Three and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen will marry his third wife, Brooke Mueller, in a ceremony at a secret location in LA tonight. The couple is keeping the location of their wedding ceremony and reception quiet in order to ensure that Charlie’s ex wife, Denise Richards, doesn’t show up or try to film it for her new E! reality show. Charlie and Denise have had a protracted custody battle along with a war of the words in the press.

The NY Daily News reports that Charlie and Brooke have been trying to have a child, and that it’s possible she’s already pregnant:

As her ex Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller prepare to walk down the aisle Friday night, friends of the bride-to-be tell us she may already be pregnant.

“They’ve been busy working on having a baby,” confides a pal. “They have been for a couple of months. It’d be great if they had a son, because Charlie already has three daughters.”

The “Two and a Half Men” star, 42, has a daughter, Cassandra, 23, by Paula Profit, and had Sam, 4, and Lola Rose, 3, with Richards.

Asked if they were trying to start a family, Sheen’s rep Stan Rosenfield told us: “That’s often what people do when they get married.”

The 60 or so people invited to the nuptials know only to wear evening attire and wait for a car to whisk them to a secret location in L.A.

“They had to tell Denise when it was, because they wanted the girls to come, but she doesn’t know where it’ll be,” says the source. “Who knows? She may even crash the event with a camera crew.”

[From The NY Daily News]

As for the he-said she-said with the “sperm donor” e-mail, in which Richards supposedly asked Sheen for some of the stuff to conceive another child after their split, the News claims to have a source who says that a computer expert verified that the e-mails were not doctored and that they came from Richard’s computer.

Good luck Charlie Sheen and new wife. And please don’t let us know the details if you ever get a divorce.

I’ve gotta say, at this point I think both Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards should be banished to some remote, uninhabitable island. They clearly cannot behave like even barely-sane people. The way they talk about each other really should be some sort of crime. If nothing else, they should be horribly, horribly embarrassed by their behavior. Sadly, it seems that’s not the case.

Denise has been doing a ton of press this last week for her upcoming (and crappily reviewed) reality show, Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. Not surprisingly, that’s turned out to be a really bad idea. Because whenever she so much as utters the name Charlie Sheen, he feels the need to respond. And the same goes for Denise. And they end up locked in this ridiculous game of one-upmanship that would make Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump blush with embarrassment.

Earlier this week Richards accused Sheen of faking the infamous sperm donor email, after which Charlie Sheen’s friends told the New York Post that Richards was essentially a money grubbing loser.

Yesterday Denise responded by claiming Charlie sent her text messages in which he said he hoped she and her father got cancer and died like her mother.

“For him to slam me saying I’m exploiting the kids, well, he’s exploited our entire situation,” Richards fumed to us yesterday. She claims Sheen obsessively sends her rage-filled text messages.

Click to see Richards reading her favorite newspaper.

“Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he’s going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold,” Richards said. “His response was, ‘I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.’ My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.

“He missed Dad’s day at the school and my father had to go in his place. And this is how he talks to me?”

[From the New York Post]

For a minute there, you’re thinking to yourself, “Wow, he’s really terrible, Denise must be classier than Charlie.” But then she finishes her interview with the Post by bringing up the sperm donor emails again.

Richards claims the e-mails sent to Mueller were fakes: “I don’t want Charlie’s prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We’ll leave it at that. I am so over him. He’s the one who can’t move on. He’s disgusting and he’s hit an all-time low.”

[From the New York Post]

Hey Denise – I can tell just by looking at your easily confused face that you’re not the brightest bulb in the box. So I’m going to point two things out to you. Number one: saying stuff like that about your ex-husband makes you look even less classy than he does. So really, you two are engaged in a battle of one-downmanship at this point.

Number two: that “tranny-infested sperm” is what created your two beautiful kids. So if nothing else, you used to want it. And someday when your daughters learn how to look stuff up on the internet, they’re probably going to run across that comment. And if they’re even just a little smarter than you, they’re going to realize that their mom just said that they were created from tranny-infested parts.

I think those poor girls are probably going to have a lot of psychological issues, simply because they’re Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards’ kids, and they always seem so glum. It’s probably a good idea to remember that when Denise insults her ex-husband, she’s also insulting her children’s father. And the same goes for Charlie.

Here’s Denise Richards leaving her Manhattan hotel and posing with sailors for Fleet Week yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

If I could be start life again and choose who I would be born as, I would be Mark A. Perigard. Who? The brilliant reviewer for the Boston Herald, who started off his review of Denise Richards’ new reality show Denise Richards: It’s Complicated with the following: “Denise Richards’ life is one steaming pile of pig poop.”

While he goes on to explain a little more – turns out pig poop really does play a central role in Richards’ life – the metaphor sticks. And when you reflect on all the negative press Richards and ex-husband Charlie Sheen have been engaging in towards each other over the last few weeks, you realize that her life really is pig poop, and nothing more. Man I love feeling superior.

In the debut of her allegedly unscripted series “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated” the actress, ex-wife of Charlie Sheen and tabloid mainstay heads up a household stuffed with humans and animals. It’s hard to tell who matters more. In the opener, her pet pigs win out.

Two pigs mount each other in a soft glow as Muzak plays. Is this humorous? Animal Planet would show more discretion. Producer Ryan Seacrest (“American Idol”) seems to have lost his grip halfway through the episode. I for one cannot scrub the image out of my head of one of her dogs eating pig poo. Thank you, Seacrest.

In the human side of this heroic life, Richards is trolling for a new man. It’s hard finding one who can (ewww) measure up to her standards. “Everyone says I need to date a normal guy. What is normal, anyway? For me, normal is a famous actor or a rock star. That’s normal,” she says.

She reluctantly agrees to a blind date, but the man inadvertently trips her gaydar. Sheen went public with complaints that Richards was using their toddlers in the series to rehab her image. The kids are cute, but they’re like everything else here - part of the wallpaper of Richards’ ditzy life.

[From the Boston Herald]

Charlie Sheen infamously called Denise Richards a “sad, jobless pig” in an email last fall. I guess she decided to roll with it. Apparently we’re supposed to see Denise as this “complicated” woman who’s beautiful but will still scoop the pig poo when she needs to. Something tells me it won’t work.

Sheen’s argument that Richards is using their daughters Sam and Lola has some validity. I’ve never seen one single picture of their kids when they don’t look absolutely miserable – especially when they’re with Denise. Seriously, regular kids learn to smile for the camera. Yet the little daughters of two “famous” celebrities can’t muster it.

It’s actually really sad to look at their faces. I’m wondering if the show will manage to edit enough to make it seem like Sam and Lola are actually happy, or if we’ll be subjected to a half hour’s proof that these kids in are in for a lifetime of suckitude.

Here’s a clip from Denise’s show. Thanks to Redlasso. Header of Denise leaving Fox Studios in Manhattan after promoting her show yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

Denise Richards was on Larry King yesterday, and in case you’re wondering how a washup-up actress who’s launching a reality show is scoring an interview on Larry King, Larry mentioned his “friend” Ryan Seacrest, who is producing the show, at the beginning of the interview. (Seacrest is rumored to be replacing King when the talk show host inevitably retires.)

Richards went over the same old tired ground she always treads: her friendship with Heather Locklear was over before she was with Richie Sambora; Heather and Richie had split before she started dating him; her ex husband Charlie Sheen is spreading lies about her, etc.

People Magazine is reporting that Richards told Matt Lauer on The Today Show, that the e-mail she sent to Charlie Sheen’s girlfriend, Brooke Mueller, reportedly asking for Charlie’s sperm to have another child with him was doctored and that’s not what she wrote. Mueller and Sheen claim that Richards was trying to reconcile with Sheen and was rejected, but now she’s saying that e-mail was changed to make it out to be something it wasn’t. This is the same thing she said on Larry King Live, but she didn’t sound convincing at all to me. King had to press her to get her to answer the question, and she did it in a roundabout way:

KING: Our guest is Denise Richards. Her new reality show, “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated,” premiers on E on May 26th. I want to further clarify something. Someone said that there’s supposed to be an e-mail about sperm and you and what is it?

RICHARDS: You know what? Like I said, every chance that Charlie tries to discredit me or say negative things about me in the press, he does. And the fact of the matter is I have no desire to have another child with Charlie. Nothing against his sperm. I have two beautiful kids but I don’t want anymore of it.

KING: There’s no e-mail that exists –

RICHARDS: No truthful e-mail that exists.

KING: Is this supposed to be an e-mail from you to him?

RICHARDS: There’s supposed to be an e-mail from me to his girlfriend.

KING: Saying?

RICHARDS: Saying that I want his sperm and wanted to get back together, which — the date of that e-mail, I was with Richie. So if I wanted anyone’s sperm, it would have been Richie’s sperm, not Charlie’s.

KING: I — so this is a phony e-mail, you think?

RICHARDS: This is a doctored e-mail.

KING: Doctored e-mail?

RICHARDS: Yes.

[From Transcripts.CNN.com]

She doesn’t deny it right away, she says they’re trying to smear her, she was with Richie Sambora based on the “date of the e-mail.” If she didn’t send it, why didn’t she say straight away “they faked that e-mail and changed what I wrote.” She skirts around it instead and only says the e-mail is doctored once King prompts her.

And today she told Matt Lauer flat out that the e-mail was doctored. It sounds to me like she’s trying to get her story straight:

“That e-mail is not legitimate,” Richards, 37, told interviewer Matt Lauer. “It’s a doctored e-mail. I would never send an e-mail to his … girlfriend, and, at the time of that e-mail, I was with Richie [Sambora]. If I wanted anybody’s sperm, I’d have asked for Richie’s.”

[From People.com]

Again, she’s relying on the date of the e-mail and saying she was with Richie so why would she say that? It just sounds fishy.

As for Sambora, Richards told Larry King that “Richie and I are still friends. We will always be friends,” but she said she doesn’t communicate with Charlie and “I do not know this person. And I have children with him.”

On Sambora’s DUI, Richards said “He made a mistake. He feels terrible about it. And the irony is he’s — with the whole child endangerment, he’s an amazing father. And he’s stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for his mistake.”

Ironic how she defends a guy she dated for less than a year for getting a DUI with his daughter in the car but attacks the husband and father of her two children every chance she gets. Sheen isn’t an innocent party in all this, but the more Richards talks the better he looks.

Header image is of Denise in Rockefeller center today, thanks to Splash News. Here’s the video of her on The Today Show and links to clips from her Larry King interview. Thanks to People Magazine and Rowdy on Redlasso for the videos:

Denise Richards on Larry King - Larry asks Denise about Heather Locklear

Denise Richards on Larry King - Why she’s doing the reality show

Denise Richards on Larry King - Putting her daughters in the show

Denise Richards on Larry King - Denise reacts to Charlie’s criticism

Denise Richards on Larry King - Denise talks about Richie Sambora’s DUI and drinking

Denise Richards on Larry King - Denise talks about why it didn’t work with Richie

Denise Richards on Larry King - Denise explains the Heather/Richie thing

The battle between Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen wages on, with Sheen’s fiancée throwing her own opinion into the ring. Richards has recently decided to star in her own reality show for E!. It’s being produced by Ryan Seacrest, who assures audiences that Denise is utterly fascinating, if you can believe it. What, you can’t? Craziness. Richards comes across to most as an unbeatable combination of vapid and crazy. Just how the men like it, right? Though Charlie isn’t taking home any Einstein of the Year awards, it appears that he may legitimately be the less crazy of the pair – though there’s so much drama between the two that it’s hard to tell what’s what. Last month, Denise went to court to allow her to show her two young daughters Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, in her upcoming show. Charlie wouldn’t give permission, which is why she had to take the issue before a judge. Denise won, and now her two little daughters will have (what one can only assume is) the chaos of their everyday lives shown for all the world to see. Charlie’s fiancée, Brooke Mueller, told Us Weekly exactly what she thinks about the situation.

Charlie Sheen and his fiancee Brooke Mueller won’t be watching Denise Richards’ upcoming E! reality show.

“Charlie and I both think it’s exploitative and not good,” Mueller, 29, told Usmagazine.com at an Elle magazine gifting suite in L.A. yesterday. “But the judge ruled in her favor so there’s nothing we can do.”

(Sheen lost a January court battle to prevent their children, Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, from appearing on the show. Richards has assured Us, “I’m going to be respectful about how they’ll appear.”)

After making her comments, Mueller then asked an Us reporter to replay them on a tape recorder.

“Right that’s perfect,” she said, adding, “because what I really want to say …. Oooh!”

[From Us Magazine]

Somehow I just don’t trust Denise Richards. But I also don’t trust Charlie Sheen. It’s nearly impossible to pick the lesser of two evils here. It’s funny that Us chose to include that last portion about Mueller asking to hear her comments played back. I wonder if she said that because her comments were staged, or because she was afraid she’d be misquoted, or if she just wanted to hear how she sounded. It was a very odd thing to say, and makes me question her intent. Denise was videotaped by TMZ yesterday as she was leaving a grocery store. The cameraman asked her if Charlie would be on her show, to which she replied, “That’ll be a cold day in hell.” Something tells me relations won’t be thawing between these two for quite some time.

Here’s Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen at Planet Hollywood on November 17th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Denise Richards and Richie Sambora on a Hawaiian vacation in January, 2007
Denise Richards has a reality show on E! to promote, so she’s not above talking about Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear again even though her relationship with Sambora ended a year ago. Some people thought she was behind her neighbor and supposed friend Heather Locklear’s breakup with her husband of 11 years, Richie Sambora, about two years ago. Richards started dating Sambora shortly after his relationship with Locklear ended and it all looked a bit suspicious to the outside world. Richards said at the time that she wasn’t really best friends with Heather Locklear, and now she digging up that old dirt again to say that her friendship with Locklear had ended before she bedded Locklear’s husband, and that Locklear and Sambora were over by then too. Richards tried to set us straight about the love triangle no one remembers or even really cared about at the time in an exclusive interview with Access Hollywood.

Honestly I knew that that situation was not going to go over very well and was going to be in the press. I had no idea that it would blow up the way it did. The truth of the matter is that my friendship with Heather ended before Richie and I even started dating and that’s one thing that people, I don’t know if they knew or not. I never had an affair. I never cheated on Charlie. Richie never cheated on Heather, and if I was still friends with Heather I never would have

[Transcribed from video of Richards' appearance on Access Hollywood, shown above via Redlasso]

JayBird reported last week about how Richards said that she initially “was going to take the high road” and not respond to all the negative reports in the press about her, but now that two years have passed she thinks it’s time for a reality show so that people can judge for themselves. She won a court battle with her ex husband, Charlie Sheen, to have their two young daughters appear on the show. Even though we know Sheen loves hookers and porn, and probably e-mails pictures of his peen to women, he’s coming off as the more mature and trustworthy party in their divorce and custody battle.

Now we can look forward to clips of Richards everyday life, spliced and packaged and available in bite-sized bits for our Internet viewing pleasure. If there’s anything that will make her look bad, it’s reality TV. She’s sounding super naive when she says that she thinks it will give her a chance to show people what she’s really like. She’s going to become a caricature so that the show has a cohesive story line. Maybe she’ll just be portrayed as a bland ditz, though, and not a crazy conniving one to boot.

Here’s the video of Richards on Access Hollywood:

Header image is of Denise and Richie’s Hawaiian vacation in January, 2007 and is from SplashNews. It is thought that he broke it off with her during that vacation.

It’s funny to think that guys like Kevin Federline and Charlie Sheen are looking like better parents than their former wives. I mean Charlie Sheen was one of Heidi Fleiss’ most famous clients. So if anyone would know about the ups and downs of pimping, it would be Sheen. He tried to stop his ex-wife Denise Richards from pimping out their kids by featuring them on her upcoming reality show. Despite his objections, the court commissioner decided that Richard’s could go ahead with her plan.

Now, notorious bad boy Charlie seems to be a more sensible caregiver than his ex, Denise Richards. Only Charlie isn’t doing as well as K-Fed at the courthouse.

TMZ reports that despite Charlie’s objections, a court commissioner granted Denise permission for the divorced couple’s two daughters to co-star in her upcoming reality show. Appropriately enough, Charlie seems no way OK with subjecting Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, to constant public scrutiny. Meanwhile, despite certain undisclosed restrictions applied to the court ruling, Denise is “very happy” with the court’s decision, according to the Web site.

[From MSNBC]

Apparently Denise is doing the show with Ryan Seacrest, though what role Seacrest will play is unclear. Ryan called Denise “an interesting personality.” I’m calling Ryan a bold-faced liar.

Mega mogul Ryan Seacrest revealed that he is in talks with Denise Richards to film a reality TV show about her life. The American Idol host and radio personality told Extra that he finds Richards “an interesting personality.”

“We’ve been in talks about doing a series with her. I don’t know if the kids would necessarily be involved. It would be about her, if we do this, and her life. And what she wants to do with it, with her career.”

[From OK!]

I think this show actually sounds like a fabulous idea, because it’ll put that final nail in Richard’s career coffin. She’s got as much personality as a bag of gummy worms. As dull and terrible as anything with her in it would be, I really do worry for her kids. I have never seen so many pictures of two little girls who always look miserable. Catching them in a smile seems incredibly hard. I’m sure having two angry parents doesn’t do much for your happiness, nor does it encourage a fulfilling, carefree childhood. But having those two parents be Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards? That’s probably the one thing that could make it worse.

The world’s longest custody battle still continues, with Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen again appearing in court to squabble over whether their daughters Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, should be allowed to appear in a reality TV show with mother Denise. I guess she has to raise the funds for her endless custody battle from somewhere.

Just to bring you up to speed, the couple first filed for divorce in March 2005, following their June 2002 wedding. They briefly reconciled but decided to proceed with the divorce in January 2006, when Lola was six months old. The divorce was finalized in November 2006, but the custody battle has continued right up until this January, following one request from Charlie Sheen to be able to choose his own nannies, and one from Denise Richards to stop the girls staying with Charlie overnight.

Now, the couple are back in court because Denise Richards wants to have her own reality show, and feature her children in it.

“This goes against everything Sheen believes in… and he feels it’s exploitative of the children for the mother’s own vanity and greed,” a source close to Sheen reveals to Extra.

In order for their girls to appear on the show, Sheen has to give his approval. So far, he has refused. Richards will reportedly ask the court to revoke Sheen’s power as father in this particular matter, so she can move forward with the show without his consent.

OK! Magazine

What would the Denise Richards reality show feature? Her getting dressed all pretty and taking her kids to the park? She actually has a couple of movies coming out soon, including Jolene and Deep In The Valley, does she really need a reality show?

She doesn’t have a lead role in either film, and one looks like a teenage flick (there’s a character called ‘Officer Brittany Speared’) but surely that is paying the bills. One thing is for sure, and that is that television does not need another lame celebrity starring in a lame reality show. Can’t we just resolve the writer’s strike and go back to half hour sitcoms?

Denise Richards new movie, Blonde and Blonder, played in fourteen cinemas and made $26,500 in its opening weekend just past.

Picture note by Celebitchy Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are shown at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NY on 11/2/03 in the header image. Charlie used to be really hot. Photo below is of Denise on probably Sam at the Ratatouille premiere on 6/22/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Denise Richards is a 36 year-old adult, not a teenager. She should be too old to be spreading rumors to make her ex’s fiancé jealous.

One story said she’d asked Charlie, after his engagement to another woman, to give her a third child.

This single mom who rises every day 5 a.m. (she and I spoke at that hour) said: “Never. I do not want another child. That was to make his girlfriend Brooke jealous, make her think I wanted to get back together. I’m a single mom. I do not want more children.”

Page Six

I believe you wouldn’t want more children, crazy lady. She might be able to cope with another baby if she didn’t have ten dogs. Ten dogs? Who walks them?

Denise has put her $3.9 million house on the market, and moved into a larger one in the same suburb of Hidden Hills, California. It’s a good thing she bought the new $4.6 million home - not many rental properties are available for pets.

Charlie Sheen is obviously trying very hard to keep his fiance Brooke Mueller happy while this nasty divorce goes on - he’s getting his tattoos removed. I’m guessing the first to go will be his ‘Denise’ tattoo. It doesn’t seem like something you could easily change to another word. Like Pamela changed her ‘Tommy’ tat to ‘Mommy’.

I’d actually be pretty inclined to keep my tattoos, even if they are starting to look lame on a man of Charlie’s age, just as a part of my life history. Then again, I could just keep some photos write down a few thoughts in a journal rather than drawing on myself. Besides, it really, really hurts when you get one. People who say it doesn’t are either fibbing or have a higher pain tolerance than I do.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Denise Richards is shown in a god awful dress at the H.E.R. Luau at The Playboy Mansion on 7/21/2007.

Pamela Anderson may be 40 but people still want to see her naked in flattering light with the right amount of airbrushing. She has been offered $1 million to pose nude in Playboy together with Denise Richards, her co-star in the upcoming film Blonde and Blonder.

Pals Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards are considering a $1 million offer to pose nude together in an upcoming issue of Playboy magazine. Both blondes have disrobed for the men’s magazine in the past, and now Playboy boss Hugh Hefner wants the actresses to team up for a spread in the January 2008 issue of the publication. A source tells the Globe, “Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they’re seriously considering it.” Anderson has appeared nude in Playboy a record 12 times, while Richards stripped for the December 2004 issue.

Contact Music

In other Pamela Anderson news, friends of the blonde are concerned that she is partying too hard.

A source revealed to the New York Post that pals of the former ‘Baywatch’ babe were worried that she might be seriously harming herself with all the partying and drinking.

“She drinks, she does stuff . . . and she’s got hepatitis C. Her liver is shot but she keeps living this crazy lifestyle. We don’t think she understands how serious this is. She has two kids and may not be around to see them grow up at this rate,” the paper quoted a source, as saying.

And, things got even wilder when Anderson started hanging out with Paris Hilton’s sex-tape partner, Rick Salomon.

“They went wild over the VMA weekend. I just watched them party with my jaw open,” the source said.

topnews

It’s a girlfriend’s first responsibility to let their friend know, in the nicest possible way, that the guy they’re dating is a chump. I’m pretty sure the man who profited from his sex tape with Paris Hilton is going to be at best dubious boyfriend material. Then again, perhaps the same could be said for Tommy Lee, who gave Pamela Anderson Hepatitis C. Or even Kid Rock, who managed to remain married to her for four months before divorcing her. Maybe Pammy is taking man advice from good friend Denise Richards.