you’re guaranteed to be completely intact.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s J Lo and Skeletor at the 2007 Movie Rocks awards on December 2nd. Images thanks to PR Photos.