Throughout the past five years, I’ve gradually come to understand that King Charles is a deeply ugly man who got the heir he deserves. Prince William and Charles found commonality in one profound way: their joint hatred of Prince Harry, Harry’s wife and Harry’s children, and their desire to destroy Harry and everything he loves. William and Charles have shown Harry time and time again of their hatred for him. Harry still refuses to see the worst in them. He still believes that there can be some kind of reconciliation. Even more than that, he wants to reconcile with his violent, hateful brother and the father who left the Sussexes in mortal danger. While I applaud Harry for getting his story out there and refusing to go down quietly, I simply don’t understand how he can continue with this kind of masochism, to keep putting himself out there, to continue to seek to rebuild the bridges which should have been burned down years ago. Forbes published a column by author Sophia A. Nelson called “Dear Harry: Time To Let Go Of The Family That Keeps Letting You Down.” I agree with all of this:

I feel for Prince Harry with the loss of his legal appeal on his security protection case in the UK. But now that he has fought the good fight, done his best to protect his wife and children and himself, in my humble opinion, he needs to let it go. It is time to move on from the Royal Family he loves. Sometimes our family can be our worst enemies. And it is not until we accept that we are safer away from them than with them that life can move forward. Trust me, I know what I speak.

I have written about my generation’s deep, dysfunctional family journey in three of my four books and in countless columns over the decades. My healing journey has only driven us further apart. Not closer together as I had once hoped. Candidly, some people like things the way they have always been. They like secrets. They like avoiding and denying. They lack accountability for the pain they have caused, and they expect those of us who suffered that pain to remain silent. It is what they know. It is how they have always lived. It is the same for the Royal family, which dates back over one thousand years.

It is not an easy thing to accept that our family has ejected us. Or, candidly, doesn’t like us. But once you understand generational dynamics or (spiritually speaking, generational curses), we can accept it and move on, wiser. Nowhere has family dysfunction and trauma been on display more brazenly than in Britain’s “Royal Family.” It has been happening since King Henry VIII cut off the head of Anne Boleyn because she could not give him a male heir. And it went downhill from there.

For those of us old enough to remember Charles and Diana’s wedding in the summer of 1981 and her tragic death in the summer of 1997, we have watched this saga play out with great worry for both William and Harry. And yet, nothing prepared us for what Harry and Meghan revealed in their Netflix documentary, “Harry & Meghan.” Or in his global best-selling memoir, “Spare.”
Prince Harry isn’t just a royal rebel as the Royal Family has framed him his entire life; he’s the family scapegoat—a role many of us in toxic, dysfunctional families know too well. In toxic families, scapegoats carry blame they didn’t earn. But true freedom comes when we can step out of the cycle and reclaim our peace.

Harry has to accept the facts as he now knows them to be true after this most recent court ruling. The “Discovery” in the case was very revealing and for Harry, likely heartbreaking. In a recent interview with the BBC, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, made clear that he wants to be reunited with his family, among other things. But it appears they do not want the same. King Charles and Prince William have made clear through their actions and their royal leakers that they have no desire to reconcile with Harry. They, including Queen Consort Camilla, have even mocked and laughed at Harry for suggesting the parties meet with a professional mediator or family therapist.

For the rest of us to watch a very public, world-famous family repeatedly pick on one of their own, especially when that person has done everything to seek love, healing, and reconciliation, is deeply disappointing. Prince Harry has borne the brunt of a toxic dynamic, and like so many scapegoats, he’s been left out in the cold not because of his failings, but because of the family’s. It sounds just like what they did to his “mummy,” Princess Diana. How sad that instead of learning from the past, the royals seemed hell bent on repeating it.

…What Prince Harry must do is focus on his and Meghan’s own family. Their two beautiful babies. The Invictus Games. Meghan’s Netflix “With Love Meghan” series and her “As Ever” brand. They need to keep thriving and building their powerful global brand and do so unapologetically.

Wanting reconciliation with those we love is natural. But it takes two. Both parties have to want it, or it will never work. It is time for Harry to accept the truth: he has grown, and he has broken free of a ruthless royal hierarchy system that the rest of his UK immediate and extended family can never and will likely never break free of.

[From Forbes]

When I watched Harry’s BBC interview, I was really struck by his earnest manner when he spoke about reconciliation, and the poignant sadness of “There’s no point in continuing to fight anymore. Life is precious. I don’t know how much longer my father has.” It’s made me think back to the first sections of his memoir, where he described the neglect of his adolescence and teen years following his mother’s death. The neglected child, now a 40-year-old man, yearning for a connection with his only living parent, only that living parent wants to sadistically punish him for leaving, for speaking his truth, for reminding the world of Harry’s mother. Yeah… Harry needs to move on and move forward. Completely cut his ties as much as possible with everyone in the UK. Easier said than done, sure. I hope that the loss of this appeal was the final nail in the “reconciliation” coffin though.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.