In a classy ever-so-subtle dig at the harpie he’s divorcing, Heather Mills, Paul McCartney has dedicated his new album to the memory of his dear wife, Linda, who succumbed to breast cancer in 1998. He held a press conference for his new classical album, Ecce Cor Meum (Behold My Heart). He spoke of how he poured his pain into the new album and used it as a way to work though his sadness. He ended the press conference good-naturedly when a reporter asked about his divorce:

Paul had such a bond with Linda, and it’s sad and bittersweet that he is dedicating this album to her.

There was a report that Heather Mills was banned from a supermarket this weekend after being recognized for shoplifting there as a teenager, but that was undoubtedly a story made up by the British press, who are now free to make fun of her openly. (I may not believe that story, but I do think she was a high-paid hooker in the 80s. NSFW)

Heather and Paul’s divorce is said to be moving along amicably, with people speculating she could receive up to 200 million of his 800 million pound fortune as a settlement. Paul and Heather did not have a prenuptual agreement.

Thanks to Best Week Ever for the header picture of Paul showing us his real worth.

Jessica Simpson’s new line of boots is god-awful. She doesn’t make it any better by dressing like this when she goes out. Maybe these big tan monstrosities would look ok with a short skirt and some boho jewelry, but when paired with tight jeans, a white polo top, and a baseball cap over messy hair you can see just how ugly they are.

Hollywood Tuna says there’s no question that Ashlee is the hotter sister now, and unfortunately we have to agree. Get your act together, Jess, hit the gym and get a new stylist. Don’t talk to Rachel Zoe, though, she’ll just make you into a pencil thin clone.

In related news, Nick Lachey says he’s not sure why his nearly 4-year marriage with Jessica ended, and gives a diplomatic answer when questioned:

That’s quite classy of him. In my opinion, Jessica was just too immature to handle the ups and downs of a long term committed relationship.

Here is Jessica out shopping for groceries on 9/13. [via]

Update: You guys are right, I shouldn’t have told Simpson to “hit the gym,” it was an offhand comment and she is in no way fat. I still am not fond of her style, though.

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson’s divorce was finalized in early July. Nick was offered an insulting $1.5 million settlement by Jessica’s creepy father, Joe Simpson, in early June. The couples joint assets are valued at well over $30 million, so that was truly a piss poor amount. (Albeit one that would change most anyone else’s life.)

Nick was said to be holding out for a relatively paltry $8 million, which he lowered to just $5 million.

Now Nick and Jessica have reached an undisclosed settlement, but Nick’s share is said to be well less than half of the couple’s assets:

Lachey’s people could have leaked that news to make him seem like a good guy, but he is a good guy. There’s no blaming Simpson, since she generally seems to do what people tell her and simple math is probably way above her head. Now she’ll have more cash to buy terrible ill-fitting fashion thanks to her daddy playing hardball.

Here is Jessica in NY yesterday. Photos courtesy of SweetKisses.net

Thanks to Haute Gossip for pointing out that Kate Hudson has a bare left ring finger in these candids of her leaving Nobu in Malibu with some poorly-dressed friends on Friday. Word was that Kate and Chris Hudson might reconcile after announcing their separation just three weeks ago. They were seen out with their three year-old son, Ryder, and there was a rumor that they were going to attend a NASCAR event together. That doesn’t seem too romantic, and it might not have been enough to save their marriage.

Chris was said to have involved Kate in threesomes and group sex while on tour with his band, The Black Crowes. There was a recent blind item in the NY Post that suggested that a famous woman involved in a high-profile breakup was more into the women in the menage a trois she was involved with than her husband. Many people assumed it was about Hudson. Let’s hope the chicks she liked were hotter than the ones she’s hanging out with now.

Pictures from Hollywood’s Best.

A new article in Life and Style claims that as Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear’s high-profile divorce is close to reaching a settlement, Richie is having second thoughts and realizes how much he loves his wife of 11 years. He even sent a $500 pink and red rose bouquet to Heather.

Wow. He must realize what he’s missing with Heather. Sambora was said to be totally surprised to be served divorce papers this February and even denied to the press that he and Heather were split. Maybe he’s not ready to let go.

If that’s true, it’s got to piss off his media-whore girlfriend, Denise Richards. Denise recently reached an amicable “interim” settlement with her ex, Charlie Sheen, who she famously skewered in the press on the eve of his children’s clothing line launch. Denise didn’t renew a restraining order against Sheen and according to their lawyers they’re getting along.

Denise and Richie were said to be planning a wedding for early next year, and Denise was seen wearing what looked like an engagement ring. She followed Richie to Europe while he was touring with Bon Jovi and seemed really needy in the relationship. If this is true then he’s obviously sick of her. Men don’t usually like women who hang all over them.

Carmen Electra has officially filed for divorce from Dave Navarro. The two were married for 2 years and 8 months.

Dave is now said to be dating former porn star Jenna Jameson.

It turns out that gig with HGTV may not work out for Star Jones, because they deny having any plans to hire her, and so do Fox News and CNN, two other networks she claimed to be in talks with. Now that Star is talk show poison, her husband, Al Reynolds, seems to have decided there’s no reason to continue his sham marriage. He was spotted at the NY office of a high profile divorce attorney:

Once big gay Al divorces her, Star could channel her anger and become a homophobic conservative. That might help her land a gig on FOX. She could spread her unique brand of vile across the airways. Hatred is a smidgeon more believable coming from a minority. That’s how Michelle Malkin got famous.

When doing my three minutes worth of research for this post, I came across the website for Star Jones and Al Reynold’s wedding, dated Fall, 2004. They commit a couple cardinal sins of web design with a stupid Flash entry page and making people enter their e-mail address to access content (I entered “biggayal@hotmail.com” This worked fine).

Regardless it’s clear they protest too much. I couldn’t read through all the glurge about their relationship because it kind of made me sick to my stomach. Here are some choice quotes made hysterical by this latest news:

God may be powerful and all, but He can’t make a gay person straight, no matter how much they hype their wedding with a formerly obese talk show host.

We weren’t holding our breath, but we were kind of hoping Nick and Jessica would get back together. Jessica wore her wedding ring around her neck for a while, and Nick told Rolling Stone that he still loved his wife of two years, but ultimately Jessica’s immaturity and Nick’s wild oats won out and now the two are officially divorced. The divorce was made final on June 30. No word yet as to the settlement amount. Jessica’s dad tried to low-ball Nick into accepting a $1.5 million settlement, while Nick is said to have asked for a more realistic $8 million that he lowered to $5 million.

Nick is dating MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo while Jessica may be with her co-star in the upcoming film “Employee of the Month,” comedian Dane Cook. Cook was involved with someone else at the time of filming, but is now single and said to be getting cosy with Jessica.

This is sad news for Nick and Jessica fans, and should serve as a warning to all women who try to hold out before marriage and then get married young because they can’t wait.

Here is Jessica in NY on 6/28. She’s wearing the deadly long jeans/platform sandals combo that caused Britney’s near baby-drop. Nick Lachey is shown performing a private concert for Q-100 listeners on 6/29.

Charlie Sheen, 40, is dating 28-year-old real estate investor Brooke Wolofsky. Sheen brought Wolofsky as his date to the 2006 Butterfly Ball in Los Angeles this weekend. His publicist confirmed their relationship:

That’s good for Sheen, and hopefully it will last for him. Now that his ex Denise Richards has shown what an attention whore she is I don’t like her at all, and am kind of siding with him in the divorce.

Richards defended the fact that she’s dating and possibly engaged to BonJovi guitarist Richie Sambora, saying that Heather Locklear wasn’t really her best friend and that you can’t help it when you fall in love:

She’s full of shit and that’s lousy to say “oh, I wasn’t that close to Heather anyway.” She shouldn’t go on so much about it, and just looks as desperate as she did when she dressed like a slutty majorette to perform with the PussyCat Dolls.

Here are Sheen and Wolofsky. She looks like a decent person and we’ll have to see how it turns out. If she has some of the same problems with Charlie that Denise did, we’ll rethink our opinion of him. He’s not a saint, but he’s probably not as bad as Denise makes out.

Heather Mills, of course, had to open her big mouth to deny that she was a high paid hooker back in the 80s and early 90s, as was reported in convincing detail yesterday in The News of the World.

Mills says she’s going to sue News of the World, uh, when her divorce is final. Yeah, right. She’s just threatening legal action to make it look like the story’s false, but she won’t take it to court because she can’t prove it’s not true.

Now TWO more books have come out showing Heather nude and simulating sex . We can’t wait to hear how she’s going to address these pictures, because you know she’s going to say something stupid trying to defend herself:

Some readers think McCartney is funding the research into Heather’s raunchy past in order to avoid losing a significant portion of his estate in the divorce. This seems like the most plausible explanation to us. The papers are saying how surprised and devastated he is by all this, which sounds a bit too put-on for our taste. Reader Millie thinks that the British press might just be out for blood now that the divorce is underway. Either way, Heather needs to shut up and hide out until this passes over. She’s coming off as an even less sympathetic character.

Here are Heather and Paul on the celebrity edition of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” He looks quite uncomfortable, and it is said that Heather forced him to do the show. She leans away from Paul and her body language is telling.

That video is part one of three.
Part two of “Who wants to be a Millionaire” with Paul and Heather
Part three of “Who wants to be a Millionaire” with Paul and Heather

And here are the raunchy pictures.